Another Christmas, Another Year Of Getting Past Infidelity

Here I am, another year of being without my ex.....which means another holiday NOT having to worry about whether he is with his other woman or where he is. Christmas is and has always been a very special holiday for me. I love the traditions and the feel in the air of everyone being nice to each other, doing good deeds for those who are less fortunate and the joy of having family's always been very important to me. When I was with my ex, he didn't seem to want to spend time with family, at least not during the many years that he was cheating on me. He always had other things to do, and of course, I didn't know it at the time, but he was busy with his other women...yes, there were more than one. How did he keep up with more than one, and a wife?  Who knows. But this year, he is spending time with one of his other women because he is now moved in with her. I hope that he is happy, because I AM !  I no longer have to worry about sharing him with another woman. I no longer have to be sad that he has other things to do when I am wanting to do family things during the holidays. I no longer have to wonder how much he spent on "her"..... I am very lucky to have found myself again and can actually spend this Christmas with MY family and enjoy every minute of it.

Having Good Credit

One thing for certain,  if you are thinking about getting out of a relationship due to your partner's infidelity, is that you have good credit.  Having good credit  is something that is a must in today's world. I knew when I left, that my credit needed to be in good shape,  so I checked out my   credit report, just to be sure.  My ex-husband's credit was not in as good a shape as mine was, but he was working on trying to get it in  better standing. When I checked my report, I found a few things that I didn't know was there, but after being able to see what was in there,  I was able to call and get a few things taken care of.
Did you know that there are actually 3 different credit ratings that creditors check to see what your rating is when you apply for credit, like, for instance to buy a car? At first, I thought there was only one, but found out differently. You are also able to get those credit reports for free, one time a year. Getting your free credit score is pretty easy, actually. It is in your best interest to know what's on your score. Being able to dispute something that's wrong or correct an address or name spelling is pretty easy to do, but you have to have the report first. Take care of your credit also means taking care of you and your future.

Holidays And Living With Infidelity

How does a person who's going through infidelity and all it's pain get through the holidays?  I know how hard it is because I have been there.  For the many years that I went through holidays, pretending to be happy when I knew things weren't  good. I had children so I had to make the best of everything but my last holiday with my ex was when I started to finally see that he wasn't trying to make things work. He wanted me to sweep it all under the rug and just get over it...Nevermind that my feelings were hurt. I decided that I didn't want to be miserable any longer. I did what was best at that time, and I played nice....however, once the holidays were done, and I saw no improvement from him, I knew that I was the only one trying to work the relationship out and after much thought and talking to a friend of mine, who just so happened to be a pastor, I felt it was time for me to move on....and as much as I didn't want to leave my comfort zone, I did just that....after the holidays were over. I found myself finally able to face the fact that nothing was changing and they weren't going to. Years and years of having to deal with his infidelity, his harsh words towards me, his treating me like I was a nobody was going to come to an end.  I got brave enough to walk out.....of course, I was working and able to stand on my own....I knew it was the right thing to do at the time.  For anyone who's wondering what to do about infidelity, you must first look inside yourself and decide if you are willing to try again, or if you are just tired of it and ready to start on your one can tell you when that time is, or if it's the right thing to are the only one who can make that decision. I tried for years to make things better and they just never got any better. Once the holidays were over, I made that decision. Think carefully before you make a decision. If you have to sit on your decision for a short while, then do so. Just take your time deciding because it's you that has to live with  what decision you've made.

My Past Feelings Of Infidelity

Although much time has  passed, I feel as though it's been a true lifetime that I was in this relationship. Gone is my life that was full of stress. I still remember the days when he came home from work, and me quickly going through his phone and writing down numbers and listening to the other women's messages while he was in the shower....and always being in a hurry before he found out. What a horrible time in life that was for me !  I am not the kind of woman who believes that a woman should just go and check her hubby's phone just for the fun of it.... but in my case, there was way too much evidence of his infidelity, and he was telling me that it was all in my head. I felt like I had to defend what I was hearing. I mean, even when the other woman wrote him a love letter, it was proof right in my hand, but he firmly denied it all.
Thinking that you have to prove your point is honestly a very bad place to be in...and I know, first hand, what that all felt like. Some people believe that once you have a small amount of evidence, that that's enough to break apart your marriage, but me, being a firm believer in marriage and true partnership and the fidelity of vows, I felt like I had to have more proof at that time...would I do it all over again?  Well, I probably would have, if it was me having to deal with the same man and his sneakiness. My ex made me feel as though I was losing my mind...and he was good at playing mind games. Having the strength to make my decision to just walk out was one of the hardest things in life I have ever had to do, but today....I am so happy that I finally decided to stand up for myself.
Today my self esteem is back to normal and I feel like a new woman. Never again, will I allow a  man to tear me down to the point that I was back then. It took time....too much time, I feel, but it was all worth it.

