We all know that if someone is caught "cheating", that normally means that your husband/wife was having an intimate relationship with someone outside of the marriage, but what about "emotional" cheating? Does that count? Honestly, in my opinion, if your spouse is "talking" to someone of the opposite sex and it's not about trying to make your marriage better, then I see it as a problem. Many people seek advice from a counselor, pastor or friend in hopes to try and make things better when there is a marriage problem, but it shouldn't be to someone of the opposite sex that's just a "friend" when they are spending countless hours away from you and instead of working with you on the problem. Emotionally giving to another person outside of the marriage CAN become a problem...it leads to jealousy, mistrust and a wondering of what's being said and if it's an uncountless number of hours upon hours on end, day after day, I see it as becoming close to someone else. Maybe that's my opinion, but I know that this sort of thing can happen and can also get out of control. If you have a problem with your spouse, first of all, please speak to your spouse about it, if that's possible. If not, there are many pastors, friends or a family member, as well as counselors who are willing to listen.
Yesterday was the first day that I have heard from him in a long time....and of course, he needed something. I never returned his call and thought that I would leave him hanging as he has done to me many of times. Does a man/woman change once they have cheated on you? Is there real remorse? In my ex husband's case, there was no remorse.....not for me, not for his cheating, nor for the family that he broke apart (ours). I do, honestly believe that people CAN change, but they must be willing to do so and want to do it for themselves, for bettering themselves and to not cause any of the pain that they once caused before. Life is SO short, you hear it and breathe it all the time, so will things be any different with his other woman, than it was with me? I already know the answer to this question....in my case, he is going to be the same person that he was with her, than he was with me and that's because he saw NOTHING that he did wrong. He told me that it was MY fault that I couldn't share him with someone else. He thought that his transgressions should all be swept under the rug where you can no longer see them. How did he not think that by my not seeing the problems that I still didn't have feelings? Being deavistated by my ex really seems to have made me more aware of men, even though I don't want to be this way. Are there any really good men out there? YES, but they just seem to be a little more harder to find these days.
Have you wondered if you were stuck in such a horrible situation for so long, that sooner or later, it's got to get better? That's what I did. I waited, wished, hoped, prayed and waited some more, but my world was just so up and down. For a while, I thought maybe he was going to drop the other woman and see how much he loved me.....but even during the times that things were quiet, they really weren;t....he was just hiding it more. With every complaint I made, he went more into hiding what he was doing. I wanted my marriage to work, even to the point of my giving him all of my extra time, cooking gourmet meals, washing and ironing his clothes to perfection, even paying for some dinners out and whatever I could to make his life like a king......but it didn't matter. The other woman had his heart. Why did I work so hard for a marriage that he clearly didn't want? He told me that he wanted me and the marriage but his actions spoke louder than his words. Every body wants a loving and lasting relationship but if both parties are not willing to work at it together, then it just doesn't get better.
Today I want to talk about self-esteem. How is your self-esteem and how do you feel about yourself? During my many years of being married to my ex, he continually chipped at my self esteem. Some days he wasn't so bad, but there were other days that he always had something to say about me that wasn't very nice. I went through periods of time thinking that I didn't make him happy because it was something that I should have done or could have changed about what I did. At the beginning of our marriage, if he hurt my feelings he would apologize and try to make things better, but as time went on, and he started with his cheating on me with other women, he would say things to hurt me, but then would not care about what I felt. I was left to deal with his hurt all alone and I would look back at myself and think about what I could do to make our marriage better. I wanted him to love me, and I didn't know how to make the hurt go away. With time many couples let themselves go to some degree and I thought that with my having our daughter and then trying to take care of our household, the taxes, his business and my working that it may have caused him to see me in a different way, however, to be at all fair about this, I have to say that LIFE must go on....the bills getting paid, taking care of children, working and such is something that I HAD to do...regardless of how he felt. What I didn't know at that time, was he was actually seeing someone else and was just picking on me so that he could get an easy way out of the house to go and see her without my wondering why he left. Self esteem is something that you need to keep hold on tight of because without feeling good about yourself, you start having the feeling of not caring about things and feeling as though you are not worth it....but honestly, YOU ARE VALUABLE AND YOU MEAN SOMETHING..... please take care of yourself if you are experiencing going through these feelings. Find someone to talk to that can show you that you don't have to feel bad about yourself. It's not always something that YOU do, because marriage is made up of 2 people, not 3. ...... and if both of you want to work out a marriage you will do it TOGETHER!