Accepting The Truth

How do you accept that your partner has actually cheated on you? It's hard to think that after going through the steps of getting married, having a home together and children too, that he would actually consider taking a chance at losing it all. I know, I know, he probably didn't think that I would find out that he cheated. He wasn't counting on the fact that the other woman would pursue him and leave messages on his cell phone, knowing that I would be able to access them. He didn't think about the fact that not only did he have responsibilities from his family, that the other woman would also want his attention as well. Did he not have a clue to how this would all pan out in the end? Wasn't having a family enough for him? I guess not. I have to sit down and accept the fact that he did this to us and I have to realize that he wasn't thinking. He didn't care about my feelings. He only cared about what he was doing, and the joy that he was feeling. I now have to accept that. It's hard to accept it, but I will. I need to move on from this life-changing event that happened in my life and I have to make a new life for myself. One little baby step at a time, but I know that I can do it.

No Fairy Tale Endings Here

As a little girl, I grew up with the notion that we get married, move into a little house with a white picket fence, and have children. Boom, end of story, with every day being the best it could be. I don't know where I got this from, except that maybe from the fairy tales stories that my mother always read to me. I sure got gyped that's for sure. There was nothing even near this kind of life for me. I so much wanted to have that fairy tale life, of course, understanding that every single day cannot be a piece of cake. I know that there are many hurdles in life, most of which, you have to struggle and learn to deal with by yourself. But the ending never even came close. I got married, had children, but somehow didn't make it to the fairy tale ending of the story. I have to accept that. I have to start all over again. I honestly married him for love, good or bad, rich or poor. Why did he have to cheat on me? Wasn't our marriage important enough to save?

Time and Healing

Time is a miracle. When I first found out that my husband was cheating on me, I flew out of there so fast it made his head swim. Now, that time has passed through, it is easier to deal with. No, it's not forgotten, but time has healed some of those "shocking" truths. I never thought in my wildest of dreams that my husband would cheat on me, or that he would even have the time to do so, but I can see now, that it wasn't impossible. He did the unthinkable to "us", taking those chances and thought that I would never find out, and he also found the time to do it in. I thought that since he was self employed, that he would be so busy with all the different jobs that he had to ever be able to find time for another woman. Time has made me see things a little more clearly. Does the hurt lessen during this time? I would have to say, in my case, it hasn't taken away the hurt between us, but it has allowed me to think things over, to finally know in my heart that it was HIS choice, not mine, and to be able to get on with my life. After all, life is too short to be with someone who doesn't want you back.

I Just Wished It Would Have Worked Out

As I look back on my life, I see alot of things that I should-o, could-o, would-0, but those days are gone and past. Did I miss something in my marriage to him? Did I take the time to find out why he was cheating? Did I try to make ammends? Honestly, I think that I must have missed doing something, because somewhere along the line, it messed up and we just couldn't make it. Do I blame myself? Sometimes. But I know that as hard as I tried to control the other woman's phone calls coming in to him, it just didn't work. It was bigger than me. Their affair was bigger than "us" and for that reason, I have to say, it was not all my fault. It was his choice. He made that choice to sneak behind my back and see her, to pay her bills, and to give her things that he wasn't giving to me. As far as trying to find out why, yes, I tried so hard but never got any answers. I know now, that I will never hear that answer from him, because to this day, he still refuses to admit it. He says it was her fault. Did I try to make ammends with him? Yes, I did, and I just felt so tired of trying by myself. Marriage is a union of two, and I was the only one trying, so we failed. I just wished that we could have made it, and I look back and feel sorry that it just didn't.

Child Support Issues

I don't know why it was so hard for my ex to actually believe that child support was necessary but when you split up, there are no longer two incomes in the household. Raising children is something that takes money, especially now days. Clothing and food expenses have really risen alot lately. Not to mention the gas to take them to and from outside activities, school and daycare. My ex cried around about the big $350 a month that the lawyer said I was due each month, so I was nice about things and lowered it to $275 a month. I honestly wished that I hadn't done that, but I did. I was in such a hurry to finalize our divorce that I settled for less than I should have. That amount of money doesn't buy much. She is a teen now, and the price of just her shoes are outrageous. Did he think that I was just going to pay for everything for her by myself? I didn't make the kind of money that he was making. It honestly takes two parents incomes to raise children. What was he thinking?