I sit here tonight, looking at my past and the road that I have been down. I am so thankful that I have learned alot in life.....but I am saddened by the way I had to learn them. When I was still with my ex, I never in my life dreamed that he would hurt me so badly. I took so much time trying to save my relationship with him that I wasted alot of my valuable time. Where am I at today? I am happy, and learning how to cope with life. Where is he at today? He is with his "other woman" and not working very much. Child support is always sent at the very last week of the month and there have even been times when I didn't get it at all. No matter how much I loved him, or trusted him in the beginning, time seems to have changed everything for us. Another thing that I have learned, but it seemed to have taken a long time for me to learn is that you cannot make someone love you...and you cannot control someone who cheats on you, unless they want to participate in making the change. No matter how many times I blocked the other woman's number, she still got him in the end, and that was a decision that he made. I think the only thing now, is to keep moving on and up and taking care of myself and my daughter. Life is pretty good, and I hope it stays that way.
I don't know why relationships have to be so darned hard. We grow up having this idea in our heads that we are gonna be with the partner of our dreams, have children, the cute little house on the corner and then bam! something seems to go wrong and I just don't get it. Why is there so much heartache when it's supposed to be nothing but bliss? I guess our society has us to believe that getting married is what we are destined to do and we go into it with our heads sunk into our hearts......and then, when the honeymoon's over it's just back to business : work, children, bills, life....just everything. Do we lose that "honeymoon" phase due to the basics of life? So that also raises the question: do we not look for a partner that we can stay with forever when wer'e looking or do we settle for something less because our heart has fallen head over heels? I don't know the answers here but wished I did. I felt like I got married when I should have waited, but my heart was enamored with him. I fell hard and it felt good. We had an amazing love which I felt lasted for awhile but at some point, he made the choice to cheat on me, leaving my whole world upside down. I don't know what my future brings because I am wondering if I am going to go down the same path again....maybe not with someone who cheats on me, but someone who hurts me in other ways. Is it safe to fall in love again? I think maybe so, but perhaps this time with a little more "wait and see" type attitude. Why does love have to be so difficult?
Honestly, moving on after infidelity is one of the harder things in life. You get married, make a family together and work on a daily thing called life. Having that special someone to have your back whenever you need them to becomes an essential part of being married. Trusting your partner to be faithful just comes naturally., at least it did for me. I never in my wildest of dreams ever though I would be cheated on. So, after all the heart wrenching pain, the crying, the wondering why and what can be done to fix it is over, how do you move on? Can you move on? Certainly, but it might not seem like it when it's all fresh. I have to admit it, but it DOES take TIME to get through infidelity. It took me alot longer than I thought it would, and it seemed to have sucked the life out of me. I lost so much time going through the pain. I think that the first step in moving on is to make sure that you are at peace with yourself. Don't wait until you have all the answers as to why this happened because, unfortunetly, like me, you might not get all the answers. So that means that you have to try and get past the unanswered questions. Having someone to talk to really helps. Sometimes other people can sort out something that we just didn't see before. You need to know that you are going to be okay and that you will get through the pain. Sometimes doing something extra special for yourself helps as well. Take time to heal, and don't rush through your feelings. Move on at your own pace, because nobody can tell you how long it will take you to do so. Finding something positive about yourself also helps. New hobbies are great and will also get you out into the world again, but a little at a time. Finally, know that it takes TWO people to work on the problem and if it's just you and it's one-sided, then it probably won't work. Take care of yourself, because you ARE worth it!
Father's Day came and our teen daughter let the entire day slip right on through.....without calling her dad. It's been about a year now since she's seen him. He has chosen not to come or call....and will occasionally text her but it's few and far between. I am sure that he missed having her remember him but to her, it was very hard and hurtful for him to choose NOT to come or call. She has her own cell phone so he can call her whenever he wants.....she's almost 17 now and he's missed out on so much already. He didn't attend her quinceanera nearly two years ago, even after she BEGGED and pleaded with him.....he didn't show up for Christmas, or any such holidays. I think that last year on her birthday he texted her a happy birthday. This man has chosen and made it clear that he is way too busy with his other woman who he lives with now. She doesn't have any children and so they are free to do whatever they wish. It's too bad that he has treated her this way....to the point that she doesn't care much anymore. It's sad because I have always felt that she needed him. I am past the point of crying to him and asking him to PLEASE come see her or call....I guess it's his loss now, what a shame!