Trusting After Infidelity

How does someone go about trying to trust in a new relationship after having gone through infidelity with their ex partner? Is it even possible?  Well, in my opinion, yes, it IS possible....but first of all, you shouldn't even think about going into a new relationship until you have gone through the mourning of the one you just got out of. I know that's not always easy because many times our heart wants to love again because we all want to love someone and be loved. I think that going through infidelity with your ex is something that takes time for you to get over. A broken heart has to have time to mend. And after being drug through the mud, so to speak, you have to learn how to get back up and be yourself once again. Things like this take time, and as to how much time, that all depends on you. First of all, you must realize that YOU were not the one who cheated, and YOU did not cause your partner to cheat.....that was a decision that THEY made---not you. You cannot control what another person does....so remember that.  Take time to do things for yourself. Take time for your heart to heal. There really is life on the other side of infidelity. And yes, it IS possible for you to learn to trust someone else again. All it takes is time.

You Have The Power

I am doing so wonderfully these days that I feel so happy that I made the decision that I did--to walk away after such a very long time of trying and unsuccessfully so. However, I look around me and I see so much of this cheating and infidelity going on all around me. I sometimes wonder why there are some of us that can get through life without having to go through infidelity and problems with a spouse cheating and then others have to have our heart stomped on as if it were nothing. I suppose that we all go through different walks in life, some harder than others, but as we age, we seem to acquire the knowledge of getting through it all. If I had known that my ex was going to hurt me so bad, I don't know if I would have walked away before the pain or not....I think that some things we must live and learn through life to make us become stronger.....and this was not what I had in mind at all. If you are going through infidelity with your partner, I know what you are going through....and I know how heavy the pain feels. I also know that YOU have the power to decide what you want in life and only YOU can make a decision that will determine your future. Everyone has the right to be happy....and life is way too short to be unhappy all the time. Many people say that married people should stick it out and work things out....and that is very true, if BOTH partners are willing to work together...but if it's all one-sided, the fight becomes harder. Take the time to think about what YOU want in life, and how YOU deserve to be treated !

What About the What If's

Today I look back and I see so many things that could have been...but isn't that what we all say at one time or another? What if?  Yes, what if's are great if they really did the trick, but what is done, is done....gone and never more to happen. We cannot go back and re-live the what ifs, and I know this because I have tried to do it. The first time that I left my husband, right after seeing him with the other woman, and being shocked by the fact that he had been in her place just way too entirely long, coming out of her house brushing his messed up hair. After being away from him for nearly 7 or 8 months I started with the "what ifs"  and I convinced myself that maybe I had left in such a hurry that my mind was playing tricks on me...maybe I hadn't actually seen what I did....and I returned back to him...in the hopes that we could try all over again. I allowed him to make his apologies...I didn't get what I was expecting.  Sure, I got the "I'm sorry" but after the initial small period of time passed, he no longer wanted to talk about it...he didn't want to work at our marriage. He assured me that all was well, and I let him know, in no uncertain terms, that I was not going to allow it to happen again...BUT IT DID !   I was helpless. I thought that IF I went back to him, maybe I could do whatever it took, to make him want me and only me....but my what if's were in vain.  I thought if I returned, that we could start all over and I would do everything that I thought I wasn't doing right the first time and that things would change....he would not cheat on me again.... I was wrong. After that short brief time of his showing his "sorry", it went back to the same old thing.  The only difference was that I was the one trying, and he was not interested anymore in working with me. I was supposed to forget about it and move on.  Well, my question of what if was answered. For me, and for our marriage, it wasn't good. I cried, stomped, screamed and tried everything that I could. Why did I have to wonder "what if".... but I think it's just human nature to wonder about those kinds of things. I hope that anyone going through this horrible mess will take their time in deciding what to do, because you cannot solve the what if's in a day, or even a week.....This all takes time, so take YOUR time in making a decision.

What Is It That I Am Looking For ?

Someone, and a very smart someone, I might add, asked me one time "what is it that you are looking for?"  I was going through infidelity and heartache with my ex at the time. I was hurting so much and didn't really think too much about the question until one day after I got tired of crying my eyes out every day, tired of wondering if he was going to cheat again, and sick of spending every waking moment worrying about if he was with HER or not, that I began to wonder if I could actually answer that question. What was it that I wanted ?  What did I want for my future? And finally, did I WANT to be stuck in that situation forever? No, I wanted answers, but I wasn't getting any. My ex did NOT want to talk about it, nor did he want to answer my questions about it. My ex wanted me to forget about what he had done to me and our family and just "move on".  I started wondering if things would EVER change. After wasting many years of my time, the hopes and dreams of our family coming together once again just wasn't happening. My ex wanted ME to work on our marriage, but he didn't want to contribute to helping me, or us. I then began to ask myself that question...what was I looking for? And I discovered the answer.....I wanted peace...I wanted a partner who would want ME and only me. I wanted fidelity. I wanted honesty, and I wanted to not have to worry over what my future would be. It wasn't until I was able to discover for myself what I wanted, that I was able to start the process of moving on with my life, and with my future. I found that I was growing tired of the time things were taking with only me working on the marriage. It wasn't fair, and he wasn't being fair. I wanted a normal life and I wasn't getting anywhere stuck in the situation with my ex. I had to find my answers, and then I had to figure out what I was going to do to find my peace. Do you know what you want in your future? Do you know what you are looking for?

Looking Back At Infidelity

I look back at the hard times that I went through infidelity with my now ex. Times were hard. We were both working and the kids were young. Today I breathe a sigh of relief that the pain and suffering of his cheating is behind me. I will never forget what he did to me, to our family, and to my self esteem....however, I can honestly say that I walked a very long way to get to where I am today. I learned that I do not have to put up with that ever again. I am much more cautious than I used to be. I know WHO I am today and no longer suffer with low self esteem. I no longer have to hear him put me down, say ugly things to me or my friends, and I no longer need to feel unloved. Today, I love MYSELF for who I am, feel stronger for what I have been through, and thank GOD that I have family and friends who love me. Living a life through infidelity has got to be one of the hardest things to have to go through. But you DON'T have to feel as though your partner doesn't love you anymore. You need to sit down and decide if you want to start off new, which means starting all over again....hard but you CAN do it, or....you can work things out with your partner/spouse ...but this means BOTH of you working on it, not just YOU alone. Partnership if for two people..not one alone, or three. But most of all, you must take time in thinking things through before you make any decision.