Life Has Gone On For ME, Thank Goodness

It has been years now, that my ex and I have been together, and I can promise you, that life DOES go on.  It takes a while, and yes, a long while to finally get passed what you've been through. I have done so much soul searching and trying to figure out what I never could.  I have to say after all this time that I honestly believe that "the other woman" was heartless to my then husband being married. She knew in our case and did not care. That is not always the case though.  Some "other women" don't always know about him being married. I try not to look back on what was done to me, but it's hard not to at times. Yes, my life has gone on, and now it's a really good life.....but when I see him, I still have to wonder what was wrong with him, that he had to hurt me and our family the way that he did.

After All This Time, My Ex Finally Took My Voice Off His Cell Phone

Well, it's been a very long many years now that I am no longer with my ex. I do not see him anywhere anymore, I do not have any contact with him unless it's about our daughter, and I don't even know what he looks like any longer. Not that I want to, but it's kind of strange not having to deal with him about our daughter's dr. visits, school or dentist, etc.  Our daughter is now a young lovely woman who has gotten married and has a child of her own. For as long as I can remember, my ex has had his answering machine on his cell phone with my voice on it, and refused to take it off after we split up. He didn't want anyone to know what happened with us or why I was no longer with him. He was ashamed of his infidelities and as well he should have been. I recently had to try and call him so that I could give him some information and was shocked to hear, that FINALLY, after all these years, he has replaced my voice recording with someone else's.  Some man's voice, but not his own. I am so glad that he is finally moving onto his future. He is still, by the way, with the OTHER WOMAN.  I hope that he's happy, because I am. It seems like such a lifetime ago. Isn't that how things go?

Good Traits In Seeking Your Soul Mate

What makes a good partner anyways? I know that everyone wants someone who is faithful. Many people want someone who is nice looking, but have you thought about what else is important? Have you found those good traits in your partner?  And have you kept up with those same traits for your own partner?  Here are some of the more important things I have discovered in having a great partner/husband or wife.

 1.Trustworthy----need to be able to trust

 2. respect-----someone to respect you as a person, your needs and your thoughts

 3. someone who is open and willing to talk/discuss important issues----without this, it's hard to work things out.

 4. no abusive behavior----no body want to go through any type of abuse, whether it be physical, verbal or mental.

 5. Ability to support one's self or self reliability----of course there has to be a way to pay the bills because we cannot live for free

 6. Ability to compromise----Everybody has ideas and thoughts and not everyone agrees on the same issues so you need someone who is willing to compromise with you, even if it's a willingness to agree to dis-agree. This is important for working on issues in a marriage or partnership.

 7. Good hygene-----this of course, goes without any explanation.

 8. Someone who is sympathetic to your needs and I don't mean sympathy for you, but willingness to have a heart and soul.

 9. a Loving heart and behavior

Are You Afraid Of Starting Over?

When you are going through the cheating of a partner it seems like the whole world stops, and you are left with trying to pick up the pieces of your life and figuring out  what to do next. I never thought that my crying would ever stop. I was hurt beyond imagine and my ego was stepped on horribly. My (now ex) husband didn't want me anymore, or wait a minute, yes, he wanted me but he wanted the other woman too, and I was no longer the love of his life. I was caught up with his denial of the other woman and I didn't know what to do about it, so I took a long look at my life, my past and my present. After all the crying was over, I got mad. I got very angry at what he had done to US ! and I wanted to figure out what to do about it. After much talk with friends, family, and a pastor who was able to look at things from the outside in( without being on one side or the other), I came to the conclusion that leaving was my best option. And not only that, but it was in the best interest of my children as well, as sad as that sounds. I WAS afraid to be out there alone.  I WAS afraid to start over. IT was hard, but I did it. I had to start out simple, clean, and one step at a time. I had to figure out where I was going to live, how I was going to pay for my expenses and how my children were going to deal with the consequences of my decision. I worried. I cried. I was in so much pain. I took that first step, and I am glad that I did!  Of course, leaving isn't the right decision for everyone. You have to think things through. I wanted to stay and work it out, but I had done that and it didn't work for us. Are you afraid of starting over?

Again, The Question Of Why Did He Cheat?

