Did he even care about me at all during our marriage? I am sure that at one point he did, but if he was unhappy, why didn't he tell me about it? Why did he have to sneak behind my back? I wonder now why he just couldn't face me? Well, to be quite honest about this whole mess, I think that he was happy with the most of our marriage and he wanted to be with me while it was convenient for me to wash his clothes, help him pay all the bills and run his errands and his self-employed business for him. He always came home to a clean home, hot food to eat, and never had to write out a check for the bills because I did all that. What man wouldn't be happy about that? No, honestly I think that maybe he started seeing this other woman because she was "needy". She needed someone to help take her places because she didn't have a car. At least the first other woman didn't. The second other woman didn't even know how to drive. They both had that in common. They both constantly needed money and someone to do their "honey do's" so maybe he felt more needed by them. I hate to say it, but even though I needed honey-do stuff done around the house, I pretty much stood up on my own two feet. Maybe he just thought that I would never find out.....but I did. Where was his honesty when we really needed it? I lost so much time hoping he would change, but that never happened.
I went through this pain and suffering way too long....and why did I allow myself to be put through it so long? I honestly loved this man, with a love that was so deep, passionate and felt like he was my soulmate and that we would be together forever. Why wouldn't I feel this way? He was a hard working man, kept himself clean, and was very giving...let's not even mention the fact that he was very handsome above all else. We were so much alike in many ways but yet so different. We were drawn to each other and for a long time, it was nice. What happened to this wonderful man that I married? I will never know, and that's because he changed....yes, he changed without me. I feel as though he was wanting me there to live with him as a family with our daughter, paying bills together, but he was also wanting the other woman, someone that he could "help" with her handy man chores, someone that he felt he connected with. He felt as though he could have us both, but it just doesn't work that way. I put my heart on the line for a long time, waiting to see if he was going to give her up like he said. I waited, I wished and I wondered, but it was just a waste of time for me. He did not live up to his end of the bargain and I was not able to take it any longer. Am I glad that I tried? Yes, but I feel as though I lost alot of life, precious life. Now I can honestly say that I tried and that's why I had to give it up and be done. I am so glad that I did. How about you? Are you in an endless situation, waiting for something good to happen?
How much of yourself do you honestly give up to your significant other? When you get with someone that you truly love and care about, you give them your all. We totally surrender our hearts to them, hoping that we get the same back from them, and most the time, we do. I know that when I married my now ex, I was very happy. Things were wonderful for awhile. Yes, real life does eventually kick in and sometimes things get old. After years of being married to that one person, habits come out that you might have not known about, paying bills, daily living and both working to make ends meet happens. Children come and after awhile, marriage can get old hat. But it's what we want, right? I wanted to be married, settled and just totally comfortable in life...and I was for awhile. I was in a comfort zone, actually. But when things started getting bad, I hung in there. I kept telling myself that things would get better, that all couples go through good and bad times. Most of the time, we manage to pull ourselves back into the good, and life goes on. But what about when it gets REALLY bad? How much of yourself can you afford to give up? There are some of life's circumstances that we CAN get through, but other things we cannot afford to go along for the ride. Is going through infidelity one of those things? Can we get through our spouse's cheating? Some would say yes, and others just struggle with the answer, like I did.
oh, I just get so angry when I look back upon all my trauma, having lived with a man who thought he could cheat on me and get away with it....actually, he did get away with it for a while, that while that I was trying to find out what was actually going on with him and with who! I don't know why it mattered who he was seeing but I think I was curious to see what the other woman looked like. Finding out the appeal that she had for him and why he was so into someone else. He married me, not her, so what did she have that I didn't? I honestly thought for a long time that this was why he didn't want me.....really, he DID want me, but he wanted her too. He was not honoring our marriage vows. But I did eventually discover that it wasn't all about who SHE was.....it was him. He was the one who went to see her. Yes, she called him, begged him to go see her but in the end, it was HIM that contributed just as much to their affair. I finally discovered, it wasn't only her, but it was him too. Which boils down to the fact that it takes two...not only in a marriage, but in an affair.
Here I am, divorced, not living with my ex, and I still write about my very hard life that I had with him. Why do I look back? Not only for myself to see what I have been through, but for others who are going through the same thing. It's not easy to walk in these shoes. It's one of the hardest things that I have ever had to deal with, and especially with a child. I learned as I grew up that people get married, it's the right thing to do, and now as I look back, it's great and wonderful and all, but I am not married to him anymore. I wanted that American dream of being married, having a house and family and being with my love, my best friend for FOREVER. It just DIDN'T work out that way. What do I want out of life now? My dream is gone, shattered, and not only that, it wasn't ME who chose to cheat. Sure, I know that when you are married, that everything has 2 sides, or as some people say, 3 sides: his version, her version and the truth. Okay, I can take my side of the blame, but honestly, I wished that he would have told me that he was in love with someone else and ended things with me, instead of sneaking around behind my back all those years. Isn't honesty the best policy here? Or was I just with a guy who wanted his cake and eat it too?
Wow, I guess nothing he does really can suprize me anymore. I pulled up into the driveway after running to the store and there he was, back into my driveway, smiling as if he had just done something he shouldn't have done. Our daughter was also in the driveway giving her father a hug. She had called me before I got home to let me know that he told her he was coming, but that really didn't mean anything because there's been tons of times that he said he was on his way and never showed up or called. I was happy for her because he hasn't come in nearly a year. My daughter finally got something from him and that was for him to make enough time to come and see her. I told him hello and he asked how I was, but I made the conversation light and went on into the house because I didn't want to take away my daughter's time with him. Well, he didn't stay at all. He gave her another big hug, a little bit of money and off he went.....until the next time. I wonder how long it will be next time. Guess we will see, right?
When you marry someone, you build a love, a lasting relationship and that means giving your spouse your emotional side as well. Ties that bind, oh how wonderful they are, until something goes wrong in the relationship. You know, I was married to my ex for YEARS.....more than 10 years to be exact and I gave him everything that I had to give. Now that we are divorced, seperated and totally never going to be back together again, I do have to admit that it took a very long time for me to completely cut my emotional ties with him. He manipulated me, took away my self confidence and really did a number on me while he was seeing the other woman. I loved him so much and he didn't seem to care how I felt. My emotions ran so deep for this man and it was very hard for me to cut those emotions off after loving him for so long, but I did it..finally. I look at him and see him as the father to our child, but no longer as my husband. He made that choice by cheating, lieing and not being respectful. Have you cut your emotional ties completely, or are there still some emotions hanging on?
Children are the future of our society. What are they learning from us about divorce? I know that when I was married to my ex, my children learned how they thought it was okay to treat me the same way that he treated me....that was no good. Was I so busy trying to save my marriage that I didn't stop and think about what they were learning? As adults, we get so busy with work, bills, cooking and just daily life that we often feel that "kids are kids and they are too young to actually know what's going on" but actually, from the time they are born, they are watching and learning. Children are so smart. They learn what they live. Some divorces should be done out there, especially the ones that are in abuse, cheating and other bad examples from one spouse or the other....but what about the spouse that's just bored? Marriages can get to be humdrum sometimes when we have so many other things to tend to in life. Maybe we need to remember that while we are married, we need to nurture that as well as taking care of the other things in life....after all, our children are watching.