Will I Ever Stop Wondering About Him?

Now that I am no longer with my ex, I feel as though so much pressure has been relieved of me. I no longer have to be in "his" routine. I no longer have to do things the way that HE expects things to be done and I can finally get back to being myself, whoever that is. I have been with him for so long that I have to find myself again. With Christmas now upon us, I have been going through the normal holiday trends of buying gifts and putting up a tree and all the merryment of Christmas. However, this morning, I woke up and he was on my mind, and I really don't know exactly why. I have not paid any mind to how he is, what he has been doing or who he has been with at all but this morning, he is on my mind. I don't know if it's because I just lost my mother and I have been sad and it just seemed to hit me like a loud clap of thunder or maybe it's because our daughter has been trying to reach him for a couple of days and he is not answering her call. She reluctently bought him a Christmas present stating to me as she bought it that he probably wouldn't think about her for Christmas but she bought it for him anyways. She loves her dad even though he has treated her so ugly. I want so bad to get in it and go over there and rip his eyes out but that wouldn't do any good so I sit here and write. Maybe the writing will help me work through this horrible pain I am going through. Why does this man have to tear our daughter up after all that he has done to us and our marriage? Why did he ever have to have "other women"? Here I am, again wondering why and I was trying so hard to put him behind me. Will I ever be free of him and stop wondering about him?

What Do I Want For Christmas?

What do I want for Christmas this year? Usually, I am not really picky about what I want because I am just grateful for what I have been given. Sure, a new robe would be nice and a new box of goodies sound nice to have but what I want most in life is to have peace. I want to be able to go through every day living with peace in my heart and song in my step. I have focused so much on what I haven't gotten with my ex, and how so many things went wrong. I need to try and focus now on what's new and upcoming for me in the future. I have been truly blessed with my children, my family and my friends. I have been blessed with fairly good health, and I need to stand up and start taking better care of ME.

What Does Christmas Mean To You?

What does Christmas mean to you? To me, it isn't all about spending every last dollar you own on buying presents. I discovered a long time ago that when children are small, they don't always keep up with every single toy. Christmas to me has always meant family and friends. Moms, grandparents, children, aunts and uncles all gathering around the home for food, drink, talk and laughter. What if you are newly divorced this year and you haven't a clue about what you are going to do on Christmas? What if your life is just in limbo? What do you do? How about making some new memories? If you have children, you can find new projects to do with them. Riding around looking at other's Christmas lights is something enjoyable. Baking cookies together is another thing that you can do together. How about wrapping presents together? Making Christmas cards is also alot of fun. If you are strapped for cash this year, why not go in on a drawing with your family members so you don't have so many to buy for? This year, my daughter is getting one big gift item and a few small ones. For me, Christmas also means that God is still here for me and my family, even if my ex isn't.

Visiting The In-Laws At Christmas Time

Christmas is coming and we all know that while we are married, we have our fair share of going to the in-law's house for celebrating. Now, I never had the chance to go and visit my ex's in-laws because they live in Mexico and my ex told me that we couldn't ever go there because someone might take our child....yes, I think now that he just told me that because he didn't want me to find his hidden secrets there......but what about you? What do you do when you are no longer married to your ex and you have considered his family "yours" for a very long time? Do you still go and visit them, despite the fact that your ex might be with someone else? Do you still give them gifts? You can't just turn off your feelings because your ex has suddenly decided to put you out of his family...that wasn't your choice. Well, in my opinion, if you were close to that family, then you still have the right to go and visit them, especially if you have their grandchildren. What are you going to do this year, visit the in-laws or not?

Christmas Spending Budget

As Christmas quickly approaches we are anxious to get out and get our family gifts for the big day. What do you do if you are on a tight budget? After all, being single means only having one income coming in and not very much left over to buy those gifts. I have learned how to combat this issue. First of all, I have my daughter make a list of several things that she might want. Secondly, I get the Sunday paper and go through all the ads to see if anything she wants is on sale. I also get online at several different sites to grab coupons. Yes, it might sound corny but coupons actually do help stretch the budget. Here are my sites that really help, and not only for Christmas, but in grocery shopping as well. I don't stockpile like alot of women do when couponing, but am considering stockpiling things like toilet paper and toothpaste. Also, if there's something that you like you can also google it, such as going to your search bar and putting in something like: bath and body works coupons and viola!! Just see what appears.
http://coupons.com

http://afullcup.com
okay, there's my take on things. Be careful which sites you choose to coupon with though because some of them want you to answer alot of questions before you get to the coupons....not with these sites, they are great. Happy Saving!

Is She Going To Buy Him A Present This Year?

Buying Christmas this year just means buying for one less person, yes, you guessed it!!! It's for him. Now, I didn't buy him a present last year either, but had to help my daughter buy one so it was nearly the same thing. This year, she is old enough to take care of that on her own, but will she actually do it? He made no attempt to even see her for her birthday, didn't come to her quinceanera, didn't send a card---nothing. He doesn't come around at all, so will she go out and buy her dad something this year? Well, you got me on that one because I don't even know right now. I am not going to say anything to her either way because I want her to make up her own mind about what to do, but if she asks my opinion, I will most likely tell her to at least get him something because he is her father......Ok, don't jump on what I just said, I just want my daughter to do what she feels is right. So, I wonder, Will she buy him a gift afterall? Time will tell.

A Bright New Future?

Am I honestly looking forward to a bright new future, being without my ex and having to look at the upcoming Christmas holiday and then a new year? That can be scarey but I am honestly looking forward to what "new things" might pop up for my new year. Although I have lost my mother and no longer have her to talk things out with, I still have a few very close friends that I can always tell my woes to, and all of my friends on divorce360.com as well. I feel that the future is going to open up a whole new world for me and I am looking forward to it.

Trying To Be Strong For My Daughter

As many of you already know, I have a teen still at home and her father has chosen not to come and visit her. He says that he is just too busy with his work. I have written several posts accordingly but things still remain the same. My heart and soul ache for my child because I know how much she misses her daddy and it was not her choice to have us apart. I have done the best mothering that I know how to do and she is well balanced and happy. Her report card grades are excellent and I couldn't be more proud of her. It's in times like these, those sentimental holidays that come and go that really start to tear me apart. I have decided that I am going to try and remain strong for her and show her that even though her dad is not around, he still loves her and so do I. I am going to do all the normal traditional things with her and we will build our own new traditions as well. One thing that he DID NOT like to do much of and we do, is to go around during the evening hours and see all the Christmas lights....and I think we will do that this year----just because!