You Have The Power

I am doing so wonderfully these days that I feel so happy that I made the decision that I did--to walk away after such a very long time of trying and unsuccessfully so. However, I look around me and I see so much of this cheating and infidelity going on all around me. I sometimes wonder why there are some of us that can get through life without having to go through infidelity and problems with a spouse cheating and then others have to have our heart stomped on as if it were nothing. I suppose that we all go through different walks in life, some harder than others, but as we age, we seem to acquire the knowledge of getting through it all. If I had known that my ex was going to hurt me so bad, I don't know if I would have walked away before the pain or not....I think that some things we must live and learn through life to make us become stronger.....and this was not what I had in mind at all. If you are going through infidelity with your partner, I know what you are going through....and I know how heavy the pain feels. I also know that YOU have the power to decide what you want in life and only YOU can make a decision that will determine your future. Everyone has the right to be happy....and life is way too short to be unhappy all the time. Many people say that married people should stick it out and work things out....and that is very true, if BOTH partners are willing to work together...but if it's all one-sided, the fight becomes harder. Take the time to think about what YOU want in life, and how YOU deserve to be treated !

What Is It That I Am Looking For ?

Someone, and a very smart someone, I might add, asked me one time "what is it that you are looking for?"  I was going through infidelity and heartache with my ex at the time. I was hurting so much and didn't really think too much about the question until one day after I got tired of crying my eyes out every day, tired of wondering if he was going to cheat again, and sick of spending every waking moment worrying about if he was with HER or not, that I began to wonder if I could actually answer that question. What was it that I wanted ?  What did I want for my future? And finally, did I WANT to be stuck in that situation forever? No, I wanted answers, but I wasn't getting any. My ex did NOT want to talk about it, nor did he want to answer my questions about it. My ex wanted me to forget about what he had done to me and our family and just "move on".  I started wondering if things would EVER change. After wasting many years of my time, the hopes and dreams of our family coming together once again just wasn't happening. My ex wanted ME to work on our marriage, but he didn't want to contribute to helping me, or us. I then began to ask myself that question...what was I looking for? And I discovered the answer.....I wanted peace...I wanted a partner who would want ME and only me. I wanted fidelity. I wanted honesty, and I wanted to not have to worry over what my future would be. It wasn't until I was able to discover for myself what I wanted, that I was able to start the process of moving on with my life, and with my future. I found that I was growing tired of the time things were taking with only me working on the marriage. It wasn't fair, and he wasn't being fair. I wanted a normal life and I wasn't getting anywhere stuck in the situation with my ex. I had to find my answers, and then I had to figure out what I was going to do to find my peace. Do you know what you want in your future? Do you know what you are looking for?

10 Emotional Needs

Here is a list of 10 emotional needs........ does your partner meet them for you? Do you have any to add to this list?

1. affection
2. sexual fulfillment
3. conversation
4. recreational companionship
5. honesty and openness
6. physical attractiveness
7. financial support
8. domestic support
9. family committment
10. admiration

What Is Becoming Of Marriage These Days?

I don't know but everytime I see in the news, someone is cheating on someone else and it's just gotten to the point that I am wondering what has happened to the vows of marriage. Doesn't a vow mean anything anymore? Do we not care about what we do to our partner, and our family? Or could it be that the news is just telling us more about what we didn't talk about in our grandparents day? To marry someone means that you are giving them a promise, not only to love and honor them, but to be faithful as well. Do we just relax once we get married and forget about what our partners really need?

Extending The Shelf Life To A Longer Lasting Marriage

In the beginning, marriage is so fresh and new. I wonder if we worked more on keeping that marriage alive, instead of worrying about the nuptials (all the glitz and glory of getting married) would help make things work a little longer. If we paid a little more attention to our spouse at the end of the work day, instead of letting them just go, would we be able to stretch our marriage to a longer shelf life?
When we first get married, we really do spend alot more time working on things with our partners, but as time progresses, we tend to get very busy in bills, work, children, and basically, life in general. Where did the time go that we spent with each other? As things get into a routine, are you happy? Is your spouse happy and how do you know? I think that mostly, we know if they are happy by paying attention to what is going on with you both. Do you go out once a week and enjoy alone time together? Do you still have conversation? I think both of those things are important, as well as keeping up with each other's "outside the marriage" life.
How can we keep a marriage happy and longer lasting? Got any other ideas? I'd love to hear them if you do.

What About The Next Man I Choose?

Do I dare to even think about other men out there in this great big world? I find that sometimes I just don't have any interest in even looking. Yes, I like just looking but I mean REALLY looking for something that's going to last a lifetime. I've already been there and done that. Suppose that I find a really handsome guy and he turns out just like my ex ? I realize that the whole process of screening guys and dating takes time but how do you know when you are ready to take that step? What if I DON'T want to ever get married again? Wouldn't I be setting a bad example for my child if I just chose to live with someone without being married? Alot of people do it these days and it seems so much easier. It's almost as though once you get legal papers, things change. I sometimes wonder if it had been better that I never married my ex, but then again, that wouldn't have stopped him from cheating. Guess it just depends on who it is, right?

