After All This Time, My Ex Finally Took My Voice Off His Cell Phone

Well, it's been a very long many years now that I am no longer with my ex. I do not see him anywhere anymore, I do not have any contact with him unless it's about our daughter, and I don't even know what he looks like any longer. Not that I want to, but it's kind of strange not having to deal with him about our daughter's dr. visits, school or dentist, etc.  Our daughter is now a young lovely woman who has gotten married and has a child of her own. For as long as I can remember, my ex has had his answering machine on his cell phone with my voice on it, and refused to take it off after we split up. He didn't want anyone to know what happened with us or why I was no longer with him. He was ashamed of his infidelities and as well he should have been. I recently had to try and call him so that I could give him some information and was shocked to hear, that FINALLY, after all these years, he has replaced my voice recording with someone else's.  Some man's voice, but not his own. I am so glad that he is finally moving onto his future. He is still, by the way, with the OTHER WOMAN.  I hope that he's happy, because I am. It seems like such a lifetime ago. Isn't that how things go?

What Is It That I Am Looking For ?

Someone, and a very smart someone, I might add, asked me one time "what is it that you are looking for?"  I was going through infidelity and heartache with my ex at the time. I was hurting so much and didn't really think too much about the question until one day after I got tired of crying my eyes out every day, tired of wondering if he was going to cheat again, and sick of spending every waking moment worrying about if he was with HER or not, that I began to wonder if I could actually answer that question. What was it that I wanted ?  What did I want for my future? And finally, did I WANT to be stuck in that situation forever? No, I wanted answers, but I wasn't getting any. My ex did NOT want to talk about it, nor did he want to answer my questions about it. My ex wanted me to forget about what he had done to me and our family and just "move on".  I started wondering if things would EVER change. After wasting many years of my time, the hopes and dreams of our family coming together once again just wasn't happening. My ex wanted ME to work on our marriage, but he didn't want to contribute to helping me, or us. I then began to ask myself that question...what was I looking for? And I discovered the answer.....I wanted peace...I wanted a partner who would want ME and only me. I wanted fidelity. I wanted honesty, and I wanted to not have to worry over what my future would be. It wasn't until I was able to discover for myself what I wanted, that I was able to start the process of moving on with my life, and with my future. I found that I was growing tired of the time things were taking with only me working on the marriage. It wasn't fair, and he wasn't being fair. I wanted a normal life and I wasn't getting anywhere stuck in the situation with my ex. I had to find my answers, and then I had to figure out what I was going to do to find my peace. Do you know what you want in your future? Do you know what you are looking for?

Peace --Finally And Our Daughter's Graduation

I don't know why, but it just seems that alot of things have changed since the last time my ex and I broke up. Time really does heal the heart, for the most part, and there are still those certain things that I will never forget but my life is really happy now. He came to our daughter's graduation with his other woman. I did NOT feel any ill towards her or him because I was so happy that he decided to show up for her. This was something that our daughter really wanted---for him to take time out of his "always too busy" schedule and come see her walk during graduation, a very important moment in her life. To my amazement, I spoke with him just yesterday because now he's wanting pictures, which we can certainly give him, and he is also caught up with his child support. Wow, things have changed so much. Although I love the man from my past, my ex, my daughter's father, I am at peace that he is with his other woman, and I am happy with my life the way it is. Does it go entirely away (that hurt in your heart from the cheating) ? No, I think if I were to dwell on it, I would feel it more, but at this time, it's so much less. It doesn't seem to matter that much anymore and I think that's due to time. I am happy, and that is what matters.

My Ex Actually Showed Up To Our Daughter's Graduation Ceremony!

It was graduation night for my daughter, and my ex had called earlier in the day to find out where the ceremony was going to be held...wait, did this mean he would ACTUALLY show up? When I told him that it was going to be outside in the football field, he started making excuses about how it would just be way to hot for him. Lo, and behold, he showed up...he and his other woman that he had cheated on me with all those years ago. Guess they are still together. He came late, stood out in front of everyone, FINALLY got her attention....and she was happy!  I wanted to cry tears of joy because he decided to come, but held the tears back. My other grown children and families were all with me and they motioned for him to come sit with us, but his other woman didn't want to. My oldest daughter went down to see him so that she could get his picture for our daughter, and he gave her a gift to give her. He was leaving before it finished because the other woman wanted to go home, as it was getting  late. When I took a good look at him, I saw that same ole man that I used to be with, only his hair was all grey. Same bushy hair, and mustache. He was dressed nice, as always. She was nothing spectacular to look at, nor was she pretty by any means.....but HE CAME ! I consider that a miracle, and most importantly, it made my daughter feel special!

