Our Daughter Is Now A Grown Woman

Our darling daughter became an adult this week...and I am so very proud of her. This young lady has really come along way....from the shy, quiet little girl who loved her daddy so much, to a beautiful young woman who is not only confident and outspoken, but certainly not shy anymore.  And yes, she still loves her daddy, but she has had to find out what kind of man he really is, and it was a learning experience that only he could teach her. I have never said a foul word about him, not only because I loved him so much, but because she had to find out who he was for herself. She has come to the conclusion that he is her father, no matter what, but that he just isn't involved in her life like me or the other members of our family are.  She is a very mature person and is very balanced. I have talked to her about seeing both sides of a person, men included. She has grown into such a beautiful person, and I am proud. I only wished that he would have wanted to be more involved in her growing up than he did. What happens to some parents when they divorce? Do they not want to be involved in their children? I wonder if he regrets his actions at all. Or ....maybe, he is still so involved with his other woman, that he hasn't thought about it at all.

Ever Wondered "What If?"

Have you wondered if you were stuck in such a horrible situation for so long, that sooner or later, it's got to get better? That's what I did. I waited, wished, hoped, prayed and waited some more, but my world was just so up and down. For a while, I thought maybe he was going to drop the other woman and see how much he loved me.....but even during the times that things were quiet, they really weren;t....he was just hiding it more. With every complaint I made, he went more into hiding what he was doing. I wanted my marriage to work, even to the point of my giving him all of my extra time, cooking gourmet meals, washing and ironing his clothes to perfection, even paying for some dinners out and whatever I could to make his life like a king......but it didn't matter. The other woman had his heart. Why did I work so hard for a marriage that he clearly didn't want? He told me that he wanted me and the marriage but his actions spoke louder than his words. Every body wants a loving and lasting relationship but if both parties are not willing to work at it together, then it just doesn't get better.

Sometimes It Takes A Little While To Get Over It All

What a lovely day it is today, not too warm out and the sun is shining brightly......inside I am wanting the joy to come through but for some reason, I feel blue inside. I have been doing sooooo well since he and I parted and went our separate ways but today brings a small piece of rememberance back inside of me...I don't like it nor do I want to dwell on it so I thought that I would write about it so that maybe I can get over it and back on track with my new life. I just want to say here how much that I really wanted our marriage to work out. I wanted our family to be together and I long hoped for that miracle. I remember times when things were good and I thought for just a shining, glimmering moment in life that we were going to be able to work things out. I never wanted to actually give him up to another woman, but I had no choice in the matter because he is the one who made that decision. It was hard for me to learn that I could not make that choice for him. Of all the times that I heard him say " I love you" to me, it wasn't enough to let her go. I have to be stronger than this and let my pain go and learn new ways to make my new life get back on track again. Enough said, I thank you for letting me spill my feelings and I know that things will be alright again for me, I just have to be strong.

He's With The Other Woman, So Why Can't He Give Me Some Peace?

Wev'e not been together in a long time.....he is with his other woman, is happy with her, and even though I don't hardly ever talk to him, he still lets me know that he loves me.....what is that all about? If the man loved me so dearly, he shouldn't have been a repeat cheater, crushing my heart to tiny bits over and over again. He no longer wants the house that he fought me tooth and nail for......now he wants ME to take it over until our daughter is old enough to have it, pay all the taxes, pay HIS back owed monthly payments that have amounted to the total of $3000, And to top it all off, to let him keep his old work truck in the back yard so he can get his work tools out every day so he won't have to go back to where he and his other woman live. He wants convenience, wants me to pay and be able to get his hold back over me again. It's NOT going to happen. I am not going to turn back now. Why on earth would I want to pay all of that for him when I gave him the house, all payments up to date, and even took my name off all the paperwork. He wanted that house soooooooo bad. Why can't he give me any peace? We are done and over with, he has even turned his back on our daughter. I don't think I will EVER figure him out.

Have You Lost "You"?

Sometimes I feel as though I lost myself somewhere along the way. It's true that when we marry someone or get into a relationship that we mold ourselves to our partner and that makes getting along with them a little easier. I seemed to have lost my inner happiness during the time we were married, and that's not a good thing. Did his cheating on me get me down so bad to the point that I couldn't find my inner peace and happiness? I can honestly say that going through infidelity really made me hit rock bottom with this man. I think that I became his "wife", the kids "mother" and one day I just didn't have time for "me". How do I get back to being the old me? The old me that used to have such joy in life, the one who loved playing around and being silly....well, I think that in time, my joy will return, but it all takes time. One thing I feel is that I can breathe easier not having to deal with a cheating spouse, and another thing is that I can do more things to please me instead of him....maybe that's the start of finding myself again.

