Leaning How To Take Care Of YOU

At first, I didn't quite know how to start this post....everyone is probably wondering about the title, taking care of you! I wonder if you are the person who gets out of bed each morning, fixes breakfast for the kiddos, the hubby, feeds the pets, gets all the morning stuff done BEFORE taking care of yourself..I know that I am. I am guilty of that. Every morning, without thought, I get right out of bed and immediately start doing everything that needs to be done....no time for myself until it's all said and done. But what about if you decided to do something for yourself first? What about getting out of bed, brushing your hair, your teeth, taking your meds if you have any, getting some clothes on, and THEN taking care of everything else? I know it's hard for me, but somebody's gotta do it. Summer is here and the kids are out of school so now's your chance to try and get a break. What about letting your kids, if they are old enough, to help you with some of those "to-do" things on your list? Kids do enjoy helping out now and then, and if not, why not try to give them an incentive in helping? Going through a divorce or a seperation can be so difficult, and really puts a stain on things..maybe you are used to having help from the STBX, and now it's just you. Take some time for yourself each day, even if it's only a few minutes. Having a nice and relazing bath (shower), getting a new haircut or buying yourself something pretty (sexy or just downright cute), taking a few extra minutes alone for a cup of coffee can really give you that extra feeling to keep going. Life really can bring joy after such a traumatic experience, but it takes time, and we all heal in different times. Remember, you still need to take care of you.

Did You Know Who The Other Woman/Man Was?

Did you know who the other woman was in your husband's/wife's affair? If not, did you try to pry around to see who it was, or what she/he was about? I'm sure that you wondered what SHE/He had that was so wonderful that your husband/wife chose her instead of you. This was so true with me. I wanted to know what was so great about her....why did he want someone else? Was she pretty? Did she have something spectacular? Most of the time, they don't....they are just normal looking women/men. In my ex husband's case, his other woman was bigger in weight than me, and she was not pretty at all. She was just an average looking person. Actually, it was someone that I did happen to meet once, and he told me about her a long time ago, but it was someone that he met during his work day, a customer. They became friends. She knew all about me. She knew all about our daughter and even saw us at the grocery store on occasion. I wondered for so many years about her and the whats and whys of why he did this to us, but it didn't matter because it was already done.
He is with her now and seems to be happy. I honestly think that he has better communication with her and that's one thing that I can see now. They both speak the same language because they come from the same country....but his second Other Woman? I don't get it at all. She knew me as well....I even helped her out by taking her to work some times. Now what did he have in common with her? Totally nothing, except for the fact that she was always in need.......money, rides, and you name it.
Did you know the other woman?

Coffee Breaks..... And Breaks In Life

I wonder if I am just in this mode of taking a "coffee break" sometimes. You know, you get up in the morning, put on that pot of coffee, smell that wonderful aroma and fix that cup of joe and smile. While having that cup, for me, at least, there's peace and serenity. It's a little smiggin of my time that allows me some small sips of pleasure. I wonder if that's what my life is doing right now for me. Am I getting that break in life or what I would call having that cup of coffee now? I no longer have to deal with my ex, not because I shouldn't be, but because he chooses it to be that way. Yes, that's totally his choice. So, on the road of life I go, taking a sweet break in life:::: no more worrying about where he's at...no more of his demanding ways..no more of his calling me names and berating me....no more crying over the Other woman. I think that my life is good right now. I have finally accepted that he is with her now, and my life goes on, just like that coffee break; a peaceful time in my life to just take it easy. Life can be so good.

Are You Afraid Of What Family Or Friends Will Say?

I am not the kind of person who worries about what my family or friends think of me because that's just who I am, but when it came to my ex husband cheating on me, I did wonder what they were thinking. I wondered if they may have thought it was my fault for not being able to keep him from cheating on me. I, of course, wanted them to help me through that horrible mess. One thing is true, and that's that no matter what anybody says, even when trying to console you, it helps but it doesn't change the situation. If your partner is cheating on you, not even words can change that. You find yourself struggling to figure out what to do about the cheating going on behind your back. Family and friends most often have alot of words of wisdom, but not always the best solutions. What I did, was gather all the info I could, then make my own decision about what was to be done....however, nothing changes if BOTH partners don't want to make it work. Just remember, let your family and friends help you through this hard period of time, but they cannot make the decision about your life.... that is your decision to make.

Do You Give Up Too Much To Stay In Your Relationship?

Just how much do you give up when you get into a relationship? Everyone has to give up some of yourself because you have to be able to come to a 50/50 in marriage. What happens when you have given up so much of yourself and you find your mate has cheated on you? Do you still give up your all, your everything to just stay in the marriage/relationship? How far will you go to make things work? First of all, I did it. I gave up so much just so we could try and be a family....however, I was only looking at it one way. I wasn't looking at what I was giving up only to have him take advantage of the situation and be with another woman. I didn't sign on for that! I found ways to try and keep him from her, but it didn't work. I did silly things like following him to see where he went. I gave up my precious time to do that, but I shouldn't have....because it didn't make any difference---he did it anyways. I gave up so much of my free time to try and make him be with me. I wanted us to be a family, without the other woman interfering. However, I gave up too much of myself by trying so hard, to no avail. I have discovered that it really DOES take two to make a marriage or relationship work, and if both parties aren't willing to try, then it just doesn't work.