Why Wasn't My Ex A Better Father?

Only five years ago, only a young preteen at the time, our daughter sat, and waited. Daddy called her and told her that he would be on his way to pick her up within 1 hour. She was so anxious that even if she had other plans, she would cancel them for a chance to go out with her dad. And so she got ready, and waited patiently. An hour slowly ticked by and still no sight of daddy. She called him and he told her "I will be right there, my baby"....she waited in the chair that sat right by the front door window so she could look out and see him coming down the road in his new, beige toyota wagon. Still after waiting ever so patiently, there's no daddy coming down the street to pick her up. Where was he? Why didn't he call? She picked up the phone and dialed his number, and only got his answering machine. She left messages, she texted him and wondered where he was. After sitting for hours upon hours it seemed like she had waited way too long...and daddy never came. Tears came flowing down and I cried like a baby for her, but didn't want her to see my tears so I had to stay calm. Why did he do this to her? It happened over and over and over again. Then one day, she starting realizing that he was only telling her tales and that he was not going to come. She gave up on him, and is now not even caring whether he calls or comes or not. It has been five years now......, she has grown to know the man that he is, and it's a shame. I wanted so much for her to have her daddy, but he was just too busy. I don't understand how a father could do this to his child. Our daughter is nearly 17 years old now, and growing into such a beautiful young lady. I have always been there for her and she knows how much she is loved....but I will never understand how a father can just dump his daughter, because he is so involved with another woman. I know that her heart will heal one day and she can look back and see that I have always been there for her.......what happened to my ex? I just don't know.

Fathers Day Came And Went ....

Father's Day came and our teen daughter let the entire day slip right on through.....without calling her dad. It's been about a year now since she's seen him. He has chosen not to come or call....and will occasionally text her but it's few and far between. I am sure that he missed having her remember him but to her, it was very hard and hurtful for him to choose NOT to come or call. She has her own cell phone so he can call her whenever he wants.....she's almost 17 now and he's missed out on so much already. He didn't attend her quinceanera nearly two years ago, even after she BEGGED and pleaded with him.....he didn't show up for Christmas, or any such holidays. I think that last year on her birthday he texted her a happy birthday. This man has chosen and made it clear that he is way too busy with his other woman who he lives with now. She doesn't have any children and so they are free to do whatever they wish. It's too bad that he has treated her this way....to the point that she doesn't care much anymore. It's sad because I have always felt that she needed him. I am past the point of crying to him and asking him to PLEASE come see her or call....I guess it's his loss now, what a shame!

Does The Cheater Find Happiness?

Is it possible for the cheater to find happiness with the other person? I honestly think that while a person is cheating, they are out having fun, doing the kind of things that feels good for them.
Cheating seems to be something they want to do because they don't have to worry about the loads of laundry sitting to be washed, they don't have to worry about how many bills are piled on the table to be paid, and they don't have to worry about anything important while they are out in their "happy place". While it seems to sound great not to have to worry about "life" stuff, eventually, they will have to think about those things. A person who is cheating does not have to think about "life" while they are away from the family. But life DOES go on. As soon as one bill gets paid, it comes right back around again, waiting for the next check. When my ex husband finally moved in with his other woman, he didn't have the "fun" escape anymore, and that's because he has to face the "life" issues with now a different woman. There will always be home repairs, car repairs, dishes to do and laundry to wash, so I don't know at what point the cheater finds happiness with the other person, and maybe it's beyond my thinking, I just don't know how my ex thought that having another woman was any different than what we had, especially since we got along so well. That one's a mystery for me I guess. If anyone out there has a good answer, I would LOVE to hear it.

Does A Cheater Suffer Any Remorse?

