Did You Want To Get Revenge?

After I found out that my husband was cheating on me, I flew the house so fast it made his head swim. I was hurt beyond belief at what I had seen not wanting to confront the issues with him at that time. After a brief period of nearly a year, we reconciled and I thought that things would be better because he claimed to have learned his lesson after what happened the first time around. Things were only better on the surface. He acted like he was happy to have me back, even treated me like a queen, only to have him do the same thing all over again, only with more than one woman the next time. Day after day went by, and I pondered over how to handle the situation again. How could he have not learned over his past mistakes, that I would leave again? During the times of trial and heartache, I learned how to finally get mad about it. Instead of the crying and wondering why, I became angry at the fact that he would repeat his actions. Did I want to get revenge? No, and I'm really not sure why. Many people I have talked to have told me that they wanted to get revenge back on their spouse, but I just couldn't find it in my heart to do it back to him. How many of you would have gotten that ultimate revenge and why?

Can You Move On After The Affair?

Can you move on after that special someone has cheated on you? Oh, I wanted so much to move on. You get with this special person to spend the rest of your life with, have a family with, grow old with, and share your ups and downs. You depend upon him. Your heart gets in really deep. So, what happens when you find out about an affair? You hurt. Your heart grieves for what you have lost. Your heart wants to go on, but it's hard. Sometimes you have a battle with your head and your heart. What can you do about it? That's not so easy to answer. You can find a way to help yourself though. There are great helps out there to help you find your way. One person who really helped me was an old friend of my family. He became a minister, but not only that, he was a listener. He was someone who coached me into seeing the good and the bad. http://FrankFrancis.com was a great help source for me. Some people also choose to find the help through a family member or a close friend. Another site that helped me was http://ivillage.com. This site has a section of forums for women who have issues with a cheating spouse. Whatever you do, please take time to think about what you want in your future and don't make your choice too quickly.

Trying to make things work

Now, while all of this was going on, I still had kids at home. I wanted so badly to try and keep our family together, after all, we already divorced a couple years earlier, and I kept thinking " maybe IF I had done THIS one way or maybe if I hadn't done that" then maybe he would not have cheated on me in the first place. I wanted to try things again, and I wanted to put our family back together again. My kids wanted that so much....and that is why I wanted to give it another try. I didn't know that after he cheated the first time while we were married, that he would do it again after we got BACK together. Geez, what was I thinking? And then to start finding money that he was hiding...that was something else.

Worrying about your mate's infidelity

Panic set in as I really didn't want to have to go through this pain and suffering of worrying about it AGAIN. Gee, Why can't the man just go about life and let me have some peace? But then, he was not thinking about ME. Only himself. At this point, you discover something fishy is going on, but you quite don't know what to do. You start looking for answers. You wonder if it's something that YOU did, or perhaps something YOU could have done differently to change this. I asked myself once again "WHY". But this was not a question that I would find an easy answer to. After all, we weren't married anymore, but HE is the one who kept after me to get back together and put our family back together. This man was a man that was very soft spoken, but he had a temper. He was a hard working man too. I did everything in my power to be good to him. Actually, I went back to him because I felt like maybe there was something that "I" did wrong the first time and I wanted to make things right, for whatever reason he chose to hurt me....maybe I could get it right this time. My head was spinning and I was searching for the answers. But was that good enough?

Things were settling down, or were they?

I found this great little house, and one of his best customers helped us by financing it and things seemed to calm down some. He was working, I was working and taking care of the kids, his business books, and trying to forget about everything. Heck, for awhile, things were going along alright, I must say. I became more confident with time. I really had some time to take a deep sigh of relief. Until things started happening. He stopped working on the house...and his cell phone started having calls coming in that would ring one or two times and then hang up. I would answer his cell phone at times, since I knew most of the customers. I am the one who bought the cell phone and help set up his business from the paperwork right down to the DBA and bank account. One day, I answered the phone and got hung up on. That really made me upset...and I just thought that maybe it was the wrong number, until I started seeing those hang-up calls were coming in from a private number. I was beginning to panic again...

Think things over

At this point, I really need to stop and talk about some of the things that I went through. I wanted so much to believe that my husband loved me enough to want only me. I am not sure why he wanted someone else, and still wanted me too. This was very hurtful and I did alot of things without thinking. I didn't take the time to sort things out because it seemed like everything was going so fast. Having a friend, a family member, a co-worker or a pastor is a wonderful way to stop and talk things out. Being able to hear opinions of others also helps. But I will say right here, that YOU are the only one who can make a decision of leaving or staying in your marriage or relationship. No one can tell you when it's time to call it quits. You have a tiny gut feeling inside of you, which will probably give you those answers. Things CAN be worked out, especially if your spouse is really making an effort to apologize for what they did. But they need to figure out WHY they did this, so that it will not happen again. Please don't rush into any fast decisions like I did.

Living through infidelity

I was gone about 8 months, maybe a wee bit more, but I soon came back little by little. I still had 2 of myhousecleaning jobs here so I would see him occasionally. We talked and I let him know that I knew about HER. I did not appreciate what he did to me. He apologized over and over and soon I started thinking that things would be ok eventually. One day after many months of thinking things through, I started thinking about him, and how we had spent so many years together and he still wanted ME and he wanted our family. He seemed to be very humble and wanting forgiveness. We went out on a few dates again and started discussing things. I pulled up stakes and decided to move back again, however, my house was gone because like a fool, I had sold it. A free and clear paid- for home. I just up and sold it due to my very carelessly thinking that getting rid of everything I had with him, would make things go away. I mean honestly, this whole situation tore me up so badly, that I did things without even thinking. When you are in love with someone so completely and they hurt you like he did me, some of the things that I did were just done quickly and not thought about first.

Things are really changing

This went on for awhile as I just couldn't believe that he would be treating me so bad. I kept busy, working, taking care of my kids and trying not to let his behaviour bother me. One of my friends had asked me "hey girl, when did you and him get divorced?" I was stunned when she asked me this as she was the one who introduced us and I answered her with "we haven't". I of course asked why she would ask and she told me that she and her sisters had seen him in a near-by apt. complex where they lived and he was with another woman. Actually, he would go over there and be inside for awhile, coming out with his hair all messed up... WHAT????????? This was NOT him. He NEVER went outside with his hair messed up.. He was a natural born primp-in-the-mirror kind of guy. And she said he was there EVERY day??? oh my goodness. I asked her what she looked like and when she described her, I knew exactly who it was. She was someone that I had taken to work for a little elderly lady that was a client for HIM. He would go to this elderly lady's house to do repairs since her husband was sick and this GAL who my friend spoke of was an in-house nurse for her but she didn't own a car and we would occasionally give her a ride if she didn't get one for the day. I was all confused about this, but I just thought that maybe he was there waiting on her to get ready for a ride. Well, she was getting a ride alright. Let me tell you what I did on my next post.