A Time Of Happiness, Yet Sad

Today I am feeling quite melancholy. I don't think that I have felt this down in a while, and it's not about infidelity this time around.... while I have been working hard at getting my life back, settling into a nice comfortable spot without my ex, learning that life can REALLY be great, I am facing the fact that our little girl is now a bonified adult....she is now 18. The child support stopped and her waiting by the window watching for her daddy to come visit is also gone. She is a beautiful self-sufficient young lady, confident and loving, fiesty and sweet. I have taught her how to do her banking, savings, washing her own laundry, cooking and how to put God first in her life. I have also shown her how to be able to live life happily, with or without a man to support her. I am a very proud mother, but time seems to have a way of speeding itself up quickly as she got older. Our beautiful daughter will be going off to boot camp in 6 more days.  Yes, she joined the Navy. She will study to be a hospital corpsman ( like a Dr or nurse) and I am happy for her. For all the times that I worried about my ex not showing up for visits, for all the times I worried about him making a bad impression on our family by tearing it apart, I sit here today, confident in the fact that she is a strong young woman, and will be able to find a young man who will treat her good in life, when it comes that time. I know this is an exciting time in her life, but I know my heart will ache when she walks out the door. I wished I knew how my ex was feeling about this, but we rarely see him anymore....is it sight out of mind ? Perhaps he's moved on for good, and that's a good thing. I am happy today that I no longer have to deal with his infidelity, but sad that our family had to break apart because of it. For those of you who are diligently trying to work out your marriage, know that it IS possible but it takes time, and lots of it.

My Ex Came Over......

Wow...what a shock to my life...he actually came over to the house. This man has never had much time for anybody else except himself and his other woman, but he  managed to come over yesterday. He came for a very good reason....to see our daughter. Her 18th  birthday passed about 10 days ago and he was finally coming to see her. He was amazed at the beautiful woman that she had become and she was VERY happy to see him. They talked outside and I took a couple of pics for her so she could add to her picture book. He knows that she will be leaving to the Navy in less than a month now and to be honest, although he still has time to come back and see her, he probably won't. He gave her some advice, that I had to translate for her, but it was to" have courage", and to" work really hard at doing her best".  I cried when I went in the house because I didn't want him, nor her to see my tears, but reality just blasted me in my face, screaming out how much I wished that he would have worked really hard for our marriage, or at being a better father than he was. All in all, I was happy that he came to visit her...it meant alot to her, and to me. I am also VERY happy that I am NO longer in a relationship with this man.....it gave me an open-eyed  view of the woman I am today and how far I have come in this journey.

Our Daughter Is Now A Grown Woman

Our darling daughter became an adult this week...and I am so very proud of her. This young lady has really come along way....from the shy, quiet little girl who loved her daddy so much, to a beautiful young woman who is not only confident and outspoken, but certainly not shy anymore.  And yes, she still loves her daddy, but she has had to find out what kind of man he really is, and it was a learning experience that only he could teach her. I have never said a foul word about him, not only because I loved him so much, but because she had to find out who he was for herself. She has come to the conclusion that he is her father, no matter what, but that he just isn't involved in her life like me or the other members of our family are.  She is a very mature person and is very balanced. I have talked to her about seeing both sides of a person, men included. She has grown into such a beautiful person, and I am proud. I only wished that he would have wanted to be more involved in her growing up than he did. What happens to some parents when they divorce? Do they not want to be involved in their children? I wonder if he regrets his actions at all. Or ....maybe, he is still so involved with his other woman, that he hasn't thought about it at all.

On Again....Off Again, That Darned Ex Of Mine!

After feeling like something wonderful has been accomplished (him showing up to our daughter's graduation), our daughter started feeling like her dad was showing some interest in her life. Father's Day was yesterday, and I happened to mention to her about calling him to let him know that we had pictures to give him. She did, but I guess he's back to his old ways again....he didn't even answer his phone. He doesn't work on Sundays, and he always leaves his phone on, and basically, with him at all times...so why didn't he answer?  My guess is that he was with his other woman, too busy with whatever, that he just didn't answer. I think at this point, I just want to throw my hands up in the air and give up. I do not feel that I should call and ask him why, nor should I call him today to see what's up. Perhaps this is just one of those times that we need to leave things as they are, and accept that he does what he wants to and when...guess it was good while it lasted...right?

