Does A Cheater Suffer Any Remorse?

Yesterday was the first day that I have heard from him in a long time....and of course, he needed something. I never returned his call and thought that I would leave him hanging as he has done to me many of times. Does a man/woman change once they have cheated on you? Is there real remorse? In my ex husband's case, there was no remorse.....not for me, not for his cheating, nor for the family that he broke apart (ours). I do, honestly believe that people CAN change, but they must be willing to do so and want to do it for themselves, for bettering themselves and to not cause any of the pain that they once caused before. Life is SO short, you hear it and breathe it all the time, so will things be any different with his other woman, than it was with me? I already know the answer to this question....in my case, he is going to be the same person that he was with her, than he was with me and that's because he saw NOTHING that he did wrong. He told me that it was MY fault that I couldn't share him with someone else. He thought that his transgressions should all be swept under the rug where you can no longer see them. How did he not think that by my not seeing the problems that I still didn't have feelings? Being deavistated by my ex really seems to have made me more aware of men, even though I don't want to be this way. Are there any really good men out there? YES, but they just seem to be a little more harder to find these days.

Ever Wondered "What If?"

Have you wondered if you were stuck in such a horrible situation for so long, that sooner or later, it's got to get better? That's what I did. I waited, wished, hoped, prayed and waited some more, but my world was just so up and down. For a while, I thought maybe he was going to drop the other woman and see how much he loved me.....but even during the times that things were quiet, they really weren;t....he was just hiding it more. With every complaint I made, he went more into hiding what he was doing. I wanted my marriage to work, even to the point of my giving him all of my extra time, cooking gourmet meals, washing and ironing his clothes to perfection, even paying for some dinners out and whatever I could to make his life like a king......but it didn't matter. The other woman had his heart. Why did I work so hard for a marriage that he clearly didn't want? He told me that he wanted me and the marriage but his actions spoke louder than his words. Every body wants a loving and lasting relationship but if both parties are not willing to work at it together, then it just doesn't get better.

Self Esteem and Going Through Infidelity

Today I want to talk about self-esteem. How is your self-esteem and how do you feel about yourself? During my many years of being married to my ex, he continually chipped at my self esteem. Some days he wasn't so bad, but there were other days that he always had something to say about me that wasn't very nice. I went through periods of time thinking that I didn't make him happy because it was something that I should have done or could have changed about what I did. At the beginning of our marriage, if he hurt my feelings he would apologize and try to make things better, but as time went on, and he started with his cheating on me with other women, he would say things to hurt me, but then would not care about what I felt. I was left to deal with his hurt all alone and I would look back at myself and think about what I could do to make our marriage better. I wanted him to love me, and I didn't know how to make the hurt go away. With time many couples let themselves go to some degree and I thought that with my having our daughter and then trying to take care of our household, the taxes, his business and my working that it may have caused him to see me in a different way, however, to be at all fair about this, I have to say that LIFE must go on....the bills getting paid, taking care of children, working and such is something that I HAD to do...regardless of how he felt. What I didn't know at that time, was he was actually seeing someone else and was just picking on me so that he could get an easy way out of the house to go and see her without my wondering why he left. Self esteem is something that you need to keep hold on tight of because without feeling good about yourself, you start having the feeling of not caring about things and feeling as though you are not worth it....but honestly, YOU ARE VALUABLE AND YOU MEAN SOMETHING..... please take care of yourself if you are experiencing going through these feelings. Find someone to talk to that can show you that you don't have to feel bad about yourself. It's not always something that YOU do, because marriage is made up of 2 people, not 3. ...... and if both of you want to work out a marriage you will do it TOGETHER!

He Likes To Play Head Games!

I guess we are at a new place in our "new lives" now, one in which he is starting to play the head games with me once again. I don't hardly ever hear from him.....unless he wants something from me, be it help with his taxes, help on what to do with re-fiancing our old home (which I thought he lost but am not sure where it stands now) or just whenever he feels like calling. He called me right about the time that child support was just a little past due, wanting me to do his taxes for him since I have all these years, and without one thought, I said NO! Yes, that's right, I finally am able to tell him NO......I am so proud of myself, however, he told me that he was already sending the child support and it's been almost 3 weeks now that he STILL has not paid the child support. I know that times are tight, but that money helps to buy the things that my daughter needs. I am now wondering if he is withholding it from me because I told him that I could not do his taxes. As a matter of fact, I KNOW that's probably it, but I cannot keep helping him, because if I do, he will never let go. He is with HER now and he needs to stick with his choice of being with her and leave me in peace. Why does he have to play games? Oh, and when we were saying goodbye on the phone, he told me that he still loved me....GEEZ!

Moving On From The Cheater

Day by day has passed, and I am hearing from him much less. I know that he must be happy now with his new other woman. I still have a place in my heart that hopes that he is doing well, of course,we DO have a child together so I think that will always be there....but I am not having to worry about him as much anymore and that's a good feeling. I no longer have to hear the emotional abuse that he put me through, and I don't have to hear all the bad things he had to say about my friends or anything else for that matter. What a sigh of relief I am living now. I do, however, wish that he was around for our daughter....that really makes me sad that she is having to be without her father around, and it's by his own choice, not mine. One day she will be a full grown woman and he will have missed all of it.
Right now, I am making the best of my new life....working on getting all my credit card bills paid off that we shared. I am also watching what I eat, and have already lost some. I have a place that I can call my own, and I am being the best mother that I can be. So far, since the infidelity and our seperation, I think that I am moving on quite nicely. I can honestly say that as time goes on, there is less time thinking and wondering about what might have been, and what could have been done differently, but as the world turns, I move on, step by step. How are you coming along in your new life, if you have done so? If not, are you still hanging on to a partner who HAS to cheat because you think there is no other life out there for you?