Although much time has passed, I feel as though it's been a true lifetime that I was in this relationship. Gone is my life that was full of stress. I still remember the days when he came home from work, and me quickly going through his phone and writing down numbers and listening to the other women's messages while he was in the shower....and always being in a hurry before he found out. What a horrible time in life that was for me ! I am not the kind of woman who believes that a woman should just go and check her hubby's phone just for the fun of it.... but in my case, there was way too much evidence of his infidelity, and he was telling me that it was all in my head. I felt like I had to defend what I was hearing. I mean, even when the other woman wrote him a love letter, it was proof right in my hand, but he firmly denied it all.
Thinking that you have to prove your point is honestly a very bad place to be in...and I know, first hand, what that all felt like. Some people believe that once you have a small amount of evidence, that that's enough to break apart your marriage, but me, being a firm believer in marriage and true partnership and the fidelity of vows, I felt like I had to have more proof at that time...would I do it all over again? Well, I probably would have, if it was me having to deal with the same man and his sneakiness. My ex made me feel as though I was losing my mind...and he was good at playing mind games. Having the strength to make my decision to just walk out was one of the hardest things in life I have ever had to do, but today....I am so happy that I finally decided to stand up for myself.
Today my self esteem is back to normal and I feel like a new woman. Never again, will I allow a man to tear me down to the point that I was back then. It took time....too much time, I feel, but it was all worth it.
It has been a little while since I wrote in my blog, not because I haven't wanted to, but it seems that life just finds so much for me to do these days. I am not abandoning my blog, but trying to rebuild my life, and all is well. I never ever would have thought that while going through the pain of infidelity, that one day I would feel less pain than I did during those horrible years in my life, but honestly, time really does lessen the pain. I haven't forgotten about what he put me through, nor do I ever think I will forget about it, but during the time you are experiencing the hurt inside your very heart and soul, you cry and wonder "why" and you have that nagging question of why did it have to happen to you...why didn't he/she love you enough to stay true to you. I have never found the answer to that question. Maybe some people truly do find the answers, but I never did. However, after all the time of crying, questions and wondering if I will ever get over it, I finally started by putting one foot in front of the other....and that takes time. It takes willpower too. It took me so much time that I began each day with something new. Making a new day for me...a new week, a new month and a new year. With each little step I took, I found myself replacing new habits and likes for old habits and such. I replaced some of those bad days with new memories, new thoughts and new surroundings. Time has not healed my memories, but time has rebuilt my thoughts and dreams....Life really does and CAN get better, one day at a time. Slowly but surely.