Time Lessens The Pain

It has been a little while since I wrote in my blog, not because I haven't wanted to, but it seems that life just finds so much for me to do these days. I am not abandoning my blog, but trying to rebuild my life, and all is well. I never ever would have thought that while going through the pain of infidelity, that one day I would feel less pain than I did during those horrible years in my life, but honestly, time really does lessen the pain.  I haven't forgotten about what he put me through, nor do I ever think I will forget about it, but during the time you are experiencing the hurt inside your very heart and soul, you cry and wonder "why"  and you have that nagging question of why did it have to happen to you...why didn't he/she love you enough to stay true to you.  I have never found the answer to that question.  Maybe some people truly do find the answers, but I never did. However, after all the time of crying, questions and wondering if I will ever get over it, I finally started by putting one foot in front of the other....and that takes time. It takes willpower too. It took me so much time that I began each day with something new. Making a new day for me...a new week, a new month and a new year.  With each little step I took, I found myself replacing new habits and likes for old habits and such. I replaced some of those bad days with new memories, new thoughts and new surroundings. Time has not healed my memories, but time has rebuilt my thoughts and dreams....Life really does and CAN get better, one day at a time. Slowly but surely.

A Time Of Happiness, Yet Sad

Today I am feeling quite melancholy. I don't think that I have felt this down in a while, and it's not about infidelity this time around.... while I have been working hard at getting my life back, settling into a nice comfortable spot without my ex, learning that life can REALLY be great, I am facing the fact that our little girl is now a bonified adult....she is now 18. The child support stopped and her waiting by the window watching for her daddy to come visit is also gone. She is a beautiful self-sufficient young lady, confident and loving, fiesty and sweet. I have taught her how to do her banking, savings, washing her own laundry, cooking and how to put God first in her life. I have also shown her how to be able to live life happily, with or without a man to support her. I am a very proud mother, but time seems to have a way of speeding itself up quickly as she got older. Our beautiful daughter will be going off to boot camp in 6 more days.  Yes, she joined the Navy. She will study to be a hospital corpsman ( like a Dr or nurse) and I am happy for her. For all the times that I worried about my ex not showing up for visits, for all the times I worried about him making a bad impression on our family by tearing it apart, I sit here today, confident in the fact that she is a strong young woman, and will be able to find a young man who will treat her good in life, when it comes that time. I know this is an exciting time in her life, but I know my heart will ache when she walks out the door. I wished I knew how my ex was feeling about this, but we rarely see him it sight out of mind ? Perhaps he's moved on for good, and that's a good thing. I am happy today that I no longer have to deal with his infidelity, but sad that our family had to break apart because of it. For those of you who are diligently trying to work out your marriage, know that it IS possible but it takes time, and lots of it.

Protecting Your Credit From Fraudulent Use

I just wonder sometimes if I didn't have any close friends or family to help me with financial questions and such after the split up....what would I have done? One very important thing  is to maintain good credit ratings. Not only does that mean starting up new credit, and maintaining your old credit but making sure it stays in good standing.  I am talking about identity theft protection as well. I know, in my situation, I had some of my ex's credit on my own report when my name wasn't even on his card. I had to keep up with it. It was not easy getting it all straightened out, but I finally did. Identity Hawk is a website that can help those who are needing help with credit, as far as showing where you might have some risk to your identity and can show you how to strenghten areas so that you don't have anyone else trying to use your name or credit.

My Ex Came Over......

Wow...what a shock to my life...he actually came over to the house. This man has never had much time for anybody else except himself and his other woman, but he  managed to come over yesterday. He came for a very good see our daughter. Her 18th  birthday passed about 10 days ago and he was finally coming to see her. He was amazed at the beautiful woman that she had become and she was VERY happy to see him. They talked outside and I took a couple of pics for her so she could add to her picture book. He knows that she will be leaving to the Navy in less than a month now and to be honest, although he still has time to come back and see her, he probably won't. He gave her some advice, that I had to translate for her, but it was to" have courage", and to" work really hard at doing her best".  I cried when I went in the house because I didn't want him, nor her to see my tears, but reality just blasted me in my face, screaming out how much I wished that he would have worked really hard for our marriage, or at being a better father than he was. All in all, I was happy that he came to visit meant alot to her, and to me. I am also VERY happy that I am NO longer in a relationship with this gave me an open-eyed  view of the woman I am today and how far I have come in this journey.

Our Daughter Is Now A Grown Woman

Our darling daughter became an adult this week...and I am so very proud of her. This young lady has really come along way....from the shy, quiet little girl who loved her daddy so much, to a beautiful young woman who is not only confident and outspoken, but certainly not shy anymore.  And yes, she still loves her daddy, but she has had to find out what kind of man he really is, and it was a learning experience that only he could teach her. I have never said a foul word about him, not only because I loved him so much, but because she had to find out who he was for herself. She has come to the conclusion that he is her father, no matter what, but that he just isn't involved in her life like me or the other members of our family are.  She is a very mature person and is very balanced. I have talked to her about seeing both sides of a person, men included. She has grown into such a beautiful person, and I am proud. I only wished that he would have wanted to be more involved in her growing up than he did. What happens to some parents when they divorce? Do they not want to be involved in their children? I wonder if he regrets his actions at all. Or ....maybe, he is still so involved with his other woman, that he hasn't thought about it at all.