Do I Dare Look Back?

Today I went to go through some of my things from my old home, and floods of memories came running through my mind. Wow, I found some things that I thought were already gone forever, just like my marriage to him. Many things were of such that were no good to me anymore so I had alot of things to throw away. Sifting through my past, I held back my desire of wondering "why". This has been one question that I have never gotten an answer to, and I know that I never will. Why this happened to me, "to us", is just something that will never be answered. It puzzles me to no end, but I guess that's just how it's going to be. I do know, however, that he will stay with the other woman now for the rest of his days. This is a man who hates to move, doesn't adapt well to change and is more stubborn than a mule in his beliefs. Will he have the freedom that he had when he was with me? of course not. Then again, it makes me wonder if I had done something different, would I still be in the same place that I am today? Right now, it's just one day at a time and one foot in front of the other....that's how I am going to be from now on.

Letting Go Of The Past

I feel as though I have really walked through a long and hard journey with my ex, and I look back on things and wished that things could have been different. There's nothing wrong with having the house with the white picked fence, a family and harmony in your life. I think that we all strive for that. We look for the good in our spouse, even when they are at their worst. We work towards a goal of "being a family" in these rough and hard economic times. I used to wonder if I would ever be able to get over him, because he meant so much to me, and he was very important in my life. I can now say that yes, there is life on the other side and it's not the end of my world as I once knew it....it's just a new beginning for me.
All the tears are gone now. My heart doesn't ache so bad when I look at him, because I know that it just wasn't meant to be. I guess that I am finally accepting my past is gone. He's just not my future. We only have today and always looking for a brighter tomorrow, you can't change the past because it's done. Do you know when it's time to quit hanging onto something that just isn't going to be? I think once youv'e exhausted all avenues and there isn't anything left, you will know when it's time to let go of the past.

Isn't Honesty the Best Policy When It Comes To Marriage?

Here I am, divorced, not living with my ex, and I still write about my very hard life that I had with him. Why do I look back? Not only for myself to see what I have been through, but for others who are going through the same thing. It's not easy to walk in these shoes. It's one of the hardest things that I have ever had to deal with, and especially with a child. I learned as I grew up that people get married, it's the right thing to do, and now as I look back, it's great and wonderful and all, but I am not married to him anymore. I wanted that American dream of being married, having a house and family and being with my love, my best friend for FOREVER. It just DIDN'T work out that way. What do I want out of life now? My dream is gone, shattered, and not only that, it wasn't ME who chose to cheat. Sure, I know that when you are married, that everything has 2 sides, or as some people say, 3 sides: his version, her version and the truth. Okay, I can take my side of the blame, but honestly, I wished that he would have told me that he was in love with someone else and ended things with me, instead of sneaking around behind my back all those years. Isn't honesty the best policy here? Or was I just with a guy who wanted his cake and eat it too?

Children and Divorce

Children are the future of our society. What are they learning from us about divorce? I know that when I was married to my ex, my children learned how they thought it was okay to treat me the same way that he treated me....that was no good. Was I so busy trying to save my marriage that I didn't stop and think about what they were learning? As adults, we get so busy with work, bills, cooking and just daily life that we often feel that "kids are kids and they are too young to actually know what's going on" but actually, from the time they are born, they are watching and learning. Children are so smart. They learn what they live. Some divorces should be done out there, especially the ones that are in abuse, cheating and other bad examples from one spouse or the other....but what about the spouse that's just bored? Marriages can get to be humdrum sometimes when we have so many other things to tend to in life. Maybe we need to remember that while we are married, we need to nurture that as well as taking care of the other things in life....after all, our children are watching.

Have You Had Sex With Your Ex?

Going through divorce is hard enough, leaving you feeling lonely and blue, wondering why life has dealt you this horrible hand, also leaving you wondering what is going to come next. I wanted my ex to beg my forgiveness, come running after me with roses in one hand and a box of chocolates in the other, but what a laugh! that didn't happen. I wanted him to really mean sorry, not just say the words. Never happened. Once I got tired of all the running around, trying to make things right within our marriage and it not working, I finally grew tired of it and packed my things and left. That's right, lock, stock and barrel, packed up my personal things and was gone in a flash. Never again did I allow myself to be alone with him long enough for him to make any moves towards me, but he sure tried. I know that if I had stayed long enough during any of my visits to pick up my mail or get something that I forgot to get, that he would have sweet talked me into something that I didn't want to do. What about sex? Sure, it was wonderful with him, I can't deny that, but I never allowed him to have it once we split. I know that many do though, because it's the only sure thing you know, and of course, you aren't fighting when you have sex. Have you had sex with the ex? Did you regret it?

