Alas ! I Think I Am Finally Done.
As this year is closing to it's end, I have been dealing with a bad year that I want to be done with. This year has not only brought me a trip to Florida to be with my dad while he went through heart surgery, a trip to Indiana for my vacation which turned out to be totally spent in the hospital with my mother and her stroke, back again last month when my mother passed away, but a whole year of dredging up my past with my ex, who I thought was my soul mate. My ex's time is now up, it's done and it's gone. I sit here and pray that this new year will bring me a much better year. I am now ready to let go of my ex, after such a very long time of crying and worrying about him. I feel this is in my best interest because it's just holding me back of a future that I might be able to have. I had a long history with him but I am letting go now because I have to. I need to move forward with my life and I need to start a new life for myself--which does not include worry about him any more. I know that we will never be and I am now going to accept this. Here's to a new year in my future, and hopefully to you all too. May this new year be a good one. I know there's so much out there for me, so Cheers!
Will I Ever Stop Wondering About Him?
Now that I am no longer with my ex, I feel as though so much pressure has been relieved of me. I no longer have to be in "his" routine. I no longer have to do things the way that HE expects things to be done and I can finally get back to being myself, whoever that is. I have been with him for so long that I have to find myself again. With Christmas now upon us, I have been going through the normal holiday trends of buying gifts and putting up a tree and all the merryment of Christmas. However, this morning, I woke up and he was on my mind, and I really don't know exactly why. I have not paid any mind to how he is, what he has been doing or who he has been with at all but this morning, he is on my mind. I don't know if it's because I just lost my mother and I have been sad and it just seemed to hit me like a loud clap of thunder or maybe it's because our daughter has been trying to reach him for a couple of days and he is not answering her call. She reluctently bought him a Christmas present stating to me as she bought it that he probably wouldn't think about her for Christmas but she bought it for him anyways. She loves her dad even though he has treated her so ugly. I want so bad to get in it and go over there and rip his eyes out but that wouldn't do any good so I sit here and write. Maybe the writing will help me work through this horrible pain I am going through. Why does this man have to tear our daughter up after all that he has done to us and our marriage? Why did he ever have to have "other women"? Here I am, again wondering why and I was trying so hard to put him behind me. Will I ever be free of him and stop wondering about him?
What Do I Want For Christmas?
What do I want for Christmas this year? Usually, I am not really picky about what I want because I am just grateful for what I have been given. Sure, a new robe would be nice and a new box of goodies sound nice to have but what I want most in life is to have peace. I want to be able to go through every day living with peace in my heart and song in my step. I have focused so much on what I haven't gotten with my ex, and how so many things went wrong. I need to try and focus now on what's new and upcoming for me in the future. I have been truly blessed with my children, my family and my friends. I have been blessed with fairly good health, and I need to stand up and start taking better care of ME.
What Does Christmas Mean To You?
What does Christmas mean to you? To me, it isn't all about spending every last dollar you own on buying presents. I discovered a long time ago that when children are small, they don't always keep up with every single toy. Christmas to me has always meant family and friends. Moms, grandparents, children, aunts and uncles all gathering around the home for food, drink, talk and laughter. What if you are newly divorced this year and you haven't a clue about what you are going to do on Christmas? What if your life is just in limbo? What do you do? How about making some new memories? If you have children, you can find new projects to do with them. Riding around looking at other's Christmas lights is something enjoyable. Baking cookies together is another thing that you can do together. How about wrapping presents together? Making Christmas cards is also alot of fun. If you are strapped for cash this year, why not go in on a drawing with your family members so you don't have so many to buy for? This year, my daughter is getting one big gift item and a few small ones. For me, Christmas also means that God is still here for me and my family, even if my ex isn't.
Is She Still My Aunt?
What happens when you divorce and you HAD nephews and nieces that once called you aunt or uncle? Do they still continue to call you that? Are they still your relatives? That's a hard question because I once went through that situation and ended up with half of them still calling me aunt and the other half not. Of course, it does hurt your feelings if you were really close and then all of a sudden, due to the divorce, they no longer consider you family, even if you have been with that family a very long time. When my older children once asked me if I was still the aunt to one of their cousins I told them yes, because I was their mother and they are a part of me, so that didn't change anything. If their father chose to get married with someone else, they might be a step-aunt but I would still be an aunt because of me being a mother to my children... I know, sounds very mind boggling. What do you think about it?
Visiting The In-Laws At Christmas Time
Christmas is coming and we all know that while we are married, we have our fair share of going to the in-law's house for celebrating. Now, I never had the chance to go and visit my ex's in-laws because they live in Mexico and my ex told me that we couldn't ever go there because someone might take our child....yes, I think now that he just told me that because he didn't want me to find his hidden secrets there......but what about you? What do you do when you are no longer married to your ex and you have considered his family "yours" for a very long time? Do you still go and visit them, despite the fact that your ex might be with someone else? Do you still give them gifts? You can't just turn off your feelings because your ex has suddenly decided to put you out of his family...that wasn't your choice. Well, in my opinion, if you were close to that family, then you still have the right to go and visit them, especially if you have their grandchildren. What are you going to do this year, visit the in-laws or not?
Name Brand Shopping?
When you go to buy groceries, I know that some things are better by the brand name, but have you tried using some of the store brands? In some cases, these items can be cheaper than the brand even with a coupon. Before I even step foot into the grocery store I always make out a list of the things that I really need, and yes, I do buy other things as well, but it makes it easier with a list. Some even plan out a menu for the week which makes it doubly easy for shopping, but I don't always have time to do that. I find that if I can get something on sale and find a coupon that coordinates with that sale item, I can save even more. Do your children like a particular item? You can go online and put in a search for that item to see if there's a coupon out for it, and boy that really helps. Money is tight sometimes so you gotta save where ever you can these days!
Christmas Spending Budget
As Christmas quickly approaches we are anxious to get out and get our family gifts for the big day. What do you do if you are on a tight budget? After all, being single means only having one income coming in and not very much left over to buy those gifts. I have learned how to combat this issue. First of all, I have my daughter make a list of several things that she might want. Secondly, I get the Sunday paper and go through all the ads to see if anything she wants is on sale. I also get online at several different sites to grab coupons. Yes, it might sound corny but coupons actually do help stretch the budget. Here are my sites that really help, and not only for Christmas, but in grocery shopping as well. I don't stockpile like alot of women do when couponing, but am considering stockpiling things like toilet paper and toothpaste. Also, if there's something that you like you can also google it, such as going to your search bar and putting in something like: bath and body works coupons and viola!! Just see what appears.
http://coupons.com
http://afullcup.com
okay, there's my take on things. Be careful which sites you choose to coupon with though because some of them want you to answer alot of questions before you get to the coupons....not with these sites, they are great. Happy Saving!
http://coupons.com
http://afullcup.com
okay, there's my take on things. Be careful which sites you choose to coupon with though because some of them want you to answer alot of questions before you get to the coupons....not with these sites, they are great. Happy Saving!
Who Do I Cuddle Up To When The Weather Gets Cold?
Well, it's December and the weather here has it's ups and downs. Sometimes it's cold, and other times not. It's Texas and so it doesn't matter that it's supposed to be cold right now. Who can I cuddle up to now that I don't have my ex to snuggle with? My daughter is a teen now so she's really into being a teen and so I look around here and wonder who is going to get me through the cold weather? Well, I guess I must have to learn how to get warmed up by myself. I went and bought a very soft robe last week and I know that the hot cocoa will certainly make things better as well. Do I need him? Heck no !!! I will learn how to adjust on my own. I think that I am learning how to be stronger every day, and that's a great thing. Maybe one day, there will be a new love to cuddle up with, but until then, I will be fine.
The Aging Process
For me, I have always looked younger than I am, but being through his infidelity and a divorce had really put me through the wringer. I cried, oh how I cried, but I had to learn that it just wasn't meant to be. Although I take pride in taking care of myself, I found myself doing the unthinkable, and in my case, I went outside the house without my makeup on. I don't wear much but have always worn it but while I was crying my eyes out so much, I just didn't want to wear it. I had big saggy, baggy eyes that were swollen like they had been bee stung. Did I start looking old? Yes, I guess I sort of did for awhile but now things are starting to shape up for me. I no longer feel like I need to cry about it, and yes, it's been awhile now since I left, but I think that things just take their own time to heal. Am I getting older? Yes, but I am learning how to get better!!!
Is She Going To Buy Him A Present This Year?
Buying Christmas this year just means buying for one less person, yes, you guessed it!!! It's for him. Now, I didn't buy him a present last year either, but had to help my daughter buy one so it was nearly the same thing. This year, she is old enough to take care of that on her own, but will she actually do it? He made no attempt to even see her for her birthday, didn't come to her quinceanera, didn't send a card---nothing. He doesn't come around at all, so will she go out and buy her dad something this year? Well, you got me on that one because I don't even know right now. I am not going to say anything to her either way because I want her to make up her own mind about what to do, but if she asks my opinion, I will most likely tell her to at least get him something because he is her father......Ok, don't jump on what I just said, I just want my daughter to do what she feels is right. So, I wonder, Will she buy him a gift afterall? Time will tell.
What Comes Around--Goes Around, So They Say
What comes around- goes around, or so they say. I would love to know if that's true, but it does seem so. Ever since my ex has cheated on me and we went our separate ways, he has run into some problems. First of all, he was on top of a roof, on a ladder and fell off!!! He was out of work ( he is self employed) and was unable to work for about 6 months. The next thing that I knew, once he was healed and back to work again, someone hit his work van and totaled it out leaving him to have to buy another one when he was nearly finished with the payments of the old one. Does he associate all this bad stuff with what he got because he treated his family so horribly??? Probably not. How long will this karma stuff keep getting to him? Interesting.
