Having a piece of chewing gum stuck to the bottom of my shoe is just how I feel sometimes when I have to listen to what my ex has to say about things. I feel like he took so much time from my life with my worrying over his seeing the other woman. No more excuses to hear and no more lies.....that's what my life is about now and I am so glad that I don't have to hear it anymore. Now he can stick to the bottom of the other woman's shoes and let her deal with all the noise that he brings to life. After all, I know that he is cheating on her with someone else and life goes on, right? But this time, I don't have to worry about him anymore. I think that I am starting to feel lucky.
I have found that with time, my feelings about the divorce are not so open and fresh anymore. I don't know if that's because I have supressed them way inside of myself so that I can't feel them anymore or if it's time that has taken away the bitterness of the whole thing. It's been such a long time that we were together and I no longer worry about him. That is a good thing. There are times when certain circumstances come along that I remember some of the good times, such as hearing a song from when we were together, and then the bad times, when I just so happen to come across a picture of us in our happier times. During those bad memory times, I do tend to let my mind wander back into the past and it's during that time that I sometimes start to feel a really bad rush come to me as though it were just yesterday. Is that because my mind is starting to remember all the things that I hid way back inside of myself from long ago? Or maybe it's just that I have supressed those feelings to the point that they don't ever come out like they used to, unless I have brought them to mind. Do we ever really get over our hurt to the point that when we look back, we aren't upset about some things as though they happened only yesterday? Anybody ever truely get completely over the "bad" memories? I am glad that today I am honestly able to say that I have grown as a woman and am able to say that I am happy it's over...... will my brain ever stop looking back at the bad stuff? I know that I have learned from all of this, and that's a good thing.
Do I dare to even think about other men out there in this great big world? I find that sometimes I just don't have any interest in even looking. Yes, I like just looking but I mean REALLY looking for something that's going to last a lifetime. I've already been there and done that. Suppose that I find a really handsome guy and he turns out just like my ex ? I realize that the whole process of screening guys and dating takes time but how do you know when you are ready to take that step? What if I DON'T want to ever get married again? Wouldn't I be setting a bad example for my child if I just chose to live with someone without being married? Alot of people do it these days and it seems so much easier. It's almost as though once you get legal papers, things change. I sometimes wonder if it had been better that I never married my ex, but then again, that wouldn't have stopped him from cheating. Guess it just depends on who it is, right?
When my husband started cheating on me the first time around, I , basically didn't know what to do or where to turn....so I left. I didn't look back for many months but once I thought about it, I returned to him and tried to make things work out, with his promise of undying love and remorse for what he had done to me and our family. The lies didn't stop, but I didn't see that. I didn't want to see it. So, once I discovered his cheating on the second time of our trying, I took a different option in all of it. I decided to stay and fight. So many months, and even years went by and wasted my dear precious time of trying to get him to stop his cheating ways, but nothing happened. See, I chose to leave the first time, and the second time I stayed around for a long time to try to work things out. If you are the only one trying, then it just won't work. A marriage/partnership is made up of 2 people and if both of those people don't work at it, then you will only be in a one-sided marriage and totally miserable. Life is precious and although I don't believe in just giving up, there are times and certain circumstances where you just have to quit. I think that there are several options for the person who is having to hurt by going through their partner's infidelity. Think things out before jumping, or making a decision too quickly.
This has been one of the hardest journeys that I have ever been on, and if you have ever been through infidelity, you know as well. What makes us choose that one special person to be with? How can we guarantee that we will choose a mate that will be faithful? Actually, there IS NO guarantee in life. What makes one man/woman want to be with others so much and others just not that kind of person? I never even thought about other men when I was married to my ex. I didn't care about whether other men were cute, handsome or good-looking. The only thing I wanted in life was to take care of the man that I had, and my children, to be a good wife and mother. Are we all just wired up so differently? What makes a partner want to cheat? Does that mean that the next man that I fall in love with will do the same thing to me? No, it doesn't. But then again, there's no way of knowing the future, as there are no guarantees in this life. All we can do is pray for the best.