Yesterday was the first day that I have heard from him in a long time....and of course, he needed something. I never returned his call and thought that I would leave him hanging as he has done to me many of times. Does a man/woman change once they have cheated on you? Is there real remorse? In my ex husband's case, there was no remorse.....not for me, not for his cheating, nor for the family that he broke apart (ours). I do, honestly believe that people CAN change, but they must be willing to do so and want to do it for themselves, for bettering themselves and to not cause any of the pain that they once caused before. Life is SO short, you hear it and breathe it all the time, so will things be any different with his other woman, than it was with me? I already know the answer to this question....in my case, he is going to be the same person that he was with her, than he was with me and that's because he saw NOTHING that he did wrong. He told me that it was MY fault that I couldn't share him with someone else. He thought that his transgressions should all be swept under the rug where you can no longer see them. How did he not think that by my not seeing the problems that I still didn't have feelings? Being deavistated by my ex really seems to have made me more aware of men, even though I don't want to be this way. Are there any really good men out there? YES, but they just seem to be a little more harder to find these days.

He Likes To Play Head Games!

I guess we are at a new place in our "new lives" now, one in which he is starting to play the head games with me once again. I don't hardly ever hear from him.....unless he wants something from me, be it help with his taxes, help on what to do with re-fiancing our old home (which I thought he lost but am not sure where it stands now) or just whenever he feels like calling. He called me right about the time that child support was just a little past due, wanting me to do his taxes for him since I have all these years, and without one thought, I said NO! Yes, that's right, I finally am able to tell him NO......I am so proud of myself, however, he told me that he was already sending the child support and it's been almost 3 weeks now that he STILL has not paid the child support. I know that times are tight, but that money helps to buy the things that my daughter needs. I am now wondering if he is withholding it from me because I told him that I could not do his taxes. As a matter of fact, I KNOW that's probably it, but I cannot keep helping him, because if I do, he will never let go. He is with HER now and he needs to stick with his choice of being with her and leave me in peace. Why does he have to play games? Oh, and when we were saying goodbye on the phone, he told me that he still loved me....GEEZ!

Are You Staying With Him For Your Children?

I stayed with my ex for way much longer than I should have, of course, I can say this now....now that I am on the other side of things. Going through infidelity really hits hard, and I can say, it honestly does have an impact on the entire family. My daughter was young and she didn't know what was going on because I held my tears a good portion of the time, and my son was old enough to figure out what was happening because he was a teen. My ex never "yelled" but when he got mad, he would say extremely bad things to me, call me names and said things that are hard to repeat. I tried not confronting him when the kids were home because I didn't want them to hear how he was, however, there were times when HE started in on me, trying to get out of the house by getting me upset, so he got out of the house whenever he wanted. Why did I stay with him? I wanted my family intact. I shouldn't have stayed with him for that reason.....well, and I loved him too so it was hard facing the fact that he had another woman. It was much harder being a family when he honestly didn't want to be there. He wanted to be with her, and that was all he thought about. He was in and out so much that he made it hard to go out as a family. I found out it was heartbreaking for me to stay with him when he didn't want to work things out. Are you staying to keep the family together?

Child Support and A Teen

These days just seem to go so fast, and my daughter is maturing every day. She is now 16 and even though she's tiny and thin, she EATS so much! She is a very smart young lady, very caring and very thoughtful. Her father sends her child support every month, although it is always mid-month before we get it. He just doesn't seem to understand that it goes to pay for the things that SHE needs. It's not about me anymore, it's about her! What doesn't he understand about having a daughter? It's not about child support only, it's about spending time with her and calling her to see how she's doing. I know that the money helps, but where's his heart? Where is the man she calls "dad"? I know that he is with the other woman now, and lives with her too, but why can't he find a few precious moments to come see our daughter, or at least call her? She has her own cell phone, he knows the number. She is driving now too, but he hasn't bothered to even ask her to meet him somewhere, let alone come here to see her. I just don't get it and it really makes me sad!

I Think He Lost My House

Well, if you have been following along, you probably know that I signed over my half of the house to him because he was really bothering me, trying to get me to pay on HIS credit cards so I just gave him what he wanted. I gave him "our" house, the one that I picked out. It's been years now that we have been together and he finally told me that he was moving in with his Other Woman. He wanted me to take over the house, but he wanted like 5 thousand dollars, on top of that, for me to pay the back 2 years of taxes he owed AND the 3 thousand he was behind on the payments. I just am not able to do that, nor do I want to bail him out once AGAIN. He told me that he wanted to keep the house because he thought I was going to go back to him again, but since I didn't, he moved in with her and is no longer interested in keeping it. My grown son was going to step in and take over but being as young as he is, just starting out and all, I doubt that anything happens. I know the man who bought and financed the house for us, but my ex told him that I was the one who walked out....basically true, but he didn't bother telling him WHY nor that he cheated on me with several women and that he wasn't willing to make things work. He always makes me look bad, but at this point, I really don't care. I know the truth, he does too, but he just doesn't want to make himself look bad. All in all, I guess that house was really never meant to be "ours" because right from the moment we moved in it, he was starting up his old ways and all I had was suffering from his games and other women.
Sometimes you don't want to let go of something that truely meant something to you, but then again, there are times that you just HAVE to.