My Self-Centered Ex
Why in the heck was my ex so self centered? Did our actual life HAVE to revolve around him? What ever happened to "us" meaning"we" ," him and I" and not just him? Do we get in a relationship and get so comfortable that we start losing our spouse over the petty things in life? I was a very good spouse......cooked, cleaned the house, did the laundry and yes, he had as much sex as he wanted, so what went wrong? Did I forget to make his food the way that he liked it? Or was his clothes not done right? Oh, or maybe the kids were making too much noise? We did have a communication problem at times because he just didn't want to know when the bills were due, he didn't want to hear any of the kids school things, he just didn't want to be bothered, and so I took care of it all. Oh, maybe he just felt like the only thing he had to do in our relationship was to work and I was to do EVERYTHING else. Did he have to be so into himself that he just thought in his own mind that I would never find out about the OW? I didn't owe him the luxury of having another woman. I thought that marriage was about 2 people, not just one. And what does forever mean? In my case, it only meant 13 years.
Do Dogs Help Us With Our Grief?
I know it sounds like a silly posting, but I often wonder about this because I am the proud owner of two little chihuahuas. They have been such wonderful companions to me and seem to brighten up my world a bit. I know that they will never replace my ex, but come to think about it, they don't gripe or complain one bit like he did. My dogs don't leave their dirty socks on the floor, and they certainly don't ask me to go to the store and buy odd and specialty foods like he did. My dogs don't get all mad at me when I start crying over something that I really am sad about like he did either. Wow-- that's amazing to me because they seem to be there for me in times that he wasn't able to be for me. Will I ever find a man who will love me and accept me for who I am and want to be?
A Bright New Future?
Am I honestly looking forward to a bright new future, being without my ex and having to look at the upcoming Christmas holiday and then a new year? That can be scarey but I am honestly looking forward to what "new things" might pop up for my new year. Although I have lost my mother and no longer have her to talk things out with, I still have a few very close friends that I can always tell my woes to, and all of my friends on divorce360.com as well. I feel that the future is going to open up a whole new world for me and I am looking forward to it.
Is It Sex That I Miss, Or Is It Just His Love?
wow, I can't believe that I just wrote that title..... I have not had been near him for awhile and I often wonder if I actually miss the sex, or was it just his way of loving me (before his cheating, of course) ? He was a small framed, short kind of guy who always smelled wonderful. He always had a very smooth face, and took good care of his skin. He was a very handsome fella and had ways of making me feel good. Even though he was a small guy, he was very strong, and actually a very hard worker. One thing that I really loved about him was his ability to allow me to be me. I loved to be able to hop into the car and run down to the grocery store or walmart on a whim without his getting angry about it. Of course, I can do that now as well without him but he was just that kind of guy. We got along so wonderfully before his cheating so I don't really know what happened in our marriage, and I know that I never will. Do I miss sex? Or was it just his loving touch?
Trying To Be Strong For My Daughter
As many of you already know, I have a teen still at home and her father has chosen not to come and visit her. He says that he is just too busy with his work. I have written several posts accordingly but things still remain the same. My heart and soul ache for my child because I know how much she misses her daddy and it was not her choice to have us apart. I have done the best mothering that I know how to do and she is well balanced and happy. Her report card grades are excellent and I couldn't be more proud of her. It's in times like these, those sentimental holidays that come and go that really start to tear me apart. I have decided that I am going to try and remain strong for her and show her that even though her dad is not around, he still loves her and so do I. I am going to do all the normal traditional things with her and we will build our own new traditions as well. One thing that he DID NOT like to do much of and we do, is to go around during the evening hours and see all the Christmas lights....and I think we will do that this year----just because!
Are You Sticking With Tradition?
There are many of us who find themselves without their spouses this year and since tomorrow is Thanksgiving, I am very curious as to who is sticking with their normal Thanksgiving tradition this year. I was fighting it so much to do something different like cook an outrageous dinner instead of the normal turkey dinner but have found myself wanting that same ole tradition so I have decided that I am going to stick to the traditional turkey and dressing meal with all the trimmings. Granted, I do have one less husband around to take care of, but I am not going to let that stop my being thankful this year. I have so many things to be happy about and I have decided that I am going to try my best to be joyous. What are all of your Thanksgiving plans this year? Anyone besides me, going to make the whole dinner? Here's my menu:
Turkey, dressing, mashed potatoes, candied yams, green bean casserole, baked beans, deviled eggs, and last but not least, pumpkin and pecan pie!!!!
Turkey, dressing, mashed potatoes, candied yams, green bean casserole, baked beans, deviled eggs, and last but not least, pumpkin and pecan pie!!!!
Counting My Many Blessings
I write this post because I have so many things to be thankful for. It didn't have to be this time of year, however, I feel I need to write this because I just lost my mother and I have so much inside of me that I need to release. My mother was so in love with my dad but he passed about 5 years ago and she never got over losing him. Mom was such a wonderful woman but she truely believed that she could not live alone, so she found a boyfriend...however, this boyfriend was not a good one. He lived off of mom, allowing her to pay all the bills, groceries and support him while he worked and made money. He went through all of her inheritance from dad and from grandma as well. She even cashed out a life insurance policy for him. The things that I discovered while cleaning out her affairs were shocking. Was she just paying for his love? I will never know. Today I am no longer with my ex because I made the choice NOT to put up with his cheating any longer. I didn't have to have another man to immediately take over for the one that I lost. I have had to learn how to stand up and be my own person. I count the many blessings that I have learned how to be more independant. I wished that my mother had been able to do that. I am so blessed to have been given my wonderful children who are all grown, and one teen, but they all show me their support and love. I am so lucky. What blessings are you counting this season?
OMG!!! He Actually Paid His Child Support!
I have been gone for 9 days to take care of my mother's affairs due to her passing very unexpectedly. I came home totally exhausted but after one day of rest, I had to make it to the computer to do the posting of all that I have spent on my trip to Indy. While checking my own account, I just so happened to check on the other account and low and behold, there was the child support. It had just posted a day before I got home but what a lovely suprize. It was late, of course, but to me, that did not matter....all that mattered was that it was there and what a blessing. I want to call him so bad to thank him but am so afraid that I will jinx things by doing so. He knew that my mother had passed and perhaps he felt sorry for us? I don't know what his ryme or reason was, but hopefully the child support will get back on track once again. Here's to hoping so !!
Thankful For Thanksgiving
Here it comes, a wonderful time of the year and there is so many broken hearts. This is such a bad time of the year to have to deal with all that's going on. Normally there would be mass pandamoniom getting out and finding the right turkey for baking, writing down a list of all the extras that's needed to make all the fixins to go with it, and not to mention the dessert that's so delicious after the meal is done and ready to eat later in the day while the football is on the tv. Yes, that's right, for me, that's the traditional day and once everyone's fed, I normally get all the dishes done and take it easy for the rest of the day, knowing that all the fantastic shopping will start at 5 am the next morning. I love it, and I love what Thanksgiving is all about. Being thankful for so many things that I have been given....but this year, it seems that things have changed a bit for me. None of my children will be coming because everyone has their own agenda. I have lost my mother and for me, that's a big issue to deal with and I haven't allowed myself to really cry about losing her yet. I need to try and get into the mood of the holiday season, knowing that I won't be with my ex this year and need to start anew. Any suggestions?
Moving Out And Leaving Things Behind
When I moved my things out, it was indeed quite akward because he didn't seem to mind that I was leaving, yet he kept walking by me down the hall and trying to see what was going on. I never wanted to move my things with him around, but he made sure he was there. Although I have been moved out for some time now, I realize that there are still things there in my old house. He has made it a point to let me come in whenever I please to get them, but I hesitate because whenever he sees me, he intimidates me, wants to hug me and give me a kiss. I get confused as to what his intentions are and don't want to face him again after he has put our family through all this turmoil. I wonder if those things I left behind are really as important as they used to be. With the holidays coming soon, I am starting to feel blue.
New Things Are Finally Starting To Happen
Lately, it's kind of been out of sight, out of mind for me and my ex. I have not seen his face in a while and I no longer wonder what he's doing at random times of the day. He has gotten less and less dependent on me and that's a good thing. Thanksgiving and Christmas will soon be upon us and I normally do not look forward to those holidays without him but this year I feel is going to be different. I finally feel like I am free and I look forward to a new year of great things to come. Our daughter seems to be doing better at understanding that her father is just not there for her. I think that's been why her grades weren't as good for awhile but she just brought home all A's and B's and that's a reason to celebrate. I also notice her understanding that she cannot do anything about her father's actions, so she is now growing up into a beautiful young woman. Here's looking to a wonderful Thanksgiving and Christmas season, and I have so much to be thankful for.
He Wanted Me To "Share" Him With The Other Woman
Back when I was still with my now ex, during the time that I had already caught him cheating and him denying it, saying that it was only in my imagination, I tried so very hard to control her contacting him. I tried blocking her number from his cell phone, which worked for a little while, until she started contacting him through various work numbers and friends phones. Nothing worked. I wanted so much for her to go away and my husband made out like it was her that was bothering him, and that he wanted her to stop calling him. I believed him, but I shouldn't have. I wanted to believe. During one phone message from her to him, she told him "be careful going home my love" I was furious. He didn't know that I heard her message. He went to the bathroom to call her back and I overheard him tell her " this woman doesn't want to share". Oh, I was livid!!! Share? Why on earth would anybody want to "share" their husband/wife? I wanted to break in and attack, but I couldn't. After many months of trying to repair my marriage one-sidedly I knew it was time to leave. Thank goodness that I didn't let it go on any longer than it did. What was he thinking that I was going to share him?
His Pink Dress Shirt
As I got out of work today, on my way home, I ran into my ex in the parking lot. He got out of his vehicle and approached me and as he made his way towards me I could smell him before he even got close to me.....that same old smell of heavenly cologne. He was dressed up. He never wore jeans but wore his dark blue working pants, but he didn't seem to have those on today. He had on his pink button up dress shirt that he's had for years, the same one that he wore on some of those late night outings when he used to go out for "estimates". He looked so good and I didn't want him to see how much I missed him. He gave me some old mail that really wasn't worth looking at and reached over and gave me a hug. I was floored. I told him that I was in a hurry to get home and even though he let me go, I could see in his eyes that he missed me. I know that seeing him was hard, but I have to face the fact that I will never be able to be with him again because I will never be able to trust him.
