What can you do if you have discovered your partner cheating? Do you confront him/her right away? What do you do if you confront them and they are not willing to break things off with the other person in their life and work things out with you? How do you deal with a man whom you have loved for a very long time that wants to be with someone else? When his heart is with someone else, most likely, you might not be able to work anything out. If this is what's happening in your situation, you might try and plead with them to stay, but do you really want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with you? It takes two people in a relationship to work things out. If they want to be with someone else, most likely it's over. Talking about the situation calmly can sometimes shed some light on what's going on with them and why they feel the need to be with someone else. A counselor or pastor can often offer some help. Remember, you can't make someone love you or be with you., and really, you deserve someone better than that.
I wonder why such a really nice man can be so sweet and nice to everyone,running his business on integrity and trust, and then turn around and show different values? Does this man seem to have a problem in life, or was he just putting on a show for all to see? It amazes me that he was such a person of wonderful values, yet he was such a liar and a cheat in his personal life. Did having another woman make him this way, or was he this way and I just didn't know about it? Did he compromise his values because he wanted to please someone else? What makes a man/woman all of a sudden change what they believe in?
The first time after I caught him cheating, it did end in a divorce. After 8 or 9 months, he convinced me to come back and I did. I had wondered if I had done the right thing by leaving so quickly without any discussion at all. Once I saw him coming downstairs with her from her apartment, I totally lost it. I didn't want any part of it, knowing that he was with another woman. Why did he have to lie about it all, even after I caught him with her? Didn't he think I had eyes in my head? What did all of his lies do to me, even knowing that every one he told, I knew the truth. Did he think that a lie was going to make me re-think what I actually saw?
I knew he was sneaky, but he was a very good liar too. Once I started finding a trail of him and the other woman, I started asking questions. He had been lying to me, as well as to many of his friends, except for one of them. This one friend knew some of what was going on, but as my husband was telling me one thing, and his friend another, he began having to tell one lie to cover up another. When they get so caught up in what they're doing, at some point, they get comfortable enough that they sometimes forget what they've told you or others. Some say that you can tell when someone is lying by their figity habits they portrey, but with my husband, I could never tell. He was always straight-faced about things. One thing I was able to find out was his story and his friend's story usually were never the same.
I see now, looking back, that he sure did spend alot of time in the garage with all of his tools and things. I didn't really think much of it because I felt that even though he wasn't in the house, he was still home, doing manly sort of things around the house. What I didn't see was the fact that he began slowly spending less and less time with me and the kids. I wonder if he was trying to avoid me, but still show me that he was home. Did he think that maybe the other woman would be calling and he didn't want me to hear his phone ringing? I don't know why this has just barely come to mind, maybe just another sign he showed that I never saw. I guess I was so trusting of this man, that I never questioned it. If you suspect your spouse is cheating, monitor his actions before you say anything. If you have any doubts, you can keep a small notebook and dates of his odd behaviours and compare it. I never even saw this coming until it hit me right in the face.
That must have been what he thought when I told him that I was divorcing him. He had carried on for such a long time the day that I found him coming out of her apartment with her after he had been in there for over an hour was the straw that broke the camels back for me. I had suffered with many years of his name calling, treating me like I was nothing and what's worse, is that I trusted him. I never thought he would ever cheat. One day out of the blue, an old friend asked me when we had gotten divorced, but at that time, we were still together. She spoke about how she and her family had seen him numerous times in someone else's apartment and thought that he was now with someone else. I didn't want to believe her. She didn't tell me to hurt me. She was only asking. I decided to go and find her in those apartments one morning to ask her more. Why would she even think we were divorced? I ran into his van, parked by an apartment and I started shaking. He had told me that morning that he would be in another city working and I just couldn't believe it. When I got home, I was so panicked that I packed all my things and left. He called me over and over once he found out. He didn't want to see what he had done to me, only that I had left him. It was all over and it was his turn to cry
Did he tell you that he loved you and committed himself/herself to you but now it's all gone? What makes a person want to hurt someone else? I don't think it's intentional, but things happen sometimes that are out of our control. I knew that he loved me when we got together, and the happiness that we shared was real. We had a beautiful daughter and we were joyous ! Somewhere he must have felt that it just wasn't enough, because he chose to seek someone out and carry on with another woman. This did not last a short while, but a very long one. She must have just been waiting for every chance that she could get with him and she did not care that he was married or had a child. Did I still love him even though he hurt me tragically? Yes, I did, and he told me that he loved me too, but how could he have? Was I in love all that time with a man who only tolerated me because it was easy for him to let me be his housekeeper and business care-taker? Did he actually ever love me? I think at some point, he did, but why he chose to "love" or "lust" someone else is still a mystery to me, and I think it will always stay a mystery.
I guess I really didn't know him though. He was someone that I had been with for a very long time. He knew that I was a hard working woman and I believed in doing the right things. I knew how he loved to primp in front of the mirror, I knew how he liked being neat and tidy, always tying his dirty socks up in a little bow and putting them into the hamper. I knew how he liked having his shirts pressed and neat looking when he went out. I knew how he was so picky about every thing that he put into his mouth. I knew how much he loved working. I guess I didn't know that he must have thought that I was not enough woman for him, or he would not have seeked someone outside. I didn't know that he felt like he needed to give this woman "our" money to help her with her bills. I didn't know that he liked keeping secrets. What did I know about this man? I guess not much. Do you know your spouse?
