Do I Dare Look Back?

Today I went to go through some of my things from my old home, and floods of memories came running through my mind. Wow, I found some things that I thought were already gone forever, just like my marriage to him. Many things were of such that were no good to me anymore so I had alot of things to throw away. Sifting through my past, I held back my desire of wondering "why". This has been one question that I have never gotten an answer to, and I know that I never will. Why this happened to me, "to us", is just something that will never be answered. It puzzles me to no end, but I guess that's just how it's going to be. I do know, however, that he will stay with the other woman now for the rest of his days. This is a man who hates to move, doesn't adapt well to change and is more stubborn than a mule in his beliefs. Will he have the freedom that he had when he was with me? of course not. Then again, it makes me wonder if I had done something different, would I still be in the same place that I am today? Right now, it's just one day at a time and one foot in front of the other....that's how I am going to be from now on.

Me And My Ugly Dishes !

I got a phone call from him yesterday, and immediately I wondered what he wanted NOW! I know this man and he doesn't call unless he wants something or something is wrong....I was right. He proceeded to tell me that he was giving up our home, the one that he fought me so hard to keep. He also told me that he never liked that house, it was ugly, too big and the yard was way too much for cutting. He totally put it all down. He only wanted to fight me for that house because he thought that I would eventually come back to him like I did the last time....but I just couldn't. I was sooooooooo done with him and his cheating. And what's worse, is that he told me that I only have a week to get the rest of my things out of there and asked for ME to set HIS sofa sets out to the curb for him so someone could get a free couch. He said those couches were nasty. I asked about the dishes that I had left for him and he said that he threw most of them out because they were ugly. I am so glad that my name isn't on the paperwork anywhere....I signed it all over to him years ago. He informed me that the house that he and his OW live in now was very cheap rent, just like it was the last time we split and he lived with her. It's going to be okay though, and another chapter of my failed marriage is over.

Communications In A Relationship

Is infidelity a lack of respect, or for the fun of not getting caught, or perhaps because the one who's cheating just isn't happy and doesn't know how to get help for it? Maybe it's for a different reason entirely, but it starts somewhere within a marriage or relationship that's obviously in trouble. Maybe the other spouse doesn't know it, or perhaps it's something that has caused the couple to go round in circles, who knows ! My opinion is that if there is some type of unhappiness in the relationship, the one who's unhappy should speak up about it. I know, it's very hard but isn't it better than avoiding the issues? I think most of the time, the cheater wants to stay in the current relationship (due to many outside factors),yet still seeks to find some way of escape from the problems that marriages and committed relationships can bring. If you are having a problem, don't you think that it's best to bring it out into the open so that you can at least discuss the issues? Is it really worth the sneaking around and trying to keep it all a secret just a little bit too much burden to carry? Communication is a very powerful thing to have within a relationship, but do you have the strength to actually sit down and tell your partner about your problems?

If You Have Been Cheated On, Should You Cheat Too?

If you are in a relationship where you are being cheated on, should you get revenge and cheat on your partner as well? My answer is no. Like my daddy always said, two wrongs don't make it right. We have all heard that saying and you know, he is right. If you have discovered your partner cheating, what good does it do to go out and do the same thing? It might give you a temporary feeling that the opposite sex still finds you appealing, it might also make you feel like you have gotten revenge, but is it worth it? Are you in a dead-end relationship? That's what you need to explore and find out to see where your relationship is going. If you are both cheating, it really is hard to sit down and discuss where you both have gone wrong. My best advice here, is to sit down and explore your options. Is your marriage/relationship salvagable? Can it be repaired to the point that it's a good foundation? Where do you go from here? First of all, make sure that your information is accurate. Then find a close relative, friend or clergyman to talk to....but make sure they are someone that can give you the point of view that's unbiased. Listen to different opinions but most of all, realize that you are the only one that can make that final decision. Sit down and talk with your partner to see if things can be worked out or not. Look for different options in this. Some people CAN work infidelity out. In my case, I tried it but he was not remorseful enough to give the other woman up and in the end, I spent YEARS being with someone who just didn't try. I wasted alot of time crying. Don't go out and cheat to get revenge because you might end up getting even more hurt because you are looking for answers and the other person doesn't have them.