I am still stumped after all these years as to WHY this had to happen to me! I have been back over it again and again to try and figure out what went wrong. I am positive beyond a shadow of a doubt that I did everything in my power to try and please him. I tried getting him involved more in family things which was hard, but he was mostly just about working and doing as he pleased. He loved working out in our garage, tinkering with his tools and such after work, and that was okay for me. I do not feel that I ever nagged him about anything nor did I treat him horribly. It always seemed that he was the one who wanted to start arguing and wanting to cause a flair-up, and now looking back on things, it was only to make me upset and give him a chance to get out of the house. I now believe that he was doing this so he would be able to get out of the house and go see his other woman without me knowing anything. But honestly, why was this neccessary? Why, if everything seemed to be going well with our marriage, would he want to be with someone else? This STILL does not answer the age-old question of WHY !!!  After all this time of him and me being divorced, he is now with his other woman, and I hope that he is happy. I still wished I had the answers, then it might have made it a little more easier for me to work through. Does anybody ever really know why?

How Time Flies

It has been such a long time in writing, and I am sorry about not updating. There have been so many things happening in my life as of late and it has kept me very occupied. For one thing, I have gotten re-married. YES, it was hard to start over, especially after going through infidelity with my ex and learning that I CAN trust once again. But, it's a good thing, the starting over part, because now I can have love in my life. Many people start all over again before the infidelity is in their past, and I can actually say that I think that I remarried before I got over all of my past. Yes, I did, and now that I have admitted that, I will say that it was hard, because I was having to learn to trust someone again. I think that since my new hubby is a totally different kind of guy, it wasn't really too hard to trust again, but I had to get past my past and THAT was hard. Learning to love again is something that most all of us can accomplish, even after infidelity.

Learning After All These Years

As the days go by, weeks turn into months and next thing you know, it's been years since I had to go through the cheating heartbreak with my now-ex. To this day I have never gotten an answer as to why, so I have stopped looking for the answer. I feel like I wasted alot of time with that man. Why did I hang on so long? And why couldn't I have seen that he was no good for me once I caught him cheating? I honestly loved him and I believe that's why I held on so long. For a long time I truly believed that he was my everything. I felt like he was my soulmate, but I was wrong...and after all this time, I finally see that. Time is the key to many things, many thoughts and many feelings. I once thought that I would not be able to make it without him, but I proved myself wrong. I am so very happy now and I know that there is life AND love past the partner who cheated. I have also discovered that my now-ex hasn't changed....yes, he still cheats on his current girlfriend and he hasn't discovered what it is to be a good and loving father because our daughter is grown now and he still never calls. To sum it all up, there are some people out there who just will NOT cheat and then there are some who will, no matter how hard it hurts someone else.

What Makes A Person Cheat On Their Partner?

Through all the days that I went through infidelity of my now-ex husband, I wondered WHY!!!!!  It took me forever to get past the questions and not receiving any answers...and well, it's been years and I still never got his answer as to why he put me and our family through this.  It won't take away the tears if you find the answer because it hurts just as much as if you don't know, but thinking back, I think that different people have different reasons why they cheat on their mate.
In my situation, I was more than willing to go the distance and did everything in my power to please. I left no stone unturned and when I tried, I tried with everything I had. IT did not work. Honestly, in my situation, I am left to wonder if it was something within himself that he had been searching for that he didn't feel that I addressed. I knew that he had a different upbringing than I and  I knew that he and I had a bit of a problem with communication.He was not a communicator.  I still felt like those things shouldn't have brought on his infidelities. I look at the past and see that the women that he cheated on me with were NOT prettier than me, didn't offer anything different than I did as far as work and support, they didn't have more money, but they DID have a need.  They were needier than I was. They didn't have cars, neither one of them and they NEEDED his help. I was self sufficient, I was the one who did for myself....not that it was wrong, because it's not...but HE must have felt the need to help these women. And most likely, one of the two he was with spoke his language. It was something within himself that wasn't able to work things out with me....it was NOT MY FAULT.....so, with that being said, if you are going through your partner's infidelity, it's most likely going to be something within themselves that's causing them to be cheating. You can do everything right, and if they have something going on within, there's nothing that you can do but try to work things out or walk out. Life is very precious and you never know what's going to happen in your future, but never blame yourself for what has happened because it's something that comes from the other person. Work on yourself, take time to do things for YOU....and always remember that it takes TWO to work things out.

Asking Those Questions Of Why!!!