After battling my ex for many years of his infidelity and cheating ways, the other woman has actually won him and that's good---she can have him. For all the times that I fought with him over her calls, for all the times that he called me names for asking him questions about her, all the precious time of my life that I wasted, it all came down to the final truth and she got him. I used to cry about it, scream bloody heck over it, call my momma up bawling my eyes out over him, and even times begged him to stop seeing her, but nothing and I do mean nothing I did ever mattered. Since his telling me the truth about him getting ready to move back in with her, I feel relieved. I got the honest to goodness truth that after all these years, he is not going to hide from me any longer. The other woman has prevailed once again and now she is going to find out how he really is, in the real world...you know, the one that you have to actually sit down and pay bills, deal with the problems of every day life, the day to day things that go on. Wait til she finds out that his sh.. really stinks after all. Cheers to me for finally being able to say this. What a great feeling I have now for his finally admitting the truth that I knew all along.
Here, yet another day, another drama going on with my ex. Wish it would all just go away--the drama, that is. My son went to visit my ex and my daughter was asking how her dog was doing. One dog went with us, and the other dog stayed. My son said that he didn't see the dog (Chewy) anywhere so he asked where he was. My ex told him that the dog died.....but he failed to let our daughter know about it. The dog must have died somewhere around Christmas or maybe even perhaps before. We were never told about it, and for sure, he didn't let our daughter know about her dog. Oh my gosh, the tears started flowing again....it just seems that her dad keeps letting her down in all ways. What could I say? What could I do? I told her that I was sorry that he didn't inform her about it and told her to try and call him....well, of course, he didn't answer her calls, so basically, it's down to him calling us whenever he wants to and expects us to answer but he doesn't want to answer when we call. What happens if she really needed to get ahold of him? He is just not there for her at all. This saddens me, but by now, I have come to know how he is, and she as too. What a shame and what a loss of a man who calls himself her dad.
As you know, my youngest daughter is now a teen. She is old enough to understand what is happening and she also has had to endure the fact that her dad no longer comes to see her. She has finally grasped the fact of who he is and is accepting that he just doesn't have time for her. She's smart and well-rounded, does great in school and is working her way towards going to college to be an equine vet. She's starting to drive a little now--heck she's just growing up so quickly. My ex called me and finally admitted to me the truth of him and the other woman as I stated in mylast post. This past Christmas, he told our daughter that he was alone during Christmas and that he had not gotten any gifts, making her feel really bad for him. I told her back at that time that he just wasn't being honest with her and for what reason was unknown to me....maybe he wanted us to feel sorry for him, but let's not forget that I know this man so well. She happened to run into him at the store last week and he was not his normal VERY skinny self. She told me how he had this belly on him and he was not skinny like he used to be. Again, I told her that he was not alone like he has been telling us all this time and that he must be eating good and how his lady must be cooking alot of good food. Today when she came home, I had to tell her about her father moving because he will no longer be as close to us anymore. He won't be far, but just not close as he was. Down came the tears. She was so upset about him moving away, even though he has not come to see her. I told her that she needed to be happy for him because he wasn't alone like she thought he was. She finally got over it and now she knows that he is not just sitting alone in the house by himself. I am relieved that he has come across with some truth in his life.