My New Years Resolution

The new year is coming quickly......hurry, hurry, do you have any new years resolutions? I think that mine will be to put one foot in front of the other and walk straight ahead with my eyes and ears wide open as much as possible. I know, maybe you thought it would be for me to not dwell on my ex and the hurt he has caused, however, I cannot make that a resolution until I am sure that I am ready for it. I have my good days, and my bad ones too. I think it's normal to have days where you don't even think of him/her at all, and then other days where you boo-hoo at the drop of a hat when you hear his/her name, accidently bump into him/her with their new other person, or just hear a song that reminds you of when you were happy as a couple. I believe that keeing my eyes wide open to anyone new and trying to make sure that I don't pick anyone that's going to put me through the "hel." that my ex did, and keeping my ears open to listening to what's going on around me. Sometimes it's hard to keep your eyes open though, because once you fall in love, the senses just get lost. But, there, you have it, my new years resolution.....may it stick with me the whole year long!

Thanksgiving Is Coming And I Will Give Thanks!

Thanksgiving is almost here, so that means another Thanksgiving Dinner without him, but it's okay. I realize that I have brooded over that man for far much longer than I should have. I look back on many Thanksgiving dinners that we had with my family, and even though he was there he really wasn't "there". He went through the motions, ate his food and went into hiding, playing his little tv games on his playstation or deciding that "someone" needed to have an estimate on a job and off he went. I was so blind, and I didn't even realize it back then. I was married, but so alone. Smiling through the holidays and thinking that everything was fine, but I can see it now, it really wasn't.
Gone are those days of feeling alone, going through the motions of being thankful for having him, when all he probably wanted was to be with "her". I wished I would have seen it back then, and I might have been able to let him go much earlier. Love is so blind, that is true. What brings us to the point that we just hold onto something that just isn't there anymore.
I am so much happier now that I am not living with someone who is just playing the game, trying to take advantage of all he can get. I have my new life now, so the turkey and dressing and all the fixings will be enjoyed by all who honestly really care about giving thanks, and not worried about what could have been.....because now it's better.

What Does The Other Woman Want With A Married Man?

What would a single woman want with a married man? He isn't actually available, unless he's planning on leaving his wife and family. I know that my ex was NOT planning on me finding out about his other woman and did not want to break apart our marriage for her, so what did she want with him anyways? Well, good question and since I am not the other woman, I really don't know what the answer is, but perhaps I can give it a good guess. I know that she DID recieve money from him that helped her out, but that can't be all it was because my ex never made a whole lot of money.....he was really good at hiding it from me though, as I found out. Could it be that she wants him because she doesn't really want to deal with a "full-time" man? I know that when he was with her, it couldn't be for long periods of time. So, what else could she have found appealing in my man? He was a very good looking man, that's for sure but that can't be all there was, so if anybody knows, could you shed some light on it for me? I don't know what she wanted in him, but she has him now, and I am SOOOOOO glad.

Me And My Ugly Dishes !

I got a phone call from him yesterday, and immediately I wondered what he wanted NOW! I know this man and he doesn't call unless he wants something or something is wrong....I was right. He proceeded to tell me that he was giving up our home, the one that he fought me so hard to keep. He also told me that he never liked that house, it was ugly, too big and the yard was way too much for cutting. He totally put it all down. He only wanted to fight me for that house because he thought that I would eventually come back to him like I did the last time....but I just couldn't. I was sooooooooo done with him and his cheating. And what's worse, is that he told me that I only have a week to get the rest of my things out of there and asked for ME to set HIS sofa sets out to the curb for him so someone could get a free couch. He said those couches were nasty. I asked about the dishes that I had left for him and he said that he threw most of them out because they were ugly. I am so glad that my name isn't on the paperwork anywhere....I signed it all over to him years ago. He informed me that the house that he and his OW live in now was very cheap rent, just like it was the last time we split and he lived with her. It's going to be okay though, and another chapter of my failed marriage is over.

