What Have You Learned About Infidelity?

Seeing him now only makes me think about what could have been, and luckily, I don't see him often. We learn from our mistakes as we grow, and no matter how old we get, we still learn new things every day. I have come to learn that no matter what happened to us, his cheating on me was NOT my fault. We split up over it and divorced the first time I found out, but I came back again to work our problems out after a separation of nearly a year. I tried to the best of my ability and I have learned that no matter how hard I tried, it didn't work because HE was not willing to work out his issues.....therefore, it happened again. The second time around we had been back together not even a couple of months when I found out and then I discovered his cheating.... not only once, but with 2 women the second time around. I spent the next 3 years trying to work through it and found that I just couldn't do it. I have learned that I am not in control of anyone else's actions, but my own. I have to stand up and acknowledge that I tried with all my heart, but it just wasn't enough. Sometimes this is a hard learned lesson.


Trish K said...

Wow, your blog just blows me away. Although I am in a stable marriage, my husband's family went through a very similar situation. We found out about it (along with my MIL who I adore) the night my first daughter was born. You are a very strong and courageous person. Hang in there

Luciane said...

kerith Ravine is a blog about my experiences in life
including infidelity but I also talk about food that I happen to know a lot about it. I would like to share something that help me so much. A book called "love must be tough" written by Dr, James Dobson - He speaks about the need of the victim of infidelity to immediately stop the pain by gaining self respect thru letting the partner go completely and not try to hold on. Once we hold on, like I did; we perpetuate the situation and the other partner perceives us as weak and continues to do it because they can! and they have the power unless we say "go" and only come back if you REALLY want to work it out. It is not easy but I realized hold on and show our pain only empowers them. We didn't beg our boyfriends to go out with us and we shouldn't beg our infaithful husbands to stay. I love my children and I loved my family but Dr james is right!

james said...

Hey great stuff.
Well,i have done many surveys on how to catch cheating spouses
What do you think should be done with people who betray you?