How Time Flies

It has been such a long time in writing, and I am sorry about not updating. There have been so many things happening in my life as of late and it has kept me very occupied. For one thing, I have gotten re-married. YES, it was hard to start over, especially after going through infidelity with my ex and learning that I CAN trust once again. But, it's a good thing, the starting over part, because now I can have love in my life. Many people start all over again before the infidelity is in their past, and I can actually say that I think that I remarried before I got over all of my past. Yes, I did, and now that I have admitted that, I will say that it was hard, because I was having to learn to trust someone again. I think that since my new hubby is a totally different kind of guy, it wasn't really too hard to trust again, but I had to get past my past and THAT was hard. Learning to love again is something that most all of us can accomplish, even after infidelity.

Trusting After Infidelity

How does someone go about trying to trust in a new relationship after having gone through infidelity with their ex partner? Is it even possible?  Well, in my opinion, yes, it IS possible....but first of all, you shouldn't even think about going into a new relationship until you have gone through the mourning of the one you just got out of. I know that's not always easy because many times our heart wants to love again because we all want to love someone and be loved. I think that going through infidelity with your ex is something that takes time for you to get over. A broken heart has to have time to mend. And after being drug through the mud, so to speak, you have to learn how to get back up and be yourself once again. Things like this take time, and as to how much time, that all depends on you. First of all, you must realize that YOU were not the one who cheated, and YOU did not cause your partner to cheat.....that was a decision that THEY made---not you. You cannot control what another person does....so remember that.  Take time to do things for yourself. Take time for your heart to heal. There really is life on the other side of infidelity. And yes, it IS possible for you to learn to trust someone else again. All it takes is time.

Learning To Love Life After Going Through Infidelity

I feel as though my life has come around in a circle. When my ex and I first got together, we were so very happy. I thought that there was no other feeling of joy like it. What went wrong? Why don't marriages now-a-days seem to last? And if they do, what are the secrets to making it last? Looking back on my past with him has led me to believe that for some reason, I learned a whole lot from this experience....and yes, I did have to get my heart stomped on and torn apart to learn.  Why is that? Aren't we supposed to find a partner, lover, friend, and be with that one person for the rest of our lives? What is changing that in today's world? I know, so many questions, and not too many answers. Did I have to go through the pain and suffering of my husband's infidelity to find out that sometimes you don't always find the right partner the first time?  Who knows, but all I know is that I am happy once again. Life is NOT about someone else making you happy...it's about finding things to make yourself happy in this life.  You've only got one life, and you must make the most of it. It's not a good thing if you are unhappy all the time. What makes you happy? For me, just living life to the fullest, seeing my children and grandchildren, having my pets, and finding out that you can't always have what you want, only what you need. Love is grand, and so is life.

Why Do Relationships Have To Be So Difficult?

I don't know why relationships have to be so darned hard. We grow up having this idea in our heads that we are gonna be with the partner of our dreams, have children, the cute little house on the corner and then bam! something seems to go wrong and I just don't get it. Why is there so much heartache when it's supposed to be nothing but bliss? I guess our society has us to believe that getting married is what we are destined to do and we go into it with our heads sunk into our hearts......and then, when the honeymoon's over it's just back to business : work, children, bills, life....just everything. Do we lose that "honeymoon" phase due to the basics of life? So that also raises the question: do we not look for a partner that we can stay with forever when wer'e looking or do we settle for something less because our heart has fallen head over heels? I don't know the answers here but wished I did. I felt like I got married when I should have waited, but my heart was enamored with him. I fell hard and it felt good. We had an amazing love which I felt lasted for awhile but at some point, he made the choice to cheat on me, leaving my whole world upside down. I don't know what my future brings because I am wondering if I am going to go down the same path again....maybe not with someone who cheats on me, but someone who hurts me in other ways. Is it safe to fall in love again? I think maybe so, but perhaps this time with a little more "wait and see" type attitude. Why does love have to be so difficult?

If He Loved Me, What Made Him Cheat?

I look back at my horrible experience and wonder if I learned anything from it......you are supposed to learn something here, right? I still wonder WHY he cheated on me, if he loved me so much. I get lost in thought that maybe he just didn't know how to love me the way I wanted to be loved, I also wonder if it was just something he thought he was allowed to do, even though we said our vows....but you know, honestly, I think that he cheated on me because he thought that he could do it and get away with it. The other woman enticed him and he followed. He didn't have to, but HE made that choice, nobody else did. I blamed the other woman for a long time, but it wasn't her alone that caused his cheating....it was HIM. He didn't have to keep on seeking her. He didn't have to keep persuing her, but he did. Did he actually love me? Perhaps he did, in his own way, but he still thought he could cheat on me and get away with it. Some people say that a marriage takes two people to work on things....and it does. It was all one sided on my part, trying to make things work, but he was already gone.......she has him now, and what have I learned about this? Well, one thing, you can't make someone love you....another thing, most of the time, if they have cheated once, they are most likely to try and do it again. My last stance is that if a man loves me, he will be committed to me and me alone. Going through infidelity was one of the hardest things in life I have had to endure, but I am here, and still marching forward.

Is It Sex That I Miss, Or Is It Just His Love?

wow, I can't believe that I just wrote that title..... I have not had been near him for awhile and I often wonder if I actually miss the sex, or was it just his way of loving me (before his cheating, of course) ? He was a small framed, short kind of guy who always smelled wonderful. He always had a very smooth face, and took good care of his skin. He was a very handsome fella and had ways of making me feel good. Even though he was a small guy, he was very strong, and actually a very hard worker. One thing that I really loved about him was his ability to allow me to be me. I loved to be able to hop into the car and run down to the grocery store or walmart on a whim without his getting angry about it. Of course, I can do that now as well without him but he was just that kind of guy. We got along so wonderfully before his cheating so I don't really know what happened in our marriage, and I know that I never will. Do I miss sex? Or was it just his loving touch?

What Is Love All About?

Oftentimes, I wonder what love is really all about anyways. I grew up knowing that love wasn't easy but I sure wanted to try it out for myself, and that, I did. My parents were together for all of my 16 years, but divorced, leaving me to wonder what went wrong and how could things get so far mixed up that it had to end that way. I am here to tell you, that the feelings that I had for my ex went way beyond just liking him. He was a good, hard working man. My heart always felt so joyous when I saw him and I did everything in my power to please him. I was grateful to have him. I never knew that we would have ended up in divorce. We were very compatible as well, but one thing that we did not have was communication. He did not like talking and he didn't like discussing anything at all. I still wonder what led him to cheat on me, and did he ever even love me at all?