Fathers And Daughters

My daughter had her 17th birthday several days ago and low and behold! HE called her. Her father actually made the attempt to call her and once again, he told her that he would be over to see her in 30 minutes, and he showed up, for real! I decided to run a few errands before he came because I wanted it to be HER moment, hopefully give them a chance to talk. She called to tell me that he even gave her $30. Wow! I am stunned that he came over! I am also happy for her, because she's been wanting for him to come over when he says he is. I think that perhaps he's feeling a little guilty for not showing up all those past times when he told her he was. He and I had a conversation a couple of weeks ago and he let me know that he is having some health issues, and it's not good, so maybe he is trying to get back some father/daughter time that he has missed all these years. Why did he let all those years go? He has missed out on some wonderful times of her growing up. Do you suppose that he is going to start coming over on a more regular basis now to see her? I hope so.

Our Daughter Called Her Dad

Just out of the blue today, my daughter told me that she called her dad and he actually answered. I was shocked and happy all in one, that he took the time to answer her call. I was curious, of course, to see why she had called him after all this time has passed, and she told me that she just wanted to know how he was doing. They didn't talk long but she finally had assurance that he was doing alright.
I think that when our children go through infidelity issues with parents, or learn of what's happened, they go through alot of hurt and pain, like we do. When families break apart, they are also torn. They have no idea what went on or why one parent left the other. My daughter never knew why her dad and I broke apart until she was old enough to handle the truth. She saw with her own two eyes how he treated me, but never had the final answer until I felt she could deal with it. That also went hand in hand on when she dates boys for what is acceptable and what isn't. I believe that through all the hurt and heartache he has caused for our family, she eventually came through it....although I still know that she's crushed by his not calling or coming over for such a long time and yet that is another story to tell....but only time will tell if he will start calling her now since she's made the first attempt. I am proud of her for trying...it seems as if she is more adult-like than he ever was.

Why Wasn't My Ex A Better Father?

Only five years ago, only a young preteen at the time, our daughter sat, and waited. Daddy called her and told her that he would be on his way to pick her up within 1 hour. She was so anxious that even if she had other plans, she would cancel them for a chance to go out with her dad. And so she got ready, and waited patiently. An hour slowly ticked by and still no sight of daddy. She called him and he told her "I will be right there, my baby"....she waited in the chair that sat right by the front door window so she could look out and see him coming down the road in his new, beige toyota wagon. Still after waiting ever so patiently, there's no daddy coming down the street to pick her up. Where was he? Why didn't he call? She picked up the phone and dialed his number, and only got his answering machine. She left messages, she texted him and wondered where he was. After sitting for hours upon hours it seemed like she had waited way too long...and daddy never came. Tears came flowing down and I cried like a baby for her, but didn't want her to see my tears so I had to stay calm. Why did he do this to her? It happened over and over and over again. Then one day, she starting realizing that he was only telling her tales and that he was not going to come. She gave up on him, and is now not even caring whether he calls or comes or not. It has been five years now......, she has grown to know the man that he is, and it's a shame. I wanted so much for her to have her daddy, but he was just too busy. I don't understand how a father could do this to his child. Our daughter is nearly 17 years old now, and growing into such a beautiful young lady. I have always been there for her and she knows how much she is loved....but I will never understand how a father can just dump his daughter, because he is so involved with another woman. I know that her heart will heal one day and she can look back and see that I have always been there for her.......what happened to my ex? I just don't know.

Fathers Day Came And Went ....

Father's Day came and our teen daughter let the entire day slip right on through.....without calling her dad. It's been about a year now since she's seen him. He has chosen not to come or call....and will occasionally text her but it's few and far between. I am sure that he missed having her remember him but to her, it was very hard and hurtful for him to choose NOT to come or call. She has her own cell phone so he can call her whenever he wants.....she's almost 17 now and he's missed out on so much already. He didn't attend her quinceanera nearly two years ago, even after she BEGGED and pleaded with him.....he didn't show up for Christmas, or any such holidays. I think that last year on her birthday he texted her a happy birthday. This man has chosen and made it clear that he is way too busy with his other woman who he lives with now. She doesn't have any children and so they are free to do whatever they wish. It's too bad that he has treated her this way....to the point that she doesn't care much anymore. It's sad because I have always felt that she needed him. I am past the point of crying to him and asking him to PLEASE come see her or call....I guess it's his loss now, what a shame!

