Do Dogs Help Us With Our Grief?

I know it sounds like a silly posting, but I often wonder about this because I am the proud owner of two little chihuahuas. They have been such wonderful companions to me and seem to brighten up my world a bit. I know that they will never replace my ex, but come to think about it, they don't gripe or complain one bit like he did. My dogs don't leave their dirty socks on the floor, and they certainly don't ask me to go to the store and buy odd and specialty foods like he did. My dogs don't get all mad at me when I start crying over something that I really am sad about like he did either. Wow-- that's amazing to me because they seem to be there for me in times that he wasn't able to be for me. Will I ever find a man who will love me and accept me for who I am and want to be?

A Bright New Future?

Am I honestly looking forward to a bright new future, being without my ex and having to look at the upcoming Christmas holiday and then a new year? That can be scarey but I am honestly looking forward to what "new things" might pop up for my new year. Although I have lost my mother and no longer have her to talk things out with, I still have a few very close friends that I can always tell my woes to, and all of my friends on as well. I feel that the future is going to open up a whole new world for me and I am looking forward to it.

Is It Sex That I Miss, Or Is It Just His Love?

wow, I can't believe that I just wrote that title..... I have not had been near him for awhile and I often wonder if I actually miss the sex, or was it just his way of loving me (before his cheating, of course) ? He was a small framed, short kind of guy who always smelled wonderful. He always had a very smooth face, and took good care of his skin. He was a very handsome fella and had ways of making me feel good. Even though he was a small guy, he was very strong, and actually a very hard worker. One thing that I really loved about him was his ability to allow me to be me. I loved to be able to hop into the car and run down to the grocery store or walmart on a whim without his getting angry about it. Of course, I can do that now as well without him but he was just that kind of guy. We got along so wonderfully before his cheating so I don't really know what happened in our marriage, and I know that I never will. Do I miss sex? Or was it just his loving touch?

Trying To Be Strong For My Daughter

As many of you already know, I have a teen still at home and her father has chosen not to come and visit her. He says that he is just too busy with his work. I have written several posts accordingly but things still remain the same. My heart and soul ache for my child because I know how much she misses her daddy and it was not her choice to have us apart. I have done the best mothering that I know how to do and she is well balanced and happy. Her report card grades are excellent and I couldn't be more proud of her. It's in times like these, those sentimental holidays that come and go that really start to tear me apart. I have decided that I am going to try and remain strong for her and show her that even though her dad is not around, he still loves her and so do I. I am going to do all the normal traditional things with her and we will build our own new traditions as well. One thing that he DID NOT like to do much of and we do, is to go around during the evening hours and see all the Christmas lights....and I think we will do that this year----just because!

Are You Sticking With Tradition?

There are many of us who find themselves without their spouses this year and since tomorrow is Thanksgiving, I am very curious as to who is sticking with their normal Thanksgiving tradition this year. I was fighting it so much to do something different like cook an outrageous dinner instead of the normal turkey dinner but have found myself wanting that same ole tradition so I have decided that I am going to stick to the traditional turkey and dressing meal with all the trimmings. Granted, I do have one less husband around to take care of, but I am not going to let that stop my being thankful this year. I have so many things to be happy about and I have decided that I am going to try my best to be joyous. What are all of your Thanksgiving plans this year? Anyone besides me, going to make the whole dinner? Here's my menu:
Turkey, dressing, mashed potatoes, candied yams, green bean casserole, baked beans, deviled eggs, and last but not least, pumpkin and pecan pie!!!!

Counting My Many Blessings

I write this post because I have so many things to be thankful for. It didn't have to be this time of year, however, I feel I need to write this because I just lost my mother and I have so much inside of me that I need to release. My mother was so in love with my dad but he passed about 5 years ago and she never got over losing him. Mom was such a wonderful woman but she truely believed that she could not live alone, so she found a boyfriend...however, this boyfriend was not a good one. He lived off of mom, allowing her to pay all the bills, groceries and support him while he worked and made money. He went through all of her inheritance from dad and from grandma as well. She even cashed out a life insurance policy for him. The things that I discovered while cleaning out her affairs were shocking. Was she just paying for his love? I will never know. Today I am no longer with my ex because I made the choice NOT to put up with his cheating any longer. I didn't have to have another man to immediately take over for the one that I lost. I have had to learn how to stand up and be my own person. I count the many blessings that I have learned how to be more independant. I wished that my mother had been able to do that. I am so blessed to have been given my wonderful children who are all grown, and one teen, but they all show me their support and love. I am so lucky. What blessings are you counting this season?

