Chewing Gum Under My Shoe

Having a piece of chewing gum stuck to the bottom of my shoe is just how I feel sometimes when I have to listen to what my ex has to say about things. I feel like he took so much time from my life with my worrying over his seeing the other woman. No more excuses to hear and no more lies.....that's what my life is about now and I am so glad that I don't have to hear it anymore. Now he can stick to the bottom of the other woman's shoes and let her deal with all the noise that he brings to life. After all, I know that he is cheating on her with someone else and life goes on, right? But this time, I don't have to worry about him anymore. I think that I am starting to feel lucky.

Do You Just Supress Your Feelings?

I have found that with time, my feelings about the divorce are not so open and fresh anymore. I don't know if that's because I have  supressed them way inside of myself so that I can't feel them anymore or if it's time that has taken away the bitterness of the whole thing. It's been such a long time that we were together and I no longer worry about him. That is a good thing. There are times when certain circumstances come along that I remember some of the good times, such as hearing a song from when we were together, and then the bad times, when I just so happen to come across a picture of us in our happier times. During those bad memory times, I do tend to let my mind wander back into the past and it's during that time that I sometimes start to feel a really bad rush come to me as though it were just yesterday. Is that because my mind is starting to remember all the things that I hid way back inside of myself from long ago? Or maybe it's just that I have supressed those feelings to the point that they don't ever come out like they used to, unless I have brought them to mind. Do we ever really get over our hurt to the point that when we look back, we aren't upset about some things as though they happened only yesterday? Anybody ever truely get completely over the "bad" memories? I am glad that today I am honestly able to say that I have grown as a woman and am able to say that I am happy it's over...... will my brain ever stop looking back at the bad stuff? I know that I have learned from all of this, and that's a good thing.

What About The Next Man I Choose?

Do I dare to even think about other men out there in this great big world? I find that sometimes I just don't have any interest in even looking. Yes, I like just looking but I mean REALLY looking for something that's going to last a lifetime. I've already been there and done that. Suppose that I find a really handsome guy and he turns out just like my ex ? I realize that the whole process of screening guys and dating takes time but how do you know when you are ready to take that step? What if I DON'T want to ever get married again? Wouldn't I be setting a bad example for my child if I just chose to live with someone without being married? Alot of people do it these days and it seems so much easier. It's almost as though once you get legal papers, things change. I sometimes wonder if it had been better that I never married my ex, but then again, that wouldn't have stopped him from cheating. Guess it just depends on who it is, right?

Knowing That You Do Have Options In This Life

When my husband started cheating on me the first time around, I , basically didn't know what to do or where to turn....so I left. I didn't look back for many months but once I thought about it, I returned to him and tried to make things work out, with his promise of undying love and remorse for what he had done to me and our family. The lies didn't stop, but I didn't see that. I didn't want to see it. So, once I discovered his cheating on the second time of our trying, I took a different option in all of it. I decided to stay and fight. So many months, and even years went by and wasted my dear precious time of trying to get him to stop his cheating ways, but nothing happened. See, I chose to leave the first time, and the second time I stayed around for a long time to try to work things out. If you are the only one trying, then it just won't work. A marriage/partnership is made up of 2 people and if both of those people don't work at it, then you will only be in a one-sided marriage and totally miserable. Life is precious and although I don't believe in just giving up, there are times and certain circumstances where you just have to quit. I think that there are several options for the person who is having to hurt by going through their partner's infidelity. Think things out before jumping, or making a decision too quickly.

Why Do Some People Cheat?

This has been one of the hardest journeys that I have ever been on, and if you have ever been through infidelity, you know as well. What makes us choose that one special person to be with? How can we guarantee that we will choose a mate that will be faithful? Actually, there IS NO guarantee in life. What makes one man/woman want to be with others so much and others just not that kind of person? I never even thought about other men when I was married to my ex. I didn't care about whether other men were cute, handsome or good-looking. The only thing I wanted in life was to take care of the man that I had, and my children, to be a good wife and mother. Are we all just wired up so differently? What makes a partner want to cheat? Does that mean that the next man that I fall in love with will do the same thing to me? No, it doesn't. But then again, there's no way of knowing the future, as there are no guarantees in this life. All we can do is pray for the best.