Starting New Traditions
I need to view my future with a new outlook on life. I don't really know where to start with this, but I am going to really try hard. I think that I might want to take on a new hobby to ease my mind on all the pain that I have been put through. I think that something such as bowling, or crocheting, or even sewing might be good for me.
The holiday seasons are about to be upon us and I would like to start some new traditions this year too. Maybe I could find some craft shows coming up in my area and visit those with my daughter, or how about finding some type of Christmas play to attend. I think that my daughter would love to do this too. That might be something that we can both do together. We always take one day out every year about a week before Christmas to make some homemade Christmas cookies and pastries and I think that we will still keep this one tradition because it's so much fun doing it together and fixing up cookie baskets to give to our friends and family. What are your holiday plans? Any new traditions that you are going to start this year?
The holiday seasons are about to be upon us and I would like to start some new traditions this year too. Maybe I could find some craft shows coming up in my area and visit those with my daughter, or how about finding some type of Christmas play to attend. I think that my daughter would love to do this too. That might be something that we can both do together. We always take one day out every year about a week before Christmas to make some homemade Christmas cookies and pastries and I think that we will still keep this one tradition because it's so much fun doing it together and fixing up cookie baskets to give to our friends and family. What are your holiday plans? Any new traditions that you are going to start this year?
Dear Daddy
A Note From a Daughter To Her Father
Dear Daddy,
I don't understand why you can't find the time to come and see me. You tell me that it's because you work so much and that you don't have time to come over....but if that was true, and you are making alot of money from working then why hasn't my child support come in? I don't know why you didn't come for my 15th birthday party, especially when you knew that I really wanted and needed you there. You don't seem to care that it hurt my feelings when you suddenly cut off my cell phone without telling me you were going to do it first and why. I thought that you put me on your cell phone account so we could talk to each other. I was in the band for the past 3 years and you never once bothered to come see my concert or come to a football game to see me play. I am here every day after school and I know that you are busy but even one simple phone call ever so often from you would at least tell me that you still care. I love you daddy and I guess when I get married one day, I will have to come to your house and drag you out so you will at least walk me down the isle. Please come to see me or at least call daddy. I love you, love, Tess
Dear Daddy,
I don't understand why you can't find the time to come and see me. You tell me that it's because you work so much and that you don't have time to come over....but if that was true, and you are making alot of money from working then why hasn't my child support come in? I don't know why you didn't come for my 15th birthday party, especially when you knew that I really wanted and needed you there. You don't seem to care that it hurt my feelings when you suddenly cut off my cell phone without telling me you were going to do it first and why. I thought that you put me on your cell phone account so we could talk to each other. I was in the band for the past 3 years and you never once bothered to come see my concert or come to a football game to see me play. I am here every day after school and I know that you are busy but even one simple phone call ever so often from you would at least tell me that you still care. I love you daddy and I guess when I get married one day, I will have to come to your house and drag you out so you will at least walk me down the isle. Please come to see me or at least call daddy. I love you, love, Tess
How Can My Ex Forget He Has A Daughter?
Today of all days, I just seem to be feeling some anger. It has been many, many months since my ex has come to see our daughter. Our daughter is a very beautiful teenager. Her and I were talking this morning on the way home from the barn and her English riding lesson and I got a phone call from a relative and he and I were discussing the fact that his new partner got mad at him for calling up his ex to see what kind of medicine their son was on because he was coughing so much. I was livid!!! Every father has a right to call the ex to see about their child. That child doesn't have just ONE parent..... which lead my daughter to ask me about her father and why he doesn't call about her, or even come over. I had to explain to her that since her dad is self employed, he has weird working hours and sometimes doesn't have alot of extra time, but that he is welcome to call at any time he wants to see how she is, and he is also welcome to come over to my house to see her at ANY time. Heck, he is even allowed to take her out when he has time at any time on any day !!! I have removed the barrier of certain weekends or whatever so that I can accomidate him because I know how important it is for a father to have communication and visitation with their child. I felt so upset that she is without her dad. He and I still speak occasionally, and we get alone just fine, but somehow, some way, he has totally forgotten about her. He doesn't call. He doesn't come over. How can my ex forget that he has such a wonderful daughter? I honestly do not understand!!
Was His Cheating Due To Emotional Disconnect?
I moved out of there, throwing away all that I had done to make our marriage and relationship work. I guess you could say, that after living a lie with this man and his cheating, I threw in the towel. Good riddance to a man who made a clear decision to step outside to find his comfort. I thought that maybe the other woman was skinnier than me, or perhaps was prettier. She was in fact heavier than me and was about the same in her looks as me. I never knew what it was that he wanted in her,and he never gave me any answers, but I just happened to be watching a tv program the other morning and they were talking about why men cheat. One reason that they listed was " emotional disconnect at home". I sat and pondered on this for awhile and wondered if this affected my husband and me in any way. I think that maybe it helped to contribute to our marriage failure. We talked about things alright, and in my mind, we got along fine....however, my husband is from another country and the woman he cheated with me with and moved in immediately with after my leaving was a woman who spoke the same language as he did. Maybe he had more of a connection with her? Whatever the reason, I know that I tried my best and am now moving on. I think that writing about things that bothered me with my ex really helps in my healing. And as far as this "emotional disconnect" I guess perhaps we stopped connecting emotionally?
How Do You Begin Again?
So here's to a new life, what's next? How do you go about accomplishing a new start? Well, first of all, you will move on when you are good and ready but what about trying to do it while everything is still fresh on your mind? It might be a good time to resolve yourself to a new way of thinking. What kind of a person were you and what did you like to do before you got married? What kind of hobbies did you choose for yourself? Maybe now is a good time to try and go back to "you", the person that had their own thoughts and dreams, a new person who is going to emerge from all of this hurt and pain of the divorce or separation. How do you start? Well, let's just say that maybe you really enjoyed going bowling before you got married, but as the marriage went on, and kids came into your life, you didn't have time for that anymore......well, maybe now is the time to try it again. What if your'e not into bowling? How about a new hobby? What about doing some charity work, helping someone that really needs it? That can also be fulfilling. How about going to the bookstore and getting a cup of coffee and just sitting down to relax a bit? What ever you choose, you can begin a new life for yourself.....a new life of hope and dreams, putting the pain of your lost love behind you.
Wishing I Had Done Something Different
Time marches on and it seems as though the older I get, the faster that time moves forward. Momma always said that when I was younger and now I really believe it. I am coming to learn that life is too short to be unhappy all the time and I look back at my past mistakes and I have many things that I wished that I had done differently. But you cannot do anything to change what's already done. I wished that I would have gotten out of my relationship much sooner than I did. I wasted alot of time, years to be exact, on someone who "said" they loved me and wanted to be with me, but did not show it. He used me and always tried to make me believe that everything that happened bad was my fault. He cheated on me and even though I had proof, he never would admit it. If I could have only seen what it was and prevented whatever it was that he thought I lacked in a wife. It's too late and all I have now is my present and my future. Here's to a brand new beginning.
Learning To Move Forward
After finding out about my husband's cheating, what did I do about it? Well, the first time that I found out, I picked up and left, leaving no trail behind me. There was no way that I was going to accept the fact that I saw my husband with another woman. He never knew that I saw him either and after I did, I called him just to see what he would tell me as to where he was and of course, it was just another lie. How did we get to this point in our marriage? Why did he feel it was necessary to step out on me? We were getting along fine up to that point. We did not have any big fights between us, nor did we have any issues unresolved. Up until that very point, our lives seemed to be great. I don't know why he was such a weak man that he couldn't have just chosen to do the right thing by me, just a simple "no" to the other woman would have been all he needed to say, but didn't. Did his weakness lie in the fact that he just couldn't resist her forwardness towards him, him feeling sorry for her or that he just felt that if I didn't know, it wouldn't hurt? No matter what his motives were, they don't matter anymore. I am moving on now and learning how to move forward.
Darned That OTher Woman
ok, I guess I can say that writing a letter to the other woman would have made me feel really great, but I didn't honestly believe that she would have even read it. In my situation, his other woman knew about me, and she knew about our daughter. She didn't care what she had to do to get to him because all she cared about was herself. I suppose that most "other women" that wants to step into a situation with a married man, knowing that he is married is just out to get what she wants and doesn't care about anyone else's feelings. They so often make believe that " what the wife doesn't know, won't hurt her" but we almost always find out. They sometimes become so careless in what they do, that we eventually see those signs of infidelity and start trying to find out what's going on. What made him want her so much? Well, I really don't know but in our situation, she didn't have a car and couldn't drive. She had so many needs and perhaps he felt the need to rescue her since I was self sufficient and didn't need rescuing. What ever the reason, it's all over now. I look back and see all the hurt and worry, but thankful that he's not my husband anymore, and I feel glad that my days of secretly finding " the clues" are done.
A Note To The Other Woman
Looking back now, if I had only had the courage, I would have probably written a letter to the other woman, not that it would have done any good, but at least a chance for me to speak my peace about my husband and my marriage....here is what I would have written:
Dear Other Woman,
Actually, the reason that I write to you is because I am trying to save my marriage, and because of you being in our lives, it is near-to-impossible to achieve. I don't know what your'e thinking, and I don't know where your'e coming from, but let me just tell you where I am coming from.
I married this man, the one who you are seeing, to love, honor and cherish. I have been with him for a very long time. We have a family and it may not be important to you, but it is to me. Maybe he's telling you that I am a bad wife, or that he just can't talk to me, but let me assure you, that we are supposed to be in this marriage for better or worse, thick or thin, and even in the times when we may have problems. His running to you only hurts what's between us and makes it a three-ring circle, instead of a two-vowed by love and honor marriage. I can tell you, that when he's with you, he might be in his own little "heaven" but it's not real. It's not real life because you don't have to deal with the dirty socks on the floor, paying our bills, or deciding what's right for our children. Although you might not care or understand, I still love this man and I want to be able to work out our differences between us WITHOUT you being in the way. That would only be fair. Honestly, how would you feel if you became a home-wrecker? You might be sitting there laughing, but one day, it may come back to haunt you. Please let me work out my problems with my husband first, and then if it doesn't work out, you are free to have him. Just note: he does come with faults. He does have his own issues to work on, and lastly, he isn't perfect!!
