Why Was This All Necessary?

I sit here and wonder WHY was this all necessary? What was the reason that I had to go through all of this heartache and pain ?  Why did I have to suffer from him hurting me so much? ....the name calling, the lies he told and believed for a very long time, the worry of WHERE he was and the final break-up of my marriage and family. It seems that I can look around and see so many couples who make it through, and some that don't, and then there's just me. I wondered for a very long time if I had anything to do with his cheating.....but I know that I didn't.  I was always there for him, and sometimes think that I gave him way too much of myself.  I see him, right now, with his other woman, and he is also cheating on her...go figure.  That man just can't seem to find happiness within himself. Why did he even want to marry me or have a family with me if he wasn't happy?  Did he honestly try to be faithful?  So many questions, and you know what?  none of them will ever be answered, I know that already.....my question is WHY did I have to go through such pain?  Maybe one day I will find the answer.

Looking On The Other Side Of Infidelity And Heartache

Did you ever wonder, while you were going through the pain and heartache of infidelity with your partner, that you would ever come back on top of things? I did, and for a very, very long time, I didn't know if I would ever get over him.....no matter that he hurt me, cheated on me, lied to me and tore our family apart, there were STILL times that I loved him.  I married him with the mindset of "forever".  But what is forever, if the love of your life doesn't treat you the way that they should? How could he have actually loved me and cheat on me? That was one of my biggest questions of all times, along with "why?"...and guess what? Neither question got answered. I always got the "I don't know" answer. Honestly, I spent WAY too much time trying to make things go the right way, and without his help, it just never got better. I grew so tired of worrying about where he was, who he was with, and what was going on behind my back. Did I ever just wonder if there was life on the other side of it? Well, not at that point, I couldn't see anything else but my heartache and pain.  I am here to tell you, that you have to love yourself enough to see that if your partner is NOT willing to work on the relationship with you, then you need to let it go. Two people have to work at it for it to actually work.  And in the situation I was in, I was the only one willing to do the work. Didn't work. Now, after all these years, I can finally see that life really WAS on the other side of infidelity. Not everyone cheats. Believe it or not, and there are some good ones out there.  But it takes time.

Could You Be Friends With Your Ex?

Is it possible to stay friendly with your ex when he/she has really broken your heart with infidelity?  First of all, if you have children together, you must maintain some kind of "niceness" between you to make sure that your children don't suffer from the fall out.  Children are so precious, and so innocent and deserve to have both parents....so, aside from that, what about when your children become adults? I think that this all depends on how much time has passed since he/she crushed your heart and the time since the break up. I can tell you that even though I no longer dwell on his cheating on a daily basis, the pain and hurt is still there, but it's lessened because I no longer have to see him daily, nor do I have to deal with it any longer. My ex doesn't hardly EVER come around to see our daughter so I haven't seen him in a very long time.
I think that after all these years, that if saw him somewhere, we would be able to talk, but as far as being friendly enough to go places together, I don't think so....although, some people are able to put their differences aside and do so. I don't think that I would be able to go somewhere that he and his other woman was, even after all this time, however.....if I ended up at a party or a function where they were at, I would be able to make the best of it....after all, it's done.

Coffee Breaks..... And Breaks In Life

I wonder if I am just in this mode of taking a "coffee break" sometimes. You know, you get up in the morning, put on that pot of coffee, smell that wonderful aroma and fix that cup of joe and smile. While having that cup, for me, at least, there's peace and serenity. It's a little smiggin of my time that allows me some small sips of pleasure. I wonder if that's what my life is doing right now for me. Am I getting that break in life or what I would call having that cup of coffee now? I no longer have to deal with my ex, not because I shouldn't be, but because he chooses it to be that way. Yes, that's totally his choice. So, on the road of life I go, taking a sweet break in life:::: no more worrying about where he's at...no more of his demanding ways..no more of his calling me names and berating me....no more crying over the Other woman. I think that my life is good right now. I have finally accepted that he is with her now, and my life goes on, just like that coffee break; a peaceful time in my life to just take it easy. Life can be so good.

