Living Through Those Old Holiday Memories

Here it is, Thanksgiving and all my grown kids and grandkids are gathering to have a big feast tomorrow at my house. This really brings back memories of years ago when we gathered together and things were good. Although I have moved on with life, memories are still there, in my mind, letting them relive them. I don't know why it's so hard to get past "special" holidays like this. It could be perhaps that we still have connections, I mean, as far as our child. I know that he will not come and see her or call her tomorrow, like he should and this really rags on my heart, but there's nothing I can do about it because I have learned while going through this infidelity, that you CANNOT control what anyone else does. Sad, but true. Once I accepted that, I believe it was easier for me to move on.

When Your Heart Speaks

Sometimes your head speaks to you and deals you common sense, but your heart takes over. Oh, and when that happens, you fall hard and fast. Perhaps that's the reason why I went back to him after he cheated on me. I wanted to believe that he was going to "change" as he promised. I wanted a life with him and my kids, to be a family. Sometimes a woman has a "gut" feeling. I felt like I should have stayed away, but my heart kept pounding steadily for him, day after day. I thought that maybe after the separation of 8 or 9 months apart would make him want me more. It did, at first, but what happened after that?

Why Couldn't I Get Over Him?

After we divorced, the time I spent away from him was good for me. I learned how to live a "new" life. I learned how to settle down a bit. I didn't have to wait until he was in the shower to check his cell phone calls that had come in. I didn't have to go running outside to check inside of his work truck to see if there was loads of cash stashed away in his secret hiding places. I learned how to relax and take it easy some. So, why after having such a much more life of "ease" did I get back with him? I wasn't having to worry about his cheating anymore. I was free. I think that my problem was I left so quickly, that I didn't really have time to work through my problems with him. I didn't face what I had to face with him, leaving me only to wonder about what was going on while we were apart, when I shouldn't have even worried. I loved him and I really did have a hard time getting over him, even though he hurt me so much. I really can't explain why.

Oh Those Memories Kept Flooding Back...

If it wasn't bad enough that he cheated on me while we were married, but again when we got back together later. I went through such a hard time the first time, but when we split up, I ran for the hills honey, and I mean that when I found him coming out of "her" apartment after he had been in there for way too long, I immediately found myself packing because it devistated me horribly. During the 8-9 months that we were split up, we did go through a divorce and it was hard. I didn't want to divorce him. I just wanted the hurt to go away. I found myself thinking about him while we were apart. I would hear songs on the radio and think about some of the "good" memories. I found myself daydreaming about how he would wear a certain shirt or say something korky to me. I think that after we go through something so hurtful with our spouse, after the hurt and maddness goes away, there are times that we find ourselves thinking about what was good in the relationship. Did I forget about how much he hurt me? To be honest, no, I didn't forget, but I wanted to forgive and try again to see if there was anything that could have been done differently. At that time, I don't know what I was thinking, because he ended up cheating on me again. Where was my brain?

Why Do They Think It Won't Hurt?

Why does he/she think that it won't hurt you if you never find out? Well, because most of the time, they feel as though they can get by with it, without your knowledge, but most of the time, we do eventually find out. "What they don't know, won't hurt them" is the sentence that I have heard many of times. What a load of crock ! What happens when we do find out? Alot of times the adulterer gets caught up in the fact that they are having way too much fun to even think about the consequences of us finding out later. Oh how I wished that he would have thought about things before he got involved with "her". The past almost always comes back at us in the future. I wished that he would have thought about "us", our family and our future before he decided to be with "her".