He Called Me To Tell Me "Happy Anniversary"

Today was just totally unexpected when he called me to tell me happy anniversary. I was shocked, stunned and speechless. I had just almost forgotten what this day was because of all the heartache he has put me through. I had loved him so much but all the pain made me want to forget. The last thing I would have thought I would hear from him was his wishing me a happy anniversary when we aren't even together anymore. He was talking to me as if we were still together, and I didn't quite understand what was going on with him. Does he not think that I am upset that he doesn't have time to come and see our daughter? Doesn't he stop and think that he should? I honestly do not know what's on his mind and I guess I never really did. I hurried up and got off the phone with him because I didn't know what was coming next, but.....oh no! oh yes, he did, he told me that he loved me before I hung up. What in the world is he saying this to me for when he is NOW with the other woman? I am really confused by his actions.

Do Dogs Help Us With Our Grief?

I know it sounds like a silly posting, but I often wonder about this because I am the proud owner of two little chihuahuas. They have been such wonderful companions to me and seem to brighten up my world a bit. I know that they will never replace my ex, but come to think about it, they don't gripe or complain one bit like he did. My dogs don't leave their dirty socks on the floor, and they certainly don't ask me to go to the store and buy odd and specialty foods like he did. My dogs don't get all mad at me when I start crying over something that I really am sad about like he did either. Wow-- that's amazing to me because they seem to be there for me in times that he wasn't able to be for me. Will I ever find a man who will love me and accept me for who I am and want to be?

Why Does He Always Think About Himself?

Is he just a vain person and I didn't see it? Doesn't he think about anybody else besides himself? I called him today to see if he was going to participate in our daughter's upcoming 15th birthday party and all he could talk about was his problems. He had had an accident a week ago, which I didn't know until today and someone had hit him from behind, leaving him with a rental car until the whole mess is settled. He talked about how he was having to deal with a salesman over another used car because he couldn't get fixed and he was ranting and raving about the insurance company and such. He says he might not come on Saturday because he is not sure he will have a car. I offered him a ride but he didn't want that. He didn't want one of my older children to come get him, and even though he is trying to get a car within the next day or so, he still was ranting on. Our daughter's 15th is very important and throughout the whole past year he knows I have been planning it. He didn't want to help me with it, and he didn't want to contribute anything to it. He said he would come, and now he is backing out. I even had to call him 20 times before he would even answer my calls. I have done everything alone, and he still doesn't want to participate. Why is he so self absorbed? At least he has a rental car. Isn't his child more important?

Splitting Up The Assets

I found that going through his cheating on me wasn't enough, I then had to deal with the fact that we were splitting up. The first time around when I found out, I ran. I was shocked, devistated to say the least and I packed up my belongings while he was still at work. But once we got back together and his cheating happened over and over again, I knew he would not move out. It was horrible because I moved out again. I felt like I had been run out of my home. What do you do about splitting up your belongings? In my case, I had certain personal things that he could not take away from me. What do you do about things you owned together? It's hard trying to split up a photo album, unless there's 2 of them and they can be split evenly. What about that wonderful puppy you got for Christmas? I suppose it's the one who is going to be able to take the best care of it. After we split the second time, he waited about 6 months, and then went to a lawyer and tried to get me to pay on his Lowe's card for the siding he had been putting on OUR house that HE was still in. I had to explain to the attorney that I also had home repairs on my home depot card. Sometimes when you try splitting things up, they can become tricky and want more back. More than likely, it's because someone else has stuck their nose into your business and given them ideas of how to come back at you. Splitting things up can be hard, but being able to talk calmly about it really helps alot.