Did You Know Who The Other Woman/Man Was?

Did you know who the other woman was in your husband's/wife's affair? If not, did you try to pry around to see who it was, or what she/he was about? I'm sure that you wondered what SHE/He had that was so wonderful that your husband/wife chose her instead of you. This was so true with me. I wanted to know what was so great about her....why did he want someone else? Was she pretty? Did she have something spectacular? Most of the time, they don't....they are just normal looking women/men. In my ex husband's case, his other woman was bigger in weight than me, and she was not pretty at all. She was just an average looking person. Actually, it was someone that I did happen to meet once, and he told me about her a long time ago, but it was someone that he met during his work day, a customer. They became friends. She knew all about me. She knew all about our daughter and even saw us at the grocery store on occasion. I wondered for so many years about her and the whats and whys of why he did this to us, but it didn't matter because it was already done.
He is with her now and seems to be happy. I honestly think that he has better communication with her and that's one thing that I can see now. They both speak the same language because they come from the same country....but his second Other Woman? I don't get it at all. She knew me as well....I even helped her out by taking her to work some times. Now what did he have in common with her? Totally nothing, except for the fact that she was always in need.......money, rides, and you name it.
Did you know the other woman?

Once The Infidelity Starts, The Family Life Crumbles

Not only in my own experience but I have seen other situations unfold as well, that once one partner in the marriage or relationship makes the decision to cheat, normal life as it was known before that point changes drastically. They think that maybe they won't be noticed spending more time away from the family....maybe they think we won't notice that they are making changes right before our eyes, and the worst part of it all, is that sometimes we don't notice. Maybe our spouse cheated on us, not meaning to, and tell it that it just happened and they don't know why, but I believe that in some rare cases, this could be true, but most of the time, it just goes on and at that point, it's a choice that they make to do so. Family life starts to suffer because they are taking more and more time away from family things. At some point, they become more distant in the marriage as if we are not of the most importance. Once infidelity starts, family life will suffer because it's not only the "family" anymore. They have decided to bring an outsider into the mix, even if we don't know, there can be serious fall-out. How do we know if the other person they are seeing is free from disease? We also suffer because they are spending family money on that other person, so they are taking away from family money as well. Sometimes the cheater carries on for a long time and once the cheater is caught, trust is gone. Why don't they see that their actions really can devistate the whole family? Maybe they believe that they will never get caught, but most of the time, they do.

It Takes Two

oh, I just get so angry when I look back upon all my trauma, having lived with a man who thought he could cheat on me and get away with it....actually, he did get away with it for a while, that while that I was trying to find out what was actually going on with him and with who! I don't know why it mattered who he was seeing but I think I was curious to see what the other woman looked like. Finding out the appeal that she had for him and why he was so into someone else. He married me, not her, so what did she have that I didn't? I honestly thought for a long time that this was why he didn't want me.....really, he DID want me, but he wanted her too. He was not honoring our marriage vows. But I did eventually discover that it wasn't all about who SHE was.....it was him. He was the one who went to see her. Yes, she called him, begged him to go see her but in the end, it was HIM that contributed just as much to their affair. I finally discovered, it wasn't only her, but it was him too. Which boils down to the fact that it takes two...not only in a marriage, but in an affair.

Isn't Honesty the Best Policy When It Comes To Marriage?

Here I am, divorced, not living with my ex, and I still write about my very hard life that I had with him. Why do I look back? Not only for myself to see what I have been through, but for others who are going through the same thing. It's not easy to walk in these shoes. It's one of the hardest things that I have ever had to deal with, and especially with a child. I learned as I grew up that people get married, it's the right thing to do, and now as I look back, it's great and wonderful and all, but I am not married to him anymore. I wanted that American dream of being married, having a house and family and being with my love, my best friend for FOREVER. It just DIDN'T work out that way. What do I want out of life now? My dream is gone, shattered, and not only that, it wasn't ME who chose to cheat. Sure, I know that when you are married, that everything has 2 sides, or as some people say, 3 sides: his version, her version and the truth. Okay, I can take my side of the blame, but honestly, I wished that he would have told me that he was in love with someone else and ended things with me, instead of sneaking around behind my back all those years. Isn't honesty the best policy here? Or was I just with a guy who wanted his cake and eat it too?