Looking For Strength
Now, finally, with my eyes wide open, I can actually see what was right there before me. I can now see his uncaring eyes, and the way that he doesn't seem to be interested in what's going on with us anymore. I guess you could say it's out of sight--out of mind, at least with him it is. Our daughter doesn't seem to be the limelight of his eye anymore and it seems as though he has forgotten that he has one. Going through his infidelity and getting a divorce was pure hell for me, because I didn't want it. I didn't want any of it, but that's what I got. As I look back on what was a little piece of "us" I wished that I could have seen the signs of up ahead before I ever jumped in. I know that THAT wasn't possible but boy oh boy--if I could have saved myself all the heartache and pain, I would have. I am done with him now and the door is forever closing and I know that I won't ever have all the answers to my questions answered but now is the time for me to let him go. I have to make myself stronger and know that things will be alright in my life once again. It all just takes time.
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Being 15 years on the other side of one of those situations that you describe that I too didn't want and couldn't do anything about, my heart goes out to you.
Time does help, especially if you can find ways to actively be compassionate and patient with yourself. For me, learning what those ways were was a big part of it. And, they didn't turn out to be the standard responses voiced by friends and found in books.
You're on a journey you didn't choose, but it can still be a personally valuable and beautiful trip.
Bless you.
john
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