Waiting Until It's Too Late

Out of the blue, he called me again. I was thinking (as I was hearing him say hello) "oh no! what does he want now"? He started by telling me about a little old lady that was "our" friend, but once we divorced, she became "his" friend, and that's probably only because she thought he was the world's best thing since she lost her husband. This little lady was in her 90's and she loved his company and there were many times while we were married that I found him with her. I knew that he was just visiting her and helping her to fix things in her home, but he proceeded to tell me how she had passed away. But the problem was, he didn't let me know that she has just barely passed but that she had been buried over a week ago. I don't know why he waited so long to tell me, but maybe it was his way of letting me know but when HE wanted me to know. I felt sad because I had known her for many years, but he didn't stop to think and tell me so that I could go and see her for the last time. Maybe it was that way in our marriage, me not knowing things until it was too late. I didn't see the cheating the first time around until it was already too late. Even finding his cheating the second time around was too late because we had already bought a house together. Sometimes I wonder if I had known the warning signs ahead of time, I could have prevented his cheating....but then I honestly think about it and know in my heart that he would have cheated whether I knew the signs of cheating or not. There was nothing I could have done to prevent his behaviour. And as for my dear old friend, I will miss her....that's for sure.

Following A Budget After Divorce

Learning how to downsize is pretty hard. I was used to 2 paychecks coming in the pay the bills, and now I am down to just me. Child support helps but I get VERY little since he is self employed and doesn't make too much. Learning how to budget is something that I have had to learn. First things first is the fact that you have to make enough money to afford the payments on the rent, or whatever house you are going to be living in. You must factor in the cost of electricity, gas and water and that is combined together to see if you make enough to cover that. Next is making sure that you have the money to buy gas for your car to get to work, food to eat on, and the necessary oil changes and new tire that you might need. Then....there's necessary clothing you need to clothe the children, if you have any, and for yourself to go to work in. All of this needs to be considered before the cable expenses, movie rentals, eating out and extras like going out to have a nice time. It's hard because it's totally different than it was before. Honestly, it CAN be done, as long as you watch your incoming and outgoing expenses. Making a budget is easily done by writing it all down on paper, then it's easier to follow.

Spending Too Much Time Wondering Why

Seems that tragedy has a way of creeping into our lives without a moment's notice. Dealing with a cheating husband was one of the hardest things I have ever had to deal with in my life, walking away and learning to let go is more challenging than I can say. Many weeks of wondering why I ever had to go through such pain, wondering why he cheated but never getting the answers and after awhile, wondering why it took so much of my life away hoping that things would get better. Sometimes I ponder upon the fact that I have just spent way too much of my time just "wondering". I know that with time, your heart and soul heal, but with each person, the timetables are different. We never know how long we are going to be on Earth with our loved ones....time is so precious and so short. I think that I should have spent LESS time worrying and wondering and MORE time doing things for myself. Today I am much better, happier than I have ever been. Tragedies still seems to creep into my life. I just lost my precious little chihuahua and I don't even have a clue as to why. You hear people say that things happen for a reason, but in the case of a lost pet, I see no reason for it. Losing my pet not only brings up everything that I miss about her, but it also reminds me of some of the past things that have happened in my life and I wonder IF I will always have a rocky road ahead of me, or will things slow down and become easy going. I need to look forward and keep on moving on......at least I am not worrying about my ex anymore....

Does The Cheater Find Happiness?

Is it possible for the cheater to find happiness with the other person? I honestly think that while a person is cheating, they are out having fun, doing the kind of things that feels good for them.
Cheating seems to be something they want to do because they don't have to worry about the loads of laundry sitting to be washed, they don't have to worry about how many bills are piled on the table to be paid, and they don't have to worry about anything important while they are out in their "happy place". While it seems to sound great not to have to worry about "life" stuff, eventually, they will have to think about those things. A person who is cheating does not have to think about "life" while they are away from the family. But life DOES go on. As soon as one bill gets paid, it comes right back around again, waiting for the next check. When my ex husband finally moved in with his other woman, he didn't have the "fun" escape anymore, and that's because he has to face the "life" issues with now a different woman. There will always be home repairs, car repairs, dishes to do and laundry to wash, so I don't know at what point the cheater finds happiness with the other person, and maybe it's beyond my thinking, I just don't know how my ex thought that having another woman was any different than what we had, especially since we got along so well. That one's a mystery for me I guess. If anyone out there has a good answer, I would LOVE to hear it.

Can You Recognize A Cheater?

How do you recognize a cheater? I honestly don't think that you can, mostly, but I would think that if he's a big flirt, especially right in front of you, or you notice that he's just way too into "the women" then you might just have a problem. My ex husband was the kind of man who would want to go out to eat but he would stare at other women as they passed by, and yes, it was right in front of me. I hated that about him because I felt that he was being disrespectful towards me. I also noticed that he was extremely nice to his women customers, even not collecting his fee of doing a painting or home repair service at times, but I thought that maybe he was just trying to help someone out who was short of cash. I don't think that you can really ever guess if your partner is going to cheat on you or not, but I think it's a feeling of whether you feel secure in your relationship. I never thought in a million years that my ex would cheat, but he did. For some reason, I always thought that getting married meant that you were to be faithful to your partner but I am hearing and seeing so much adultery on tv, and on the radio these days. What has happened to honestly loving your partner enough to be faithful? I know that faithfulness DOES exist, but why are we hearing so much about cheating spouses?