Sex And Life

At what point in our marriage/relationship do we get tired of taking time out for sex? In the beginning, there seems to be so much passion and time put into our loving and then once real life settles in, things begin to change. Working, household chores, paying bills and having children are some of the things that make the change in our love lives. I have to admit, there were times that we went through that I felt that we still took the time to have that passion, but other times, it felt like he was just going through the motions. We were married for a very long time but it seems that even though the sex was there at the end, and quite frequently I might add, that he still found it neccesary to have other women. What happened to that sex that everyone reads about in books, watches in the movies and partially sees on the tv? Is that just something that only newlyweds experience and then gets settled down into something humdrum once real life sets in? Maybe I had just hoped that it was something that was lasting.

My Self-Centered Ex

Why in the heck was my ex so self centered? Did our actual life HAVE to revolve around him? What ever happened to "us" meaning"we" ," him and I" and not just him? Do we get in a relationship and get so comfortable that we start losing our spouse over the petty things in life? I was a very good spouse......cooked, cleaned the house, did the laundry and yes, he had as much sex as he wanted, so what went wrong? Did I forget to make his food the way that he liked it? Or was his clothes not done right? Oh, or maybe the kids were making too much noise? We did have a communication problem at times because he just didn't want to know when the bills were due, he didn't want to hear any of the kids school things, he just didn't want to be bothered, and so I took care of it all. Oh, maybe he just felt like the only thing he had to do in our relationship was to work and I was to do EVERYTHING else. Did he have to be so into himself that he just thought in his own mind that I would never find out about the OW? I didn't owe him the luxury of having another woman. I thought that marriage was about 2 people, not just one. And what does forever mean? In my case, it only meant 13 years.

When Will I Feel Like Dating Again?

Knowing when it's time to actually start dating can really be scary for some of us. I normally just jump right in and worry about whether the timing is right far too late to back up. When is it okay to start dating? Will others start talking about me when I feel the time is right? Will they ask me why I can't stay with one person? Honestly, no one has the right to ask me that because I am an adult. I wanted desperately to stay with one person until death do us part but it wasn't MY decision to break us apart. He made that decision to cheat and I wished that he hadn't. I wanted my marriage to last. Secondly, it shouldn't really matter if others talk about my dating again because they are NOT walking in my shoes. They don't know how bad I was hurt when he cheated on me. Lastly, I think that I will be the only one who will know when it's okay to date again. Actually, it's my heart that makes that decision. Sometimes your head can get in the way of thinking but I know that it's my heart that actually knows when I am healed enough to get out there again.

How Do You Start All Over Again?

Starting all over again can be quite scary.....especially if you are so used to being with someone and now have to be on your own. How can I put one foot in front of the other one when I am so caught up in worrying about what he's going to be doing when we are apart? Well, that's the million dollar question and to have an answer, you just cannot be worrying about what's going on once you've separated. Yes, your brain will still be in-tuned to the worrying, at least at the beginning, but you have to now say to yourself: "it's about me, and it's MY turn to think about myself". Hard as it may sound, it can be done. First of all, you will be living a life without him, unless he's the father of your children, of course, so you need to start deciding on how you want to live. Maybe a job or some kind of new project will take up some of that "thinking about him" time. Go back and find out what YOU like to do and do it one step at a time. That's what I have had to do.

Are All Men Created Equal?

I pose upon the question: are all men created equal? Do all men believe that they are allowed to have other women? I don't think so. I do believe that there are warm, loving and faithful men out in this world somewhere. I hear in the news so often of one partner or the other cheating and it's just not fair. When we get married or are in a committed relationship, we are supposed to cling to each other, and no one else. When did this extramarital affair thing started happening? Well, according to some very old-timers, it's been going on even back in their day, but you just didn't hear about it like you do in today's times. How can you be sure that your partner will never cheat? That is something I would like to know. Seems that even celebrities cheat on even the most beautiful-looking partners....that should tell you something. It's not you. It's them.

Finding Infidelity

After he got himself all primped up and pretty, he went to work, or so he said. I was on the computer and waiting for him to leave. I got to thinking about what my friend asked me and figured I would go and look for her to see what all was going on. I wanted the DETAILS !!! I got dressed quickly, driving to the apartment complex. Oh my GOSH !!! There was HIS work truck. Oh no, what do I do now? I waited, and seems like it was an eternity. I called my mom crying, I kicked the seat back so no one would notice me. After more than an hour, HE came out, but what? What was this? She was right behind him. I laid back in the seat and watched them get into his vehicle. I decided to call him. I should have gone to the apt to confront him but I was too afraid. "Where are you at?" I asked. He replied, telling me that he was at a job. My heart fell to the floor. I ended up behind him somewhat later. I just couldn't bear watching him drop her off to where ever she was working at now since she had changed jobs. I was sooo stunned to hear him tell me something that I knew was a lie. I had been right there, and I knew where he was. I cried and was so devistated that I felt like I was going crazy.