Can You Be Happy Being Single?

Can someone who's been in a relationship a long time actually be happy single? Being in a committed relationship, or married gives you a secure feeling that you are not in this world alone. You have someone to talk to at home, someone to share the covers with, dinner partner and and all around companion. It's a good feeling, and for me, it was a GREAT feeling. I grew up watching my parents be together, but my father was always out and about because he was a sports person and spent most of his off-work hours with his buddies playing softball, basketball, or bowling. Mom always seemed to be alone, except for toting us kids around....and they eventually divorced because she felt alone most of the time. But back to the question at hand...and I think that YES !  you can certainly be happy being single. Being single just gives you more power in being able to choose your options. You don't have to share the covers, watch a tv show that you don't like, and you can choose to do whatever you wish, and most of the time, whenever you like too.  I have found that while being single, I learned how to better stand on my own two feet about some things in life, made my own decisions and grew up a little more. Being single can also lead you to seek out new friends to go shopping with, movies, and dining out. But for how long does one stay single?  That's another question entirely.

How Long Does It Take To Move On After Infidelity?

How long does it take someone to actually move on after the break up of a relationship or marriage due to infidelity? I have seen it in my different my own, it seemed like it took forever. I just had a very hard time getting myself to open myself up to anyone else. I had to learn to get over my ex, before I could move on. I have also known people who go out with other people JUST to get over the past....not me. For me, it was YEARS.  Why did it take so long? Was  I thinking at all?  Maybe I just wanted to leave an open space of time to be able to ponder on what had happened to me. Actually, I was still wanting know, the" how come he did this to me?", and the " why did he cheat on me if he says he really loves me?" and the famous.."oh, you just THOUGHT I did something but I didn't", I didn't get any of those answers and to this day, I know I never will.  But it did take me a very long time to be able to get him out of my system. After all, he broke apart our family, our home, and my heart. So, if you are going through infidelity with your other half, don't expect to get all the answers you are looking for, and don't keep waiting for the answers.  Moving on is something that we all do differently. It takes takes crying, getting mad, and then just finding something better in life. Don't be too hard on yourself. Be patient.

Learning To Love Life After Going Through Infidelity

I feel as though my life has come around in a circle. When my ex and I first got together, we were so very happy. I thought that there was no other feeling of joy like it. What went wrong? Why don't marriages now-a-days seem to last? And if they do, what are the secrets to making it last? Looking back on my past with him has led me to believe that for some reason, I learned a whole lot from this experience....and yes, I did have to get my heart stomped on and torn apart to learn.  Why is that? Aren't we supposed to find a partner, lover, friend, and be with that one person for the rest of our lives? What is changing that in today's world? I know, so many questions, and not too many answers. Did I have to go through the pain and suffering of my husband's infidelity to find out that sometimes you don't always find the right partner the first time?  Who knows, but all I know is that I am happy once again. Life is NOT about someone else making you's about finding things to make yourself happy in this life.  You've only got one life, and you must make the most of it. It's not a good thing if you are unhappy all the time. What makes you happy? For me, just living life to the fullest, seeing my children and grandchildren, having my pets, and finding out that you can't always have what you want, only what you need. Love is grand, and so is life.

Learning How To Walk Through Infidelity

After having gone through such heartache from my ex, I think that alot of how you get through it is by how you deal with the hurt from it. Do you dwell upon your partner's infidelity to the point that it drains you? I can honestly say, I did !  I carried such emotional turmoil with me for such a very long time and now, looking back, I wished that I had been able to get through it more quickly than I did. I believe that timetables for what you get through is different for each of us. I think that I stayed in disbelief for a long time that it made my healing time much longer. After all, I never expected this from my ex. I never saw it coming. I was totally invested in that man, and boy! did he let me down! How do you deal with the pain of infidelity? And if you go through it once with your partner, could you go through it again, and again? My heart was so in love, that I didn't want to face the reality of what he had done to "us". I know that it's never easy to stop thinking about it once it's done, but at some point, you learn to put other things in the place of that hurt. Time has done wonders to heal my soul. I think that I cried more than my fair share and it didn't bring him back to me. Once I figured out that there really WAS life on the other side of my heartache, my tears started drying up. I had to learn how to live without him. I had to learn how to do things on my own. It was hard, but I did it, and I thank my family and friends who helped me to cope through it all. My poor mother (may she now rest in peace) was my rock. She always had a listening ear. She talked me through so much pain. Learning how to be strong was NOT easy. I did it, and so can you! Time lessens the pain. I had to cry all those tears, though, to be able to make it through to the next round. Baby steps, one at a time, was my way of walking through the heartache. Learning that I WAS strong enough to do it was hard, but oh so very true! Believing in yourself, I think, is probably the first step. Take each day, one day at a time.