Child Support and A Teen

These days just seem to go so fast, and my daughter is maturing every day. She is now 16 and even though she's tiny and thin, she EATS so much! She is a very smart young lady, very caring and very thoughtful. Her father sends her child support every month, although it is always mid-month before we get it. He just doesn't seem to understand that it goes to pay for the things that SHE needs. It's not about me anymore, it's about her! What doesn't he understand about having a daughter? It's not about child support only, it's about spending time with her and calling her to see how she's doing. I know that the money helps, but where's his heart? Where is the man she calls "dad"? I know that he is with the other woman now, and lives with her too, but why can't he find a few precious moments to come see our daughter, or at least call her? She has her own cell phone, he knows the number. She is driving now too, but he hasn't bothered to even ask her to meet him somewhere, let alone come here to see her. I just don't get it and it really makes me sad!

Has He Suddenly Remembered He Has A Daughter?

Out of the blue, I get a phone call and low and behold, it's from him. Normally when I get a call from him it's all about him......something he needs, or needing my help with one thing or another but this time he was calling about our daughter. I was totally happy that he remembered about her-finally after all this time. He had a picture of a horse that he wanted to give to her and he came over and gave it to her, along with $20. She was, of course, elated that he took time out of his "way-too-busy" schedule to remember her. He was here and gone in a flash, maybe only spending 5 minutes with her, but for him, that's better than what he HAS been giving. This man is able to come and see her, take her out WHENEVER he wants because I have allowed that, being that he is always busy, and the fact that she is now 16. It has been many months since she has seen him or even had a phone call from him. I am now wondering if he is going to finally remember he has a daughter. I hope so!

He Showed His Face....

Wow, I guess nothing he does really can suprize me anymore. I pulled up into the driveway after running to the store and there he was, back into my driveway, smiling as if he had just done something he shouldn't have done. Our daughter was also in the driveway giving her father a hug. She had called me before I got home to let me know that he told her he was coming, but that really didn't mean anything because there's been tons of times that he said he was on his way and never showed up or called. I was happy for her because he hasn't come in nearly a year. My daughter finally got something from him and that was for him to make enough time to come and see her. I told him hello and he asked how I was, but I made the conversation light and went on into the house because I didn't want to take away my daughter's time with him. Well, he didn't stay at all. He gave her another big hug, a little bit of money and off he went.....until the next time. I wonder how long it will be next time. Guess we will see, right?

What A Loss...A Man Who Calls Himself Her Dad

Here, yet another day, another drama going on with my ex. Wish it would all just go away--the drama, that is. My son went to visit my ex and my daughter was asking how her dog was doing. One dog went with us, and the other dog stayed. My son said that he didn't see the dog (Chewy) anywhere so he asked where he was. My ex told him that the dog died.....but he failed to let our daughter know about it. The dog must have died somewhere around Christmas or maybe even perhaps before. We were never told about it, and for sure, he didn't let our daughter know about her dog. Oh my gosh, the tears started flowing again....it just seems that her dad keeps letting her down in all ways. What could I say? What could I do? I told her that I was sorry that he didn't inform her about it and told her to try and call him....well, of course, he didn't answer her calls, so basically, it's down to him calling us whenever he wants to and expects us to answer but he doesn't want to answer when we call. What happens if she really needed to get ahold of him? He is just not there for her at all. This saddens me, but by now, I have come to know how he is, and she as too. What a shame and what a loss of a man who calls himself her dad.

Is She Going To Buy Him A Present This Year?

Buying Christmas this year just means buying for one less person, yes, you guessed it!!! It's for him. Now, I didn't buy him a present last year either, but had to help my daughter buy one so it was nearly the same thing. This year, she is old enough to take care of that on her own, but will she actually do it? He made no attempt to even see her for her birthday, didn't come to her quinceanera, didn't send a card---nothing. He doesn't come around at all, so will she go out and buy her dad something this year? Well, you got me on that one because I don't even know right now. I am not going to say anything to her either way because I want her to make up her own mind about what to do, but if she asks my opinion, I will most likely tell her to at least get him something because he is her father......Ok, don't jump on what I just said, I just want my daughter to do what she feels is right. So, I wonder, Will she buy him a gift afterall? Time will tell.

Trying To Be Strong For My Daughter

As many of you already know, I have a teen still at home and her father has chosen not to come and visit her. He says that he is just too busy with his work. I have written several posts accordingly but things still remain the same. My heart and soul ache for my child because I know how much she misses her daddy and it was not her choice to have us apart. I have done the best mothering that I know how to do and she is well balanced and happy. Her report card grades are excellent and I couldn't be more proud of her. It's in times like these, those sentimental holidays that come and go that really start to tear me apart. I have decided that I am going to try and remain strong for her and show her that even though her dad is not around, he still loves her and so do I. I am going to do all the normal traditional things with her and we will build our own new traditions as well. One thing that he DID NOT like to do much of and we do, is to go around during the evening hours and see all the Christmas lights....and I think we will do that this year----just because!