Telling The Truth About His Feelings

Did he even care about me at all during our marriage? I am sure that at one point he did, but if he was unhappy, why didn't he tell me about it? Why did he have to sneak behind my back? I wonder now why he just couldn't face me? Well, to be quite honest about this whole mess, I think that he was happy with the most of our marriage and he wanted to be with me while it was convenient for me to wash his clothes, help him pay all the bills and run his errands and his self-employed business for him. He always came home to a clean home, hot food to eat, and never had to write out a check for the bills because I did all that. What man wouldn't be happy about that? No, honestly I think that maybe he started seeing this other woman because she was "needy". She needed someone to help take her places because she didn't have a car. At least the first other woman didn't. The second other woman didn't even know how to drive. They both had that in common. They both constantly needed money and someone to do their "honey do's" so maybe he felt more needed by them. I hate to say it, but even though I needed honey-do stuff done around the house, I pretty much stood up on my own two feet. Maybe he just thought that I would never find out.....but I did. Where was his honesty when we really needed it? I lost so much time hoping he would change, but that never happened.

Chewing Gum Under My Shoe

Having a piece of chewing gum stuck to the bottom of my shoe is just how I feel sometimes when I have to listen to what my ex has to say about things. I feel like he took so much time from my life with my worrying over his seeing the other woman. No more excuses to hear and no more lies.....that's what my life is about now and I am so glad that I don't have to hear it anymore. Now he can stick to the bottom of the other woman's shoes and let her deal with all the noise that he brings to life. After all, I know that he is cheating on her with someone else and life goes on, right? But this time, I don't have to worry about him anymore. I think that I am starting to feel lucky.

Do You Just Supress Your Feelings?

I have found that with time, my feelings about the divorce are not so open and fresh anymore. I don't know if that's because I have  supressed them way inside of myself so that I can't feel them anymore or if it's time that has taken away the bitterness of the whole thing. It's been such a long time that we were together and I no longer worry about him. That is a good thing. There are times when certain circumstances come along that I remember some of the good times, such as hearing a song from when we were together, and then the bad times, when I just so happen to come across a picture of us in our happier times. During those bad memory times, I do tend to let my mind wander back into the past and it's during that time that I sometimes start to feel a really bad rush come to me as though it were just yesterday. Is that because my mind is starting to remember all the things that I hid way back inside of myself from long ago? Or maybe it's just that I have supressed those feelings to the point that they don't ever come out like they used to, unless I have brought them to mind. Do we ever really get over our hurt to the point that when we look back, we aren't upset about some things as though they happened only yesterday? Anybody ever truely get completely over the "bad" memories? I am glad that today I am honestly able to say that I have grown as a woman and am able to say that I am happy it's over...... will my brain ever stop looking back at the bad stuff? I know that I have learned from all of this, and that's a good thing.

What About The Next Man I Choose?

Do I dare to even think about other men out there in this great big world? I find that sometimes I just don't have any interest in even looking. Yes, I like just looking but I mean REALLY looking for something that's going to last a lifetime. I've already been there and done that. Suppose that I find a really handsome guy and he turns out just like my ex ? I realize that the whole process of screening guys and dating takes time but how do you know when you are ready to take that step? What if I DON'T want to ever get married again? Wouldn't I be setting a bad example for my child if I just chose to live with someone without being married? Alot of people do it these days and it seems so much easier. It's almost as though once you get legal papers, things change. I sometimes wonder if it had been better that I never married my ex, but then again, that wouldn't have stopped him from cheating. Guess it just depends on who it is, right?

Did You Give Your Ring A Fling?

What did you do with your wedding rings after you separated or went through your divorce? If you are just now going through a separation or divorce, maybe you just haven't decided what to do with that little piece of gold that was put on your left hand in trust and faith that it would be on there forever. Right now, the economy is so hard on us all, and there are places that buy gold, and alot of people choose to sell their old jewelry for money, but what if you don't want to part with it just yet? In my situation, I never thought about giving my ring a fling. I just put my old rings back into a place where they would remain safely until my daughter grows up enough to one day have them as a momento. Long after my mother and father divorced, she handed some of her gold rings that dad had given her, and now that she has passed I feel that I have something of value of hers. What does that ring of gold mean to you and what are you going to do with your set of rings?