Looking On The Other Side Of Infidelity And Heartache

Did you ever wonder, while you were going through the pain and heartache of infidelity with your partner, that you would ever come back on top of things? I did, and for a very, very long time, I didn't know if I would ever get over matter that he hurt me, cheated on me, lied to me and tore our family apart, there were STILL times that I loved him.  I married him with the mindset of "forever".  But what is forever, if the love of your life doesn't treat you the way that they should? How could he have actually loved me and cheat on me? That was one of my biggest questions of all times, along with "why?"...and guess what? Neither question got answered. I always got the "I don't know" answer. Honestly, I spent WAY too much time trying to make things go the right way, and without his help, it just never got better. I grew so tired of worrying about where he was, who he was with, and what was going on behind my back. Did I ever just wonder if there was life on the other side of it? Well, not at that point, I couldn't see anything else but my heartache and pain.  I am here to tell you, that you have to love yourself enough to see that if your partner is NOT willing to work on the relationship with you, then you need to let it go. Two people have to work at it for it to actually work.  And in the situation I was in, I was the only one willing to do the work. Didn't work. Now, after all these years, I can finally see that life really WAS on the other side of infidelity. Not everyone cheats. Believe it or not, and there are some good ones out there.  But it takes time.

On Again....Off Again, That Darned Ex Of Mine!

After feeling like something wonderful has been accomplished (him showing up to our daughter's graduation), our daughter started feeling like her dad was showing some interest in her life. Father's Day was yesterday, and I happened to mention to her about calling him to let him know that we had pictures to give him. She did, but I guess he's back to his old ways again....he didn't even answer his phone. He doesn't work on Sundays, and he always leaves his phone on, and basically, with him at all why didn't he answer?  My guess is that he was with his other woman, too busy with whatever, that he just didn't answer. I think at this point, I just want to throw my hands up in the air and give up. I do not feel that I should call and ask him why, nor should I call him today to see what's up. Perhaps this is just one of those times that we need to leave things as they are, and accept that he does what he wants to and when...guess it was good while it lasted...right?

Peace --Finally And Our Daughter's Graduation

I don't know why, but it just seems that alot of things have changed since the last time my ex and I broke up. Time really does heal the heart, for the most part, and there are still those certain things that I will never forget but my life is really happy now. He came to our daughter's graduation with his other woman. I did NOT feel any ill towards her or him because I was so happy that he decided to show up for her. This was something that our daughter really wanted---for him to take time out of his "always too busy" schedule and come see her walk during graduation, a very important moment in her life. To my amazement, I spoke with him just yesterday because now he's wanting pictures, which we can certainly give him, and he is also caught up with his child support. Wow, things have changed so much. Although I love the man from my past, my ex, my daughter's father, I am at peace that he is with his other woman, and I am happy with my life the way it is. Does it go entirely away (that hurt in your heart from the cheating) ? No, I think if I were to dwell on it, I would feel it more, but at this time, it's so much less. It doesn't seem to matter that much anymore and I think that's due to time. I am happy, and that is what matters.

My Ex Actually Showed Up To Our Daughter's Graduation Ceremony!

It was graduation night for my daughter, and my ex had called earlier in the day to find out where the ceremony was going to be held...wait, did this mean he would ACTUALLY show up? When I told him that it was going to be outside in the football field, he started making excuses about how it would just be way to hot for him. Lo, and behold, he showed up...he and his other woman that he had cheated on me with all those years ago. Guess they are still together. He came late, stood out in front of everyone, FINALLY got her attention....and she was happy!  I wanted to cry tears of joy because he decided to come, but held the tears back. My other grown children and families were all with me and they motioned for him to come sit with us, but his other woman didn't want to. My oldest daughter went down to see him so that she could get his picture for our daughter, and he gave her a gift to give her. He was leaving before it finished because the other woman wanted to go home, as it was getting  late. When I took a good look at him, I saw that same ole man that I used to be with, only his hair was all grey. Same bushy hair, and mustache. He was dressed nice, as always. She was nothing spectacular to look at, nor was she pretty by any means.....but HE CAME ! I consider that a miracle, and most importantly, it made my daughter feel special!

Emotional Cheating? Is It Cheating?

