Losing a Part of Myself

My oldest son came down to visit me yesterday and we had such a great visit. Everyone who met him commented on how much fun he was. He was so full of jokes, laughter and you could really call him the "life of the party". I saw in him how much he was like me and was proud to let everyone know that he took all his silly and goofiness from me. After he left, life settled back down to the normal and as I went in to work this morning, something happened. I then realized that I was no longer the same person that he knew me to be. It hit me like a ton of bricks as I sat in a moment of silence and thought about it to myself. "What has happened to me?" As the tears rolled down my face, I realized that I was no longer the happy-go-lucky gal that I used to be. "Where did I go?" I felt like all the years of unhappiness had taken away ME !!! I sat there wishing that I could have some of ME back again. I don't have the joy that I once felt in life. Could all of the worrying about his infidelity have taken so much from me? To be honest about it, I know now that it did. I feel sad about it. I let this cheating man, whom I loved dearly, squash all of my happiness in life out of me. I let him take away something I had had all of my life, my joy, and that was a part of my personality. I know that getting older also has it's effects on changes in your life, but I lost something that I didn't even realize that I had lost. I shouldn't have let his cheating rob me of ME....... if you are dealing with infidelity in your life, please take care not to lose a big part of yourself. You need to take care of YOU.

1 comment:

hipmommy said...

Debbie,
I'm so glad that you had such a good time with your son.

I'm sorry that you are feeling down...I know exactly what you are going through because my mom is feeling the same way you are feeling right now.

I know it is easy for me to say it, but please cheer up & I am praying for your happiness!