Through all the days that I went through infidelity of my now-ex husband, I wondered WHY!!!!! It took me forever to get past the questions and not receiving any answers...and well, it's been years and I still never got his answer as to why he put me and our family through this. It won't take away the tears if you find the answer because it hurts just as much as if you don't know, but thinking back, I think that different people have different reasons why they cheat on their mate.
In my situation, I was more than willing to go the distance and did everything in my power to please. I left no stone unturned and when I tried, I tried with everything I had. IT did not work. Honestly, in my situation, I am left to wonder if it was something within himself that he had been searching for that he didn't feel that I addressed. I knew that he had a different upbringing than I and I knew that he and I had a bit of a problem with communication.He was not a communicator. I still felt like those things shouldn't have brought on his infidelities. I look at the past and see that the women that he cheated on me with were NOT prettier than me, didn't offer anything different than I did as far as work and support, they didn't have more money, but they DID have a need. They were needier than I was. They didn't have cars, neither one of them and they NEEDED his help. I was self sufficient, I was the one who did for myself....not that it was wrong, because it's not...but HE must have felt the need to help these women. And most likely, one of the two he was with spoke his language. It was something within himself that wasn't able to work things out with me....it was NOT MY FAULT.....so, with that being said, if you are going through your partner's infidelity, it's most likely going to be something within themselves that's causing them to be cheating. You can do everything right, and if they have something going on within, there's nothing that you can do but try to work things out or walk out. Life is very precious and you never know what's going to happen in your future, but never blame yourself for what has happened because it's something that comes from the other person. Work on yourself, take time to do things for YOU....and always remember that it takes TWO to work things out.
Asking Those Questions Of Why!!!
It seems such a long time ago, but yes, it happened.....the cheating, the lying and the heartache of infidelity. People often ask me how I have managed to get past all of it. I am here to tell you that the pain of your partner cheating is like no other pain. It's just a different kind of ache. You get married, or in some cases, just get with someone and expect that you will get the respect back that you have given them. After the dating process ends, and the down to earth living life begins, things change....it's supposed to change for the better.....you know, the being able to settle down a bit, knowing that THAT other person your'e with has your back. I don't really know why some people cheat, but it happens. Why did my ex-husband cheat on me when I gave him everything that I had? Why did he feel that my love wasn't enough? Why did he feel that he could get by with it and not get caught? Had I done something to cause this cheating?......NO ! the answer is that I did NOT do anything to cause his cheating. And to be honest, those questions will never be answered. For a long time I couldn't get past not knowing, but within time, I learned that there were no answers. How does someone get by with no answers? It's not easy, but it is something that I have had to learn to live with. And I mean, it's hard, but it's do-able. I learned how to take one day at a time. I learned how to put myself first. I learned how to start doing things for myself and to stop looking back so much. Within time, things fade. The hurt will always be in the back of my mind, and the back of my heart, but NOW I feel like there have been many other new things taken it's place. I have learned how to live again, and to love once again. Time heals , but don't dwell on the questions of WHY....learn to start doing things for yourself, for your children if you have them, and start walking forward. It CAN be done....I know it, because I am living proof.
Time and The Healing Process of Infidelity
Time sure seems to help ease the pain, especially when you've been through the pain and heartache of infidelity and cheating from your partner/spouse. There used to be times in my life that I thought that I was living in a soap opera type of existance. I didn't like it, but it just seemed like there were so many ups and downs, and alot of arguing and crying my eyes out. One minute I thought that we would be okay and things would kind of sort themselves out, and the next minute, I was upset all over again. Was it my hormones working over time? I know NOW that I did NOT deserve all the crud that he put me through, but at THAT particular time in my life, I wondered what I did wrong and why our mariage was SOOOO off course. Why would a married man---and in particular MY spouse, want to go out with another woman, when he already had ME at home? So many questions went through my mind, and NOW I understand that those questions will never have an answer. If he didn't want to be with me in the first place, why didn't he just tell me? I guess he was just comfortable living with me, and playing with her. Well, now that it's been years ago, I am happy that I no longer have to wonder about his wear-abouts...now it's time for his OW to worry !
Why Was This All Necessary?
I sit here and wonder WHY was this all necessary? What was the reason that I had to go through all of this heartache and pain ? Why did I have to suffer from him hurting me so much? ....the name calling, the lies he told and believed for a very long time, the worry of WHERE he was and the final break-up of my marriage and family. It seems that I can look around and see so many couples who make it through, and some that don't, and then there's just me. I wondered for a very long time if I had anything to do with his cheating.....but I know that I didn't. I was always there for him, and sometimes think that I gave him way too much of myself. I see him, right now, with his other woman, and he is also cheating on her...go figure. That man just can't seem to find happiness within himself. Why did he even want to marry me or have a family with me if he wasn't happy? Did he honestly try to be faithful? So many questions, and you know what? none of them will ever be answered, I know that already.....my question is WHY did I have to go through such pain? Maybe one day I will find the answer.
WHY ? And How Does It Happen ?
With time, my past life seems to be fading away and almost as if it never existed, but it DID ! How do so many years of your life of pain just seem to pretend as if it never happened? Of course, there are things that I will never forget, and it still brings tears to my face just thinking about the pain that he put me through. And yet to this day, I never knew why....and that's another thing that I don't think that we ever know after the fact, and that is the reason WHY ! I see that it happens in all walks of life, from the average person on the street all the way to the people who are supposed STARS in Hollywood....and it's no different. It doesn't seem to matter if you are rich or poor, famous or not so... Is it because we fall in love with someone and they suddenly fall out of love for us because we've done something that our partner is unhappy with? I DON'T really think so, and that's because we MUST be happy within ourselves to be happy. We cannot depend on our partner to make us happy. It all starts within yourself. So, perhaps it's something inside of the person who is cheating, that is trying to make themselves happy by doing what they do....without thinking about the effect that it can have on their partner or family. Does it take a miracle these days to be with someone that's faithful?
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