He called me today. We have been apart for a good while and through all of this, he has maintained his innocence of cheating, even though I have letters from her, have talked to her, have heard her messages to him, know where she lives and even fixed his credit for him when she forged his name and social to benefit her own good and helped him throug all this. For all of you who have followed my journey, I am here to tell you that having a partner be unfaithful to you and cheat on you is one of the worst nightmares one can face in life. Today he could no longer lie to me and finally admitted to me that he was moving back in with her. He moved in with her the first time I caught him with another woman (not her but a different one). He actually moved in immediately after I left, but I did divorce him. I came back and he wanted to try again so I did. He never told me that he was with her, but with a friend, and I found out afterwards that it was with her. Now, the house that I picked out, signed over to him for nothing, he is admitting that he didn't pay his taxes this year or last and is going to let the house go back if my son doesn't want it. He kept saying that he was going to move somewhere else. I pushed the issue and he finally gave up and told me that he was going to move back in with the other woman. Do you know how many years this man made me feel like I was the one that was crazy for ever thinking there was another woman? I am so relieved, but upset at the same time that what I knew all this time was honestly true. He finally came clean with the truth. I still have mixed feelings, but am so happy that the moment of truth has finally come for me.
What did you do with your wedding rings after you separated or went through your divorce? If you are just now going through a separation or divorce, maybe you just haven't decided what to do with that little piece of gold that was put on your left hand in trust and faith that it would be on there forever. Right now, the economy is so hard on us all, and there are places that buy gold, and alot of people choose to sell their old jewelry for money, but what if you don't want to part with it just yet? In my situation, I never thought about giving my ring a fling. I just put my old rings back into a place where they would remain safely until my daughter grows up enough to one day have them as a momento. Long after my mother and father divorced, she handed some of her gold rings that dad had given her, and now that she has passed I feel that I have something of value of hers. What does that ring of gold mean to you and what are you going to do with your set of rings?
Well, to be honest, my ex better not expect anything of me anymore. I was married to him and wanted it to last for the rest of our lives, but it didn't happen that way, so now, he's on his own. My ex spouse has asked things of me since I left, though. He wanted my help on fixing his taxes...yes, that's right. He trusted me on helping him. He also asked my help with my allowing my name to stay on the electric and phone bills, which I did with a time limit to allow him enough time to get them into his own name. What does my ex expect of me next? What ever comes next, he's on his own and I am done with all those little things that he needs to have done. He's with the other woman now so she can get those things done for him. I am not going to allow him to demand anything of me anymore, those days are over. I don't have to answer any of his calls, unless it's to talk to his daughter, but honestly, since she's a teen, he can call her on her own phone. He has decided that he doesn't want to know about her grades in school, or make any decisions that he's entitled to. What can my ex get from me now? How about a well behaved ex wife who doesn't scratch his eyes out for cheating?
Birth control is something that most of us women have to worry about during our child-bearing years, unless you have had problems and have had to have a hysterectomy. While birth control is very important in a marriage/relationship for not having any more children, what do you do about it while going through a divorce or a seperation? Most women choose to keep taking it because you never know what your future will bring. Things may turn around and the marriage/relationship may come back together. Or should you so choose to start dating again or have a one-night stand with someone after the divorce is over? oops, did I say that? Always remember however, that although birth control is just that--a way of controlling pregnancy, that it does not protect you from any of those diseases floating around by having unprotected sex.
I was really not attracted to my ex in the beginning. He followed me around, told me how pretty I was and tried to catch my attention. I finally saw him one day during his work day and he was so polite. You see, my ex was a very nice looking man. He was thin, had a touch of curly black hair, the longest eyelashes you could only dream of having, cleaned up so nicely when not working, and was courteous and polite. My ex was always willing to help me out with things that I needed, handy man type things, changing a tire type of man, and a man that spoke very softly. He was always clean-shaven, and always had something sweet to say. Within time, I did fall in love with him. He became the love of my life. He was my everything in life. We were together for a couple of years before I became pregnant with our daughter, and that was a glorious time. What attracted me to my ex? Aside from all the outside handsome qualities, he seemed to have the strength and smartness to be able to do so many things. He even helped in the kitchen, and that's no joke. Washing dishes, cooking, even balling his own socks up and putting them inside the laundry basket. What else could a gal want? I never knew that he was the kind of man who would go behind my back with another woman and feel like it was okay to do so. Having him cheat on me ruined our marriage. Did I not see this in him in the early days of our relationship?