Can You Be Happy Being Single?

Can someone who's been in a relationship a long time actually be happy single? Being in a committed relationship, or married gives you a secure feeling that you are not in this world alone. You have someone to talk to at home, someone to share the covers with, dinner partner and and all around companion. It's a good feeling, and for me, it was a GREAT feeling. I grew up watching my parents be together, but my father was always out and about because he was a sports person and spent most of his off-work hours with his buddies playing softball, basketball, or bowling. Mom always seemed to be alone, except for toting us kids around....and they eventually divorced because she felt alone most of the time. But back to the question at hand...and I think that YES !  you can certainly be happy being single. Being single just gives you more power in being able to choose your options. You don't have to share the covers, watch a tv show that you don't like, and you can choose to do whatever you wish, and most of the time, whenever you like too.  I have found that while being single, I learned how to better stand on my own two feet about some things in life, made my own decisions and grew up a little more. Being single can also lead you to seek out new friends to go shopping with, movies, and dining out. But for how long does one stay single?  That's another question entirely.

Waiting Until It's Too Late

Out of the blue, he called me again. I was thinking (as I was hearing him say hello) "oh no! what does he want now"? He started by telling me about a little old lady that was "our" friend, but once we divorced, she became "his" friend, and that's probably only because she thought he was the world's best thing since she lost her husband. This little lady was in her 90's and she loved his company and there were many times while we were married that I found him with her. I knew that he was just visiting her and helping her to fix things in her home, but he proceeded to tell me how she had passed away. But the problem was, he didn't let me know that she has just barely passed but that she had been buried over a week ago. I don't know why he waited so long to tell me, but maybe it was his way of letting me know but when HE wanted me to know. I felt sad because I had known her for many years, but he didn't stop to think and tell me so that I could go and see her for the last time. Maybe it was that way in our marriage, me not knowing things until it was too late. I didn't see the cheating the first time around until it was already too late. Even finding his cheating the second time around was too late because we had already bought a house together. Sometimes I wonder if I had known the warning signs ahead of time, I could have prevented his cheating....but then I honestly think about it and know in my heart that he would have cheated whether I knew the signs of cheating or not. There was nothing I could have done to prevent his behaviour. And as for my dear old friend, I will miss her....that's for sure.

Trying To Get A Grip On Finances

Being single is totally different especially when it comes to the paychecks and paying out the bills. The word: budget, comes to mind and oh how I hate that word.
What are some of the ways that we can manage our finances when it comes to having to pay everything by ourselves?
First of all, write down what you have coming in and then write down what is coming out.....this will at least let you look to see what's going on. Secondly, find ways to minimize that cell phone bill, either by changing plans or finding a plan that lets you do what you need to without getting the overcharges. Those little charges for going over or adding something on can really make a difference in the overall picture of things!
Next, make sure you are turning off the lights when you don't need them and keep a check on electricity useage so your bill won't be sky high.
Make a grocery list of things you need and use coupons for the things that you can, because it really helps.
Watch the spending on going out to eat, specialty coffees and things like that because those things can eat up the cash fast without even knowing it.
Also, find a small coffee can or jar and start putting your spare change in it for little treats on a rainy day, or when you need something extra.
Living on a budget can be difficult, but it CAN be done.

He Called Me To Tell Me "Happy Anniversary"

Today was just totally unexpected when he called me to tell me happy anniversary. I was shocked, stunned and speechless. I had just almost forgotten what this day was because of all the heartache he has put me through. I had loved him so much but all the pain made me want to forget. The last thing I would have thought I would hear from him was his wishing me a happy anniversary when we aren't even together anymore. He was talking to me as if we were still together, and I didn't quite understand what was going on with him. Does he not think that I am upset that he doesn't have time to come and see our daughter? Doesn't he stop and think that he should? I honestly do not know what's on his mind and I guess I never really did. I hurried up and got off the phone with him because I didn't know what was coming next, but.....oh no! oh yes, he did, he told me that he loved me before I hung up. What in the world is he saying this to me for when he is NOW with the other woman? I am really confused by his actions.

No One Ever Said It Was Easy, But It Can Be Done

Well, it's been awhile since I last saw his face. I think that's a good thing but I wonder sometimes how our life would be like today, right now, if we were still together. I feel if we would have still been together, we would have our family together however, it would not be a happy one. I might have gone crazy having to deal with "the other woman", and I am not saying that to be mean but just that I would not have known how to deal with the situation any longer than I did. His other woman was a very brave person indeed and she was already leaving messages for me to hear and having her friends call and ask for him, writing letters that came to our mailbox so it was just a matter of time before she may have even faced me....who knows. I think that I did the right thing by letting him go, letting him be with her. I think that while I am learning how to live a new life without him, I am finding our more about myself and learning how to get along. There really is life on the other side of infidelity.....and for some of you who are putting your marriages back together, I wish you well, because it really is nice having a family together.

I'm Finally Having A Great Day!