Everyone knows that when you are married or in a trusted relationship for a bit of time, there are disagreements, arguments and things of such. Nobody can get along totally without some kind of discussions at times. At first, before he cheated on me, we were like a normal couple with the every day things also with times of having to deal with problems. But, after he started cheating on me, I noticed that he would start picking fights with me and I just never could figure out what was going on with him. There were times that I thought that he was a Dr. Jeckle-Mr Hyde kind of guy. He seemed to wait for any kind of reason to start something and it would make me cry that he would pick on me so much. He even got down-right nasty at times and suddenly decided to call each one of my friends names......ugly names. Did he feel guilty about his cheating on me and that's why he picked on me so much? Why would he call names, and even start calling me names and hurting my feelings so much? Was he so in to the other woman that he only felt happy with her, but miserable with me? I guess he just took it too far, because I eventually divorced him and then he started crying. Why did he even have to start ?
After our divorce, he was hurt, understandably. He didn't want the divorce, but I felt like I couldn't live with him knowing that he had cheated on me for such a long time. I fled like a bat out of heck if you know what I mean. I kept my distance because all he did after we divorced was call me crying about how he loved me and the kids. He wrote me notes, he left me cell phone messages. At first, all we did was go around and round about his cheating. We could never get out of that circle. It was hopeless. I then learned to stay completely away from him except for when he wanted to see his daughter, but that never happened. We stayed apart for a good 8 months. He saw me one day and was so nice to me. He must have finally felt some guilt for his actions. How did he treat me then after so long? He was just like the first time we met. How strange that with time apart, he actually saw how he hurt me. How does your ex treat you now?
Did the other woman not care about how stinky his feet are when he comes in at night? Or how he is so picky about what foods he eats? Does she have to deal with washing his clothes or making sure that all the buttons were on his shirts? She didn't have to deal with all of those every day chores that you do when you marry or partner with someone. The other woman didn't have to put up with his nasty comments about your friends, or get angry about the kids spilling something. The other woman only gets to see the best parts of him. What happens when reality really steps in here? Do you put up with all of it, just to get the worst part of him? I was totally in love with my husband. He had so many wonderful qualities and I was really floored when I found out about his cheating. I gave him all the best that I had to give, but he found someone else. Honestly though, he cheated with someone that didn't know how he really was in the day-to-day world. She only saw the good side. Did she think that he was perfect because she only saw him for brief periods of time?
All those days spent thinking that my husband was such a nice man, I never knew he was out on the town hammin it up with the other woman. Now, why would such a nice man with a family want to go out with someone else? What did she have that I didn't have? Nothing apparently. I had heard from everyone how he was such a nice and considerate man. Ha, did they get blindsided as much as I did? When they found out that I left, but didn't know why, they must have been pointing fingers at me wondering why I would leave such a "sweet" man. They didn't know how he took his lunch time hours to go and meet her. They didn't know that he was hiding money in his van to give to her to help her pay her bills. They didn't know that he was mowing her yard and doing all her handyman work too! Do I care about what they think about me? At first I did, but now I really don't care. Sometimes people on the outside like to make judgements about others without really knowing the facts. I am holding my head up tall because I know that I tried with all of my heart and besides, it's me that had to live with the infidelity and his cheating all the time that I did. I can never get that part of my life back. Don't let others dictate how your life should be spent. Only you can make the decision of staying or going.
thought you'd go crazy? I found myself in that position many times and I can't tell you why he kept his behaviour up like that knowing that I would find out. The man cheated.....ok, so if he loved me so darned much, why didn't he see that he was hurting me? He saw me crying, out of control at times with crying and not understanding. He told me that he wanted to work things out but he was unwilling to go to counseling, and he told me that it was over with the other woman so we should just get on with life. What life did I actually have, knowing that his actions were not backed up by his words. His outlook was to just brush it off like it never happened and go on. I got so mad at him that there were times that I couldn't even concentrate on other things in my life. My anger interrupted my sleep at night, my work life and I couldn't help myself. I had to seek someone to talk to about it because I felt like it was ruining my life. The daily drama was coming in between everything in my life. Anger is a very powerful feeling.....try and find someone to talk to so it will try and ease your mind and not let it interrupt your life like it did mine.
Apparently, I got stuck with alot of the bills, but he did put some work into our house, and he too, put some home improvements on his credit as well. I had one card, he had another. When we split up, I kept my card, he kept his. Not long after I moved out, I got a call from an attorney. He had gone in to complain about the fact that he was stuck with a credit card with home improvements that he was having to pay for alone....well, not only was I paying on my own card with home improvements on it, but he was living in the house. I was the one who picked out the house. I never wanted to leave, but after all was said and done, he would not move out. I ended up with nothing, only personal belongings. Once again, I got the shaft. When he cheated on me, and then again when I lost my half of the house, and then he had the nerve to want me to pay on his credit card too? I quickly explained to the attorney that not only was he in the house, but he was self employed and he puts most of his business expenses on his card, not only our home improvents. I really don't know what he was thinking, except to maybe try and get my attention. Why did he cause all this commotion? Who got the bills? I got most of them....that's right, I really feel like I got the bad end of the deal.