Are You Afraid Of Starting Over?

When you are going through the cheating of a partner it seems like the whole world stops, and you are left with trying to pick up the pieces of your life and figuring out  what to do next. I never thought that my crying would ever stop. I was hurt beyond imagine and my ego was stepped on horribly. My (now ex) husband didn't want me anymore, or wait a minute, yes, he wanted me but he wanted the other woman too, and I was no longer the love of his life. I was caught up with his denial of the other woman and I didn't know what to do about it, so I took a long look at my life, my past and my present. After all the crying was over, I got mad. I got very angry at what he had done to US ! and I wanted to figure out what to do about it. After much talk with friends, family, and a pastor who was able to look at things from the outside in( without being on one side or the other), I came to the conclusion that leaving was my best option. And not only that, but it was in the best interest of my children as well, as sad as that sounds. I WAS afraid to be out there alone.  I WAS afraid to start over. IT was hard, but I did it. I had to start out simple, clean, and one step at a time. I had to figure out where I was going to live, how I was going to pay for my expenses and how my children were going to deal with the consequences of my decision. I worried. I cried. I was in so much pain. I took that first step, and I am glad that I did!  Of course, leaving isn't the right decision for everyone. You have to think things through. I wanted to stay and work it out, but I had done that and it didn't work for us. Are you afraid of starting over?

Living In The Comfort Zone

Are you just there in a relationship because you are in the "comfort zone"? You may be miserable, knowing that you are with someone who is cheating and not sure what to do about it. People can tell you to get out of it, but that's not always the easiest thing to do. I know for me, it was very difficult. It's not only hard packing up all of your things, but dealing with the legal stuff too. I stayed in my relationship way too long because I was in a comfort zone. I was comfortable with my home, my daily life of working and taking care of my children. I don't think that anybody enjoys all the work it takes to actually move out, much less seperate from your spouse/partner. Believe me, when I found out the first time of his infidelity, I ran, and I ran hard and fast, not even giving him a chance to say anything and that is because I was astounded by actually seeing it with my own eyes.....however, as I have said in the past, I went back to him less than a year later, and tried to work things out. Yes, that was alot of moving and I quickly got comfortable again with him, only to discover his cheating again, and not with one other woman but 2 that I know of and possibly a third. I was beyond devastation and contemplated staying and trying to work things out....which I did for several years but for me, it was to no avail. He was not willing to give up the other women. I was hurt and pondered what my next move was, and I even moved to a different bedroom to show him that I wasn't going to put up with it, but for me, time got the best of me and I was unable to live with him and be happy about what was going on. I did, eventually, move out, once again changing things in my comfort zone. My point here, is that you might know in your mind, that moving out is the right thing, but it's hard. Always try to make your decision with care, but you are the only one who can decide what's best for you /and or your children. Being happy is really what matters in life because you never know what tomorrow will bring. And as for the comfort zone, you can always get that back, even if you do move.

Do I Have A Choice?

Sometimes I wondered if I even had a choice in the matter of my marriage and of what to do about his cheating on me. I felt as though I had to stay in my situation, as hard as it was, because I didn't want the neighbors to talk. I didn't want my family or his to start taking sides and feuding over what was happening in our lives. The true fact of the matter was just that: it was MY life, MY marriage and MY husband who was cheating. Family wasn't supposed to help us make our decisions for us, but it did. I didn't want to lose my in-laws. I didn't want that strain between our families, but no matter what, it happened. I had to make the choices because no-one else could have. They didn't have to put up with my husband coming in whenever he felt like it. They didn't have to live with how badly he treated me. They didn't have to worry about the other woman and the worry about him bringing home disease. I had to finally decide that it was my choice to make, what I did with my life.....my future, and my feeling of security. When it's time to make a choice, you are the only one who can make it. After all, it's your life, and your future. How do you want to live it? Life is too short to let others make decisions for you.