Getting Past Infidelity

I can honestly say that getting past infidelity is one of the hardest things to accomplish in one's life. I think that loving someone so completely and honestly and then having something like this happen is so difficult to move past and I know, because it has taken me a very long time to come to terms with it. In the beginning, I just didn't want to accept it, and I turned a blind eye but I knew. I just didn't WANT to know. Then, I did something about it. I tried so hard to control the issue by silencing his cell phone to her calls, I tried taking away his beeper, I followed him, and yes, I even drove by her house to see if he was there. Nothing worked. I did this for way too long and I did nothing but waste my time, and energy. I had to learn the hard way that he was the only one that could do anything about it, and he chose not to, despite my crying and begging, and wasting even more time. Some want to know and often ask the question of "how long does it take to get over the pain from infidelity?", but I am here to tell you, that it is a different time for each and every one. For me, it took much too long....but I can honestly say, that I am finally getting over that most difficult hump of grieving for him. It took me way too long to do this, but I think that I just wanted to hold on to the memories because I was so in love with him and I didn't know what else to do. I am so very glad that I am on the other side of it now and can finally move on to better things in life. If you are going through infidelity, my heart goes out to you, because it's a horrible thing in life, but please know, that you CAN move on without him/her.

Alas ! I Think I Am Finally Done.

As this year is closing to it's end, I have been dealing with a bad year that I want to be done with. This year has not only brought me a trip to Florida to be with my dad while he went through heart surgery, a trip to Indiana for my vacation which turned out to be totally spent in the hospital with my mother and her stroke, back again last month when my mother passed away, but a whole year of dredging up my past with my ex, who I thought was my soul mate. My ex's time is now up, it's done and it's gone. I sit here and pray that this new year will bring me a much better year. I am now ready to let go of my ex, after such a very long time of crying and worrying about him. I feel this is in my best interest because it's just holding me back of a future that I might be able to have. I had a long history with him but I am letting go now because I have to. I need to move forward with my life and I need to start a new life for myself--which does not include worry about him any more. I know that we will never be and I am now going to accept this. Here's to a new year in my future, and hopefully to you all too. May this new year be a good one. I know there's so much out there for me, so Cheers!

Will I Ever Stop Wondering About Him?

Now that I am no longer with my ex, I feel as though so much pressure has been relieved of me. I no longer have to be in "his" routine. I no longer have to do things the way that HE expects things to be done and I can finally get back to being myself, whoever that is. I have been with him for so long that I have to find myself again. With Christmas now upon us, I have been going through the normal holiday trends of buying gifts and putting up a tree and all the merryment of Christmas. However, this morning, I woke up and he was on my mind, and I really don't know exactly why. I have not paid any mind to how he is, what he has been doing or who he has been with at all but this morning, he is on my mind. I don't know if it's because I just lost my mother and I have been sad and it just seemed to hit me like a loud clap of thunder or maybe it's because our daughter has been trying to reach him for a couple of days and he is not answering her call. She reluctently bought him a Christmas present stating to me as she bought it that he probably wouldn't think about her for Christmas but she bought it for him anyways. She loves her dad even though he has treated her so ugly. I want so bad to get in it and go over there and rip his eyes out but that wouldn't do any good so I sit here and write. Maybe the writing will help me work through this horrible pain I am going through. Why does this man have to tear our daughter up after all that he has done to us and our marriage? Why did he ever have to have "other women"? Here I am, again wondering why and I was trying so hard to put him behind me. Will I ever be free of him and stop wondering about him?

Visiting The In-Laws At Christmas Time

Christmas is coming and we all know that while we are married, we have our fair share of going to the in-law's house for celebrating. Now, I never had the chance to go and visit my ex's in-laws because they live in Mexico and my ex told me that we couldn't ever go there because someone might take our child....yes, I think now that he just told me that because he didn't want me to find his hidden secrets there......but what about you? What do you do when you are no longer married to your ex and you have considered his family "yours" for a very long time? Do you still go and visit them, despite the fact that your ex might be with someone else? Do you still give them gifts? You can't just turn off your feelings because your ex has suddenly decided to put you out of his family...that wasn't your choice. Well, in my opinion, if you were close to that family, then you still have the right to go and visit them, especially if you have their grandchildren. What are you going to do this year, visit the in-laws or not?

Who Do I Cuddle Up To When The Weather Gets Cold?

Well, it's December and the weather here has it's ups and downs. Sometimes it's cold, and other times not. It's Texas and so it doesn't matter that it's supposed to be cold right now. Who can I cuddle up to now that I don't have my ex to snuggle with? My daughter is a teen now so she's really into being a teen and so I look around here and wonder who is going to get me through the cold weather? Well, I guess I must have to learn how to get warmed up by myself. I went and bought a very soft robe last week and I know that the hot cocoa will certainly make things better as well. Do I need him? Heck no !!! I will learn how to adjust on my own. I think that I am learning how to be stronger every day, and that's a great thing. Maybe one day, there will be a new love to cuddle up with, but until then, I will be fine.

