Thursday, September 3, 2009
Do You Believe That "Once A Cheater-Always A Cheater"?
Some people say it's true, that once a cheater, always a cheater but I don't know if I believe that entirely. I honestly think that some people are cheaters and that's what they want to do, but I think that there are some people out there who really don't cheat because they want to, but because they made a bad decision and are very remorseful for what they did to their family. I am not sure what the statistics are on that, but I would really like to know. As for my situation, it happened more than once, and with more than one woman, and he was NOT remorseful and didn't want to try and make amends of things. Sad but true. And do you stay with someone who is a repeat cheater? I tried but it didn't work out for me......he was just too into the other woman and it was too much for me to try and change. However, if you are with someone who has only cheated one time and is remorseful and wants to make things work out with your marriage/relationship, there may be hope for you after all. It is honestly hard to get the cheating out of your mind, but you can forgive, it that's what you are willing to do. Getting through infidelity really does take time.....this is just not something that you can work through quickly at all, because if you are willing to work it out, it takes time to get the trust back. Do you believe that saying "once a cheater, always a cheater"?
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6 comments:
i hope not. I'm trying to work things out with my husband who cheated. He is remorseful and trying to do everything in his power to make our marriage work. I have forgiven him and though I'm still hurt and scared I have chosen to believe that he has learned a lesson from all this and will not put our family through that again.
I too am a spouse who is trying to forgive my husband for his infidelity. He is remorseful and trying to make things work, but at the same time I am afraid of getting hurt again. What if he doesn't stop? It's only been 3 weeks since I found out, but I am honestly hoping that we can work things out. I guess I will have to wait and see if the once a cheater always a cheater is truthful or not.
I am a woman who cheated on my husband and I can say that no, once a cheater does NOT mean you will always be a cheater. My affair was brief (2 mos) and mostly on-line as there was a considerable distance involved. And (ladies, pay attention)- it came about after YEARS of sexual and emotional neglect by my husband. Please don't think you can repeatedly give excuses for not having sex and it won't affect your marriage- I promise you it DOES. Fortunately, my husband was willing to make some changes in that area or I don't know that I could say today that cheating was only a one-time thing. I love my children and want to stay a whole family, but when the one you want to be with repeatedly neglects your essential NEEDS, he/she is kind of asking for trouble.
We do not believe in the saying as a be all end all, BUT (and that's a huge BUT), it takes a lot of personal reflection, insight, work, determination, repentance, forgiveness, time, faith, love, etc. Both partners must examine themselves, their relationship, and their behaviors, and make changes for the benefit of the relationship. Is it easy? No. But marriage/relationships aren't supposed to be easy. They are supposed to be a lot of work and very rewarding, right? How many things are rewarding that don't require work? I can't think of any. Great post - thanks!
I hope not as well, I just found out 7 days ago that my husband cheated. We have not been married long, just about a year and a half, but have been together for 6 years. We have met with a counselor already and I believe he is very remorseful so we are going to give it a shot. My biggest thing is that he says he doesnt know why it happened, he says he lost control of his life, and was not acting like a married man. I am terrified that this will happen again, whats to stop him from losing control again?? All day I think about this, I hate that this has consumed my life, I thought we were happy, we were planning to start trying for a baby soon......his idea mostly (thats def not happening now). I wish I could close my eyes and go back three weeks to when this happened and stop it before it did......this is going to be a long road to recovery!
the trust will never come easily once u have been cheated on by someone u love. i know first hand the man i married was very deceitful from this day to the next once what i had he have lost that
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