Living In The Comfort Zone

Are you just there in a relationship because you are in the "comfort zone"? You may be miserable, knowing that you are with someone who is cheating and not sure what to do about it. People can tell you to get out of it, but that's not always the easiest thing to do. I know for me, it was very difficult. It's not only hard packing up all of your things, but dealing with the legal stuff too. I stayed in my relationship way too long because I was in a comfort zone. I was comfortable with my home, my daily life of working and taking care of my children. I don't think that anybody enjoys all the work it takes to actually move out, much less seperate from your spouse/partner. Believe me, when I found out the first time of his infidelity, I ran, and I ran hard and fast, not even giving him a chance to say anything and that is because I was astounded by actually seeing it with my own eyes.....however, as I have said in the past, I went back to him less than a year later, and tried to work things out. Yes, that was alot of moving and I quickly got comfortable again with him, only to discover his cheating again, and not with one other woman but 2 that I know of and possibly a third. I was beyond devastation and contemplated staying and trying to work things out....which I did for several years but for me, it was to no avail. He was not willing to give up the other women. I was hurt and pondered what my next move was, and I even moved to a different bedroom to show him that I wasn't going to put up with it, but for me, time got the best of me and I was unable to live with him and be happy about what was going on. I did, eventually, move out, once again changing things in my comfort zone. My point here, is that you might know in your mind, that moving out is the right thing, but it's hard. Always try to make your decision with care, but you are the only one who can decide what's best for you /and or your children. Being happy is really what matters in life because you never know what tomorrow will bring. And as for the comfort zone, you can always get that back, even if you do move.

Can I Really Get Over Him?

My oh my, I don't know why he gets stuck in my head, in my thoughts after all this time. Why did this man have to be a cheater? I wonder if it was just in his blood. I guess he must have grown up thinking that this kind of behavior was alright. But it wasn't, at least not to me. I wonder sometimes if I will ever get over him. We were so happy at one time. Actually, we didn't fight much, except when I found out about his cheating.....then it was a constant battle. Why do I keep remembering the good things about him and tend to shuffle some of the bad under the rug? Will I ever get over him? I really do think that one day, the answer will be yes, but it just takes time for wounds to heal. He turned out to be a nice looking, hard working man, but that just wasn't enough to make a marriage work. I know that by taking one day at a time, I will become a stronger woman. I know that even though my heart says one thing, my head and mind are stronger and knows that living with a cheater that doesn't want to make things right, would have never worked for me. I needed a man who was in love with only me, and who wanted to make our family happy.

Staying Or Going?

All those days spent thinking that my husband was such a nice man, I never knew he was out on the town hammin it up with the other woman. Now, why would such a nice man with a family want to go out with someone else? What did she have that I didn't have? Nothing apparently. I had heard from everyone how he was such a nice and considerate man. Ha, did they get blindsided as much as I did? When they found out that I left, but didn't know why, they must have been pointing fingers at me wondering why I would leave such a "sweet" man. They didn't know how he took his lunch time hours to go and meet her. They didn't know that he was hiding money in his van to give to her to help her pay her bills. They didn't know that he was mowing her yard and doing all her handyman work too! Do I care about what they think about me? At first I did, but now I really don't care. Sometimes people on the outside like to make judgements about others without really knowing the facts. I am holding my head up tall because I know that I tried with all of my heart and besides, it's me that had to live with the infidelity and his cheating all the time that I did. I can never get that part of my life back. Don't let others dictate how your life should be spent. Only you can make the decision of staying or going.

Settling For Less Than What You Deserve

Why did I settle for so much less? I know that when I was in the situation, I really wanted to try and make it work. But looking at hind site now, I wonder what took me so long to get out of that situation. I spent countless days sneaking around his sneakiness, trying to find out what phone calls were coming in on his cell phone, I snuck out early every single morning to his van to find out what money he had hiding. I became tired of the same old thing.....and nothing helped my situation. He was cheating and I couldn't stop him. Back when they had pagers, I even took his pager from him, because I felt like he had a cell phone, why a pager too? Well, she was sending him codes on it and I couldn't figure it out. I ran up a brick wall about the whole thing and nothing helped. I sit here and wonder why I settled for so much less...why I put up with his cheating, lying and sneakiness. I was miserable and he didn't care. I now see, that I am so much better than all of this and I'm so glad that I don't have to settle for his bad behaviour anymore.

Is It Lust, or Love?

I wonder why he wanted her so much. Did he actually love the other woman? Or could it have been that he lusted after her and felt like he wanted a good chase? This raised a question in my mind as to whether he kept on having the affair for so long. If it was only lust, than wouldn't he have been with her only a couple of times and then been "done" with her? What kept him chasing after her for such a long time? Did he fall in love with her? That answer was never answered for me. He just refused to answer my questions, only telling me that he loved me. I feel like I never got all the answers that I wanted to know answered. He was hushed-mouthed over the whole affair. I believe that being in love with someone is giving that person everything that you are, giving your whole heart and having trust with them. Love is wanting to please your partner and doing what you can to make them happy. Lust is so different. Lust is about going after something that you can only have for a short while. I don't know if it ever turns into love or not. So many questions, and so few answers.

Feeling a Loss

Losing your partner to infidelity is devistating, to say the least. You often feel like you have been abandoned, and you look for answers to why this awful thing has happened to you. Why did you get married in the first place? Only to get hurt like this? Why get married if you are going to have to go through this kind of pain, and a feeling of loss? We get married to have a partner for life, and to have the dream of a home, and family. Those things are so important in life. I think that some cases of infidelity can be forgiven, but the feeling of loss can stick with you for awhile. I think that time has to heal alot of those feelings.

Why Couldn't I See Before?

I was having a great time with my children. I was getting to know "me" and that felt so wonderful. Why couldn't I see this before? Why did it take so long for me to finally move out of the one spot that I had been stuck in for such a long time? I honestly can say that I loved him. I wanted so much for things to work. We had a child together and she loved her daddy with everything that she had. She was too young to see what he was doing to hurt me, but I know that she knew that something wasn't right. He wasn't really much into doing family things so when we went and did our 4-H thing, it was perfectly normal. He wasn't interested in her wanting a horse, learning about a horse or anything in between. I wanted to give her something that she could learn, and she excelled in it. I wanted to see her follow a dream that she'd had for a very long time. Making myself separate from the drama of his infidelity was great. It made me feel stronger. The only thing was though, I still loved him and even though he hurt me more than words can say, I knew that one day, I would still have to deal with it.

Trying to Make a Difference In My Life

After much ado, about a very important issue, I took a stand. I felt like I was not going to get anywhere just hiding beneath the cracks and being stepped upon by some other woman. Honestly, that's how I felt. How could he give her the upper hand over me, especially since he was living with me? If he wanted to be with her so much, why didn't he just pack his bags and leave? That was a million dollar question. For one, he had way too many things in the garage to move once again. He didn't like change. He just wanted to go on and on this way, doing as he pleased. I HAD to do something......but what could I have done to make a big impact on this whole ordeal we were going through? I didn't want the other woman to chase me out of my own home though. I had to think on this awhile, and while I did, I decided to give him "the cold shoulder" for awhile. It was hard at first because he thought I was going to give in right away. I got up in the mornings, made my kids breakfast and tending to my own business. He was floored. He did not like this at all, but I had to stick with it to see if it was going to get me anywhere. I hated having to go through this. I felt like a teenager in high school again, planning out my next move.