It seems such a long time ago, but yes, it happened.....the cheating, the lying and the heartache of infidelity. People often ask me how I have managed to get past all of it.  I am here to tell you that the pain of your partner cheating is like no other pain. It's just a different kind of ache. You get married, or in some cases, just get with someone and expect that you will get the respect back that you have given them. After the dating process ends, and the down to earth living life begins, things change....it's supposed to change for the better.....you know, the being able to settle down a bit, knowing that THAT other person your'e with has your back. I don't really know why some people cheat, but it happens. Why did my ex-husband cheat on me when I gave him everything that I had? Why did he feel that my love wasn't enough? Why did he feel that he could get by with it and not get caught?  Had I done something to cause this cheating?......NO !  the answer is that I did NOT do anything to cause his cheating. And to be honest, those questions will never be answered.  For a long time I couldn't get past not knowing, but within time, I learned that there were no answers. How does someone get by with no answers?  It's not easy, but it is something that I have had to learn to live with. And I mean, it's hard, but it's do-able. I learned how to take one day at a time. I learned how to put myself first. I learned how to start doing things for myself and to stop looking back so much. Within time, things fade. The hurt will always be in the back of my mind, and the back of my heart, but NOW I feel like there have been many other new things taken it's place. I have learned how to live again, and to love once again. Time heals , but don't dwell on the questions of WHY....learn to start doing things for yourself, for your children if you have them, and start walking forward.  It CAN be done....I know it, because I am living proof.

Time and The Healing Process of Infidelity

Time sure seems to help ease the pain, especially when you've been through the pain and heartache of infidelity and cheating from your partner/spouse. There used to be times in my life that I thought that I was living in a soap opera type of existance. I didn't like it, but it just seemed like there were so many ups and downs, and alot of arguing and crying my eyes out. One minute I thought that we would be okay and things would kind of sort themselves out, and the next minute, I was upset all over again. Was it my hormones working over time? I know NOW that I did NOT deserve all the crud that he put me through, but at THAT particular time in my life, I wondered what I did wrong and why our mariage was SOOOO off course. Why would a married man---and in particular MY spouse, want to go out with another woman, when he already had ME at home? So many questions went through my mind, and NOW I understand that those questions will never have an answer. If he didn't want to be with me in the first place, why didn't he just tell me? I guess he was just comfortable living with me, and playing with her.  Well, now that it's been years ago, I am happy that I no longer have to wonder about his wear-abouts...now it's time for his OW to worry !

Why Was This All Necessary?

I sit here and wonder WHY was this all necessary? What was the reason that I had to go through all of this heartache and pain ?  Why did I have to suffer from him hurting me so much? ....the name calling, the lies he told and believed for a very long time, the worry of WHERE he was and the final break-up of my marriage and family. It seems that I can look around and see so many couples who make it through, and some that don't, and then there's just me. I wondered for a very long time if I had anything to do with his cheating.....but I know that I didn't.  I was always there for him, and sometimes think that I gave him way too much of myself.  I see him, right now, with his other woman, and he is also cheating on her...go figure.  That man just can't seem to find happiness within himself. Why did he even want to marry me or have a family with me if he wasn't happy?  Did he honestly try to be faithful?  So many questions, and you know what?  none of them will ever be answered, I know that already.....my question is WHY did I have to go through such pain?  Maybe one day I will find the answer.

WHY ? And How Does It Happen ?

With time, my past life seems to be fading away and almost as if it never existed, but it DID !  How do so many years of your life of pain just seem to pretend as if it never happened? Of course, there are things that I will never forget, and it still brings tears to my face just thinking about the pain that he put me through. And yet to this day, I never knew why....and that's another thing that I don't think that we ever know after the fact, and that is  the reason  WHY !   I see that it happens in all walks of life, from  the average person  on the street all the way to the people who are supposed STARS in Hollywood....and it's no different.  It doesn't seem to matter if you are rich or poor, famous or not so... Is it because we fall in love with someone and they suddenly fall out of love for us because we've done something that our partner is unhappy with? I  DON'T  really think so, and that's because we MUST be happy within ourselves to be happy. We cannot depend on our partner to make us happy. It all starts within yourself. So, perhaps it's something inside of the person who is cheating, that is trying to make themselves happy by doing what they do....without  thinking about the effect that it can have on their partner or family. Does it take a miracle these days to be with someone that's faithful?

Trusting After Infidelity

How does someone go about trying to trust in a new relationship after having gone through infidelity with their ex partner? Is it even possible?  Well, in my opinion, yes, it IS possible....but first of all, you shouldn't even think about going into a new relationship until you have gone through the mourning of the one you just got out of. I know that's not always easy because many times our heart wants to love again because we all want to love someone and be loved. I think that going through infidelity with your ex is something that takes time for you to get over. A broken heart has to have time to mend. And after being drug through the mud, so to speak, you have to learn how to get back up and be yourself once again. Things like this take time, and as to how much time, that all depends on you. First of all, you must realize that YOU were not the one who cheated, and YOU did not cause your partner to cheat.....that was a decision that THEY made---not you. You cannot control what another person does....so remember that.  Take time to do things for yourself. Take time for your heart to heal. There really is life on the other side of infidelity. And yes, it IS possible for you to learn to trust someone else again. All it takes is time.