I have been asked if I feel as though emotional cheating is cheating on one's other my opinion--YES. Not only does it take away what you should be getting from your spouse, but it makes the other person feel the least most of the time. In my situation, my spouse did not like to talk about things...we just kind of communicated daily without too much of that "bearing our inner soul" all the time, although, we DID discuss things from time to time, we had been together for a long time and at least I thought we knew each other pretty well.  I was wrong, because I began needing some of that sharing of souls through words and missed having it very much, but I never ever cheated. I spoke to my women friends to get feedback from things, but never went to other men about things because I didn't want to get caught up in the emotional side of things.I feel as though ONE  of his other women was someone who he felt he could communicate with because she spoke his language very well, and understood his customs better than I did. However, the other OTHER WOMAN did not, but she was "needy" so I am wondering if he got his needs met through both of them because I was a pretty darned independent woman...and they were not. I feel that if there is a problem in a marriage/relationship, that the couple should speak to each other about it before discussing it with others....that at least gives the two people involved a chance to try and work things out...unless, of course, it's a marriage counselor or pastor that is able to help sort out things without getting in the middle of things. Emotional cheating can really hurt both people involved, so before looking to another person of the opposite sex for what you need emotionally, try talking with your partner. It might help to save it.

The Agony Of Breaking Apart

Oh ! the agony of people splitting up, jealousy and rage! Someone close to me, which has to remain nameless, is going through all of this agony. He and his wife were only together for three years. Things were fine, up until the time that she decided to start snooping into his past. Why? Why all of a sudden, does the past make a difference? To me, the past is gone. There was nothing for her to find. He had already told her of his past. She accepted him and married him. So, why did the legal paperwork make a difference? Why would anyone feel the need to snoop just for the sake of snooping? At some point, did she NOT feel secure? As sad as this all is, I happen to know both parties involved very well. He gave her NO reason to snoop. He felt violated, but got past it, until it happened over and over again, and not only that, she started fighting with him over things long gone. They eventually broke up because she was so jealous over his past, that she couldn't stop arguing over things. Why the mistrust?  Again, a mystery. They had spent nearly 24/7 together because he worked from home and she didn't work at all...I mean, she didn't even keep her house up.  He did it all, supported her and what became of this?  Maybe they should have spent more time together before getting married?  Who knows, but it seems to be happening all the time these hear it on the radio, you see it reported on the news...people breaking apart. What happened to the good ole days of staying together?  All I can say, is thank goodness there were no kids in the marriage.

Why Did I Snoop Into His Personal Things?

Long ago are the days that I felt like I had to snoop around in his cell well as some other things I am not so proud of; such as following him in my car to see if he was really going where he said he was, looking in his work van for any and all hidden money, perfume and things I shouldn't have seen, listening to his saved messages and things of that nature.  Should you snoop....or shouldn't you? Huh, a million dollar question.  Well, honestly, to be quite frank, there are MANY who say that you should not do this because if you go looking for something, you just might find it, and you will not always like it.  In my case, I am glad that I did. I am not proud of it, because he should have had my respect, but on the other hand, his actions were changing, and if I had not of snooped, I might have not found out that he was giving his OW's that was supposed to be ours. I was the one who helped him open his self employed business and I took care of most of the business calls, so the OW's should NOT have been leaving him messages that I could have heard  in the first place. Nor should they have been sending love letters to our home when I was the one getting the mail. Those were big signs for me but at that time, I didn't want to SEE them. I didn't want to believe what I was seeing.  And so I snooped.  Let me tell you though, it was hard....long, time consuming and downright EXHAUSTING.  And the closer I got to seeking the truth, the more secretive he became. Did I want to believe he was cheating? Heck no!  I almost wanted to actually catch him WITH her before I would have believed it. Maybe that's why I snooped...but most honestly, if you decide to snoop, you might find something out that you don't want to...and that's the truth. Thank goodness those days are over is it really worth snooping?

Finding Happiness

Today I am in a pretty good mood and thought that I would reflect on what's going on in my life. I am very happy with how things are at this time. I have a beautiful daughter who's getting ready to graduate from high school, I have a great sister who listens when I need her to, I have friends who help me to cope with all my past stuff and I have a good future ahead of me. I don't think that I would have gotten to this point if I didn't have some sort of support. At times, when you are facing that challege of going through divorce or infidelity by your spouse/significant other, you may feel like you have no support, or that no one else is there to support you. And to be honest, the ins and outs of daily life still continue and it's hard to get through it, if you don't have a close friend or family member who is there for you, then perhaps you need to seek out someone who will listen. Meeting new people and finding new hobbies also helps.  You can find a support group online, a pastor or some sort of therapy group who may be able to help you sort things out, but first and foremost, YOU are the only one who can make the decision of what you need to do next. Nobody else can decide this for you. You need to be comfortable in what you decide and what's best for you and your children, if you have any. Being happy is very is so short and  you have to find a way to release your inner thoughts and get help. Is there life after infidelity?  DEFINITLY SO !!!

Our Daughter's Going To Graduate? Will He Show Up?

