When you are going through the cheating of a partner it seems like the whole world stops, and you are left with trying to pick up the pieces of your life and figuring out what to do next. I never thought that my crying would ever stop. I was hurt beyond imagine and my ego was stepped on horribly. My (now ex) husband didn't want me anymore, or wait a minute, yes, he wanted me but he wanted the other woman too, and I was no longer the love of his life. I was caught up with his denial of the other woman and I didn't know what to do about it, so I took a long look at my life, my past and my present. After all the crying was over, I got mad. I got very angry at what he had done to US ! and I wanted to figure out what to do about it. After much talk with friends, family, and a pastor who was able to look at things from the outside in( without being on one side or the other), I came to the conclusion that leaving was my best option. And not only that, but it was in the best interest of my children as well, as sad as that sounds. I WAS afraid to be out there alone. I WAS afraid to start over. IT was hard, but I did it. I had to start out simple, clean, and one step at a time. I had to figure out where I was going to live, how I was going to pay for my expenses and how my children were going to deal with the consequences of my decision. I worried. I cried. I was in so much pain. I took that first step, and I am glad that I did! Of course, leaving isn't the right decision for everyone. You have to think things through. I wanted to stay and work it out, but I had done that and it didn't work for us. Are you afraid of starting over?
I am still stumped after all these years as to WHY this had to happen to me! I have been back over it again and again to try and figure out what went wrong. I am positive beyond a shadow of a doubt that I did everything in my power to try and please him. I tried getting him involved more in family things which was hard, but he was mostly just about working and doing as he pleased. He loved working out in our garage, tinkering with his tools and such after work, and that was okay for me. I do not feel that I ever nagged him about anything nor did I treat him horribly. It always seemed that he was the one who wanted to start arguing and wanting to cause a flair-up, and now looking back on things, it was only to make me upset and give him a chance to get out of the house. I now believe that he was doing this so he would be able to get out of the house and go see his other woman without me knowing anything. But honestly, why was this neccessary? Why, if everything seemed to be going well with our marriage, would he want to be with someone else? This STILL does not answer the age-old question of WHY !!! After all this time of him and me being divorced, he is now with his other woman, and I hope that he is happy. I still wished I had the answers, then it might have made it a little more easier for me to work through. Does anybody ever really know why?
It has been such a long time in writing, and I am sorry about not updating. There have been so many things happening in my life as of late and it has kept me very occupied. For one thing, I have gotten re-married. YES, it was hard to start over, especially after going through infidelity with my ex and learning that I CAN trust once again. But, it's a good thing, the starting over part, because now I can have love in my life. Many people start all over again before the infidelity is in their past, and I can actually say that I think that I remarried before I got over all of my past. Yes, I did, and now that I have admitted that, I will say that it was hard, because I was having to learn to trust someone again. I think that since my new hubby is a totally different kind of guy, it wasn't really too hard to trust again, but I had to get past my past and THAT was hard. Learning to love again is something that most all of us can accomplish, even after infidelity.