So Many Mixed-Up Emotions

I have been finding out that not only can I love him and hate him at the same time, it's exhausting. I have moments that I feel like things are going along smoothly, and all of a sudden, it feels like the bottom of the pitts. Why does it have to be like this? We cry over how things didn't work out, we get mad over the things that we couldn't change but wanted to, and we sometimes dwell upon the past. I know that after infidelity, life has to be better than this. I feel like this man has walked all over me, yet he felt like I was the one who had to pick up the pieces and go on. I was left holding the bag. Not a good feeling, however, I know that I have to get through all of these emotions before I can move on to something better. Gotta keep my chin up, because I know that even after infidelity, life can be better.

Memories Of Our Past

After the breakup, comes not only the tears, but the memories. Why do we have to remember so many of the good things that we shared, and somehow push back the hurt we suffered once we have separated ? Maybe I have just supressed those bad things in my mind, so I don't have to re-live them again. But you know, the brain is a very powerful thing and soon again, I will be once again reminded of the hurt I have gone through, especially after he has given me a hard time about something. After a period of time, the tears eventually get fewer and farther in between and memories seem to only come up when I hear one of "our" songs or see something that reminds me of him. I don't want to keep dreadging up the past. It's not good for me, however, it can be good to kind of go back through things and see what happened and kind of sort things out so that the door can be closed peacefully and I can move on. Moving on peacefully will be good for me.

Learning How To "Uncouple"

Learning to be alone again can be a real challenge, especially if you have been with your special someone for a very long time. You must now learn the art of sleeping alone in that big old bed, locking up your home at night, securing everything alone. If you have children, this can be of great comfort,because children can really make your life full, however, if you are totally alone, perhaps you should consider getting a pet to give you a little bit of company. This alone time can be a good thing because it can teach you how to become a little more independent. Friends and family can be so important, also in this time of learning how to uncouple yourself. Go out for lunch with a close friend, or for a coffee. Learn to do something new in your life, perhaps taking up a new hobby. Some even take a college class or two, just to take up some of that alone time. Look up some new recipes and learn how to cook for "one" or join a bowling team.

Why Does He Still Need Me?

He cheated on me, and that tells me that he wants to be with someone else. Either that, or he thought that he could have his cake and eat it too !! He is the one who went looking for "the other woman". He is the one who stepped outside our marriage and being with someone else. He ripped open my very soul, stepped on my heart and yet he wants to still be with me? How could he think that I would accept what he has done? He just wants me to forget about what he did and keep on going on like nothing ever took place, and not only that, it hasn't been a one-time thing, it had been on-going for years. Not only that, but he said that he still needs me. He wants me and I don't understand. Why would he be calling me, asking me to help him out with things he cannot do now that we have split up? Does he not understand that he has hurt me?

Getting Rid Of The Blues

I know that sometimes I will go over and over things that have happened and wonder why they didn't turn out better, but dwelling on it time after time can only get you upset and sad all over again. Something that I have always enjoyed is music. Believe me, when I am in a bit of a down mood, I put on something quick and snappy and soon I discover I am not feeling as down anymore. There also dancing to that music, if your feet so feel the need to move. There are many other things that can help you get over the "down-in-the-dumps" feeling. Besides music, I have found that excercise also helps. Discovering some of the little things in life can be just what you need to help get your mind off some of the bad stuff. Shopping? Well, that's a good one for many, but for me, not always because I have to be in the mood. Taking your children to a local park and just getting out for some fresh air is always good as well.

Building a "New" Life

A torn apart family can either be a time of sorrow, or a time of new beginnings. Maybe both. Sometimes we have to work through our sorrow in order to start anew. Starting new can be a good thing. Depending on your circumstances, if your partner is the one who wanted "out" of the relationship, and you are starting all over, perhaps thinking about a "new" life can be scarey, but exciting. You don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you. If you do try that, you will find that it just doesn't work most of the time, especially if you do it for your children. Children need to be in a home that's happy, at least most of the time. Children should not be around all that yelling and screaming and arguing, because they are young and innocent. They should not have to get caught up in all of that. So, if you are the one who has to start all over again, take one day at a time. I know how hard it is, because I have been through it. It hurts, but it makes you discover yourself all over again and can also build a stronger you and a stronger parent for your children. I started all over again with nothing, and I know it can be done.

A Family Torn Apart

Agonizing over being apart was hard enough. Why did it have to be this way? Why couldn't we have worked out our problems, and why were they so hard to deal with anyways? It wasn't like WE had differences or really heavy duty problems. We were getting along just fine, that is until SHE came along in his life and got in between us. That's what happens when one partner steps outside the marriage/relationship and turns to an outsider for comfort, or someone to "understand" them or whatever it is they offer to our mate. We had been getting along fine so I don't know what made him turn to someone else to begin with. I wished it didn't have to be this way, because now we are a family "torn-apart".