Now it's winding down close in time for our daughter to graduate from high school....she even got the invitations in a few days ago. While we were going through the list of who are going to get the invitations, of course, she wanted to give one to her dad. I am honestly ALL for it !  The only problem is...will he even come? When it came time for her quinceanera several years ago, he didn't even show up. I wonder if he is going to pull the same trick again. I certainly hope that by this time, he will go, even if it's just to show up in time for her name to be called. This will be the last time that she will invite him to a function before she turns from her to adulthood. I want to call him and discuss this with him, in the hopes that he will come see her, but I am wondering if I should or not???  What would you do?

And He Decides To Call Me NOW !!!

And here I sit, after my series of how to get over the agony of infidelity, and guess who calls me? Yes, it was the ex-husband, right out of the blue.  I know that he doesn't have a clue about my blog, as he doesn't even know how to operate a computer, and I have never given his name.....he just called to tell me that he wanted to hear my voice because he hadn't heard from me in a while.....WHAT?  What is he thinking? After all this time, he decides to call just to hear the sound of my voice? Maybe he's thinking that if he's nice to me, that I will return, but it's been WAY TOO LONG.  There's no way that I can ever turn around. Life for me is good. I am a very strong person now and I am very happy with my life. I'm sure that he's still with his other woman, and he probably called me while she wasn't around, but it just doesn't work for me. He even asked about our daughter. Wow...wonders never cease, do they?  And just to think, after all he has put me through, I didn't even cry. YAY!

Becoming A Stronger Person After Infidelity.

After all the things that I went through and suffered with that man, I became a stronger woman. I had to learn to love myself again. I had to begin a healing process that I never thought I would journey into. I had to learn that he was all talk and no action. He wanted me to be there as a convenience to him. It was all about HIM, and I had to learn that. I didn't want to believe it, but his actions spoke out loud. I never got any answers about why. I never got to find out even why we broke apart. But I can tell you, that she was not any prettier than me, she wasn't any smarter.....she didn't drive and she was more needy. Something in her, attracted him and he was unable to let go. Perhaps he felt that he could talk to her more than me....but it doesn't even matter anymore. There has to be a time when you just have to stop asking why. It's not easy, but at some point in your life, you can become a stronger person and move on past infidelity. Learn to do things for yourself. Go to college, learn a new sport, lose weight, change your hair style or color, make new friends, but do it for you. Making yourself a stronger person not only gives you a new life, but will make it easier finding a new partner or spouse that will treat you the way that you want to be treated....unless you never want to get remarried, which is fine. Becoming a more person that can take on challenges in life will make you someone who will never be willing to go through infidelity again. I know that, because I have become a very independent woman. Very happy today, by the way. It took YEARS, but I made it through.

How I Got Over The Agony Of Infidelity.....part 5

Things in my life were crummy, and I didn't feel good most of the time, but I felt like I had to do something to change things..and he wasn't helping any. He would go through periods of time where he would be gone alot, to staying at home. I think he was trying to work against my mind, curious as to what I was going to do about the whole thing, and I just kept on doing what I had to do to get through the entire mess. As I found a support, I began to feel stronger. I felt more in control of my situation. And at some point after trying to make things right, i finally figured out that his games were never going to end. And by the way, this was our second round of infidelity. I was tired of trying. I had to find a way to live my life without all his drama. I never thought that I would of walked out, but after much consideration, and knowing at that point, that things were not ever going to be back the way they should have been, I moved out. At that time, I had 2 children, a self-employed business, and it was hard....very hard. I got to learn how to do things alone. I learned how to survive. Believe me when I say that it's not easy. But at the same time, I felt peace. My inner being was finally at rest. I missed him but I had to go on with life. Nothing in life is easy...but going through infidelity with someone who doesn't want to change is even harder. This process took me YEARS, not months, so if your'e ever wondering if you will ever get through it, the answer is YES.  You can do this. Some of us decide to work through infidelity with our partners....and it's a good thing if both parties are willing to do the work.  However, if you are the only one interested in making things work, most likely they won't. Think about what your future holds for you. Think about what you want in this life, because life is too short to be unhappy all the time. Be true to yourself and what you believe in. All things are possible but take the time to think things through, because you never know what tomorrow will bring. I wish everyone the best and I hope and pray that you don't suffer through YEARS of this like I did.

How I Got Over The Agony Of Infideltity.........part 4

I had to accept the truth....and that was, that my husband was a cheater. No longer was he considered "mine". Terribly hard to accept, but I had to find a way to get through his infidelity. I started talking to a long time family friend of my parents, who just so happened to be a pastor in a small church. He listened to what I had to say. He asked me a question...." Is this what you want in your life?" and so I began to think about it. Maybe I was feeling so down on myself that I was willing to accept what my husband was doing and I knew it was wrong and I knew that I no longer wanted to deal with what he was putting me through. The question of what did I want in my future came up as well. Did I deserve to be treated this way?  I didn't think so, but what was I going to do about it? I got online, found some resources from others who had been going through infidelity. I saw that I wasn't the only one going through this horrible mess. I no longer felt alone. Friends and family are good to talk to...they can only ease your burden by listening but you are the one who has to make that final decision. My husband was NOT willing to make things right. His words were there, but the actions were not. The pain I was going through was still very strong, but I decided that it was time that I stood up and did something about it. No longer did I wish to be walked upon. I started finding ways to make ME feel better. I started losing weight, I put more attention to my work, my home and family. I gave him less attention until I could figure out what I was going to do be continued.