Time Heals....

As time goes on, I am starting to feel more like my own self again. Not the wife of Mr. ---- or the plumber's wife or the one who answers the business phone. I am feeling like I have a life to live now. I have not heard from him in quite awhile so that's good. I feel wonderful and I never thought this was possible. I thought that I would be missing him even still and wondering what he's doing, but I'm not. I don't have any desire to drive by his house to see if he's home. I am finally learning that it's okay to be without him. Time does heal, but in my case, it seems like it took forever, but it's okay.

Leaning How To Take Care Of YOU

At first, I didn't quite know how to start this post....everyone is probably wondering about the title, taking care of you! I wonder if you are the person who gets out of bed each morning, fixes breakfast for the kiddos, the hubby, feeds the pets, gets all the morning stuff done BEFORE taking care of yourself..I know that I am. I am guilty of that. Every morning, without thought, I get right out of bed and immediately start doing everything that needs to be time for myself until it's all said and done. But what about if you decided to do something for yourself first? What about getting out of bed, brushing your hair, your teeth, taking your meds if you have any, getting some clothes on, and THEN taking care of everything else? I know it's hard for me, but somebody's gotta do it. Summer is here and the kids are out of school so now's your chance to try and get a break. What about letting your kids, if they are old enough, to help you with some of those "to-do" things on your list? Kids do enjoy helping out now and then, and if not, why not try to give them an incentive in helping? Going through a divorce or a seperation can be so difficult, and really puts a stain on things..maybe you are used to having help from the STBX, and now it's just you. Take some time for yourself each day, even if it's only a few minutes. Having a nice and relazing bath (shower), getting a new haircut or buying yourself something pretty (sexy or just downright cute), taking a few extra minutes alone for a cup of coffee can really give you that extra feeling to keep going. Life really can bring joy after such a traumatic experience, but it takes time, and we all heal in different times. Remember, you still need to take care of you.

Did You Know Who The Other Woman/Man Was?

Did you know who the other woman was in your husband's/wife's affair? If not, did you try to pry around to see who it was, or what she/he was about? I'm sure that you wondered what SHE/He had that was so wonderful that your husband/wife chose her instead of you. This was so true with me. I wanted to know what was so great about her....why did he want someone else? Was she pretty? Did she have something spectacular? Most of the time, they don't....they are just normal looking women/men. In my ex husband's case, his other woman was bigger in weight than me, and she was not pretty at all. She was just an average looking person. Actually, it was someone that I did happen to meet once, and he told me about her a long time ago, but it was someone that he met during his work day, a customer. They became friends. She knew all about me. She knew all about our daughter and even saw us at the grocery store on occasion. I wondered for so many years about her and the whats and whys of why he did this to us, but it didn't matter because it was already done.
He is with her now and seems to be happy. I honestly think that he has better communication with her and that's one thing that I can see now. They both speak the same language because they come from the same country....but his second Other Woman? I don't get it at all. She knew me as well....I even helped her out by taking her to work some times. Now what did he have in common with her? Totally nothing, except for the fact that she was always in, rides, and you name it.
Did you know the other woman?

Coffee Breaks..... And Breaks In Life

I wonder if I am just in this mode of taking a "coffee break" sometimes. You know, you get up in the morning, put on that pot of coffee, smell that wonderful aroma and fix that cup of joe and smile. While having that cup, for me, at least, there's peace and serenity. It's a little smiggin of my time that allows me some small sips of pleasure. I wonder if that's what my life is doing right now for me. Am I getting that break in life or what I would call having that cup of coffee now? I no longer have to deal with my ex, not because I shouldn't be, but because he chooses it to be that way. Yes, that's totally his choice. So, on the road of life I go, taking a sweet break in life:::: no more worrying about where he's more of his demanding more of his calling me names and berating more crying over the Other woman. I think that my life is good right now. I have finally accepted that he is with her now, and my life goes on, just like that coffee break; a peaceful time in my life to just take it easy. Life can be so good.