Being separated from the one you love is really hard. Maybe it's your choice to be apart, but then again, maybe it's not what you want. Either way, now is the time for collecting your thoughts. You wonder how you got to this point. If you have children, you also must help them get through this period of time and try to help them understand. Not only that, but you feel lonely,and sometimes your brain just can't seem to shut off all those thoughts inside your head. You wonder what's next? What are you going to do with your life? Heck, is there life when you are separated from your partner? Those questions seem to be hard answered but in time, things will become more clear. Start by taking it one day at a time. Baby steps are really the only way to get pointed in another direction. Don't try making any large decisions while you are so upset. Take time to get to know "you" all over again.

If I Could Have Only Done Something Different

If I could have done something different, would I still be with him? Would I be in a happy marriage? To be honest, I don't think there was anything that could have been done differently. I could not have been a better wife, because I was very attentive. I couldn't have been a better homemaker, because that was something I did really good. I searched high and low for the answers, but didn't get any. I wondered if the other woman did something better than I did, but I really don't think so. I did finally get to see her one day, and she wasn't prettier, or skinnier than me. She wasn't the one helping him pay all the household bills either, so what made her so appealing to him? She wasn't his helpmate, she didn't have his children, she didn't even wash his clothes. I think back to what it was that I could have done better, but honestly, there wasn't anything. Don't let your partner's infidelity make you feel like you could have done something differently because most of the time, it's your partner who is the one having the problem. Maybe the one who cheated is the one who should have done something differently.

Do You Think You Can Control Your Partner's Cheating?

Do you really think that you can control your partner's cheating and infidelity? The answer is no. I found that out the hard way, that's for sure. When I first started seeing signs of something just not quite right, I let things go at first, because I always wanted to be sure before accusing him of anything. I have always been a very trusting person. Once I started seeing more evidence of his cheating, I wanted so bad to control it. I thought that if I could get a handle on things that he might have seen the error of his ways and decide he wasn't going to do that to me. That didn't happen. He went and did what he wanted to do.
Let me tell you what I did. I found out all the numbers that I thought the other woman was calling from and I signed them to a silent ringer on his cell phone so that way, he would never hear her calls coming in. I also found more things for him to do at home, such as family times and thought perhaps he would want to be home more. I got her letters out of the post office box before he got to them and kept them from him. Nothing worked. I don't know what I was thinking at the time, but I wanted so desperately to keep him to myself. I wanted my husband to want only me. I am here today, to tell you that NOTHING you do will keep them from cheating. They are the only one that can decide to be true to you. They are the only ones that can stop the cheating.
I could not control what he did, because even when he didn't get her calls, I found out that he still went to see her. As hard as it was, I learned the hard way that you cannot control another person: only yourself.

Why Can't I Shut Off My Thinking?

Here I am, working on a new year. I have my plans for working on a "new" me, but I still can't help it---my mind seems to be working overtime. How do you shut your mind off from thinking about all the bad things? I don't like dwelling on it, but it seems to enter my every-day way of life. I might be having a great day when something I see on TV reminds me of what he did to me. Not only did he cheat, he stripped away my trust. Trust is a very important issue in a relationship. How did I let him do that to me? I just want to start off a new year with good things, and here I am letting the old and past come in? How do we shut off thinking about what's happened to us? Perhaps by replacing the old memories with bad? Yes, that might work, but it's still in the back of my mind just setting there until something comes along to spark the memories. When will the pain go away?

Positive Thinking

With a new year here, now's the time for me to start having some positive thinking. I have really suffered through alot with his cheating and I believe it's time for me to try and look ahead to try and see my future positively. Everyone wants someone to love them, care for them, someone to laugh with, someone that truly wants to be with them. It's hard when you have to go through infidelity. When your partner is unfaithful, it makes you think twice, not only about your marriage or partnership, but it makes you wonder about yourself. Life is so hard sometimes but I honestly think that looking for answers and really trying to work your way past your partner's infidelity can really be a good thing. Take things slowly, and as they say, one day at a time. Find something that makes you feel positive about yourself. Stop and smell the roses, even if it's one rose at a time. Life is too short to be sad all the time.

A Brand New Year

With the start of a new year coming, I am really looking forward to getting a new fresh start. Now we make plans to move forward, strive to make changes to better ourselves. I think that I am not going to start off with too many resolutions because I want to fulfill them all, so I think it will be a short list this time around.
1. Take care of myself
2. Try and not look back over my shoulder too much
3. Move on with a fresh new attitude.

How about you? I know that his cheating really hurt me alot, but I cannot change anything that happened. I wish that I could have, but had to realize that I can only change things about myself. That's what I am going to strive for this new year.