Do You Believe That "Once A Cheater-Always A Cheater"?

Some people say it's true, that once a cheater, always a cheater but I don't know if I believe that entirely. I honestly think that some people are cheaters and that's what they want to do, but I think that there are some people out there who really don't cheat because they want to, but because they made a bad decision and are very remorseful for what they did to their family. I am not sure what the statistics are on that, but I would really like to know. As for my situation, it happened more than once, and with more than one woman, and he was NOT remorseful and didn't want to try and make amends of things. Sad but true. And do you stay with someone who is a repeat cheater? I tried but it didn't work out for me......he was just too into the other woman and it was too much for me to try and change. However, if you are with someone who has only cheated one time and is remorseful and wants to make things work out with your marriage/relationship, there may be hope for you after all. It is honestly hard to get the cheating out of your mind, but you can forgive, it that's what you are willing to do. Getting through infidelity really does take time.....this is just not something that you can work through quickly at all, because if you are willing to work it out, it takes time to get the trust back. Do you believe that saying "once a cheater, always a cheater"?

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

i hope not. I'm trying to work things out with my husband who cheated. He is remorseful and trying to do everything in his power to make our marriage work. I have forgiven him and though I'm still hurt and scared I have chosen to believe that he has learned a lesson from all this and will not put our family through that again.

Charlotta Tyus said...

I too am a spouse who is trying to forgive my husband for his infidelity. He is remorseful and trying to make things work, but at the same time I am afraid of getting hurt again. What if he doesn't stop? It's only been 3 weeks since I found out, but I am honestly hoping that we can work things out. I guess I will have to wait and see if the once a cheater always a cheater is truthful or not.

Anonymous said...

I am a woman who cheated on my husband and I can say that no, once a cheater does NOT mean you will always be a cheater. My affair was brief (2 mos) and mostly on-line as there was a considerable distance involved. And (ladies, pay attention)- it came about after YEARS of sexual and emotional neglect by my husband. Please don't think you can repeatedly give excuses for not having sex and it won't affect your marriage- I promise you it DOES. Fortunately, my husband was willing to make some changes in that area or I don't know that I could say today that cheating was only a one-time thing. I love my children and want to stay a whole family, but when the one you want to be with repeatedly neglects your essential NEEDS, he/she is kind of asking for trouble.

affairbusters.blogspot.com said...

We do not believe in the saying as a be all end all, BUT (and that's a huge BUT), it takes a lot of personal reflection, insight, work, determination, repentance, forgiveness, time, faith, love, etc. Both partners must examine themselves, their relationship, and their behaviors, and make changes for the benefit of the relationship. Is it easy? No. But marriage/relationships aren't supposed to be easy. They are supposed to be a lot of work and very rewarding, right? How many things are rewarding that don't require work? I can't think of any. Great post - thanks!

Anonymous said...

I hope not as well, I just found out 7 days ago that my husband cheated. We have not been married long, just about a year and a half, but have been together for 6 years. We have met with a counselor already and I believe he is very remorseful so we are going to give it a shot. My biggest thing is that he says he doesnt know why it happened, he says he lost control of his life, and was not acting like a married man. I am terrified that this will happen again, whats to stop him from losing control again?? All day I think about this, I hate that this has consumed my life, I thought we were happy, we were planning to start trying for a baby soon......his idea mostly (thats def not happening now). I wish I could close my eyes and go back three weeks to when this happened and stop it before it did......this is going to be a long road to recovery!

Anonymous said...

the trust will never come easily once u have been cheated on by someone u love. i know first hand the man i married was very deceitful from this day to the next once what i had he have lost that

Anonymous said...

what about a 2x cheater? both with my best friends! Do you think he will cheat again? Im not sure. He is trying "so hard" to make it up. Why? I don't understand. Maybe just to retain his hold on his comfort zone. Pretty wife, 5 kids, live in maid , live in secretary/manager, comfortable house etc. Also caught him with definitely OVERUSED motel discount cardS which i confiscated. I could hardly read the print on them anymore. I've given him a second chance, we are still attending counseling but I cant seem to regain my trust in him anymore. Its been a year since i found out re the last one. He has NEVER admitted infidelity and calls them close friends. He pretends its all in my imagination when i have celphone bills and witnesses. Am I being stupid giving him another chance? or am I on the road to another heartbreak? He is trying so hard now and we even plan to relocate our family soon to get away from this all. Do you think this will start all over again? Once a cheater always a cheater?

Anonymous said...

what about a 2x cheater? both with my best friends! Do you think he will cheat again? Im not sure. He is trying "so hard" to make it up. Why? I don't understand. Maybe just to retain his hold on his comfort zone. Pretty wife, 5 kids, live in maid , live in secretary/manager, comfortable house etc. Also caught him with definitely OVERUSED motel discount cardS which i confiscated. I could hardly read the print on them anymore. I've given him a second chance, we are still attending counseling but I cant seem to regain my trust in him anymore. Its been a year since i found out re the last one. He has NEVER admitted infidelity and calls them close friends. He pretends its all in my imagination when i have celphone bills and witnesses. Am I being stupid giving him another chance? or am I on the road to another heartbreak? He is trying so hard now and we even plan to relocate our family soon to get away from this all. Do you think this will start all over again? Once a cheater always a cheater?

Debbie said...

honestly, I am praying that you are able to work things out....but you must be cautious....he must be an open book to you at any time you choose to check on him...he must show remorse and no more funny business. It's one of the hardest things to do--to trust again. It CAN be done but he must be willing to meet you half way. I tried this with my ex, and to be honest, it didn't work...no matter that I blocked his other woman from his phone or confiscated his love letters...so, what I am saying, is that it's got to come from him--the WANT to do what's right and to be faithful. I wish you all the best.

Twice Cheated (Anonymous) said...

Thank you Debbie. I cannot describe how happy I am that you acknowledged my post. Advice coming from you who has "been there, done that" means a lot to me. I admire you for your strength and openness. Finding your blog is such a relief knowing am not alone in this. To all the victims like us out there, I believe the most important thing in our sad experiences is how we get up and walk again. Yes, one foot in front of the other. Baby steps until we learn to run. We must learn to love ourselves in the midst of all the sadness. I am hoping that I can still work it out with my husband mostly for the sake of our children. But am determined not to loose myself again along the way. We always fall back again and again into the self pity trap but lets try our best to get up, cope and move on with them or without them!

Twice Cheated