Alas ! I Think I Am Finally Done.

As this year is closing to it's end, I have been dealing with a bad year that I want to be done with. This year has not only brought me a trip to Florida to be with my dad while he went through heart surgery, a trip to Indiana for my vacation which turned out to be totally spent in the hospital with my mother and her stroke, back again last month when my mother passed away, but a whole year of dredging up my past with my ex, who I thought was my soul mate. My ex's time is now up, it's done and it's gone. I sit here and pray that this new year will bring me a much better year. I am now ready to let go of my ex, after such a very long time of crying and worrying about him. I feel this is in my best interest because it's just holding me back of a future that I might be able to have. I had a long history with him but I am letting go now because I have to. I need to move forward with my life and I need to start a new life for myself--which does not include worry about him any more. I know that we will never be and I am now going to accept this. Here's to a new year in my future, and hopefully to you all too. May this new year be a good one. I know there's so much out there for me, so Cheers!

Will I Ever Stop Wondering About Him?

Now that I am no longer with my ex, I feel as though so much pressure has been relieved of me. I no longer have to be in "his" routine. I no longer have to do things the way that HE expects things to be done and I can finally get back to being myself, whoever that is. I have been with him for so long that I have to find myself again. With Christmas now upon us, I have been going through the normal holiday trends of buying gifts and putting up a tree and all the merryment of Christmas. However, this morning, I woke up and he was on my mind, and I really don't know exactly why. I have not paid any mind to how he is, what he has been doing or who he has been with at all but this morning, he is on my mind. I don't know if it's because I just lost my mother and I have been sad and it just seemed to hit me like a loud clap of thunder or maybe it's because our daughter has been trying to reach him for a couple of days and he is not answering her call. She reluctently bought him a Christmas present stating to me as she bought it that he probably wouldn't think about her for Christmas but she bought it for him anyways. She loves her dad even though he has treated her so ugly. I want so bad to get in it and go over there and rip his eyes out but that wouldn't do any good so I sit here and write. Maybe the writing will help me work through this horrible pain I am going through. Why does this man have to tear our daughter up after all that he has done to us and our marriage? Why did he ever have to have "other women"? Here I am, again wondering why and I was trying so hard to put him behind me. Will I ever be free of him and stop wondering about him?

What Do I Want For Christmas?

What do I want for Christmas this year? Usually, I am not really picky about what I want because I am just grateful for what I have been given. Sure, a new robe would be nice and a new box of goodies sound nice to have but what I want most in life is to have peace. I want to be able to go through every day living with peace in my heart and song in my step. I have focused so much on what I haven't gotten with my ex, and how so many things went wrong. I need to try and focus now on what's new and upcoming for me in the future. I have been truly blessed with my children, my family and my friends. I have been blessed with fairly good health, and I need to stand up and start taking better care of ME.

What Does Christmas Mean To You?

What does Christmas mean to you? To me, it isn't all about spending every last dollar you own on buying presents. I discovered a long time ago that when children are small, they don't always keep up with every single toy. Christmas to me has always meant family and friends. Moms, grandparents, children, aunts and uncles all gathering around the home for food, drink, talk and laughter. What if you are newly divorced this year and you haven't a clue about what you are going to do on Christmas? What if your life is just in limbo? What do you do? How about making some new memories? If you have children, you can find new projects to do with them. Riding around looking at other's Christmas lights is something enjoyable. Baking cookies together is another thing that you can do together. How about wrapping presents together? Making Christmas cards is also alot of fun. If you are strapped for cash this year, why not go in on a drawing with your family members so you don't have so many to buy for? This year, my daughter is getting one big gift item and a few small ones. For me, Christmas also means that God is still here for me and my family, even if my ex isn't.

Is She Still My Aunt?

What happens when you divorce and you HAD nephews and nieces that once called you aunt or uncle? Do they still continue to call you that? Are they still your relatives? That's a hard question because I once went through that situation and ended up with half of them still calling me aunt and the other half not. Of course, it does hurt your feelings if you were really close and then all of a sudden, due to the divorce, they no longer consider you family, even if you have been with that family a very long time. When my older children once asked me if I was still the aunt to one of their cousins I told them yes, because I was their mother and they are a part of me, so that didn't change anything. If their father chose to get married with someone else, they might be a step-aunt but I would still be an aunt because of me being a mother to my children... I know, sounds very mind boggling. What do you think about it?