How I Made The Decision To Go

I think that after being married to him for over 10 years, discovering his affair and leaving him the first time, I still came back to him after about 9 month of being apart, AND divorcing him. I went back to him and thought that I could try it again, perhaps thinking that the second time around, he would know that I would not tolerate his infidelities. But soon after, I discovered more infidelity on his part. Not only with one woman, but with two, possibly a third. No matter what I did (begging, pleading, crying my eyes out, even blocking out the OW's phone number on his phone) I found that nothing worked. He wanted me to forgive him, once again, and he asked me to sweep it under the rug and just go on. He was not willing to make amends, nor was he willing to give the OW up. After going through this heartbreak all over again, I decided that I had to make a decision of staying and putting up with his cheating ways, or walking out on my own, starting all over again. I looked for support groups for help and I decided to speak to a very old and trusted friend, someone who was a friend of my family, also a pastor. He was unbiased, didn't take sides and pointed out some things to me that I did not see before. The ultimate decision was mine, and after much thought, I felt that I had no choice but to go because things were not getting better. I felt as though the other women were more important to him than us. He was juggling me, our family and the other women, along with his work and it was taking it's toll on me. I asked myself "what do I want in this life"?
"Do I deserve this kind of life"? and "what was I showing my children by staying in a relationship that didn't show me any respect"? For me, this meant alot of soul searching but after answering those questions, I felt that I deserved a whole lot more in life than what he was offering me. Let me also say, I didn't make this decision quickly, nor lightly. I wanted this man, this marriage/relationship and I wanted my family together more than anything else you could imagine.....but it honestly takes two people to make it work and without his help, it was all one-sided. I needed more than that and I finally felt that I deserved more. Loving someone means that you cling to that person and honestly try to work things out, the good things and the bad but he couldn't give me that. I needed someone to love me and be happy with just me, but he showed me by his actions that he needed her too and as much as I tried, he didn't try too...and that's how I made the decision to go.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

You made the right decision. You were more than willing to fight for your relationship and you did the best that you could possible do. Now, lavish all that love you had for him on yourself.

Debbie said...

Thankyou so much. I am trying to live each day one day at a time.

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Marry said...

I appreciate your blogs they really help me. I am divorced and my ex is trying to get me to realize he will not do it again. It is too difficult to just believe. I cant.

infidelity-hater said...

I have been through my own episode and believe me it hurts and it stinks tremendously. You must know what you want at that point and work towards it.

Visit me to see my story at http://infidelity-hater.blogspot.com/

Anonymous said...

After my husband and I returned from our honeymoon he decided to tell me he lied about a previous relationship. I had asked if there was a sexual relationship w/ this person early in our relationship. He said absolutely not. We had been living together for 3 1/2 years before we we'd. Come to find out, he was still seeing her she lives in another state and would come to town twice a year. He would meet her at a hotel . He has told me they only had sex once. And that was about six months after we moved in together. The other few times were just for coffee Rjght!! He might as well have had sex. She knew nothing about me. There friendship has gone back years. Her first husband and mine were in the marines together. They had stYed in touch when I asked him why he didn't tell me he said he didn't want to lose me. And if he tried to end things w/ her she would have inquired and found out about me. Then she would have told me. After prying details out of him, I decided to try to forgive him. Now six months into our marriage I find out about another women he lied about. I am almost positive he has not cheated in our marriage. He is totally accountable for all his time. Voluntarily, I have to say. He is trying everything to make me happy. Will time fix this or are the feelings I have lost for him gone forever?