If He Loved Me, What Made Him Cheat?

I look back at my horrible experience and wonder if I learned anything from it......you are supposed to learn something here, right? I still wonder WHY he cheated on me, if he loved me so much. I get lost in thought that maybe he just didn't know how to love me the way I wanted to be loved, I also wonder if it was just something he thought he was allowed to do, even though we said our vows....but you know, honestly, I think that he cheated on me because he thought that he could do it and get away with it. The other woman enticed him and he followed. He didn't have to, but HE made that choice, nobody else did. I blamed the other woman for a long time, but it wasn't her alone that caused his cheating....it was HIM. He didn't have to keep on seeking her. He didn't have to keep persuing her, but he did. Did he actually love me? Perhaps he did, in his own way, but he still thought he could cheat on me and get away with it. Some people say that a marriage takes two people to work on things....and it does. It was all one sided on my part, trying to make things work, but he was already gone.......she has him now, and what have I learned about this? Well, one thing, you can't make someone love you....another thing, most of the time, if they have cheated once, they are most likely to try and do it again. My last stance is that if a man loves me, he will be committed to me and me alone. Going through infidelity was one of the hardest things in life I have had to endure, but I am here, and still marching forward.

Moving On From The Cheater

Day by day has passed, and I am hearing from him much less. I know that he must be happy now with his new other woman. I still have a place in my heart that hopes that he is doing well, of course,we DO have a child together so I think that will always be there....but I am not having to worry about him as much anymore and that's a good feeling. I no longer have to hear the emotional abuse that he put me through, and I don't have to hear all the bad things he had to say about my friends or anything else for that matter. What a sigh of relief I am living now. I do, however, wish that he was around for our daughter....that really makes me sad that she is having to be without her father around, and it's by his own choice, not mine. One day she will be a full grown woman and he will have missed all of it.
Right now, I am making the best of my new life....working on getting all my credit card bills paid off that we shared. I am also watching what I eat, and have already lost some. I have a place that I can call my own, and I am being the best mother that I can be. So far, since the infidelity and our seperation, I think that I am moving on quite nicely. I can honestly say that as time goes on, there is less time thinking and wondering about what might have been, and what could have been done differently, but as the world turns, I move on, step by step. How are you coming along in your new life, if you have done so? If not, are you still hanging on to a partner who HAS to cheat because you think there is no other life out there for you?

Working Out A Marriage When Cheating Has Happened

Even though I am waiting on peace of mind, I still have to endure every day life. It seems as though one day I am with him and the next, we were apart. Yes, it was my choice to leave because I had already divorced him after the first round of his cheating, but went back, thinking that he had "learned his lesson" but that never happened......oh, perhaps he could have been remorseful for a brief period in time but how quickly he went back into his old habits. Possibly if he had agreed to go to counseling, we might have had a chance. Many people say "once a cheater, always a cheater" but I don't know if that is totally true. I believe that someone really can change with counseling and a true since of really trying. They have to really want to turn things around and work things out. Everybody's entitled to making a mistake now and then, but when it happens over and over, it isn't just a mistake anymore. They make their own decisions about what they are going to do, good or bad. My relationship ended because he just didn't want to try. He wanted me to sweep it under the rug because he was "promising" once again that it wouldn't happen anymore. There was no trust left and I got so tired of following him and checking his cell phone and his vehicle that I just lost a good portion of my life. I finally decided it was time to give it up. If someone really wants to work out a marriage, it honestly takes two.

Living With A Cheating Man

I went from living with the man I married, who was a complete work-a-holic, to living with a stranger. This man never yelled at me, and was mostly quiet, but he started talking to me in really nasty language. My husband was very abusive with what he said to me when he was mad. I suddenly discovered that he liked making me cry, perhaps making him feel like he was a man. I don't know why he would choose some things to get angry about and other things he just didn't seem to care about. I didn't like it when he called my friends names, because those names were very be-littling and honestly, they never did anything to them. Many times, I witnessed a man who would be a Dr. Jeckyl---Mr. Hyde. I never knew when he would be the sweet and kind husband or the man who liked to make me cry. I never suspected anything of him early on in my marriage, but now thinking back, I remember him telling me several times how he had his own friends. Maybe he was trying to tell me back then that he had another woman. That is something I will never know.

It Was All Over But The Cryin!

That must have been what he thought when I told him that I was divorcing him. He had carried on for such a long time the day that I found him coming out of her apartment with her after he had been in there for over an hour was the straw that broke the camels back for me. I had suffered with many years of his name calling, treating me like I was nothing and what's worse, is that I trusted him. I never thought he would ever cheat. One day out of the blue, an old friend asked me when we had gotten divorced, but at that time, we were still together. She spoke about how she and her family had seen him numerous times in someone else's apartment and thought that he was now with someone else. I didn't want to believe her. She didn't tell me to hurt me. She was only asking. I decided to go and find her in those apartments one morning to ask her more. Why would she even think we were divorced? I ran into his van, parked by an apartment and I started shaking. He had told me that morning that he would be in another city working and I just couldn't believe it. When I got home, I was so panicked that I packed all my things and left. He called me over and over once he found out. He didn't want to see what he had done to me, only that I had left him. It was all over and it was his turn to cry

I Wanted To Deny That He Cheated On Me!