What Does Christmas Mean To You?

What does Christmas mean to you? To me, it isn't all about spending every last dollar you own on buying presents. I discovered a long time ago that when children are small, they don't always keep up with every single toy. Christmas to me has always meant family and friends. Moms, grandparents, children, aunts and uncles all gathering around the home for food, drink, talk and laughter. What if you are newly divorced this year and you haven't a clue about what you are going to do on Christmas? What if your life is just in limbo? What do you do? How about making some new memories? If you have children, you can find new projects to do with them. Riding around looking at other's Christmas lights is something enjoyable. Baking cookies together is another thing that you can do together. How about wrapping presents together? Making Christmas cards is also alot of fun. If you are strapped for cash this year, why not go in on a drawing with your family members so you don't have so many to buy for? This year, my daughter is getting one big gift item and a few small ones. For me, Christmas also means that God is still here for me and my family, even if my ex isn't.

Was His Cheating Due To Emotional Disconnect?

I moved out of there, throwing away all that I had done to make our marriage and relationship work. I guess you could say, that after living a lie with this man and his cheating, I threw in the towel. Good riddance to a man who made a clear decision to step outside to find his comfort. I thought that maybe the other woman was skinnier than me, or perhaps was prettier. She was in fact heavier than me and was about the same in her looks as me. I never knew what it was that he wanted in her,and he never gave me any answers, but I just happened to be watching a tv program the other morning and they were talking about why men cheat. One reason that they listed was " emotional disconnect at home". I sat and pondered on this for awhile and wondered if this affected my husband and me in any way. I think that maybe it helped to contribute to our marriage failure. We talked about things alright, and in my mind, we got along fine....however, my husband is from another country and the woman he cheated with me with and moved in immediately with after my leaving was a woman who spoke the same language as he did. Maybe he had more of a connection with her? Whatever the reason, I know that I tried my best and am now moving on. I think that writing about things that bothered me with my ex really helps in my healing. And as far as this "emotional disconnect" I guess perhaps we stopped connecting emotionally?

Wishing I Had Done Something Different

Time marches on and it seems as though the older I get, the faster that time moves forward. Momma always said that when I was younger and now I really believe it. I am coming to learn that life is too short to be unhappy all the time and I look back at my past mistakes and I have many things that I wished that I had done differently. But you cannot do anything to change what's already done. I wished that I would have gotten out of my relationship much sooner than I did. I wasted alot of time, years to be exact, on someone who "said" they loved me and wanted to be with me, but did not show it. He used me and always tried to make me believe that everything that happened bad was my fault. He cheated on me and even though I had proof, he never would admit it. If I could have only seen what it was and prevented whatever it was that he thought I lacked in a wife. It's too late and all I have now is my present and my future. Here's to a brand new beginning.

How Do You Know When To Quit?

Wow, powerful question but sometimes we wonder what we need to do to know when it's time to through in the towel. I know that after I caught my husband cheating on me, I immediately divorced him.....I mean, it was totally devistating. However, with much thought, and about 9 months later, I decided to return. He welcomed me with open arms, acted like he just couldn't live without me. I decided to try it again.... and we did. We decided to find a place of our own. I searched all over until I found that right place, and we moved in. Things seemed to be good for awhile. After a little while, things started changing. I didn't know what was going on with him. He seemed to be angry for no reason, started working funny hours, actually showing the signs of cheating but I just couldn't see them at that point in time. So many times he told me how sorry he was, but he would just go out and cheat again. He would get a call from the other woman about needing him and instead of coming home to me, he would go to work, and sneak around to see her on his lunch hour or at some point during the work day and then come home to me as though nothing had happened. He didn't want counseling. He told me to just forget about the other woman and go on with our lives. He didn't want to find a way to let me trust him again. I went on with this lifestyle for longer than I should have until it was just too much for me. Along with her ruining his credit with fraud and my having to fix it for him, her numerous messages that she left and letters, I just couldn't take it anymore. I think I knew when it was time to quit by the feeling that I had inside of me. My heart loved this man so much, but I was just unable to trust. I was tired of checking his cell phone. I was tired of trying to follow him around. I was tired of being the last important thing on his list. If you are unsure if it's time to quit, examine your feelings. If your partner is willing to honestly work things out, then you have a chance.... and if not, it's not worth all the time lost at begging him/her to stay. You will most likely feel a feeling inside of yourself when it's time to quit.

