I Think He Lost My House

Well, if you have been following along, you probably know that I signed over my half of the house to him because he was really bothering me, trying to get me to pay on HIS credit cards so I just gave him what he wanted. I gave him "our" house, the one that I picked out. It's been years now that we have been together and he finally told me that he was moving in with his Other Woman. He wanted me to take over the house, but he wanted like 5 thousand dollars, on top of that, for me to pay the back 2 years of taxes he owed AND the 3 thousand he was behind on the payments. I just am not able to do that, nor do I want to bail him out once AGAIN. He told me that he wanted to keep the house because he thought I was going to go back to him again, but since I didn't, he moved in with her and is no longer interested in keeping it. My grown son was going to step in and take over but being as young as he is, just starting out and all, I doubt that anything happens. I know the man who bought and financed the house for us, but my ex told him that I was the one who walked out....basically true, but he didn't bother telling him WHY nor that he cheated on me with several women and that he wasn't willing to make things work. He always makes me look bad, but at this point, I really don't care. I know the truth, he does too, but he just doesn't want to make himself look bad. All in all, I guess that house was really never meant to be "ours" because right from the moment we moved in it, he was starting up his old ways and all I had was suffering from his games and other women.
Sometimes you don't want to let go of something that truely meant something to you, but then again, there are times that you just HAVE to.

Thanksgiving Is Coming And I Will Give Thanks!

Thanksgiving is almost here, so that means another Thanksgiving Dinner without him, but it's okay. I realize that I have brooded over that man for far much longer than I should have. I look back on many Thanksgiving dinners that we had with my family, and even though he was there he really wasn't "there". He went through the motions, ate his food and went into hiding, playing his little tv games on his playstation or deciding that "someone" needed to have an estimate on a job and off he went. I was so blind, and I didn't even realize it back then. I was married, but so alone. Smiling through the holidays and thinking that everything was fine, but I can see it now, it really wasn't.
Gone are those days of feeling alone, going through the motions of being thankful for having him, when all he probably wanted was to be with "her". I wished I would have seen it back then, and I might have been able to let him go much earlier. Love is so blind, that is true. What brings us to the point that we just hold onto something that just isn't there anymore.
I am so much happier now that I am not living with someone who is just playing the game, trying to take advantage of all he can get. I have my new life now, so the turkey and dressing and all the fixings will be enjoyed by all who honestly really care about giving thanks, and not worried about what could have been.....because now it's better.

Have You Cut Your Emotional Ties Completely?

When you marry someone, you build a love, a lasting relationship and that means giving your spouse your emotional side as well. Ties that bind, oh how wonderful they are, until something goes wrong in the relationship. You know, I was married to my ex for YEARS.....more than 10 years to be exact and I gave him everything that I had to give. Now that we are divorced, seperated and totally never going to be back together again, I do have to admit that it took a very long time for me to completely cut my emotional ties with him. He manipulated me, took away my self confidence and really did a number on me while he was seeing the other woman. I loved him so much and he didn't seem to care how I felt. My emotions ran so deep for this man and it was very hard for me to cut those emotions off after loving him for so long, but I did it..finally. I look at him and see him as the father to our child, but no longer as my husband. He made that choice by cheating, lieing and not being respectful. Have you cut your emotional ties completely, or are there still some emotions hanging on?

Was His Cheating Due To Emotional Disconnect?

I moved out of there, throwing away all that I had done to make our marriage and relationship work. I guess you could say, that after living a lie with this man and his cheating, I threw in the towel. Good riddance to a man who made a clear decision to step outside to find his comfort. I thought that maybe the other woman was skinnier than me, or perhaps was prettier. She was in fact heavier than me and was about the same in her looks as me. I never knew what it was that he wanted in her,and he never gave me any answers, but I just happened to be watching a tv program the other morning and they were talking about why men cheat. One reason that they listed was " emotional disconnect at home". I sat and pondered on this for awhile and wondered if this affected my husband and me in any way. I think that maybe it helped to contribute to our marriage failure. We talked about things alright, and in my mind, we got along fine....however, my husband is from another country and the woman he cheated with me with and moved in immediately with after my leaving was a woman who spoke the same language as he did. Maybe he had more of a connection with her? Whatever the reason, I know that I tried my best and am now moving on. I think that writing about things that bothered me with my ex really helps in my healing. And as far as this "emotional disconnect" I guess perhaps we stopped connecting emotionally?

