Thanksgiving is almost here, so that means another Thanksgiving Dinner without him, but it's okay. I realize that I have brooded over that man for far much longer than I should have. I look back on many Thanksgiving dinners that we had with my family, and even though he was there he really wasn't "there". He went through the motions, ate his food and went into hiding, playing his little tv games on his playstation or deciding that "someone" needed to have an estimate on a job and off he went. I was so blind, and I didn't even realize it back then. I was married, but so alone. Smiling through the holidays and thinking that everything was fine, but I can see it now, it really wasn't.
Gone are those days of feeling alone, going through the motions of being thankful for having him, when all he probably wanted was to be with "her". I wished I would have seen it back then, and I might have been able to let him go much earlier. Love is so blind, that is true. What brings us to the point that we just hold onto something that just isn't there anymore.
I am so much happier now that I am not living with someone who is just playing the game, trying to take advantage of all he can get. I have my new life now, so the turkey and dressing and all the fixings will be enjoyed by all who honestly really care about giving thanks, and not worried about what could have been.....because now it's better.