Working Through Tax Issues

Tax time has come and oops! it's almost the deadline. How do you divy up your taxes? If you are divorced already, then you must file single, or head of household. What if you are still legally married? I suppose that depends on the state that you live in, however, I think those kind of questions would be best answered by your tax preparer. In my case, we are divorced. We no longer file together, however, I have done his taxes for him for many years and he is once again begging me to help him out. It's hard to help him when he doesn't answer my phone calls and he doesn't want to come see our daughter. He wants my help even though he is busy paying his other bills, but doesn't have enough money to pay his child support. I don't know what he's thinking these days. What happened to all his integredy? How does he feel that my helping him with his taxes is alright, but it's not alright for him to find even 30 minutes to come see his daughter? I am lost here, because I thought that he could at least find time for her.....but he doesn't. How is that fair? Is the "other woman" still taking up so much of his time that he isn't putting everything in perspective? Why can't she help him with those taxes?

Still No Visits For My Child

I don't know what this man is thinking, but we still haven't gotten a visit from him for our daughter. She remains upset over the situation and even though I have thoroughly explained that he needs to make some-what regular visits, he still doesn't. I don't see what the excuse is this time. First it was that he was working so much and now, it can't be that because he had an accident and broke his rib and forearm due to a fall and has been out of work for nearly 4 months now. Yes, he's already gone back to work, but he said there isn't very much work right now.....not only are we suffering from no child support, but no visits either. If he isn't working much, then why doesn't he come to see her? She hears from him on text messages every once in a while, but it's just not fair. I have explained to her that even though he doesn't come, he still loves her. He just has other issues on his mind right now. That still doesn't help her much. She is growing up and he's missing that. What a pity....and to think, it's all because of his cheating. Why did it have to be this way?

An Easter Without Him

Easter came, and Easter went. Lo and behold, I am still here to tell about it. It's not like he used to be really big on Easter anyways. However, after you separate, or divorce, you have to learn how to get through holidays like Easter. Most of the time, children are the ones who suffer on the "Easter scene" because they may be used to having daddy around to help them fetch the eggs hidden out on the lawn, and having someone to share all their Easter candy with. But, in our case, he didn't really participate much on this holiday it really probably wasn't much a loss in our daughter's eyes anyways. How can you learn to get through holidays without him? First of all, you must find a way to bridge that gap of being without him. Learn to make new traditions with your children and family. Do some of the preparations of the holiday with your children, such as decorating the eggs together, preparing the meal that you are going to have together. Building up new memories can be fun !!

The Big "I'm Sorry!"

I don't know where to begin as far as forgiveness. I had heard it time after time those all famous and familiar words "I'm sorry". Why do those words seem to be so easy coming out of his mouth, especially when he knows I am tired of hearing it. If he were truly sorry, then he wouldn't have kept cheating on me over and over again. After the first time and the first "I'm sorry" he should have been sorry enough to try and straighten out this mess he helped to put us in. Where do you start forgiving? How can you just pick up the big mess that he's piled in front of you and just act like things are ok? What can I do to even start the process of forgiving when I 'm hurting so badly?

The Other Woman Must Be His Priority Now.....

I guess now that we are apart, the other woman must be his highest priority now. He still has not called or come over to see our daughter. It's been more than a month. Our daughter is growing into such a lovely young woman, but she still longs to hear from and see her father. He is missing out on a very special daughter. I don't understand why he cannot take a few minutes out of his day to at least call her. Maybe the "other woman" is more important in his life, I don't know, but it's very sad.

Living Through Those Old Holiday Memories

Here it is, Thanksgiving and all my grown kids and grandkids are gathering to have a big feast tomorrow at my house. This really brings back memories of years ago when we gathered together and things were good. Although I have moved on with life, memories are still there, in my mind, letting them relive them. I don't know why it's so hard to get past "special" holidays like this. It could be perhaps that we still have connections, I mean, as far as our child. I know that he will not come and see her or call her tomorrow, like he should and this really rags on my heart, but there's nothing I can do about it because I have learned while going through this infidelity, that you CANNOT control what anyone else does. Sad, but true. Once I accepted that, I believe it was easier for me to move on.