A Note To The Other Woman

Looking back now, if I had only had the courage, I would have probably written a letter to the other woman, not that it would have done any good, but at least a chance for me to speak my peace about my husband and my marriage....here is what I would have written:
Dear Other Woman,
Actually, the reason that I write to you is because I am trying to save my marriage, and because of you being in our lives, it is near-to-impossible to achieve. I don't know what your'e thinking, and I don't know where your'e coming from, but let me just tell you where I am coming from.
I married this man, the one who you are seeing, to love, honor and cherish. I have been with him for a very long time. We have a family and it may not be important to you, but it is to me. Maybe he's telling you that I am a bad wife, or that he just can't talk to me, but let me assure you, that we are supposed to be in this marriage for better or worse, thick or thin, and even in the times when we may have problems. His running to you only hurts what's between us and makes it a three-ring circle, instead of a two-vowed by love and honor marriage. I can tell you, that when he's with you, he might be in his own little "heaven" but it's not real. It's not real life because you don't have to deal with the dirty socks on the floor, paying our bills, or deciding what's right for our children. Although you might not care or understand, I still love this man and I want to be able to work out our differences between us WITHOUT you being in the way. That would only be fair. Honestly, how would you feel if you became a home-wrecker? You might be sitting there laughing, but one day, it may come back to haunt you. Please let me work out my problems with my husband first, and then if it doesn't work out, you are free to have him. Just note: he does come with faults. He does have his own issues to work on, and lastly, he isn't perfect!!

Dealing With Infidelities

I have my moments that I wished that things would have worked out but then again, I also see what it has done to my children. Staying with a man who was cheating would have only showed them that I was willing to let things go. My children needed to see that I am a woman who is strong enough to stand up and say "that's enough" when I have had enough. They needed to see that I was no longer willing to waste my precious time following him around to see if he was actually at a job or where he was supposed to be. They needed to see that I was no longer having to check his incoming and outgoing calls while he was in his lengthy showers. My children needed to see that mom was not going to be crying her eyes out every single day and night over a man who obviously didn't care how the family felt about his going out all the time. It wasn't worth my time anymore. I finally had to make that heart-felt decision of being on my own, standing on my own two feet and taking care of my children without him. I was the one doing all the care-taking anyways since he was always gone. Gone are the days of my worrying about what he's doing right now. What a relief......why did it take me so long?

Do You Have Control Over His Cheating?

I am always reading on the internet and many times I have seen articles that state "how you can keep your mate from cheating", however, it disturbs me, since I have gone through it, that you cannot always control what your mate is doing. Many marriages have problems, some that are fixable and some are not. In the instant that you have a marriage that has problems, you need to actually accept that there are problems and seek ways of trying to repair them. Some are not repairable, but some are. What about the marriages that seem to be really going well and your mate cheats? That was what happened to me. I don't understand how some of these articles that read "how you can keep your mate from cheating" when honestly, you cannot control another person. You'd like to hope that your mate wouldn't do that to you, but really, I tried to control the other woman from calling my husband and it simply did not work. Maybe it's really only yourself that you can control in the hopes that he won't cheat.

Working Out A Marriage When Cheating Has Happened

Even though I am waiting on peace of mind, I still have to endure every day life. It seems as though one day I am with him and the next, we were apart. Yes, it was my choice to leave because I had already divorced him after the first round of his cheating, but went back, thinking that he had "learned his lesson" but that never happened......oh, perhaps he could have been remorseful for a brief period in time but how quickly he went back into his old habits. Possibly if he had agreed to go to counseling, we might have had a chance. Many people say "once a cheater, always a cheater" but I don't know if that is totally true. I believe that someone really can change with counseling and a true since of really trying. They have to really want to turn things around and work things out. Everybody's entitled to making a mistake now and then, but when it happens over and over, it isn't just a mistake anymore. They make their own decisions about what they are going to do, good or bad. My relationship ended because he just didn't want to try. He wanted me to sweep it under the rug because he was "promising" once again that it wouldn't happen anymore. There was no trust left and I got so tired of following him and checking his cell phone and his vehicle that I just lost a good portion of my life. I finally decided it was time to give it up. If someone really wants to work out a marriage, it honestly takes two.

Waiting For Peace Of Mind

It seems as though so much time has passed but yet, I still haven't managed to completely and totally get him out of my mind. Some say it takes a year for every so many years you were together but in my case, it just hasn't happened. It's not that I sit here and think about him but perhaps it's that I feel like things were over and done with without a closure. Yes, we got divorced. Yes, we are apart and I never hardly EVER see him. I think about what could have been and why he was not able to fulfill his part of our marriage. I want to scream about it.... I want to cry about it sometimes but most of all, I just wished I could forget about what he did to me. Moving on is something that takes time......guess I will keep waiting for that day.