Holidays And Living With Infidelity

How does a person who's going through infidelity and all it's pain get through the holidays?  I know how hard it is because I have been there.  For the many years that I went through holidays, pretending to be happy when I knew things weren't  good. I had children so I had to make the best of everything but my last holiday with my ex was when I started to finally see that he wasn't trying to make things work. He wanted me to sweep it all under the rug and just get over it...Nevermind that my feelings were hurt. I decided that I didn't want to be miserable any longer. I did what was best at that time, and I played nice....however, once the holidays were done, and I saw no improvement from him, I knew that I was the only one trying to work the relationship out and after much thought and talking to a friend of mine, who just so happened to be a pastor, I felt it was time for me to move on....and as much as I didn't want to leave my comfort zone, I did just that....after the holidays were over. I found myself finally able to face the fact that nothing was changing and they weren't going to. Years and years of having to deal with his infidelity, his harsh words towards me, his treating me like I was a nobody was going to come to an end.  I got brave enough to walk out.....of course, I was working and able to stand on my own....I knew it was the right thing to do at the time.  For anyone who's wondering what to do about infidelity, you must first look inside yourself and decide if you are willing to try again, or if you are just tired of it and ready to start on your own...no one can tell you when that time is, or if it's the right thing to do.....you are the only one who can make that decision. I tried for years to make things better and they just never got any better. Once the holidays were over, I made that decision. Think carefully before you make a decision. If you have to sit on your decision for a short while, then do so. Just take your time deciding because it's you that has to live with  what decision you've made.

Another Holiday Season ......

Here I sit, so close to Christmas, with Thanksgiving already passed,  now feeling  so much stronger. Long gone are the days that I have to worry about Christmas coming and him  only participating  just enough to get by...another reason for my happiness, is that I don't have to wonder how he's going to treat me or my friends for that matter...it's over, it's done and I am happy that I am on this side of that horrible journey. Going through infidelity is really one of the hardest things in life.  Now that I am on this side of it, you are probably wondering what I have learned from all of it.....well, I feel that I have learned that I really AM worth being treated good. I deserve MUCH better than what he gave me, and that not all men out there are cheaters.....We all see how our society seems to see marriage as living happily ever after and having that little house and white picket fence. Does it exist? Perhaps for some, it really does. 

A Bright New Future?

Am I honestly looking forward to a bright new future, being without my ex and having to look at the upcoming Christmas holiday and then a new year? That can be scarey but I am honestly looking forward to what "new things" might pop up for my new year. Although I have lost my mother and no longer have her to talk things out with, I still have a few very close friends that I can always tell my woes to, and all of my friends on divorce360.com as well. I feel that the future is going to open up a whole new world for me and I am looking forward to it.

Trying To Be Strong For My Daughter

As many of you already know, I have a teen still at home and her father has chosen not to come and visit her. He says that he is just too busy with his work. I have written several posts accordingly but things still remain the same. My heart and soul ache for my child because I know how much she misses her daddy and it was not her choice to have us apart. I have done the best mothering that I know how to do and she is well balanced and happy. Her report card grades are excellent and I couldn't be more proud of her. It's in times like these, those sentimental holidays that come and go that really start to tear me apart. I have decided that I am going to try and remain strong for her and show her that even though her dad is not around, he still loves her and so do I. I am going to do all the normal traditional things with her and we will build our own new traditions as well. One thing that he DID NOT like to do much of and we do, is to go around during the evening hours and see all the Christmas lights....and I think we will do that this year----just because!

Holidays and Divorce

How do you deal with the holidays that come around ever so quickly when you are divorced or even separated from your ex? I guess it all depends on how much you think about things. I spent a very nice day during Valentines Day, maybe because he never made too much "ado" about that holiday anyways. He did come over, finally, to see our daughter and gave her some chocolate strawberries and a little bit of money. I just so happened to be gone when he came, but she was so excited that her dad FINALLY came to see her. I hope that the talk that we had last week helped him to understand more about his need to come and see her. How did you spend your Valentines Day yesterday?

Living Through Those Old Holiday Memories

Here it is, Thanksgiving and all my grown kids and grandkids are gathering to have a big feast tomorrow at my house. This really brings back memories of years ago when we gathered together and things were good. Although I have moved on with life, memories are still there, in my mind, letting them relive them. I don't know why it's so hard to get past "special" holidays like this. It could be perhaps that we still have connections, I mean, as far as our child. I know that he will not come and see her or call her tomorrow, like he should and this really rags on my heart, but there's nothing I can do about it because I have learned while going through this infidelity, that you CANNOT control what anyone else does. Sad, but true. Once I accepted that, I believe it was easier for me to move on.