Dear Daddy

A Note From a Daughter To Her Father

Dear Daddy,
I don't understand why you can't find the time to come and see me. You tell me that it's because you work so much and that you don't have time to come over....but if that was true, and you are making alot of money from working then why hasn't my child support come in? I don't know why you didn't come for my 15th birthday party, especially when you knew that I really wanted and needed you there. You don't seem to care that it hurt my feelings when you suddenly cut off my cell phone without telling me you were going to do it first and why. I thought that you put me on your cell phone account so we could talk to each other. I was in the band for the past 3 years and you never once bothered to come see my concert or come to a football game to see me play. I am here every day after school and I know that you are busy but even one simple phone call ever so often from you would at least tell me that you still care. I love you daddy and I guess when I get married one day, I will have to come to your house and drag you out so you will at least walk me down the isle. Please come to see me or at least call daddy. I love you, love, Tess

How Can My Ex Forget He Has A Daughter?

Today of all days, I just seem to be feeling some anger. It has been many, many months since my ex has come to see our daughter. Our daughter is a very beautiful teenager. Her and I were talking this morning on the way home from the barn and her English riding lesson and I got a phone call from a relative and he and I were discussing the fact that his new partner got mad at him for calling up his ex to see what kind of medicine their son was on because he was coughing so much. I was livid!!! Every father has a right to call the ex to see about their child. That child doesn't have just ONE parent..... which lead my daughter to ask me about her father and why he doesn't call about her, or even come over. I had to explain to her that since her dad is self employed, he has weird working hours and sometimes doesn't have alot of extra time, but that he is welcome to call at any time he wants to see how she is, and he is also welcome to come over to my house to see her at ANY time. Heck, he is even allowed to take her out when he has time at any time on any day !!! I have removed the barrier of certain weekends or whatever so that I can accomidate him because I know how important it is for a father to have communication and visitation with their child. I felt so upset that she is without her dad. He and I still speak occasionally, and we get alone just fine, but somehow, some way, he has totally forgotten about her. He doesn't call. He doesn't come over. How can my ex forget that he has such a wonderful daughter? I honestly do not understand!!

I Feel Compelled To Scream!!!

As I was came home from work, I sat down to relax a little bit before the daily ritual of picking up my daughter from school, I sat in peace and quiet. The next thing I knew my dogs going wildly crazy and that surely meant that someone was here. I got up to see what all the chatter was about and there he stood! I mean, he stood right there in front of my door, and I actually almost fell over with shock. I felt compelled to scream at him because he never showed up at our daughter's quinceanera (her 15th birthday party similar to a sweet sixteen). Oh how I wanted to begin yelling but I didn't. I kept my cool. I opened the door and went out on the porch to see what he wanted, knowing that I didn't dare let him inside. He came to bring me a piece of mail. Oh my gosh, why did he come here just for that? Wouldn't it have been more important for him to come to the quince? Wasn't our daughter more important than a piece of mail? I gave him a look and he started to explain why he just couldn't go. He had barely gotten another vehicle and claims that he didn't have a ride, although several rides were offered to him for that night. The only thing I could pretty much get out of my mouth was "you need to talk to your daughter". I just could not pardon him....it's her that needs to hear the "I'm sorry" routine. He said that he knew she was mad. And to top it all off, he NEVER bothered to call her. What kind of father did he turn out to be?

A Lonely Father's Day

How do you celebrate your ex's Father's Day ? My daughter has always wanted anxiously to go out and purchase her dad something special for his Father's Day gift, but something has changed this year. I don't know if it's because she is grown up enough to see how things are happening or she just doesn't have that sparkle about the buying gifts this year. Although child support just started back up again after a very long five-month halt due to an injury he had, he has not spent any time coming to see his beautiful daughter. Our daughter is a teen, full of life and love, but he just doesn't seem to care anymore. How will we be spending father's day? For the moment, I am not sure, but all our daughter bought this year was a card for him. I wasn't sure how to handle this, but I think that she is doing what she feels is best. Maybe she is starting to see how he treats her. How would you handle a father who doesn't want to come around to visit his children? He can come at ANY time to see her, pick her up or whatever and doesn't have the TIME for her. He is surely going to have a lonely father's day this year.....but will he even care?