Dear Other Woman,
Actually, the reason that I write to you is because I am trying to save my marriage, and because of you being in our lives, it is near-to-impossible to achieve. I don't know what your'e thinking, and I don't know where your'e coming from, but let me just tell you where I am coming from.
I married this man, the one who you are seeing, to love, honor and cherish. I have been with him for a very long time. We have a family and it may not be important to you, but it is to me. Maybe he's telling you that I am a bad wife, or that he just can't talk to me, but let me assure you, that we are supposed to be in this marriage for better or worse, thick or thin, and even in the times when we may have problems. His running to you only hurts what's between us and makes it a three-ring circle, instead of a two-vowed by love and honor marriage. I can tell you, that when he's with you, he might be in his own little "heaven" but it's not real. It's not real life because you don't have to deal with the dirty socks on the floor, paying our bills, or deciding what's right for our children. Although you might not care or understand, I still love this man and I want to be able to work out our differences between us WITHOUT you being in the way. That would only be fair. Honestly, how would you feel if you became a home-wrecker? You might be sitting there laughing, but one day, it may come back to haunt you. Please let me work out my problems with my husband first, and then if it doesn't work out, you are free to have him. Just note: he does come with faults. He does have his own issues to work on, and lastly, he isn't perfect!!
Dealing With Infidelities
I have my moments that I wished that things would have worked out but then again, I also see what it has done to my children. Staying with a man who was cheating would have only showed them that I was willing to let things go. My children needed to see that I am a woman who is strong enough to stand up and say "that's enough" when I have had enough. They needed to see that I was no longer willing to waste my precious time following him around to see if he was actually at a job or where he was supposed to be. They needed to see that I was no longer having to check his incoming and outgoing calls while he was in his lengthy showers. My children needed to see that mom was not going to be crying her eyes out every single day and night over a man who obviously didn't care how the family felt about his going out all the time. It wasn't worth my time anymore. I finally had to make that heart-felt decision of being on my own, standing on my own two feet and taking care of my children without him. I was the one doing all the care-taking anyways since he was always gone. Gone are the days of my worrying about what he's doing right now. What a relief......why did it take me so long?
Do You Have Control Over His Cheating?
I am always reading on the internet and many times I have seen articles that state "how you can keep your mate from cheating", however, it disturbs me, since I have gone through it, that you cannot always control what your mate is doing. Many marriages have problems, some that are fixable and some are not. In the instant that you have a marriage that has problems, you need to actually accept that there are problems and seek ways of trying to repair them. Some are not repairable, but some are. What about the marriages that seem to be really going well and your mate cheats? That was what happened to me. I don't understand how some of these articles that read "how you can keep your mate from cheating" when honestly, you cannot control another person. You'd like to hope that your mate wouldn't do that to you, but really, I tried to control the other woman from calling my husband and it simply did not work. Maybe it's really only yourself that you can control in the hopes that he won't cheat.
Working Out A Marriage When Cheating Has Happened
Even though I am waiting on peace of mind, I still have to endure every day life. It seems as though one day I am with him and the next, we were apart. Yes, it was my choice to leave because I had already divorced him after the first round of his cheating, but went back, thinking that he had "learned his lesson" but that never happened......oh, perhaps he could have been remorseful for a brief period in time but how quickly he went back into his old habits. Possibly if he had agreed to go to counseling, we might have had a chance. Many people say "once a cheater, always a cheater" but I don't know if that is totally true. I believe that someone really can change with counseling and a true since of really trying. They have to really want to turn things around and work things out. Everybody's entitled to making a mistake now and then, but when it happens over and over, it isn't just a mistake anymore. They make their own decisions about what they are going to do, good or bad. My relationship ended because he just didn't want to try. He wanted me to sweep it under the rug because he was "promising" once again that it wouldn't happen anymore. There was no trust left and I got so tired of following him and checking his cell phone and his vehicle that I just lost a good portion of my life. I finally decided it was time to give it up. If someone really wants to work out a marriage, it honestly takes two.
Waiting For Peace Of Mind
It seems as though so much time has passed but yet, I still haven't managed to completely and totally get him out of my mind. Some say it takes a year for every so many years you were together but in my case, it just hasn't happened. It's not that I sit here and think about him but perhaps it's that I feel like things were over and done with without a closure. Yes, we got divorced. Yes, we are apart and I never hardly EVER see him. I think about what could have been and why he was not able to fulfill his part of our marriage. I want to scream about it.... I want to cry about it sometimes but most of all, I just wished I could forget about what he did to me. Moving on is something that takes time......guess I will keep waiting for that day.
How Do You Know When To Quit?
Wow, powerful question but sometimes we wonder what we need to do to know when it's time to through in the towel. I know that after I caught my husband cheating on me, I immediately divorced him.....I mean, it was totally devistating. However, with much thought, and about 9 months later, I decided to return. He welcomed me with open arms, acted like he just couldn't live without me. I decided to try it again.... and we did. We decided to find a place of our own. I searched all over until I found that right place, and we moved in. Things seemed to be good for awhile. After a little while, things started changing. I didn't know what was going on with him. He seemed to be angry for no reason, started working funny hours, actually showing the signs of cheating but I just couldn't see them at that point in time. So many times he told me how sorry he was, but he would just go out and cheat again. He would get a call from the other woman about needing him and instead of coming home to me, he would go to work, and sneak around to see her on his lunch hour or at some point during the work day and then come home to me as though nothing had happened. He didn't want counseling. He told me to just forget about the other woman and go on with our lives. He didn't want to find a way to let me trust him again. I went on with this lifestyle for longer than I should have until it was just too much for me. Along with her ruining his credit with fraud and my having to fix it for him, her numerous messages that she left and letters, I just couldn't take it anymore. I think I knew when it was time to quit by the feeling that I had inside of me. My heart loved this man so much, but I was just unable to trust. I was tired of checking his cell phone. I was tired of trying to follow him around. I was tired of being the last important thing on his list. If you are unsure if it's time to quit, examine your feelings. If your partner is willing to honestly work things out, then you have a chance.... and if not, it's not worth all the time lost at begging him/her to stay. You will most likely feel a feeling inside of yourself when it's time to quit.
A Good Looking Man
There he stood, his face so smooth, except for the small mustache he kept. He had slightly wavy black hair, little bit of salt and pepper to his look but none-the-less, a good looking man. He was only 2 inches taller than me, small build with a few muscles to his arms but he had the biggest brown eyes you would ever hope to see. I miss his face so much. I can see him in my mind, smiling back at me, like he used to do, way back when. It's so hard to imagine such a nice looking man who was once my one and only love and to picture him now as he ages, still cuter than ever, but in my heart I know how he is. He doesn't want to love just me. He didn't want to go to counceling so that we could work on our marriage. He didn't want to be bothered with the crying and the tears. Will I ever run into another man like this? Will I ever have the love that I once had for him? One day, my day will finally come and I know that getting over a true love will take time. Who knows how long, but one day, I may finally find the right one.
Finding a Lawyer For Help
One of the most scariest things out there is having to find a lawyer when you are normally not someone who already has one. It's a great big world out there and it's hard to choose one if you don't know what you are looking for. First of all, there are many very good attorneys and it might help for you to ask around to family and friends to see if they can recommend someone. If not and you are having to start from scratch, it might be a good idea to call around and see someone that offers a free consultation. Start from there, see what they have to say about your situation and you really need someone that you are comfortable with, someone that has your best interests at heart, and not someone who is only in it for the money. Finding a good attorney can really help, especially if you have been married for a longer period of time and/or have children.
Divorce When There's Another Woman Involved
I do know a few things about divorce, after having to deal with it a time or two. I can tell you right now, that the man who you know as the one you married, the one who was supposed to be your soul mate can change in a heartbeat when having to deal with divorce. If you are one that has to go through the divorce because he has another woman, you need to watch out. No longer will he be easy to deal with......and that's because there is another woman involved. He will want to do everything that he can to please her so you may stumble upon some problems before it's all said and done. I watched my astoundingly sweet husband who wanted nothing more than to please me, turn into the biggest and meanest creature of all time when it came to divorcing. He not only wanted out, but he wanted to hurt me with every step of the way....and it was all because he was NOW trying to please someone else. I gave in more than I should have when it came to the child support and letting him have some of the things that should have been mine, and now regret it. If you are having to deal with divorce from a man who has someone else, don't let your guard down.
Looking For Strength
Now, finally, with my eyes wide open, I can actually see what was right there before me. I can now see his uncaring eyes, and the way that he doesn't seem to be interested in what's going on with us anymore. I guess you could say it's out of sight--out of mind, at least with him it is. Our daughter doesn't seem to be the limelight of his eye anymore and it seems as though he has forgotten that he has one. Going through his infidelity and getting a divorce was pure hell for me, because I didn't want it. I didn't want any of it, but that's what I got. As I look back on what was a little piece of "us" I wished that I could have seen the signs of up ahead before I ever jumped in. I know that THAT wasn't possible but boy oh boy--if I could have saved myself all the heartache and pain, I would have. I am done with him now and the door is forever closing and I know that I won't ever have all the answers to my questions answered but now is the time for me to let him go. I have to make myself stronger and know that things will be alright in my life once again. It all just takes time.
Natural Disasters and Marriage
Natural disasters is something that nobody can control. I guess it's kind of like a marriage. You can't always control what your partner does, even if you are married. When I got married, I thought that we were a team. Our partnership only lasted about 10 years. Was it something that I did to end this partnership? No, honestly, I tried so hard to hold onto it, thinking that his cheating would just all of a sudden stop and we would go on with life and be happy again. That didn't happen. I had to find a way to be able to live, and live peacefully. Life was not going to be peaceful with a man who had to have more than one woman. Yes, I filed for divorce because I just couldn't take it anymore. So many lies were told. Not only that, but my faith and trust were gone. I no longer felt as though we had a marriage. He didn't want to try either. This marriage reminded me of the Hurricane Ike that just passed through here a week ago. No way of controlling anything, it just happened.