What Comes Around--Goes Around, So They Say

What comes around- goes around, or so they say. I would love to know if that's true, but it does seem so. Ever since my ex has cheated on me and we went our separate ways, he has run into some problems. First of all, he was on top of a roof, on a ladder and fell off!!! He was out of work ( he is self employed) and was unable to work for about 6 months. The next thing that I knew, once he was healed and back to work again, someone hit his work van and totaled it out leaving him to have to buy another one when he was nearly finished with the payments of the old one. Does he associate all this bad stuff with what he got because he treated his family so horribly??? Probably not. How long will this karma stuff keep getting to him? Interesting.

My Self-Centered Ex

Why in the heck was my ex so self centered? Did our actual life HAVE to revolve around him? What ever happened to "us" meaning"we" ," him and I" and not just him? Do we get in a relationship and get so comfortable that we start losing our spouse over the petty things in life? I was a very good spouse......cooked, cleaned the house, did the laundry and yes, he had as much sex as he wanted, so what went wrong? Did I forget to make his food the way that he liked it? Or was his clothes not done right? Oh, or maybe the kids were making too much noise? We did have a communication problem at times because he just didn't want to know when the bills were due, he didn't want to hear any of the kids school things, he just didn't want to be bothered, and so I took care of it all. Oh, maybe he just felt like the only thing he had to do in our relationship was to work and I was to do EVERYTHING else. Did he have to be so into himself that he just thought in his own mind that I would never find out about the OW? I didn't owe him the luxury of having another woman. I thought that marriage was about 2 people, not just one. And what does forever mean? In my case, it only meant 13 years.

Having Two Parents To Depend On

I have found that my ex husband no longer wants to help with the responsibilities of raising our daughter. He has left it all up to me. He doesn't want to hear about her grades, what classes she's taking and shows no interest in the up-coming birthday party we are having for her. I really don't think it's fair, but on the other hand, it's kind of nice not to have to argue with him over these issues. My question is this, though: Just because you divorce, does that mean that your partner no longer has to help in the raising of your children? I don't think so because I believe that once a parent, always a parent and he should be helping or at least interested in what's going on in her life. I have always felt that he should be able to call her at any time to hear her voice, see her when she wants to see him and allow him to participate in her school activities. However, this ex of mine has just acted like he has forgotten all those important steps in her life and growing up. Does anybody else have this sort of problem? What ever happened to having both parents for a child to depend on?

Sometimes Days Feel Like They Last Forever

Being separated/divorced sure puts a different perspective on life. Laundry isn't done the same as before, daily meals are prepared differently, and boy oh boy, those bills are sure paid whenever the money comes in now days. Some days feel like they go on and on as though they last forever. Maybe I spend too much time thinking about what could have been or what should have been. I really don't like change. My lifestyle was so comfortable, all of course, but his cheating and lying. I ended up moving out, which took alot of time and effort. I had to learn how to make due with less money and I had to learn how to cook smaller meals. Those can be good things too, I recon, but time sure seems to lag on when you don't have alot of things going on in your life. I think that I should take up a hobby or something to keep my mind busy so I won't think about the past too much. How do you deal with being on your own?

How Does He Treat You After The Divorce?

After our divorce, he was hurt, understandably. He didn't want the divorce, but I felt like I couldn't live with him knowing that he had cheated on me for such a long time. I fled like a bat out of heck if you know what I mean. I kept my distance because all he did after we divorced was call me crying about how he loved me and the kids. He wrote me notes, he left me cell phone messages. At first, all we did was go around and round about his cheating. We could never get out of that circle. It was hopeless. I then learned to stay completely away from him except for when he wanted to see his daughter, but that never happened. We stayed apart for a good 8 months. He saw me one day and was so nice to me. He must have finally felt some guilt for his actions. How did he treat me then after so long? He was just like the first time we met. How strange that with time apart, he actually saw how he hurt me. How does your ex treat you now?

What Goes On His Side Of The Bed?

What do I do now, that I don't have him sleeping on the other side of that gigantic bed? Perhaps I need to get me a smaller bed, but not one that's too small. Actually, I could get a gigantic pillow and put on that side of the bed, so it doesn't look so bare? I totally have to re-adjust to this being on my own kind of thing. That's not easy to do, especially if you have been with your special someone for a very long time. You can learn how to do it though, because you have to learn to live alone. You an also look on the other side of things and see how you will have more room in which to move around and have more space for sleeping,. right?