How I Got Over The Agony Of Infidelity......Part 3

I bet you are wondering WHY I had a blind eye, when it came to infidelity....well, sometimes its feels better to try and believe the best in your spouse...after all, isn't that what we are supposed to do when we love someone? My husband (now ex) was charming, and he knew all the right things to say. But once I started asking questions, his demeanor totally changed. He starting being ugly to me, treating me badly, starting fights and did everything that he could to make me think that all of this was my fault. Totally wanting to keep my marriage and family together, I settled down and tried to "sweep things under the rug" as they say. Who wants to leave their comfort zone? I certainly didn't. As time went on, things became worse. I started discovering love letters, personal messages to him from her.....NEVER anything from HIM to her. So, he used that to his advantage and made me think that it was HER who wouldn't leave him alone.....which only made things worse for me. It's undeniable when you find things that aren't right. He had an excuse for EVERYTHING I questioned him about. I grew tired. VERY TIRED of fighting with him over it. I was asking questions that never got answered. I felt like I had to do something. Begging didn't help. Finding her phone numbers and blocking her didn't help. Keeping him busy at home certainly didn't help either. Something had to be done and I was running out of options, so I took a stance. I had to accept the be continued.

How I Got Over The Agony Of Infidelity.....Part 2

How did I manage to get myself through all the pain of infidelity? Well, first of all, you have to be able to get past the part of the initial shock that your spouse would ever even think of cheating on you. That initial shock might take a long time, and maybe longer than you want, but honestly, some people can get through it faster than others. For me, it seemed like it took forever. I was very much in love with my husband and I didn't ever think that we had any really big or deep problems. We, in fact, used to get along extremely well, but little did I know, at some point in our marriage, he must have decided that "we" weren't as happy as I thought. I wanted to make his cheating stop. I checked his cell phone, and not only because I was suspicious, but because I ran his self-employed business and did all the paperwork, and answered most the calls. I wasn't expecting to hear his "other woman" being as intimate as she was. Actually, his infidelity hit me like a ton of bricks....only when I confronted him, his denial was very strong. I wanted to believe him, and so I did.....but I shouldn't have. They say a woman's intuition is right  most of the time.  And I should have believed in myself, but I let him tear my doubts down.....BIG mistake on my part. be continued.

How I Got Over The Agony Of Infidelity? Part be continued

Going through infidelity is one of the hardest things to have to go through in life.  Sometimes I wonder how I ever made it through. My heart was soooooo torn into pieces and I was so out of sync because I wanted to stop all the crazyness and just stop my husband's infidelity. No matter what I did, nothing stopped it. I learned the hard way---that it MUST come from the one who's cheating....THEY have to be the one who stops it and does it because they want to. I cried all the crocodile tears that I had, begged, pleaded, and still, nothing stopped. The only thing I received for all of my heartache was him getting angry, calling me names and treating me worse than he already had. There were times that he told me that nothing was going on, and he played it cool for a little bit to make me think things were alright with us again, but it was all a game that he was playing. I wanted to believe him and I walked around with rose-colored glasses for a time, only because I wanted to pretend he was all mine again. But you know what?  After a long bit of time, I started to think about what I could do about it.  I wanted to become a stronger person. I had cried all the tears that I was going to cry, or so I thought, but I wanted to make things how did I do this?

Soon To Follow.....5-Part Series On How I Got Over The Agony Of Infidelity

I will be starting a 5-part series of  how I got over the agony of infidelity. I know that everyone will go through their journey differently, and some of us will mend quicker than others. It took me such a long time that it felt like an eternity. Loving someone and being in a committed relationship is supposed to be  a wonderful experience, but it isn't easy when your spouse/partner decides to cheat.  What are the ways you can make things better? If you both decide to work on it, then it CAN be done. But if you are the only one working on a marriage, or a committed relationship, then it doesn't really work. Do what you have to do for yourself. And know, that you cannot make your spouse/partner do what you want them to do....they must do it because they want to.