My Own Little Place
After we divorced the first time, I ran, and boy, did I run hard and fast. After being apart for 9 months, I came back and we eventually got back together....all of this, AFTER I sold my home. I wished that I had not done that, however, we needed a place of our own again. I found the most wonderful house in a perfect location. We were there for a couple more years until it all exploded again with his cheating. I ended up leaving again, and here I say once more, I wished that I had not left. I wished that he had done the leaving but he was NOT going to go, so I did. Now, I sit here in my own little spot. I have a very small home, but it's all mine. I don't have to worry about cleaning up after him. I don't have to worry about his comings and goings. I don't have anything to deal with except for our daughter and myself and paying the bills. This little house doesn't have much of a back yard like my previous home did, but it's big enough for what I need. I am proud of the fact that I no longer have to deal with him and I am feeling stronger each day because I am making progress. Many women have to down-size after divorce, but hey!!! it's okay because there is a better life ahead.
I Feel Compelled To Scream!!!
As I was came home from work, I sat down to relax a little bit before the daily ritual of picking up my daughter from school, I sat in peace and quiet. The next thing I knew my dogs going wildly crazy and that surely meant that someone was here. I got up to see what all the chatter was about and there he stood! I mean, he stood right there in front of my door, and I actually almost fell over with shock. I felt compelled to scream at him because he never showed up at our daughter's quinceanera (her 15th birthday party similar to a sweet sixteen). Oh how I wanted to begin yelling but I didn't. I kept my cool. I opened the door and went out on the porch to see what he wanted, knowing that I didn't dare let him inside. He came to bring me a piece of mail. Oh my gosh, why did he come here just for that? Wouldn't it have been more important for him to come to the quince? Wasn't our daughter more important than a piece of mail? I gave him a look and he started to explain why he just couldn't go. He had barely gotten another vehicle and claims that he didn't have a ride, although several rides were offered to him for that night. The only thing I could pretty much get out of my mouth was "you need to talk to your daughter". I just could not pardon him....it's her that needs to hear the "I'm sorry" routine. He said that he knew she was mad. And to top it all off, he NEVER bothered to call her. What kind of father did he turn out to be?
Putting On An Act
There were times that my mother and dad would come to visit. I was so happy to see them as they had moved out of state and was far away. I was really busy with kids and working and taking care of all of the household duties that when they came, it was a time of visitation and relaxation for me. During those visits, my husband was very kind. My mother seemed to see right through him though, because she would sit at the kitchen table and try to talk to me about how he was taking 4 and 5 showers a day, going out after each one all dressed nicely. My mother saw those signs and tried hinting to me that some of the things that he was doing just wasn't normal things. I didn't want to see it. I only wanted to skip over the topic and pass it all off to the fact that he was a really hard-working man and had to clean up after each job. Heck, he was a plumber and odd-jobs worker so I made up excuses for him, which I realize I shouldn't have. She was only trying to point out those signs to me and I didn't want to face them. He really put on the sweetest face while my parents were around, always being of the most politest person. I sit here now, wishing that I had faced what she pointed out to me, but just couldn't see it at the time.
When Did He Show Me His Love?
Living with this man of mine was somewhat of a challenge at times. What did he want from me? Didn't he understand that I had feelings too? He often told me that he would come home when he felt like it and there was nothing that I could do about it. Although we throughly discussed at length how we were going to do things together, we rarely did. He didn't like going to the movies. He didn't like going to eat out together much. This man didn't like going ANYWHERE with me, unless it was going to exchange some sort of tool that he didn't want to deal with himself. So, when we DID go to exchange something for him, he would go to eat out with me kind of as a reward for my helping him. He liked buying things but didn't want to deal with the bills as they came in. I ended up paying all the bills, taking care of kids, cleaning the house, cooking two dinners ( one for me and the kids to eat, and one for him that was different). Heck, we didn't even watch tv with me. All he wanted to do, was go to work, come in the house and isolate himself to his own tv shows or video games or stay in the garage until it was time to go to sleep. Looking back on this strange behavior now, I can honestly see what was going on.....this man showed no interest in being with me, only using what resources I had to give to him. What a shame that I never even saw this behavior as being of someone who had another woman. All I saw at that time, was a man who acted strange and I thought it was due to his culture. What a wasted many years I spent with someone who didn't even show his love.
Living With A Cheating Man
I Never Saw His Infidelity Signs In The Beginning
Sometimes when we were together, he would decide to come in from work and go straight to the shower, the right to our room, alone. Did he eat dinner with me and our family? Most of the times, the answer was no. What made our relationship so odd was that we were together in the same house, but we didn't really do anything together. When my friends came over, he would retreat to our room and not come out and socialize. He became strange in some of his habits such as taking 4 and 5 showers a day, wearing 2 and 3 different sprays of cologne, almost to the point of really stinking me out. He did work hard and would come in with the checks he made and post them on the refrigerator for me to deposit and pay his share of the bills but he rarely bought me anything or took me out and paid for it. He suddenly decided at one point in our marriage that he didn't like my cooking and started wanting special foods such as things he used to eat while he lived in Mexico. Why didn't I see all of these changes in him while we were together? Why didn't I happen to see that he was going out on me way before I discovered it?
How Could I Have Wasted So Much Time?
I spent many days waiting on him hand and foot. I bent over backwards trying to make myself good enough to be his one and only love. We married and it was good at first. He was loving and caring, but somewhere along the way, things changed. I don't know what made the change in him because as far as I knew, things were fine between us. I feel like I may have done so many things to try and make "us" work that all of my work was done for nothing. What makes a man want to cheat on his wife or partner when she has done nothing wrong? Perhaps I was lacking in something that he wanted, but I would never know because he never complained. He seemed to be happy and I know that I put my all into our marriage. Did I waste 10 years of my life with someone who never wanted me in the first place, or did he just feel he had the right to cheat on me?
We Are Completely Done
Coming to a realization that he and I will never be back together again is something that I didn't want to recognize. I wanted to be with him till death do us part, but since he cheated on me, that didn't happen. We even got back together after his infidelity, only to have it happen alot more but with two women instead of one. Why would I ever think that we would get back together? Would he learn his lesson after the second time of my leaving him? Well, I have discovered the answer to this question and it is a big "NO". He claims to love me, but his actions surely do not show it. I think that he only used me while he could and when we got back together, he must have thought that he could cheat on me and I would never find out about it. But I did, and it hurt just as much as the first time he cheated. To this day, he has shown me exactly what he has to offer me, and that is nothing: nothing but being someone for me to take care of and getting nothing back in return. He made his choices and did not want to get help for our marriage. He made the choice to treat me that way and I know now, in my heart, that we are done and will never ever be together again. Why did it take so long for me to figure this out?
Could Things Ever Work Out For Us Again?
Oh dear, I don't know if I could ever go through the hurt and pain ever again. His cheating was just too much for me to deal with, especially since I went through this with him twice. After we divorced the first time, it took me nearly 9 months to get back with him, even then I was really horrified by what we went through. I thought the second time around things would be fine. Surely he would have learned his lesson. ..... nope, that was wrong. He only cheated on me double. Now it's been quite awhile since we have broken up and he still would like to have me back. Why does he think it will work out the third time? Doesn't he think that I have any feelings? Does he think that I am able to sweep all this under the rug and just go back to him? I need to keep the distance between us in order for him to get the point that I KNOW I could never go through his cheating again.
Dating When You Have Children
How will I be able to date again? I have children. Actually, all of my children are grown but one. I still have a teen at home. How do I go about this without causing a big stir of emotion with my teen? She is upset about her father and what he did to me, to us and our family, but she's still not really understanding why things couldn't have been worked out. She would still like our family to be together and somehow dad can make things up to me. Well, I have tried to explain to her that he hasn't just cheated once, but many times and even after a break-up and back together again, things only got worse and it's hard for me to be able to get through it. I think that only time will heal the hurt. Maybe one day, when things are more settled, I will find that special someone. Oh dear, what if he has kids too? Well, that's another topic to discuss there.
When Will I Feel Like Dating Again?
Knowing when it's time to actually start dating can really be scary for some of us. I normally just jump right in and worry about whether the timing is right far too late to back up. When is it okay to start dating? Will others start talking about me when I feel the time is right? Will they ask me why I can't stay with one person? Honestly, no one has the right to ask me that because I am an adult. I wanted desperately to stay with one person until death do us part but it wasn't MY decision to break us apart. He made that decision to cheat and I wished that he hadn't. I wanted my marriage to last. Secondly, it shouldn't really matter if others talk about my dating again because they are NOT walking in my shoes. They don't know how bad I was hurt when he cheated on me. Lastly, I think that I will be the only one who will know when it's okay to date again. Actually, it's my heart that makes that decision. Sometimes your head can get in the way of thinking but I know that it's my heart that actually knows when I am healed enough to get out there again.
Picking Out The Right Mate For Me
Geez, it seems as though I have been through so much that I sometimes feel like I am unable to pick the right mate for myself. My mother always told me as I was growing up that I should pick a man in my own social standing. Well, what in the world did that mean? As I was growing up, it meant nothing. As I sit here today, I can somewhat see what she was talking about as far as picking someone who was compatible with my thoughts, the way I see things in the world and perhaps someone who was at least had some of the same ideas that I did. When I married for the first time, I just wanted out of the house, so I married a man who had very different views from mine. Oh, I was only 17 and didn't even know the meaning of being an adult. I had to grow up very fast because I soon had my first child, had to take care of my husband when he broke both legs and couldn't walk for a year and wasn't able to even go to college. I learned how to cook, clean and be a caretaker. Although that marriage didn't last, I gave it a good try, 13 years of my life. I struggled with his getting a good paying job while I was a stay at home mother, and being very much under his thumb while he worked and rode other women on his motorbike. Heck, I am sitting here thinking that I made a mistake when I married my second hubby, because he was the one I caught cheating on me. Why did I repeat the same mistakes on picking out the right man? Is there a law to finding the right one? Should I be afraid of trying again?
