My Self-Centered Ex

Why in the heck was my ex so self centered? Did our actual life HAVE to revolve around him? What ever happened to "us" meaning"we" ," him and I" and not just him? Do we get in a relationship and get so comfortable that we start losing our spouse over the petty things in life? I was a very good spouse......cooked, cleaned the house, did the laundry and yes, he had as much sex as he wanted, so what went wrong? Did I forget to make his food the way that he liked it? Or was his clothes not done right? Oh, or maybe the kids were making too much noise? We did have a communication problem at times because he just didn't want to know when the bills were due, he didn't want to hear any of the kids school things, he just didn't want to be bothered, and so I took care of it all. Oh, maybe he just felt like the only thing he had to do in our relationship was to work and I was to do EVERYTHING else. Did he have to be so into himself that he just thought in his own mind that I would never find out about the OW? I didn't owe him the luxury of having another woman. I thought that marriage was about 2 people, not just one. And what does forever mean? In my case, it only meant 13 years.


John said...

Yes, there are so many things about infidelity that just don't seem to all fit together that we end up saying 'why?' and sorting through the rubble trying to figure out what was the source of the disaster.

I suppose that if we were all-seeing and all-knowing we actually could trace back how the whole thing happened, but we're not. Even if we were and we could, what would we have?

What we really need is some peace and acceptance of that what is is and there is no going back and changing it.

I have found that "Loving What Is" by Byron Katie comes about as close to giving us something to do with all those questions, observations, and regrets that is ultimately freeing as any book, system, or whatever. It has a specific set of actions that you can take to get clean inside yourself before you set out to decide what to do.

Someone said that 'understanding is the booby prize.' I think that I would add . . . unless it leads to clear headed action. (And, let's face it, lots of understanding doesn't go anywhere.)

"Nothing happens until something moves." - - Albert Einstein

Debbie said...

Thank you so much for that John... I really appreciate your comment.