A World Full Of " IFS"

I had to go into the city where my ex moved into with his other woman today. I got dangerously close to "their" house. I haven't seen him in a very long time so I was hoping that I would not run into him. What IF I had seen him? How would I have reacted? I honestly don't think that I would have been too upset, but perhaps if I had seen him WITH her, it might have been a different story. I know that today I am a very strong person for all that he  put me through so I don't think it would have been too much of an issue.  I know that I miss those times when we used to be good together....but I don't miss all the heartbreak and tears that he brought to my life.   Going through infidelity issues with an adulterous partner has got to be one of the hardest things in life. My whole world was blown apart over his needing other women. I honestly thought I would never get through it, but I did. I think that if I had known back then, that I would REALLY be okay after it was all said and done, I would have not held on as long as I did. I would have been able to get out of that mess much sooner. Everyone deals with heartache differently. Knowing that I did the right thing by getting out was the best thing I ever did for myself.  However, some are able to work through it.....wished we could have but he wasn't willing. Both parties must be willing to work at it, and it's super hard, but it CAN be achieved. I think it all depends on the couple. My world of "ifs" stopped the moment that he decided he couldn't give up his other woman. I have moved on....and I am SOOOOO glad that I did.

Almost A Lifetime Away....

As much suffering as I have done, I look back at everything that I have been through. Was my marrying him a mistake? Would it have been any different if we had just stayed a couple without the paperwork? Nobody knows the answer to that and I suppose that guessing would only just stir up the feelings a bit. I have come so far since all the heartache he has put me through, and I know that I am a stronger person now. Our daughter will be an adult later this year, so that will officially cut his ties as far as child support goes....but I sure wished that he had been a better father and been there for her, but it just didn't happen. I feel saddened that he has missed out on a beautiful daughter and knows near to absolutely nothing about her except for his occasional visit. The last time that I spoke with him, he still had the nerve to utter the "I love you" words to me, but those words don't get to me like they used to. Still, all in all, I almost feel like being with him was a lifetime away, but in reality, only a few years. I am happy that I was able to get over such hurt, but there's still a part of me, who will always remember it. Thank goodness for rebuilding and becoming a better person.

Not Everyone Cheats !

According to today's statistics, there are more cheaters out there these days and so many marriages broken up over them....however, I wonder if there were just as many cheaters way back in the day and we just didn't know about it because back then everyone just seemed to stay together, and divorce wasn't very prevalent. I also want to say  that not everyone will experience cheating by their mates. I know that there are good men out there, but how do you find them?  Or perhaps, you let them find you. Recently, someone within my family had a divorce due to her cheating husband and it wasn't pretty at all. He was actually ANGRY at HER for wanting a divorce due to his cheating and he blamed it all on her. She was devastated for a long period of time....however, she has been "taking a break" to work on her own issues and trying to get through her hurt. It is a much needed break. I honestly think that by taking the break is in her best interest...especially to re-group herself and try to work through all the pain, before going out with someone new. I told her to keep her chin up because not everyone cheats!

Could You Be Friends With Your Ex?

Is it possible to stay friendly with your ex when he/she has really broken your heart with infidelity?  First of all, if you have children together, you must maintain some kind of "niceness" between you to make sure that your children don't suffer from the fall out.  Children are so precious, and so innocent and deserve to have both, aside from that, what about when your children become adults? I think that this all depends on how much time has passed since he/she crushed your heart and the time since the break up. I can tell you that even though I no longer dwell on his cheating on a daily basis, the pain and hurt is still there, but it's lessened because I no longer have to see him daily, nor do I have to deal with it any longer. My ex doesn't hardly EVER come around to see our daughter so I haven't seen him in a very long time.
I think that after all these years, that if saw him somewhere, we would be able to talk, but as far as being friendly enough to go places together, I don't think so....although, some people are able to put their differences aside and do so. I don't think that I would be able to go somewhere that he and his other woman was, even after all this time, however.....if I ended up at a party or a function where they were at, I would be able to make the best of it....after all, it's done.

Here Is A Link That Lists 50 Blogs And Resources For Coping With Infidelity

I got up this morning, going through the emails when something caught my email from a man named Michael who let me know that my blog was included on his  list  of  the top 50 blogs about!  I am amazed at all of the sites he found. . I just want to say   "thank you " very much for noticing my blog !  Anyways, without further adieu.....

Finding The Joy In Life

I look at all the experience I have had in this lifetime and I wonder why I was never able to see what was right in front of me when he was cheating. I mean, I may have seen the signs, but they still hit me like a ton of bricks. Never ever in a million years did I think he would actually cheat on me. I was sooooo in love, and thought that he was too. I think that I have endured so much heartache and pain, along with all the drama that I wonder how did I manage to get through it all....and the wierd thing is..that I made it through. The pain was just so deep, and it took me a very long time to get over it, and over him, but my heart was able to heal. I am at a point in my life that I no longer wish to deal with any drama, unless it's on a tv show or something that cannot touch me. I feel like it took me a very long time to get to this point. Some people just heal differently than others, and I have also found that some people never seem to get past the "getting over it" point. If you are experiencing this, where you just cannot seem to get past it, maybe it's time to "allow" yourself to be done with the hurt and the pain and realize that life is just too short to be unhappy all the time. Give yourself a break from the pain and move on from it, but that's only after you feel like you've grieved long enough. Find yourself once again and try to move on to life's other joys.