OMG!!! He Actually Paid His Child Support!

I have been gone for 9 days to take care of my mother's affairs due to her passing very unexpectedly. I came home totally exhausted but after one day of rest, I had to make it to the computer to do the posting of all that I have spent on my trip to Indy. While checking my own account, I just so happened to check on the other account and low and behold, there was the child support. It had just posted a day before I got home but what a lovely suprize. It was late, of course, but to me, that did not matter....all that mattered was that it was there and what a blessing. I want to call him so bad to thank him but am so afraid that I will jinx things by doing so. He knew that my mother had passed and perhaps he felt sorry for us? I don't know what his ryme or reason was, but hopefully the child support will get back on track once again. Here's to hoping so !!

Thankful For Thanksgiving

Here it comes, a wonderful time of the year and there is so many broken hearts. This is such a bad time of the year to have to deal with all that's going on. Normally there would be mass pandamoniom getting out and finding the right turkey for baking, writing down a list of all the extras that's needed to make all the fixins to go with it, and not to mention the dessert that's so delicious after the meal is done and ready to eat later in the day while the football is on the tv. Yes, that's right, for me, that's the traditional day and once everyone's fed, I normally get all the dishes done and take it easy for the rest of the day, knowing that all the fantastic shopping will start at 5 am the next morning. I love it, and I love what Thanksgiving is all about. Being thankful for so many things that I have been given....but this year, it seems that things have changed a bit for me. None of my children will be coming because everyone has their own agenda. I have lost my mother and for me, that's a big issue to deal with and I haven't allowed myself to really cry about losing her yet. I need to try and get into the mood of the holiday season, knowing that I won't be with my ex this year and need to start anew. Any suggestions?

Moving Out And Leaving Things Behind

When I moved my things out, it was indeed quite akward because he didn't seem to mind that I was leaving, yet he kept walking by me down the hall and trying to see what was going on. I never wanted to move my things with him around, but he made sure he was there. Although I have been moved out for some time now, I realize that there are still things there in my old house. He has made it a point to let me come in whenever I please to get them, but I hesitate because whenever he sees me, he intimidates me, wants to hug me and give me a kiss. I get confused as to what his intentions are and don't want to face him again after he has put our family through all this turmoil. I wonder if those things I left behind are really as important as they used to be. With the holidays coming soon, I am starting to feel blue.

New Things Are Finally Starting To Happen

Lately, it's kind of been out of sight, out of mind for me and my ex. I have not seen his face in a while and I no longer wonder what he's doing at random times of the day. He has gotten less and less dependent on me and that's a good thing. Thanksgiving and Christmas will soon be upon us and I normally do not look forward to those holidays without him but this year I feel is going to be different. I finally feel like I am free and I look forward to a new year of great things to come. Our daughter seems to be doing better at understanding that her father is just not there for her. I think that's been why her grades weren't as good for awhile but she just brought home all A's and B's and that's a reason to celebrate. I also notice her understanding that she cannot do anything about her father's actions, so she is now growing up into a beautiful young woman. Here's looking to a wonderful Thanksgiving and Christmas season, and I have so much to be thankful for.

He Wanted Me To "Share" Him With The Other Woman

Back when I was still with my now ex, during the time that I had already caught him cheating and him denying it, saying that it was only in my imagination, I tried so very hard to control her contacting him. I tried blocking her number from his cell phone, which worked for a little while, until she started contacting him through various work numbers and friends phones. Nothing worked. I wanted so much for her to go away and my husband made out like it was her that was bothering him, and that he wanted her to stop calling him. I believed him, but I shouldn't have. I wanted to believe. During one phone message from her to him, she told him "be careful going home my love" I was furious. He didn't know that I heard her message. He went to the bathroom to call her back and I overheard him tell her " this woman doesn't want to share". Oh, I was livid!!! Share? Why on earth would anybody want to "share" their husband/wife? I wanted to break in and attack, but I couldn't. After many months of trying to repair my marriage one-sidedly I knew it was time to leave. Thank goodness that I didn't let it go on any longer than it did. What was he thinking that I was going to share him?