Another Christmas, Another Year Of Getting Past Infidelity

Here I am, another year of being without my ex.....which means another holiday NOT having to worry about whether he is with his other woman or where he is. Christmas is and has always been a very special holiday for me. I love the traditions and the feel in the air of everyone being nice to each other, doing good deeds for those who are less fortunate and the joy of having family together....it's always been very important to me. When I was with my ex, he didn't seem to want to spend time with family, at least not during the many years that he was cheating on me. He always had other things to do, and of course, I didn't know it at the time, but he was busy with his other women...yes, there were more than one. How did he keep up with more than one, and a wife?  Who knows. But this year, he is spending time with one of his other women because he is now moved in with her. I hope that he is happy, because I AM !  I no longer have to worry about sharing him with another woman. I no longer have to be sad that he has other things to do when I am wanting to do family things during the holidays. I no longer have to wonder how much he spent on "her"..... I am very lucky to have found myself again and can actually spend this Christmas with MY family and enjoy every minute of it.

Having Good Credit

One thing for certain,  if you are thinking about getting out of a relationship due to your partner's infidelity, is that you have good credit.  Having good credit  is something that is a must in today's world. I knew when I left, that my credit needed to be in good shape,  so I checked out my   credit report, just to be sure.  My ex-husband's credit was not in as good a shape as mine was, but he was working on trying to get it in  better standing. When I checked my report, I found a few things that I didn't know was there, but after being able to see what was in there,  I was able to call and get a few things taken care of.
Did you know that there are actually 3 different credit ratings that creditors check to see what your rating is when you apply for credit, like, for instance to buy a car? At first, I thought there was only one, but found out differently. You are also able to get those credit reports for free, one time a year. Getting your free credit score is pretty easy, actually. It is in your best interest to know what's on your score. Being able to dispute something that's wrong or correct an address or name spelling is pretty easy to do, but you have to have the report first. Take care of your credit also means taking care of you and your future.

Holidays And Living With Infidelity

How does a person who's going through infidelity and all it's pain get through the holidays?  I know how hard it is because I have been there.  For the many years that I went through holidays, pretending to be happy when I knew things weren't  good. I had children so I had to make the best of everything but my last holiday with my ex was when I started to finally see that he wasn't trying to make things work. He wanted me to sweep it all under the rug and just get over it...Nevermind that my feelings were hurt. I decided that I didn't want to be miserable any longer. I did what was best at that time, and I played nice....however, once the holidays were done, and I saw no improvement from him, I knew that I was the only one trying to work the relationship out and after much thought and talking to a friend of mine, who just so happened to be a pastor, I felt it was time for me to move on....and as much as I didn't want to leave my comfort zone, I did just that....after the holidays were over. I found myself finally able to face the fact that nothing was changing and they weren't going to. Years and years of having to deal with his infidelity, his harsh words towards me, his treating me like I was a nobody was going to come to an end.  I got brave enough to walk out.....of course, I was working and able to stand on my own....I knew it was the right thing to do at the time.  For anyone who's wondering what to do about infidelity, you must first look inside yourself and decide if you are willing to try again, or if you are just tired of it and ready to start on your own...no one can tell you when that time is, or if it's the right thing to do.....you are the only one who can make that decision. I tried for years to make things better and they just never got any better. Once the holidays were over, I made that decision. Think carefully before you make a decision. If you have to sit on your decision for a short while, then do so. Just take your time deciding because it's you that has to live with  what decision you've made.

My Past Feelings Of Infidelity

Although much time has  passed, I feel as though it's been a true lifetime that I was in this relationship. Gone is my life that was full of stress. I still remember the days when he came home from work, and me quickly going through his phone and writing down numbers and listening to the other women's messages while he was in the shower....and always being in a hurry before he found out. What a horrible time in life that was for me !  I am not the kind of woman who believes that a woman should just go and check her hubby's phone just for the fun of it.... but in my case, there was way too much evidence of his infidelity, and he was telling me that it was all in my head. I felt like I had to defend what I was hearing. I mean, even when the other woman wrote him a love letter, it was proof right in my hand, but he firmly denied it all.
Thinking that you have to prove your point is honestly a very bad place to be in...and I know, first hand, what that all felt like. Some people believe that once you have a small amount of evidence, that that's enough to break apart your marriage, but me, being a firm believer in marriage and true partnership and the fidelity of vows, I felt like I had to have more proof at that time...would I do it all over again?  Well, I probably would have, if it was me having to deal with the same man and his sneakiness. My ex made me feel as though I was losing my mind...and he was good at playing mind games. Having the strength to make my decision to just walk out was one of the hardest things in life I have ever had to do, but today....I am so happy that I finally decided to stand up for myself.
Today my self esteem is back to normal and I feel like a new woman. Never again, will I allow a  man to tear me down to the point that I was back then. It took time....too much time, I feel, but it was all worth it.

Time Lessens The Pain

It has been a little while since I wrote in my blog, not because I haven't wanted to, but it seems that life just finds so much for me to do these days. I am not abandoning my blog, but trying to rebuild my life, and all is well. I never ever would have thought that while going through the pain of infidelity, that one day I would feel less pain than I did during those horrible years in my life, but honestly, time really does lessen the pain.  I haven't forgotten about what he put me through, nor do I ever think I will forget about it, but during the time you are experiencing the hurt inside your very heart and soul, you cry and wonder "why"  and you have that nagging question of why did it have to happen to you...why didn't he/she love you enough to stay true to you.  I have never found the answer to that question.  Maybe some people truly do find the answers, but I never did. However, after all the time of crying, questions and wondering if I will ever get over it, I finally started by putting one foot in front of the other....and that takes time. It takes willpower too. It took me so much time that I began each day with something new. Making a new day for me...a new week, a new month and a new year.  With each little step I took, I found myself replacing new habits and likes for old habits and such. I replaced some of those bad days with new memories, new thoughts and new surroundings. Time has not healed my memories, but time has rebuilt my thoughts and dreams....Life really does and CAN get better, one day at a time. Slowly but surely.