No "thankyou", Only Heartache

Although I post signs for infidelity and how to spot it, it's not always easy. I did not see too many signs in the beginning or perhaps I just didn't want to see any signs. I didn't want to face the obvious, what was right in my face, "the other woman". Nobody wants to face the fact that they are not the "only" woman in their man's life. Other than his own mother, of course, but you know what I mean. I didn't want to even think that he was out gallivanting around with someone else while I was taking care of the kids, cooking, washing the laundry and even washing his clothes for him, while he was out having a good time. I felt since I was doing all the family "chores" that he should have owed me some gratitude. Where was my "thankyou" for putting up with everything that he had put me through all these years? I didn't get a thanks, or any part of gratitude when it came to putting up with everything that he had put me through......all I got was him being a cheater. That really put me into a bad mood....heck, it made my whole world fall apart.

Examining the Signs of Infidelity

I have listed below the signs of infidelity, and I am sure there are other signs that you can look for, but really, I didn't notice that many of those signs. My most noticeable sign was his being sneaky. Acutally the more that I calle attention to certain things that I found questionable, the more he sneakier he became. The "other woman's" phone calls were coming in from her work number and when I called attention to it, they became "private" calls. That put me further and further away from finding out what was going on. When I told him that I saw that she was calling from her work, I believed him when he told me that she was the one who was bothering him and that he was not talking to her at all. After that, the work number did not show up. I was so curious why things changed and to be honest, it was right in front of my nose. It was him. He was the one telling her about my questions and that made them going into hiding more. I was so involved in trying to find out, that I just did things without thinking them out first. I wished that some of those things that I did, I could have done differently. I am shuttered by the fact that I took so much of my precious time out to delve into the matter, but really, what do you do when you are so in love with your partner and find out that they are cheating? It is terribly devistating, to say the least. I should have examined the signs of infidelity a little closer perhaps, but would it have done me any good? Possibly not.

Signs of Infidelity

There are signs that can help you find out if you are being cheated on, but keep in mind, even though your partner may do some of these, it doesn't always mean that he/she's cheating.
1. Different Grooming Habits
2. Sneakiness or Secretive Behavior
3. Day to day behavior change
4. Defensive about being late, or being evasive with answers
5. Having a new "favorite" shirt, cologne or other personal item suddenly
6. Withdrawing from you
7. Difference in sexual behavior

Now, just to explain a bit, "different grooming habits" whether it be a new haircut, shaving more often, or maybe him paying more detail to his grooming than he normally does.
"Sneakiness or secretive" as in hiding the cell phone, pager, credit card bills, or maybe him/her suddenly washing their own clothes when they normally never have.
"Day to day behavior changes" such as mood changes, him/her changing their daily routine, suddenly out of his/her normal patterns
"Defensive" about being late and not telling you ahead of time about coming in late, or perhaps making it a habit day after day, not giving you any answers why he is late, or lying about why he is coming in late.
"Having a new shirt or cologne" as a new favorite all of a sudden. Buying a new set of clothing or wanting to completely change his way of dressing.
"Withdrawing from you" as if he/she is just not as interested as he/she used to be
"Difference in sexual behavior" like wanting to try something new after many years of the same pattern.
These are some of the signs that you can look for. Let me say though, that not all of these signs may be visible to you because when you are in a relationship, you don't always "SEE" these signs, even though they may be right there in your face. My man was an excellent liar and he always primped in front of the mirror, so I couldn't see anything different with my situation. He was always kind of a sneaky man so I had no clue there either. He had his times of withdrawing because he wasn't always the best "family" man or husband, so there, nothing was different for me. The only things that I noticed were some differences in sexual behavior and being evasive about when I questioned him. He just totally would NOT answer me. Whenever I questioned him about another woman, he became even more sneakier. I will say this though, if they are cheating, eventually they will slip up enough and get caught, especially if you do not call their attention to it.

Why Couldn't I See Before?

I was having a great time with my children. I was getting to know "me" and that felt so wonderful. Why couldn't I see this before? Why did it take so long for me to finally move out of the one spot that I had been stuck in for such a long time? I honestly can say that I loved him. I wanted so much for things to work. We had a child together and she loved her daddy with everything that she had. She was too young to see what he was doing to hurt me, but I know that she knew that something wasn't right. He wasn't really much into doing family things so when we went and did our 4-H thing, it was perfectly normal. He wasn't interested in her wanting a horse, learning about a horse or anything in between. I wanted to give her something that she could learn, and she excelled in it. I wanted to see her follow a dream that she'd had for a very long time. Making myself separate from the drama of his infidelity was great. It made me feel stronger. The only thing was though, I still loved him and even though he hurt me more than words can say, I knew that one day, I would still have to deal with it.

Time Spent Without So Much Worry

Our daughter was going on with life normally, making fairly good grades at school, coming home and riding her bike. She also developed a want for a horse. Geez, this was not a good time to want something so gigantic, much less it was something that I just could not afford at the time. I found our local 4-H and we joined a group for horses. They were a wonderful group, and taught my daughter not only how to ride, and barrel race. but horse care too. I found this time with my daughter to be very calming. We spent alot of time together not only with 4-H activities, but riding horses and practicing technique on the weekends. Although we didn't have our own horse,we borrowed horses from the 4-h group, and this gave my daughter a chance to learn something that she really took interest in. We volunteered at Christmas time wrapping presents and doing the 4-H thing and it really took my mind off my problems at home. This time was so very important though because I needed to find myself. I needed to spend much needed time with my daughter. Not only that, I had a chance to separate my problems from him. This helped me more than I can actually say.