Wow, this is really great....I am having a very nice day. I don't have any worries on my mind and I hope that the rest of my day goes as well. I have decided that I am not going to dwell on when he is going to call me next or even why. However, by chance that he may call me today, I am not going to answer his call. Why? Just because I don't want to. I don't want my day going sour on me. So, what have I done today? I was off of work today so I got all my laundry done. I cleaned out my freezer, a few of my food cabinets and have washed my hair and just took the day with ease. Yes, I did go and pay a bill and mail out my granddaughter a movie that I had for her, but nothing heavy duty today. I know that tomorrow will bring another day and it may not be as nice as today, but one can hope. I finally feel like I am putting one foot in front of the other now. It's about time!

Wishing I Had Done Something Different

Time marches on and it seems as though the older I get, the faster that time moves forward. Momma always said that when I was younger and now I really believe it. I am coming to learn that life is too short to be unhappy all the time and I look back at my past mistakes and I have many things that I wished that I had done differently. But you cannot do anything to change what's already done. I wished that I would have gotten out of my relationship much sooner than I did. I wasted alot of time, years to be exact, on someone who "said" they loved me and wanted to be with me, but did not show it. He used me and always tried to make me believe that everything that happened bad was my fault. He cheated on me and even though I had proof, he never would admit it. If I could have only seen what it was and prevented whatever it was that he thought I lacked in a wife. It's too late and all I have now is my present and my future. Here's to a brand new beginning.

Waiting For Peace Of Mind

It seems as though so much time has passed but yet, I still haven't managed to completely and totally get him out of my mind. Some say it takes a year for every so many years you were together but in my case, it just hasn't happened. It's not that I sit here and think about him but perhaps it's that I feel like things were over and done with without a closure. Yes, we got divorced. Yes, we are apart and I never hardly EVER see him. I think about what could have been and why he was not able to fulfill his part of our marriage. I want to scream about it.... I want to cry about it sometimes but most of all, I just wished I could forget about what he did to me. Moving on is something that takes time......guess I will keep waiting for that day.

Why Does He Have To Be So Helpless?

For many years, I didn't even think about all of the things that I have done for that man, my now ex. Why couldn't he learn how to do things for himself while we were still together? Yes, he was a very hard worker, and along with that, he liked paying his bills on time, keeping himself clean, dressing nicely and eating healthy. He didn't act like he knew how to cook, wash clothing or even write a check, so I did all of those things for him. After we divorced, he got in that kitchen and made his own dinners, kept up with all his dirty clothing and learned how to write checks to pay his bills. He learned how to improve on those things, but he still has not learned how to be a good father. He still remains the same there. He has not learned that by telling the truth it would be easier to deal with problems. He still hasn't learned that by not answering my phone calls that I still know where he lives. Why does he have to be so difficult? Why was he so helpless all those years, not helping me at all ? Maybe an old dog can only learn a few tricks at a time???

Does Your Ex Participate?

When I was going through my divorce, my ex was right there, ready, willing and able to participate in our daughter's life. After a little while, and he saw that we didn't have any hope of getting back together, he just all of a sudden, stopped his interest. His caring of how we were doing totally came to a hault. He no longer called ten times a day, begging to get back together. He stopped calling to see how our daughter was doing. He no longer had a desire to help be a parent. I was very hurt by this because I believe that together or not together that all children deserve to have both of their parents available to them at any time they need. Children are innocent in divorce and have no say about things until they reach a certain age. They don't get to choose if we stay together or move away. I was not happy when my ex chose not to keep in contact with our daughter. She needed him. She needed to hear that he still loved her, no matter what was going on with us. My ex just stopped participating in being a father, and I don't understand why. He always says that he is too busy, but when do you get so busy that you can't be a parent? Why would a man just quit being a father? I am totally confused at his actions and don't understand where he's coming from.

Discovering a New Me

As I grew up from a child to an adult, I had certain likes and dislikes, hobbies and such. I soon found out that once you get with someone, alot of your likes and dislikes change. When we marry or partner with someone, we grow together and many times, that means that we change into someone different. We can be known as somebody's wife, somebody's husband, or someone's mother. I found this to be very true in my case. Somewhere along the way, I think that I lost a big part of who I was. Now that I am no longer with him, I cannot become the person I once was, but I can learn things about myself, my new likes and dislikes, form new hobbies, meet new friends. It's hard when you have to start all over again, but in the end, you discover a new you!

How Can I Pay My Bills If He Leaves?

Not only was I afraid of being totally alone ( single with kids), I also worried about finances. How can a woman all alone make it these days? Well, it seems hard, but it CAN be done. First of all, if you haven't been working because you've been a stay-at-home- mom for your kids, I congratulate you!! I've been there, done that and it was wonderful. I did start working again and had my own business so I was able to choose my hours pretty much. If you don't have a job and are facing being on your own, there are several options open for you. Staying with family or a very close friend until you find a good job and get on your feet is one option. Another option would be to ask around to see if someone you know can help get you employed with someone they know. If you already have a job, you must sit down at this point and see your finances and what's got to be paid on paper so you have a better idea of how much you need to bring in to make those bills. At one point in my life, I was told (by him) "oh by the way, I am leaving, and the rent is due next week". I didn't have a job at that time. I had to get out on my own and find one, but luckily, I did. Having too many bills and not enough money to cover them was my greatest fear, but somehow, I made due. Keep your chin up, because it may be tough for awhile, but you can do it!