You Have The Power

I am doing so wonderfully these days that I feel so happy that I made the decision that I did--to walk away after such a very long time of trying and unsuccessfully so. However, I look around me and I see so much of this cheating and infidelity going on all around me. I sometimes wonder why there are some of us that can get through life without having to go through infidelity and problems with a spouse cheating and then others have to have our heart stomped on as if it were nothing. I suppose that we all go through different walks in life, some harder than others, but as we age, we seem to acquire the knowledge of getting through it all. If I had known that my ex was going to hurt me so bad, I don't know if I would have walked away before the pain or not....I think that some things we must live and learn through life to make us become stronger.....and this was not what I had in mind at all. If you are going through infidelity with your partner, I know what you are going through....and I know how heavy the pain feels. I also know that YOU have the power to decide what you want in life and only YOU can make a decision that will determine your future. Everyone has the right to be happy....and life is way too short to be unhappy all the time. Many people say that married people should stick it out and work things out....and that is very true, if BOTH partners are willing to work together...but if it's all one-sided, the fight becomes harder. Take the time to think about what YOU want in life, and how YOU deserve to be treated !

What About the What If's

Today I look back and I see so many things that could have been...but isn't that what we all say at one time or another? What if?  Yes, what if's are great if they really did the trick, but what is done, is done....gone and never more to happen. We cannot go back and re-live the what ifs, and I know this because I have tried to do it. The first time that I left my husband, right after seeing him with the other woman, and being shocked by the fact that he had been in her place just way too entirely long, coming out of her house brushing his messed up hair. After being away from him for nearly 7 or 8 months I started with the "what ifs"  and I convinced myself that maybe I had left in such a hurry that my mind was playing tricks on me...maybe I hadn't actually seen what I did....and I returned back to him...in the hopes that we could try all over again. I allowed him to make his apologies...I didn't get what I was expecting.  Sure, I got the "I'm sorry" but after the initial small period of time passed, he no longer wanted to talk about it...he didn't want to work at our marriage. He assured me that all was well, and I let him know, in no uncertain terms, that I was not going to allow it to happen again...BUT IT DID !   I was helpless. I thought that IF I went back to him, maybe I could do whatever it took, to make him want me and only me....but my what if's were in vain.  I thought if I returned, that we could start all over and I would do everything that I thought I wasn't doing right the first time and that things would change....he would not cheat on me again.... I was wrong. After that short brief time of his showing his "sorry", it went back to the same old thing.  The only difference was that I was the one trying, and he was not interested anymore in working with me. I was supposed to forget about it and move on.  Well, my question of what if was answered. For me, and for our marriage, it wasn't good. I cried, stomped, screamed and tried everything that I could. Why did I have to wonder "what if".... but I think it's just human nature to wonder about those kinds of things. I hope that anyone going through this horrible mess will take their time in deciding what to do, because you cannot solve the what if's in a day, or even a week.....This all takes time, so take YOUR time in making a decision.

What Is It That I Am Looking For ?

Someone, and a very smart someone, I might add, asked me one time "what is it that you are looking for?"  I was going through infidelity and heartache with my ex at the time. I was hurting so much and didn't really think too much about the question until one day after I got tired of crying my eyes out every day, tired of wondering if he was going to cheat again, and sick of spending every waking moment worrying about if he was with HER or not, that I began to wonder if I could actually answer that question. What was it that I wanted ?  What did I want for my future? And finally, did I WANT to be stuck in that situation forever? No, I wanted answers, but I wasn't getting any. My ex did NOT want to talk about it, nor did he want to answer my questions about it. My ex wanted me to forget about what he had done to me and our family and just "move on".  I started wondering if things would EVER change. After wasting many years of my time, the hopes and dreams of our family coming together once again just wasn't happening. My ex wanted ME to work on our marriage, but he didn't want to contribute to helping me, or us. I then began to ask myself that question...what was I looking for? And I discovered the answer.....I wanted peace...I wanted a partner who would want ME and only me. I wanted fidelity. I wanted honesty, and I wanted to not have to worry over what my future would be. It wasn't until I was able to discover for myself what I wanted, that I was able to start the process of moving on with my life, and with my future. I found that I was growing tired of the time things were taking with only me working on the marriage. It wasn't fair, and he wasn't being fair. I wanted a normal life and I wasn't getting anywhere stuck in the situation with my ex. I had to find my answers, and then I had to figure out what I was going to do to find my peace. Do you know what you want in your future? Do you know what you are looking for?

