Are You Afraid Of Starting Over?

When you are going through the cheating of a partner it seems like the whole world stops, and you are left with trying to pick up the pieces of your life and figuring out  what to do next. I never thought that my crying would ever stop. I was hurt beyond imagine and my ego was stepped on horribly. My (now ex) husband didn't want me anymore, or wait a minute, yes, he wanted me but he wanted the other woman too, and I was no longer the love of his life. I was caught up with his denial of the other woman and I didn't know what to do about it, so I took a long look at my life, my past and my present. After all the crying was over, I got mad. I got very angry at what he had done to US ! and I wanted to figure out what to do about it. After much talk with friends, family, and a pastor who was able to look at things from the outside in( without being on one side or the other), I came to the conclusion that leaving was my best option. And not only that, but it was in the best interest of my children as well, as sad as that sounds. I WAS afraid to be out there alone.  I WAS afraid to start over. IT was hard, but I did it. I had to start out simple, clean, and one step at a time. I had to figure out where I was going to live, how I was going to pay for my expenses and how my children were going to deal with the consequences of my decision. I worried. I cried. I was in so much pain. I took that first step, and I am glad that I did!  Of course, leaving isn't the right decision for everyone. You have to think things through. I wanted to stay and work it out, but I had done that and it didn't work for us. Are you afraid of starting over?

How I Got Over The Agony Of Infidelity......Part 3

I bet you are wondering WHY I had a blind eye, when it came to infidelity....well, sometimes its feels better to try and believe the best in your spouse...after all, isn't that what we are supposed to do when we love someone? My husband (now ex) was charming, and he knew all the right things to say. But once I started asking questions, his demeanor totally changed. He starting being ugly to me, treating me badly, starting fights and did everything that he could to make me think that all of this was my fault. Totally wanting to keep my marriage and family together, I settled down and tried to "sweep things under the rug" as they say. Who wants to leave their comfort zone? I certainly didn't. As time went on, things became worse. I started discovering love letters, personal messages to him from her.....NEVER anything from HIM to her. So, he used that to his advantage and made me think that it was HER who wouldn't leave him alone.....which only made things worse for me. It's undeniable when you find things that aren't right. He had an excuse for EVERYTHING I questioned him about. I grew tired. VERY TIRED of fighting with him over it. I was asking questions that never got answered. I felt like I had to do something. Begging didn't help. Finding her phone numbers and blocking her didn't help. Keeping him busy at home certainly didn't help either. Something had to be done and I was running out of options, so I took a stance. I had to accept the truth...................to be continued.

A Moment Of Truth

He called me today. We have been apart for a good while and through all of this, he has maintained his innocence of cheating, even though I have letters from her, have talked to her, have heard her messages to him, know where she lives and even fixed his credit for him when she forged his name and social to benefit her own good and helped him throug all this. For all of you who have followed my journey, I am here to tell you that having a partner be unfaithful to you and cheat on you is one of the worst nightmares one can face in life. Today he could no longer lie to me and finally admitted to me that he was moving back in with her. He moved in with her the first time I caught him with another woman (not her but a different one). He actually moved in immediately after I left, but I did divorce him. I came back and he wanted to try again so I did. He never told me that he was with her, but with a friend, and I found out afterwards that it was with her. Now, the house that I picked out, signed over to him for nothing, he is admitting that he didn't pay his taxes this year or last and is going to let the house go back if my son doesn't want it. He kept saying that he was going to move somewhere else. I pushed the issue and he finally gave up and told me that he was going to move back in with the other woman. Do you know how many years this man made me feel like I was the one that was crazy for ever thinking there was another woman? I am so relieved, but upset at the same time that what I knew all this time was honestly true. He finally came clean with the truth. I still have mixed feelings, but am so happy that the moment of truth has finally come for me.

Accepting The Truth

How do you accept that your partner has actually cheated on you? It's hard to think that after going through the steps of getting married, having a home together and children too, that he would actually consider taking a chance at losing it all. I know, I know, he probably didn't think that I would find out that he cheated. He wasn't counting on the fact that the other woman would pursue him and leave messages on his cell phone, knowing that I would be able to access them. He didn't think about the fact that not only did he have responsibilities from his family, that the other woman would also want his attention as well. Did he not have a clue to how this would all pan out in the end? Wasn't having a family enough for him? I guess not. I have to sit down and accept the fact that he did this to us and I have to realize that he wasn't thinking. He didn't care about my feelings. He only cared about what he was doing, and the joy that he was feeling. I now have to accept that. It's hard to accept it, but I will. I need to move on from this life-changing event that happened in my life and I have to make a new life for myself. One little baby step at a time, but I know that I can do it.