Finding a Lawyer For Help

One of the most scariest things out there is having to find a lawyer when you are normally not someone who already has one. It's a great big world out there and it's hard to choose one if you don't know what you are looking for. First of all, there are many very good attorneys and it might help for you to ask around to family and friends to see if they can recommend someone. If not and you are having to start from scratch, it might be a good idea to call around and see someone that offers a free consultation. Start from there, see what they have to say about your situation and you really need someone that you are comfortable with, someone that has your best interests at heart, and not someone who is only in it for the money. Finding a good attorney can really help, especially if you have been married for a longer period of time and/or have children.

Divorce When There's Another Woman Involved

I do know a few things about divorce, after having to deal with it a time or two. I can tell you right now, that the man who you know as the one you married, the one who was supposed to be your soul mate can change in a heartbeat when having to deal with divorce. If you are one that has to go through the divorce because he has another woman, you need to watch out. No longer will he be easy to deal with......and that's because there is another woman involved. He will want to do everything that he can to please her so you may stumble upon some problems before it's all said and done. I watched my astoundingly sweet husband who wanted nothing more than to please me, turn into the biggest and meanest creature of all time when it came to divorcing. He not only wanted out, but he wanted to hurt me with every step of the way....and it was all because he was NOW trying to please someone else. I gave in more than I should have when it came to the child support and letting him have some of the things that should have been mine, and now regret it. If you are having to deal with divorce from a man who has someone else, don't let your guard down.

Natural Disasters and Marriage

Natural disasters is something that nobody can control. I guess it's kind of like a marriage. You can't always control what your partner does, even if you are married. When I got married, I thought that we were a team. Our partnership only lasted about 10 years. Was it something that I did to end this partnership? No, honestly, I tried so hard to hold onto it, thinking that his cheating would just all of a sudden stop and we would go on with life and be happy again. That didn't happen. I had to find a way to be able to live, and live peacefully. Life was not going to be peaceful with a man who had to have more than one woman. Yes, I filed for divorce because I just couldn't take it anymore. So many lies were told. Not only that, but my faith and trust were gone. I no longer felt as though we had a marriage. He didn't want to try either. This marriage reminded me of the Hurricane Ike that just passed through here a week ago. No way of controlling anything, it just happened.

Keeping The Distance Between Us

As the days go by, time seems to go so slow sometimes, especially when I go through those moments of wondering how he is doing. I have days that fly right past me that I am so busy that I don't even have time to stop and think about him.....but then, there are other days that I pause long enough to wonder what he's doing. I wonder what he's doing there in that big house that was supposed to be mine. I wonder if he's eating well and getting enough rest, but I know that our marriage is gone now and I have to stop caring so much about him. Why did he have to do this to us? Was the other women in his life so important that he had to lose his family over? I am trying to keep distance between us so that I can heal. Healing takes time, and when I am here milling over him, things just seem to stay the same. I have to be stronger. Keeping the distance isn't always easy when you have children together.

Can A Woman Make It In Today's World Without Her Husband?

I wonder sometimes, how a two-paycheck family can make it in today's world. There are so many things on the rise: gas, food, clothing and education. I guess when we divorce, we are supposed to be able to make the bills and pay for the cost of living on one salary, with added child support, but I am here to tell you, it's hard. ..... but it can be done. Depending on the age of your children, if you don't have to worry about daycare, then that's a good thing...but what if you do? There is assistance out there, for the asking. There is help with food, clothing and other things such as help for electricity bills providing you find the right agency to help. Ask around for help, if you need it. I have even found that the YMCA helps with programs, but you must ask for it, as they don't volunteer that information right out front. There are baseball, football and other sports as well that will help with assistance if your child wants to attend. Yes, a woman can surely make it in today's world, but she must be able to ask for help if needed.

No Fairy Tale Endings Here

As a little girl, I grew up with the notion that we get married, move into a little house with a white picket fence, and have children. Boom, end of story, with every day being the best it could be. I don't know where I got this from, except that maybe from the fairy tales stories that my mother always read to me. I sure got gyped that's for sure. There was nothing even near this kind of life for me. I so much wanted to have that fairy tale life, of course, understanding that every single day cannot be a piece of cake. I know that there are many hurdles in life, most of which, you have to struggle and learn to deal with by yourself. But the ending never even came close. I got married, had children, but somehow didn't make it to the fairy tale ending of the story. I have to accept that. I have to start all over again. I honestly married him for love, good or bad, rich or poor. Why did he have to cheat on me? Wasn't our marriage important enough to save?