Inner Strength

Day by day, I see my inner strength getting stronger, but when will I be over him? How can I get past the infidelity and sorrow that he has caused me? I seem to be fine on a day to day basis, but if I start talking about it, or someone asks me about it, I get all teary-eyed about things and start getting upset. Time has helped but there are times that it feels like this all took place yesterday. When will time heal my wounds for good, and not just on the surface? I was with him for more than 10 years of my life. Was it all a waste of my time? Did I just go through ten whole years of my life with someone who didn't really care about me? I hope not, but there's nothing I can do about it now....those years are long gone, so why aren't the bad memories? How do I make that final peace from within? Will I ever be able to get over the hurt?

Working Through Tax Issues

Tax time has come and oops! it's almost the deadline. How do you divy up your taxes? If you are divorced already, then you must file single, or head of household. What if you are still legally married? I suppose that depends on the state that you live in, however, I think those kind of questions would be best answered by your tax preparer. In my case, we are divorced. We no longer file together, however, I have done his taxes for him for many years and he is once again begging me to help him out. It's hard to help him when he doesn't answer my phone calls and he doesn't want to come see our daughter. He wants my help even though he is busy paying his other bills, but doesn't have enough money to pay his child support. I don't know what he's thinking these days. What happened to all his integredy? How does he feel that my helping him with his taxes is alright, but it's not alright for him to find even 30 minutes to come see his daughter? I am lost here, because I thought that he could at least find time for her.....but he doesn't. How is that fair? Is the "other woman" still taking up so much of his time that he isn't putting everything in perspective? Why can't she help him with those taxes?

An Easter Without Him

Easter came, and Easter went. Lo and behold, I am still here to tell about it. It's not like he used to be really big on Easter anyways. However, after you separate, or divorce, you have to learn how to get through holidays like Easter. Most of the time, children are the ones who suffer on the "Easter scene" because they may be used to having daddy around to help them fetch the eggs hidden out on the lawn, and having someone to share all their Easter candy with. But, in our case, he didn't really participate much on this holiday it really probably wasn't much a loss in our daughter's eyes anyways. How can you learn to get through holidays without him? First of all, you must find a way to bridge that gap of being without him. Learn to make new traditions with your children and family. Do some of the preparations of the holiday with your children, such as decorating the eggs together, preparing the meal that you are going to have together. Building up new memories can be fun !!

The Big "I'm Sorry!"

I don't know where to begin as far as forgiveness. I had heard it time after time those all famous and familiar words "I'm sorry". Why do those words seem to be so easy coming out of his mouth, especially when he knows I am tired of hearing it. If he were truly sorry, then he wouldn't have kept cheating on me over and over again. After the first time and the first "I'm sorry" he should have been sorry enough to try and straighten out this mess he helped to put us in. Where do you start forgiving? How can you just pick up the big mess that he's piled in front of you and just act like things are ok? What can I do to even start the process of forgiving when I 'm hurting so badly?

So Many Mixed-Up Emotions

I have been finding out that not only can I love him and hate him at the same time, it's exhausting. I have moments that I feel like things are going along smoothly, and all of a sudden, it feels like the bottom of the pitts. Why does it have to be like this? We cry over how things didn't work out, we get mad over the things that we couldn't change but wanted to, and we sometimes dwell upon the past. I know that after infidelity, life has to be better than this. I feel like this man has walked all over me, yet he felt like I was the one who had to pick up the pieces and go on. I was left holding the bag. Not a good feeling, however, I know that I have to get through all of these emotions before I can move on to something better. Gotta keep my chin up, because I know that even after infidelity, life can be better.