Signs Of Your Partner Losing Interest
Sometimes the signs are there, but you don't always see them. Sure, in long term marriages/partnerships things can become a little hum-drum but how do you know if he/she's really losing interest in the relationship? Here are some signs
1. He/she stops kissing you hello or goodbye when they always used to
2. He/she doesn't want to participate in any family activities like they did in the past.
3. The typical working very late hours and not having enough time to spend with you or family.
4. They would rather be out with their friends more than usual.
5. They quit listening to what you have to say and don't make conversation like usual.
6. Other people become more important to them, more than you or the family.
7. They become more slobbier than usual and dress up only when going out without you.
8. They become more disrespectful.
9. They say things to pick more fights.
10. They start doing more things individually and less of togetherness.
1. He/she stops kissing you hello or goodbye when they always used to
2. He/she doesn't want to participate in any family activities like they did in the past.
3. The typical working very late hours and not having enough time to spend with you or family.
4. They would rather be out with their friends more than usual.
5. They quit listening to what you have to say and don't make conversation like usual.
6. Other people become more important to them, more than you or the family.
7. They become more slobbier than usual and dress up only when going out without you.
8. They become more disrespectful.
9. They say things to pick more fights.
10. They start doing more things individually and less of togetherness.
Did He Just Use Me, Or Did He Just Lose Interest?
Did we ever have anything in common at all to begin with? I thought he liked the same foods as I did, but as time went on, it seems that everything about him changed. He no longer liked eating dinner with me. He wanted to have his dinner cooked seperately and made special just to his liking. He seemed to like to go out for a long evening drive, but that suddenly changed as well. He had his own business and he came in and out so much that by the time he finally was in for the night, he didn't want to go anywhere. At first, he was so supportive, helping me with an occasional flat tire, but then he started leaving me stranded on the side of the road to call on someone else's help because he was too busy. Did we ever have anything in common, or was he just acting that way to get me to be with him? It seems like after I fixed his legal papers, he no longer wanted to be the husband that he was supposed to be. Did he use me? Or did he just lose interest when he found another woman?
Did You Want To Get Revenge?
After I found out that my husband was cheating on me, I flew the house so fast it made his head swim. I was hurt beyond belief at what I had seen not wanting to confront the issues with him at that time. After a brief period of nearly a year, we reconciled and I thought that things would be better because he claimed to have learned his lesson after what happened the first time around. Things were only better on the surface. He acted like he was happy to have me back, even treated me like a queen, only to have him do the same thing all over again, only with more than one woman the next time. Day after day went by, and I pondered over how to handle the situation again. How could he have not learned over his past mistakes, that I would leave again? During the times of trial and heartache, I learned how to finally get mad about it. Instead of the crying and wondering why, I became angry at the fact that he would repeat his actions. Did I want to get revenge? No, and I'm really not sure why. Many people I have talked to have told me that they wanted to get revenge back on their spouse, but I just couldn't find it in my heart to do it back to him. How many of you would have gotten that ultimate revenge and why?
Inner Strength
Day by day, I see my inner strength getting stronger, but when will I be over him? How can I get past the infidelity and sorrow that he has caused me? I seem to be fine on a day to day basis, but if I start talking about it, or someone asks me about it, I get all teary-eyed about things and start getting upset. Time has helped but there are times that it feels like this all took place yesterday. When will time heal my wounds for good, and not just on the surface? I was with him for more than 10 years of my life. Was it all a waste of my time? Did I just go through ten whole years of my life with someone who didn't really care about me? I hope not, but there's nothing I can do about it now....those years are long gone, so why aren't the bad memories? How do I make that final peace from within? Will I ever be able to get over the hurt?
Why Does He Have To Be So Helpless?
For many years, I didn't even think about all of the things that I have done for that man, my now ex. Why couldn't he learn how to do things for himself while we were still together? Yes, he was a very hard worker, and along with that, he liked paying his bills on time, keeping himself clean, dressing nicely and eating healthy. He didn't act like he knew how to cook, wash clothing or even write a check, so I did all of those things for him. After we divorced, he got in that kitchen and made his own dinners, kept up with all his dirty clothing and learned how to write checks to pay his bills. He learned how to improve on those things, but he still has not learned how to be a good father. He still remains the same there. He has not learned that by telling the truth it would be easier to deal with problems. He still hasn't learned that by not answering my phone calls that I still know where he lives. Why does he have to be so difficult? Why was he so helpless all those years, not helping me at all ? Maybe an old dog can only learn a few tricks at a time???
Why Does He Always Think About Himself?
Is he just a vain person and I didn't see it? Doesn't he think about anybody else besides himself? I called him today to see if he was going to participate in our daughter's upcoming 15th birthday party and all he could talk about was his problems. He had had an accident a week ago, which I didn't know until today and someone had hit him from behind, leaving him with a rental car until the whole mess is settled. He talked about how he was having to deal with a salesman over another used car because he couldn't get fixed and he was ranting and raving about the insurance company and such. He says he might not come on Saturday because he is not sure he will have a car. I offered him a ride but he didn't want that. He didn't want one of my older children to come get him, and even though he is trying to get a car within the next day or so, he still was ranting on. Our daughter's 15th is very important and throughout the whole past year he knows I have been planning it. He didn't want to help me with it, and he didn't want to contribute anything to it. He said he would come, and now he is backing out. I even had to call him 20 times before he would even answer my calls. I have done everything alone, and he still doesn't want to participate. Why is he so self absorbed? At least he has a rental car. Isn't his child more important?
Keeping The Distance Between Us
As the days go by, time seems to go so slow sometimes, especially when I go through those moments of wondering how he is doing. I have days that fly right past me that I am so busy that I don't even have time to stop and think about him.....but then, there are other days that I pause long enough to wonder what he's doing. I wonder what he's doing there in that big house that was supposed to be mine. I wonder if he's eating well and getting enough rest, but I know that our marriage is gone now and I have to stop caring so much about him. Why did he have to do this to us? Was the other women in his life so important that he had to lose his family over? I am trying to keep distance between us so that I can heal. Healing takes time, and when I am here milling over him, things just seem to stay the same. I have to be stronger. Keeping the distance isn't always easy when you have children together.
Loving A Man With All His Faults.......
When you get married, or couple up with your mate, you learn to accept the flaws along with the good stuff, right? Well, that's how I see it. I learned how to deal with my ex-hubby's childish ways and wanting things done his way, but when we got married, I didn't agree to stay with him throughout his cheating ways. We took a vow and that was to each other, not the other woman, not to add that extra person in our vows, but just to each other. What made him think it was alright to do this to us, and why did he think it was acceptable? When I found out that he was cheating, he acted like it was just nothing, wanting to sweep it under the rug like it never happened and on the road again we would be with our marriage. I did accept all of his faults, but I never agreed to accept his cheating. That was a no-no and a deal breaker for me, but if he would have honestly tried to work things out with me, I would have stayed right there with him, because I know that we all make mistakes, but he didn't want counseling, and he didn't want to admit that he was in the wrong. So who got blamed for HIS cheating? The other woman.
Can A Woman Make It In Today's World Without Her Husband?
I wonder sometimes, how a two-paycheck family can make it in today's world. There are so many things on the rise: gas, food, clothing and education. I guess when we divorce, we are supposed to be able to make the bills and pay for the cost of living on one salary, with added child support, but I am here to tell you, it's hard. ..... but it can be done. Depending on the age of your children, if you don't have to worry about daycare, then that's a good thing...but what if you do? There is assistance out there, for the asking. There is help with food, clothing and other things such as help for electricity bills providing you find the right agency to help. Ask around for help, if you need it. I have even found that the YMCA helps with programs, but you must ask for it, as they don't volunteer that information right out front. There are baseball, football and other sports as well that will help with assistance if your child wants to attend. Yes, a woman can surely make it in today's world, but she must be able to ask for help if needed.
Accepting The Truth
How do you accept that your partner has actually cheated on you? It's hard to think that after going through the steps of getting married, having a home together and children too, that he would actually consider taking a chance at losing it all. I know, I know, he probably didn't think that I would find out that he cheated. He wasn't counting on the fact that the other woman would pursue him and leave messages on his cell phone, knowing that I would be able to access them. He didn't think about the fact that not only did he have responsibilities from his family, that the other woman would also want his attention as well. Did he not have a clue to how this would all pan out in the end? Wasn't having a family enough for him? I guess not. I have to sit down and accept the fact that he did this to us and I have to realize that he wasn't thinking. He didn't care about my feelings. He only cared about what he was doing, and the joy that he was feeling. I now have to accept that. It's hard to accept it, but I will. I need to move on from this life-changing event that happened in my life and I have to make a new life for myself. One little baby step at a time, but I know that I can do it.
No Fairy Tale Endings Here
As a little girl, I grew up with the notion that we get married, move into a little house with a white picket fence, and have children. Boom, end of story, with every day being the best it could be. I don't know where I got this from, except that maybe from the fairy tales stories that my mother always read to me. I sure got gyped that's for sure. There was nothing even near this kind of life for me. I so much wanted to have that fairy tale life, of course, understanding that every single day cannot be a piece of cake. I know that there are many hurdles in life, most of which, you have to struggle and learn to deal with by yourself. But the ending never even came close. I got married, had children, but somehow didn't make it to the fairy tale ending of the story. I have to accept that. I have to start all over again. I honestly married him for love, good or bad, rich or poor. Why did he have to cheat on me? Wasn't our marriage important enough to save?
Time and Healing
Time is a miracle. When I first found out that my husband was cheating on me, I flew out of there so fast it made his head swim. Now, that time has passed through, it is easier to deal with. No, it's not forgotten, but time has healed some of those "shocking" truths. I never thought in my wildest of dreams that my husband would cheat on me, or that he would even have the time to do so, but I can see now, that it wasn't impossible. He did the unthinkable to "us", taking those chances and thought that I would never find out, and he also found the time to do it in. I thought that since he was self employed, that he would be so busy with all the different jobs that he had to ever be able to find time for another woman. Time has made me see things a little more clearly. Does the hurt lessen during this time? I would have to say, in my case, it hasn't taken away the hurt between us, but it has allowed me to think things over, to finally know in my heart that it was HIS choice, not mine, and to be able to get on with my life. After all, life is too short to be with someone who doesn't want you back.