Looking Back At Infidelity

I look back at the hard times that I went through infidelity with my now ex. Times were hard. We were both working and the kids were young. Today I breathe a sigh of relief that the pain and suffering of his cheating is behind me. I will never forget what he did to me, to our family, and to my self esteem....however, I can honestly say that I walked a very long way to get to where I am today. I learned that I do not have to put up with that ever again. I am much more cautious than I used to be. I know WHO I am today and no longer suffer with low self esteem. I no longer have to hear him put me down, say ugly things to me or my friends, and I no longer need to feel unloved. Today, I love MYSELF for who I am, feel stronger for what I have been through, and thank GOD that I have family and friends who love me. Living a life through infidelity has got to be one of the hardest things to have to go through. But you DON'T have to feel as though your partner doesn't love you anymore. You need to sit down and decide if you want to start off new, which means starting all over again....hard but you CAN do it, or....you can work things out with your partner/spouse ...but this means BOTH of you working on it, not just YOU alone. Partnership if for two people..not one alone, or three. But most of all, you must take time in thinking things through before you make any decision.

Chocolate And Infidelity

Sometimes in the middle of dealing with infidelity, we MUST stop and take a little bit of time out for ourselves. There became a time when I was just so tired of dealing with the pain that I didn't think  I would ever come out of it all....but I did.
How does one come out from such hurt and heartache?  It's hard, and it certainly takes time for our heart to mend. Having someone to talk with about what your'e going through also helps tremendously.  Doing something for yourself, starting up a new hobby helps too, oh, and   chocolate !!!  Chocolate can most certainly help in your moment of grief, if just for a few moments. I don't know what it is about that sweet, savory taste, but I have had my moments.
Time, time time !  That is what it takes to get you through this pain. But most of all, remember that you don't have to make a decision overnight. Take the time to think things out.

Divorce Law

Sometimes we hang on, and in my case, I hung on way too long. Sometimes things are able to be worked out, and that's great as well. I know what it feels like to keep trying, and trying, but am the only one to be working on my marriage, and it really hurts when your other half just doesn't seem to care. One thing that I don't like, but something that we have to face, is if it doesn't work out. In that case, you must start thinking about divorce law. Not just for a divorce, but there's also times when we must think just about the legalities in separation. There are things like house, property and even the children to worry about.  There's nothing pretty about it.
When finding a lawyer, you must actually find someone who is willing to work for you. Someone sympathetic to your needs and someone who will get the job done, no matter if it's a divorce, separation, or even some other sort of family law need.
Divorce lawyer Barrie is a website that can help you sort through things, especially important things when it comes to needing a lawyer. Check out the link and see if they might be able to help you through some of your needs, whether it be just advice or an actual divorce or separation agreement.
I pray that those of you who feel like they can work out their problems of infidelity with their spouse will be able to do so, but if not, you need to have other options open.  Take care of yourself, and take your time with your decision.

Somehow, Things Really DO Get Better

During the Christmas holidays, our daughter came home from her Navy base and after she had been home for awhile, he finally called her.  He wanted to see her, but he actually didn't call to see her until the evening before she was leaving. She had been home for nearly 2 weeks and he waited until it was almost time for her to go back. He happened to be going to a job and wanted to stop and see her right then and there and we were out in public so he wanted to come to where we were, so we waited for him. He came, got out of his vehicle and gave her a big hug.  He had the same car, the same little trailer that he pulls behind it, and the same bushy, unruley hair that he had always had. He looked so much older than the last time that I had seen him. He told me Happy New Year and I told him back, but we didn't talk much because I wanted to let our daughter have what little time with him that he was going to give her. He wanted a hug from me. I certainly didn't want that, but since our daughter was there, I let him give me a small hug for the holidays.  Funny thing was, I no longer felt the love that I had once had for him. Maybe I just didn't allow myself to feel anything, but when I left him with her in the parking lot, I didn't look back. I felt like so much time has passed....and I was finally feeling like things really have gotten better for me. Yes, he was the man that I was so passionately in love with for all those years, and yes, he is the father of my youngest daughter....and yes, he was the man that treated me so horribly when he started seeing the other woman. I spent so much time on this man, and so many years of my life, but somehow, things just seemed to have gotten so much better for me. I didn't cry, I didn't dwell on how I had been hurt, and I felt very happy that things have been over for me and him for quite awhile now. When you sometimes feel that you will NEVER get over him/her that has hurt you so much, just remember that things take time. A long time, in my case.  I feel as though he can no longer hurt me anymore...what a great feeling !