"Oh, I am so sorry!" he exclaimed once he knew I had HAD enough of his lies and sneakiness. Those words I can hear over and over in my head, but it doesn't make it feel any better. I suppose if he had meant what he said, and actually made an honest and sincere effort to show me how sorry he was, things might have been different. Why I let it continue for such a long time is a mystery to me.....almost like I was there in body, but not with my mind in tact. I wanted to be with this man so much. It was such a tragedy that he cheated on me, that I just didn't want to face the truth about it. Have you ever just let things drag on and on, just hoping that you didn't see what you thought you saw, or heard what you thought you heard? Infidelity really turned my world upside down...and I am so glad that I am finally out of it.

Is It Lust, or Love?

I wonder why he wanted her so much. Did he actually love the other woman? Or could it have been that he lusted after her and felt like he wanted a good chase? This raised a question in my mind as to whether he kept on having the affair for so long. If it was only lust, than wouldn't he have been with her only a couple of times and then been "done" with her? What kept him chasing after her for such a long time? Did he fall in love with her? That answer was never answered for me. He just refused to answer my questions, only telling me that he loved me. I feel like I never got all the answers that I wanted to know answered. He was hushed-mouthed over the whole affair. I believe that being in love with someone is giving that person everything that you are, giving your whole heart and having trust with them. Love is wanting to please your partner and doing what you can to make them happy. Lust is so different. Lust is about going after something that you can only have for a short while. I don't know if it ever turns into love or not. So many questions, and so few answers.

How Can I Hate Him and Love Him At the Same Time?

Oh those emotions of love and hate ! I loved him so much, so much that I loved him with everything and all I had within me. He cheated on me, treated me like dirt and I learned to hate him and what he had become. Why are all of these mixed emotions flowing within me ? Why can't I just get over what he's done? I believe that when we love someone, we love with our whole heart. We give all we have to them. When we get hurt through infidelity, it leaves us very confused. We want to know why or how they can love us, like they say they do, yet still go behind our backs and be with another person. I have a hard time grasping that one, to be honest. My mother always said that actions speak louder than words. Is it true in the case of adultery? What does this say to me?

Why Couldn't I Get Over Him?

After we divorced, the time I spent away from him was good for me. I learned how to live a "new" life. I learned how to settle down a bit. I didn't have to wait until he was in the shower to check his cell phone calls that had come in. I didn't have to go running outside to check inside of his work truck to see if there was loads of cash stashed away in his secret hiding places. I learned how to relax and take it easy some. So, why after having such a much more life of "ease" did I get back with him? I wasn't having to worry about his cheating anymore. I was free. I think that my problem was I left so quickly, that I didn't really have time to work through my problems with him. I didn't face what I had to face with him, leaving me only to wonder about what was going on while we were apart, when I shouldn't have even worried. I loved him and I really did have a hard time getting over him, even though he hurt me so much. I really can't explain why.

Loving a Partner That Cheats

Loving someone comes straight from the heart. There's no doubt about that. How can we turn off our love when someone cheats on us? Of course, when we find out we become sad, and angry and we have all of these emotions coming all together and it really gets us feeling out of wack. What can we do about loving someone who cheats on us? That's when we must take a step back, pause for a moment and try and figure out what the rest of our world is going to bring. There are no guarantees in life that he/she is going to want to work things out and be faithful forever afterwards, and then again, what if we don't want to work it out? Those are some questions that really take time for us to think about and answer. I really think that it takes time to heal, time to decide what comes next, and finally, you must take time to think things over.

Why Couldn't I See Before?

I was having a great time with my children. I was getting to know "me" and that felt so wonderful. Why couldn't I see this before? Why did it take so long for me to finally move out of the one spot that I had been stuck in for such a long time? I honestly can say that I loved him. I wanted so much for things to work. We had a child together and she loved her daddy with everything that she had. She was too young to see what he was doing to hurt me, but I know that she knew that something wasn't right. He wasn't really much into doing family things so when we went and did our 4-H thing, it was perfectly normal. He wasn't interested in her wanting a horse, learning about a horse or anything in between. I wanted to give her something that she could learn, and she excelled in it. I wanted to see her follow a dream that she'd had for a very long time. Making myself separate from the drama of his infidelity was great. It made me feel stronger. The only thing was though, I still loved him and even though he hurt me more than words can say, I knew that one day, I would still have to deal with it.

Why Do I Love Him So Much?

Once I decided to persue my goal in finding out who this new "other woman" was, I kept at it with fury. I would answer his business phone at any oportunity that I had. I was what you would call a "good secretary". I had hopes that once she heard me answering instead of him, that she would back off. Why would I be so crazy to keep trying? Was I just chasing this man when I shouldn't have? Well, I know now that I shouldn't have wasted my time, but I have to tell you, honestly, he was my love. Oh, my heart wanted this man so much, and I really don't know why. Why was I so in love with someone who was hurting me? And on top of it all, he didn't seem to care that I was hurt. Why couldn't I just drop him like a hot potatoe? I guess it was a matter of the heart. My head was telling me to move on, but my heart was firmly attached. What do you do about loving someone so completely? How can you move on, when you are scared to face the world alone? That was a hard thing for me.....maybe that's why I stayed so long.