I Just Wished It Would Have Worked Out
As I look back on my life, I see alot of things that I should-o, could-o, would-0, but those days are gone and past. Did I miss something in my marriage to him? Did I take the time to find out why he was cheating? Did I try to make ammends? Honestly, I think that I must have missed doing something, because somewhere along the line, it messed up and we just couldn't make it. Do I blame myself? Sometimes. But I know that as hard as I tried to control the other woman's phone calls coming in to him, it just didn't work. It was bigger than me. Their affair was bigger than "us" and for that reason, I have to say, it was not all my fault. It was his choice. He made that choice to sneak behind my back and see her, to pay her bills, and to give her things that he wasn't giving to me. As far as trying to find out why, yes, I tried so hard but never got any answers. I know now, that I will never hear that answer from him, because to this day, he still refuses to admit it. He says it was her fault. Did I try to make ammends with him? Yes, I did, and I just felt so tired of trying by myself. Marriage is a union of two, and I was the only one trying, so we failed. I just wished that we could have made it, and I look back and feel sorry that it just didn't.
Child Support Issues
I don't know why it was so hard for my ex to actually believe that child support was necessary but when you split up, there are no longer two incomes in the household. Raising children is something that takes money, especially now days. Clothing and food expenses have really risen alot lately. Not to mention the gas to take them to and from outside activities, school and daycare. My ex cried around about the big $350 a month that the lawyer said I was due each month, so I was nice about things and lowered it to $275 a month. I honestly wished that I hadn't done that, but I did. I was in such a hurry to finalize our divorce that I settled for less than I should have. That amount of money doesn't buy much. She is a teen now, and the price of just her shoes are outrageous. Did he think that I was just going to pay for everything for her by myself? I didn't make the kind of money that he was making. It honestly takes two parents incomes to raise children. What was he thinking?
Do You Wallow In Self Pity?
During the times that I was suspecting my husband's cheating, I wanted to explode. I got mad, but I never got even. I wanted to make all the bad things go away. After we split up, I found myself wallowing in self pity. I felt sorry for myself that I had no partner anymore. I felt bad that I was the one having to pay all the bills by myself. I didn't have a big paying job and I just wanted to run away from it all, but I couldn't. I know that I deserved to be loved by somebody, and not someone who wanted more than just me. I knew that I deserved better in life. I didn't feel as though my wallowing about that was a problem. My problem came much later, as I tried pulling myself up into normalcy once again and it was hard. It wasn't just a little hard, it was horrific. I started finding things to be upset about, such as my weight, my job and where I was living. I had to take a stand before I was going to get out of that mess. It took bravery and courage, but finally, I brought myself out of the weepy eyed tears and allowed myself to get back on track to real life once again. Everyone goes through a period of mourning after divorce and each one of us takes a different time table as to when we are going to make ourselves strong again and get on with life. Don't worry if you feel as though you are taking a long time with it, because everyone has to deal with those issues in their own timing. Give yourself credit for the things that you HAVE done.
Does Your Ex Participate?
When I was going through my divorce, my ex was right there, ready, willing and able to participate in our daughter's life. After a little while, and he saw that we didn't have any hope of getting back together, he just all of a sudden, stopped his interest. His caring of how we were doing totally came to a hault. He no longer called ten times a day, begging to get back together. He stopped calling to see how our daughter was doing. He no longer had a desire to help be a parent. I was very hurt by this because I believe that together or not together that all children deserve to have both of their parents available to them at any time they need. Children are innocent in divorce and have no say about things until they reach a certain age. They don't get to choose if we stay together or move away. I was not happy when my ex chose not to keep in contact with our daughter. She needed him. She needed to hear that he still loved her, no matter what was going on with us. My ex just stopped participating in being a father, and I don't understand why. He always says that he is too busy, but when do you get so busy that you can't be a parent? Why would a man just quit being a father? I am totally confused at his actions and don't understand where he's coming from.
Tackling Credit Card Issues
While separating, it's difficult enough to have to worry about paying for the credit cards, let alone wondering what to do if you are on the card with your spouse as a co-contributor. I don't know if this is something that all states do or just Texas, but if you are an authorized user on your partner's card, then that means that you are able to charge on it, but not responsible for the payments. If you are a co-owner of the credit card, then you are liable for the payments on it as well. After a divorce, I found that even if my ex was responsible for a payment on a credit card and the divorce said he had to pay it and he didn't, the credit card company would not allow what the divorce said and made me pay it because I was a co-owner as well. When my ex and I split up, I had to go to all of my own credit cards and take his name off of them and put a password on my account to make positively sure that no-one else could get my information. I also had to get a free credit report to find out which cards were reporting his credit information on mine as well so I could get all of his credit cards that I was only authorized to use was taken off. Credit cards can be a pain following a divorce, but it can be taken care of.
Do You Recognize The Signs Of Cheating?
Here are a few signs that I have come to recognize that may be warning signs of something going on that shouldn't be...but by all means, this doesn't always mean that they are cheating.
1. difference in appearance, the way they dress, different cologne, spending more time in front of the mirror, better grooming habits.
2. not coming home when expected, spending more time out alone or with friends, becoming more interested in being somewhere other than home or with you/family.
3. becoming more secretive, hiding cell phone or cell phone bills, credit card bills, receipts, deleting incoming or outgoing phone calls, not being able to be reached, not answering normal questions about their whereabouts like before.
4. noticing your partner getting more calls or email than usual
5. becoming less interested in being with you or doing family things together
6. less sex, less intimacy, or wanting to explore more sexual positions than before
7. discovering lies that they have told you.
8. picking fights so they can get out of the house with a reason when normally they don't leave after a fight.
9. your partner not wearing their wedding ring when they normally do.
10. noticing that your partner is acting differently towards you.
1. difference in appearance, the way they dress, different cologne, spending more time in front of the mirror, better grooming habits.
2. not coming home when expected, spending more time out alone or with friends, becoming more interested in being somewhere other than home or with you/family.
3. becoming more secretive, hiding cell phone or cell phone bills, credit card bills, receipts, deleting incoming or outgoing phone calls, not being able to be reached, not answering normal questions about their whereabouts like before.
4. noticing your partner getting more calls or email than usual
5. becoming less interested in being with you or doing family things together
6. less sex, less intimacy, or wanting to explore more sexual positions than before
7. discovering lies that they have told you.
8. picking fights so they can get out of the house with a reason when normally they don't leave after a fight.
9. your partner not wearing their wedding ring when they normally do.
10. noticing that your partner is acting differently towards you.
Do I Have A Choice?
Sometimes I wondered if I even had a choice in the matter of my marriage and of what to do about his cheating on me. I felt as though I had to stay in my situation, as hard as it was, because I didn't want the neighbors to talk. I didn't want my family or his to start taking sides and feuding over what was happening in our lives. The true fact of the matter was just that: it was MY life, MY marriage and MY husband who was cheating. Family wasn't supposed to help us make our decisions for us, but it did. I didn't want to lose my in-laws. I didn't want that strain between our families, but no matter what, it happened. I had to make the choices because no-one else could have. They didn't have to put up with my husband coming in whenever he felt like it. They didn't have to live with how badly he treated me. They didn't have to worry about the other woman and the worry about him bringing home disease. I had to finally decide that it was my choice to make, what I did with my life.....my future, and my feeling of security. When it's time to make a choice, you are the only one who can make it. After all, it's your life, and your future. How do you want to live it? Life is too short to let others make decisions for you.
Does Going Through Menopause Affect How You Deal With His Cheating?
I don't know what menopause or that peri menopause has to do with anything, maybe nothing at all but when I found out the first time that my husband was cheating, I went totally crazy. At first, I didn't want to believe what I was hearing. I shunned talk about him and what he was seen doing. But after I thought about it, I wanted to find out, and boy did I find out. I was suffering through a bad time in my life, going through a very early menopausal period in life. I look back at it now, and wonder what on earth I was thinking and doing at that time in my life. I found out rather badly, as I have stated in earlier postings, and instead of staying around to confront him, I went home and packed everything I could and just flat took off. I left my own home. Why did I do that so quickly? I wonder if suffering with menopause had anything to do with my actions. I did, of course, come back about 9-10 months later, re-united with him, hoping to work things out, and of course after a couple years of trying, things failed miserably, but I was in a much better frame of mind then. Does going through changes in life affect the way you see and do things in your life?
We're Done, But Now He Wants Me Back
This hasn't just happened once but a couple of times now.....we break up, and he begs me to come back to him, knowing that we haven't worked through any of our issues. He whines about my leaving him alone. He whines about being alone, without his family. We went round and round about this during the whole time he was cheating on me. He knew for a fact that I knew what was going on. He did not want to work things out with me. He only wanted to apologize and sweep things under the rug as if they never happened and we were to go on with our life, not talking about or dealing with what he had done to me, and to our family. I tried, oh boy, did I try, to work things out with him. I wanted counseling. I wanted to trust him but he just didn't want to help "us". Now that I am gone, he wants me back. Why couldn't he have wanted this while I was at home? Did he not think that I would leave? Why would I want to stay with him, knowing that he was with another woman? I loved him so dearly, but he wouldn't try. How can anybody put things back together alone? It takes two.
Having Two Parents To Depend On
I have found that my ex husband no longer wants to help with the responsibilities of raising our daughter. He has left it all up to me. He doesn't want to hear about her grades, what classes she's taking and shows no interest in the up-coming birthday party we are having for her. I really don't think it's fair, but on the other hand, it's kind of nice not to have to argue with him over these issues. My question is this, though: Just because you divorce, does that mean that your partner no longer has to help in the raising of your children? I don't think so because I believe that once a parent, always a parent and he should be helping or at least interested in what's going on in her life. I have always felt that he should be able to call her at any time to hear her voice, see her when she wants to see him and allow him to participate in her school activities. However, this ex of mine has just acted like he has forgotten all those important steps in her life and growing up. Does anybody else have this sort of problem? What ever happened to having both parents for a child to depend on?
