Getting Away From All The Drama

And once again, I became a stronger woman. I stuck to my plan, giving him the cold shoulder, yet still being decent towards him, letting him get the idea that I was done playing his games. He continued to try everything that he could to smile at me while passing me in the hallway. I know that this all sounds childish and perhaps totally ridiculous but I had to stop and take a break from all the drama that he was putting in my life and I had to find a calm place to land. To be honest here, this time in my life was good, because I took some time to separate myself from him and his "other woman", well, the woman that I knew he had but him refusing to admit existed. I continued my quest. .... grocery shopping alone, cooking dinner and feeding the kids and I, while letting him come in and fix his own plate of food. I found things around the house that needed to get done, since I had neglected to do it while all the crying was going on. I found some time to find ME again.

Trying to Make a Difference In My Life

After much ado, about a very important issue, I took a stand. I felt like I was not going to get anywhere just hiding beneath the cracks and being stepped upon by some other woman. Honestly, that's how I felt. How could he give her the upper hand over me, especially since he was living with me? If he wanted to be with her so much, why didn't he just pack his bags and leave? That was a million dollar question. For one, he had way too many things in the garage to move once again. He didn't like change. He just wanted to go on and on this way, doing as he pleased. I HAD to do something......but what could I have done to make a big impact on this whole ordeal we were going through? I didn't want the other woman to chase me out of my own home though. I had to think on this awhile, and while I did, I decided to give him "the cold shoulder" for awhile. It was hard at first because he thought I was going to give in right away. I got up in the mornings, made my kids breakfast and tending to my own business. He was floored. He did not like this at all, but I had to stick with it to see if it was going to get me anywhere. I hated having to go through this. I felt like a teenager in high school again, planning out my next move.

Looking Through Our Children's Eyes

Seeing myself torn up over his cheating was bad enough, but how did my children see me? Looking through my children's eyes, they probably saw things a whole lot clearer than I did. Children are very smart and they sense when there's a problem, even if they don't know what the problem is. My son was in high school and he could see that I was going crazy trying to wonder where his dad was all the time. I tried not to show how worried I was about him not coming home early or being here very much but as much as I tried to hide it, he could still see that there were problems. I surely didn't want to alert my children about our troubles, but they knew something wasn't right. My hubby came in and out as he pleased, and he was doing as he pleased. He was showing my children that it was OKAY to treat me like this, but it really was NOT okay. I felt trapped by the fact that I was trying so hard to cover our problems from the kids, yet trying to hang to what I had left of a marriage, which really wasn't much, especially since he had someone else. I felt like on one end, I had to be nice and happy to show my kids that things were ok, but deep down inside, my heart was crying. Looking through children's eyes, they can see when you are sad. Many times, you don't stop to realize that, but they know when mom's not the same as she was. How do you make things ok for the children?

The Ups and Downs of Adultery

For as many times that I had been cheated on, the ups and downs were really crazy. There were times that I felt like I was crazy, in fact. I wanted to find out all that I could. As a matter of fact, I found myself doing things that I normally wouldn't have done. Looking at the numbers of his cell phone, writing them down and even calling a few of those numbers drove me nuts. I would never have done this, if I hadn't been so desperate. I have heard in the news of many a woman that did some really crazy things when she found out about a cheating husband. So, does this make us "temporarily" crazy? That makes me wonder. Some women can find out about her hubby's affair and can just move on, and others cannot. For me, it was like a time bomb. I wanted to confront "the other woman" and I wanted to know the whens, whys and all the answers in between. How do you get past this feeling? I know for me, it took years. I even think that I carry it around with me sometimes....other times, I just blank it out of my mind. Does anyone have any suggestions as to how they have handled a cheating spouse? If so, I would love comments, and maybe we can use those comments to help others who are going through this.

Why Do I Love Him So Much?

Once I decided to persue my goal in finding out who this new "other woman" was, I kept at it with fury. I would answer his business phone at any oportunity that I had. I was what you would call a "good secretary". I had hopes that once she heard me answering instead of him, that she would back off. Why would I be so crazy to keep trying? Was I just chasing this man when I shouldn't have? Well, I know now that I shouldn't have wasted my time, but I have to tell you, honestly, he was my love. Oh, my heart wanted this man so much, and I really don't know why. Why was I so in love with someone who was hurting me? And on top of it all, he didn't seem to care that I was hurt. Why couldn't I just drop him like a hot potatoe? I guess it was a matter of the heart. My head was telling me to move on, but my heart was firmly attached. What do you do about loving someone so completely? How can you move on, when you are scared to face the world alone? That was a hard thing for me.....maybe that's why I stayed so long.