Re-Gaining Trust After Infidelity
Will you be able to gain trust back, after youv'e been cheated on? That is a hard question to answer. First of all, to be able to regain your trust back in your partner, you have to be willing and able to work on the relationship together. Both parties must also be willing. Your partner must first of all, be totally up front and honest about the situation. Secondly, you must have patience, and believe me, that's not easy at all. Thirdly, your partner must be open about everything he/she does, and stay true to what they say they are doing. It will take a long time to rebuild that trust, but if they tell you they are going to go somewhere or do something and they do just that, trust will eventually come back. A repetition of truth, over and over again will eventually build back the trust in your relationship.
Do You Blame Yourself For His Cheating?
When I discovered my husband's cheating, I felt so alone....but I knew I wasn't alone. There are many women/men finding out about their partner's cheating every single day. The one thing I knew, was that I really tried my hardest to make things work with us. But honestly, I did have my moments of doubt. After things started to drag out with my questions and with no answers, I started wondering if I was the one who drove him to it. His cheating left me feeling like I was second choice. I felt like my self esteem went right out the window. I examined the angles of everything and soon discovered that it wasn't my fault at all. I did not step out behind him when ever we had problems. It was his choice to cross over the line of what was right and wrong. He is the one who chose to be with another woman. I came to this conclusion after much thought about our marriage and life together. Don't blame yourself for something that your partner did.....you cannot control the actions of anyone else.
Finding The Help You Need After Infidelity
What can I do to help myself? I have been married to a man who cheated on me, and now I am on my own, with children. I never wanted to be single. I never wanted to have to go through all the horrible suffering that he has put me through. I never knew that suffering through infidelity was so hard to deal with. He wanted to work things out, and so did I, but he didn't come full circle with me to help us work it all out. He refused our going to a therapist or someone who could talk to us and help. He wouldn't commit to trying to help me get over what he did to me. What can a woman do to get on with life after she's been hurt so badly? I had to find the help for myself. I knew that looking outside the marriage for comfort was NOT the right answer. I chose to find a clergyman to help me, which really helped me sort through some of my questions. I also chose to get help through a forum of others who had gone through the same thing as me. No matter what form of help you choose, you must find a way to get help through such a tragic part in your life and move on. http://divorce360.com now offers help with people going through infidelity or divorce.
What Do The Neighbors Think?
If you even live any neighbors at all, you wonder how much they've heard of the arguements or seen what's going on in your home. Living close to others is not the easiest thing at keeping things to a quiet minimum. Do you talk to the neighbors about your situation? Well, I never did because I didn't think that they needed to know. However, I was always wondering if they were noticing how late my hubby would come home at night or how much he was gone from the home. I had good neighbors because they never asked any questions. I also tried to make things seem as normal as possible. Do you really care what the neighbors are thinking anyways?
Dealing With A Man Who Doesn't Want To Talk
Frustrating as it is, as much as I wanted the answers to all my questions, he was not willing to talk about it. The more and more I prodded, the more he pulled away. Why didn't he want to satisfy my curiosity, knowing that he was the one who cheated on me. He was the one who did wrong in our marriage. I wanted answers, but gone nothing. How do you deal with a man who doesn't want to talk about it? Actually, you cannot make him tell you everything. Even threatening to leave him still didn't work. Giving him the cold shoulder was the only thing that helped me through all this, as far as him thinking that he was being smart by not answering. Perhaps he didn't want to face the actual fact that he had gotten "found out". He didn't want to get into a big arguement because he knew that he was in the wrong. To this day, I have still never gotten any answers, and have to live day by day knowing that at this point, I will never know. I did find a clegyman to talk to, who was also a dear friend of our family. He really did bring alot up for me to think about which helped me get through some of the biggest questions I had. I hope if you are reading this, you will be able to find someone to talk to about your situation and just know, sometimes, you may not get the answers you are looking for.
Staying Healthy While Going Through a Divorce
Going through infidelity,and finding that my husband was lying to me really kicked me and my self esteem to the curb. I was so sad and lonely, wanting only to find the answers to many questions that he just refused to answer. I found myself weeping and crying at many odd hours of the day, sometimes not even able to keep my crying down to a minimum tear. During this period of time, I totally neglected my health, not even thinking about how it could affect my body. During times of sadness and trouble, we often forget to take care of ourselves. Although I took meds for high blood pressure, I found myself forgetting when I took my last dose. This could have become a dangerous situation for me, but luckily, I survived. We must learn to stop long enough to remember that our bodies really become weak when we are upset, thus allowing our antibodies to leave us unprotected and easier to get sick. Taking care of ourself and our health is so important. Please take enough time to find ways of relieving stress, while in the grieving process of infidelity, separation or divorce. After all, you don't want to become ill and unable to care about the things that you need to take care of.
Stress, Stress, Stress !!!
Why does life have to be full of stress? It was so stressful learning about his cheating and trying to find out who the other woman was, but now, after it is all over and done, I still find that I am dealing with even more stress. For one, learning how to be a single mother, having to take care of a teen to dealing with even more issues of my ex not wanting to come and see her has knocked my stress factor way over the top. For another issue, I now have to learn how to pay bills on one paycheck and child support, instead of two incomes. A good friend of mine recommended that I set aside a few minutes for myself, ever so often, to take a relaxing bath, or go out and buy myself something special, but honestly, who really has time to do these things when you are working and raising kids? I just have to re-learn how to stop and smell the roses from time to time.
Sometimes Days Feel Like They Last Forever
Being separated/divorced sure puts a different perspective on life. Laundry isn't done the same as before, daily meals are prepared differently, and boy oh boy, those bills are sure paid whenever the money comes in now days. Some days feel like they go on and on as though they last forever. Maybe I spend too much time thinking about what could have been or what should have been. I really don't like change. My lifestyle was so comfortable, all of course, but his cheating and lying. I ended up moving out, which took alot of time and effort. I had to learn how to make due with less money and I had to learn how to cook smaller meals. Those can be good things too, I recon, but time sure seems to lag on when you don't have alot of things going on in your life. I think that I should take up a hobby or something to keep my mind busy so I won't think about the past too much. How do you deal with being on your own?
Can I Really Get Over Him?
My oh my, I don't know why he gets stuck in my head, in my thoughts after all this time. Why did this man have to be a cheater? I wonder if it was just in his blood. I guess he must have grown up thinking that this kind of behavior was alright. But it wasn't, at least not to me. I wonder sometimes if I will ever get over him. We were so happy at one time. Actually, we didn't fight much, except when I found out about his cheating.....then it was a constant battle. Why do I keep remembering the good things about him and tend to shuffle some of the bad under the rug? Will I ever get over him? I really do think that one day, the answer will be yes, but it just takes time for wounds to heal. He turned out to be a nice looking, hard working man, but that just wasn't enough to make a marriage work. I know that by taking one day at a time, I will become a stronger woman. I know that even though my heart says one thing, my head and mind are stronger and knows that living with a cheater that doesn't want to make things right, would have never worked for me. I needed a man who was in love with only me, and who wanted to make our family happy.
10 Steps To Recovery After Infidelity
Just exactly what are the steps to recovering after your partner has cheated on you? How do you get over it? Well, sometimes you just don't get over it, but you can learn how to put your mind more at ease with these little steps.
1. Accept the fact that you are not always going to get all the answers you want. We want to know why it happened and all the small details but we won't always get all the answers.
2. Learning how to trust your partner again will take time.
3. Both partners must both want to work things out to stay together. One sided relationships just do not work.
4. Councelors, clergy, and others who do not have a side in your relationship really can offer alot of advice.
5. Only you can decide your future. Well-meaning relatives that like giving advice cannot make your decisions for you. You must do this on your own.
6. Don't put a timetable on yourself. Sometimes time heals and sometimes it's time to let go.
7. Be kind to yourself. You are not the one who stepped outside the relationship. You did not make the choice to cheat.
8. Don't bring the children into your arguments. They are innocent and need to be left out of the heated conversations.
9. Do something nice for yourself. This really helped me alot while I was dealing with my ex-hubby's cheating.
10. Learn that at some point in your life, you must either forgive and go on in peace, or settle on a resting place so that you can move on with life. Don't let his/her infidelity run your life for the rest of your life.
1. Accept the fact that you are not always going to get all the answers you want. We want to know why it happened and all the small details but we won't always get all the answers.
2. Learning how to trust your partner again will take time.
3. Both partners must both want to work things out to stay together. One sided relationships just do not work.
4. Councelors, clergy, and others who do not have a side in your relationship really can offer alot of advice.
5. Only you can decide your future. Well-meaning relatives that like giving advice cannot make your decisions for you. You must do this on your own.
6. Don't put a timetable on yourself. Sometimes time heals and sometimes it's time to let go.
7. Be kind to yourself. You are not the one who stepped outside the relationship. You did not make the choice to cheat.
8. Don't bring the children into your arguments. They are innocent and need to be left out of the heated conversations.
9. Do something nice for yourself. This really helped me alot while I was dealing with my ex-hubby's cheating.
10. Learn that at some point in your life, you must either forgive and go on in peace, or settle on a resting place so that you can move on with life. Don't let his/her infidelity run your life for the rest of your life.
Did He Tune Us Out?
I guess my ex hubby must have tuned us out of his life because he sure hasn't called about our daughter or even come by to see her. She has called him with no return phone calls as well. What happens to a man who's cheated and has lost his family over it? First of all, he doesn't have his built-in cook....so now he's having to cook or eat out most of his meals, unless he's lucky enough to get the other woman to cook for him. Secondly, he's lost his housekeeper because now he's cleaning up the house by himself. I wonder if that made him appreciate me more? Thirdly, he has lost all the chatter and noisiness in the home. We are not there with the tv's and radios going so now he has alot of peace and quiet. And to think, he doesn't have anyone at home to bark at about anything he wants when he comes in. Do you suppose he's happier this way? Has he become such a loner now that we are gone or is he just wanting me to think he is and feel sorry for him? I know he didn't spend Father's Day alone, because he normally doesn't like being alone. Maybe the other woman is now taking on some of these chores. I wonder how long she's going to stick around now with having to get into some of the chores of daily life with him, and not being wined and dined so much?
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