How I Got Over The Agony Of Infidelity? Part 1......to be continued

Going through infidelity is one of the hardest things to have to go through in life.  Sometimes I wonder how I ever made it through. My heart was soooooo torn into pieces and I was so out of sync because I wanted to stop all the crazyness and just stop my husband's infidelity. No matter what I did, nothing stopped it. I learned the hard way---that it MUST come from the one who's cheating....THEY have to be the one who stops it and does it because they want to. I cried all the crocodile tears that I had, begged, pleaded, and still, nothing stopped. The only thing I received for all of my heartache was him getting angry, calling me names and treating me worse than he already had. There were times that he told me that nothing was going on, and he played it cool for a little bit to make me think things were alright with us again, but it was all a game that he was playing. I wanted to believe him and I walked around with rose-colored glasses for a time, only because I wanted to pretend he was all mine again. But you know what?  After a long bit of time, I started to think about what I could do about it.  I wanted to become a stronger person. I had cried all the tears that I was going to cry, or so I thought, but I wanted to make things better.....so how did I do this?

Thankyou All So Much For Your Support

Thankyou so very much. Support is something very important in today's world. I could not imagine having to go through this kind of thing without having someone to lean on. I don't know but I have found that some families are very supportive and others are just not. The actuality of this whole process is that YOU are the one that has to live with this, the decisions made and learn how to cope.....not your relatives. Of course, if you have children, you also have to worry about how they are dealing with it, but sometimes relatives can say things that can sway decisions and that's good only sometimes. I had the support of my mother and stepdad, and it was such a blessing for me, because they gave me hope that my future would go on, and honestly, it has. I no longer have my mother because she passed not quite a year ago, and my stepdad was gone before her. I haven't forgotten how much she supported me. Do you have a support system to help you with what you are going through? I hope so. I hope that if you don't, that you know that there are many of us out there who seem to be going through the same thing and it hurts like nothing else in this world, but you will, one day, get up and move on as I am trying to do. If you do not have any support, there are blogs like mine, and there are support groups online as well. Once again, I really do thank all of you who follow me and who offer words of great help.

Do You Believe That "Once A Cheater-Always A Cheater"?

Some people say it's true, that once a cheater, always a cheater but I don't know if I believe that entirely. I honestly think that some people are cheaters and that's what they want to do, but I think that there are some people out there who really don't cheat because they want to, but because they made a bad decision and are very remorseful for what they did to their family. I am not sure what the statistics are on that, but I would really like to know. As for my situation, it happened more than once, and with more than one woman, and he was NOT remorseful and didn't want to try and make amends of things. Sad but true. And do you stay with someone who is a repeat cheater? I tried but it didn't work out for me......he was just too into the other woman and it was too much for me to try and change. However, if you are with someone who has only cheated one time and is remorseful and wants to make things work out with your marriage/relationship, there may be hope for you after all. It is honestly hard to get the cheating out of your mind, but you can forgive, it that's what you are willing to do. Getting through infidelity really does take time.....this is just not something that you can work through quickly at all, because if you are willing to work it out, it takes time to get the trust back. Do you believe that saying "once a cheater, always a cheater"?

He's Gone and I Don't Have To Put Up With Infidelity Any More

After all this time has passed, I sit here and wonder what my life would have been like without ever knowing him. Did I even gain anything by staying with him for such a long period of time? We have our daughter, who is the biggest blessing you could ever imagine, but what else do I have to take along with me as I ponder upon my past? Did he teach me that even though I thought I had a wonderful marriage, that it really wasn't that wonderful at all? Did he teach me that you can never take anything for granted? Honestly, being with him was good for a short while. I have walked away from this knowing that life is too darned short to be miserable all the time. I have learned that time is precious and we never know what tomorrow will bring. Do I have a trust issue when it comes to other men? I don't think so, because no two men are alike. I think that there are some that will cheat, and others don't even think about it. I know that being in a cheating relationship did nothing for me at all, but waste my valuable time. Why I held on for years is beyond me, but I loved the man, that's all I can say. What I can do now, is keep looking toward my future, putting one foot in front of the other, knowing I don't have to put up with any more infidelity from him: he's gone and I am glad about it.

Is Going Through Infidelity Worth It?

Do you really want to have to live through all this pain? Why do we love someone so hard and deep when we don't always get that back? Are we in such hopes that we will not be able to live without our partner that we just fall back and take whatever they give to us, even if it's just a little crumb? I did. I wanted my marriage to last forever, and I didn't want to give up. I thought that if we couldn't mend out marriage that I would feel like a failure. I certainly didn't want others to look at me and say "gee, that woman can't even keep her man"....but you know what? What others have to say really shouldn't matter. We live in a society that we think that it does, but really, you are the only one who has to put up with it all, they don't. Do we just let things go by the wayside because we are happy in our little comfort zone? I know that nothing that I did helped me to keep him, even turning my head the other way wasn't enough. I guess I just wanted to be happy with him forever. But, you know what? Now that I am on the other side of things, I am so glad to be finally over him and no longer having to deal with all the pain that he caused me daily.

What Do The Neighbors Think?

If you even live any neighbors at all, you wonder how much they've heard of the arguements or seen what's going on in your home. Living close to others is not the easiest thing at keeping things to a quiet minimum. Do you talk to the neighbors about your situation? Well, I never did because I didn't think that they needed to know. However, I was always wondering if they were noticing how late my hubby would come home at night or how much he was gone from the home. I had good neighbors because they never asked any questions. I also tried to make things seem as normal as possible. Do you really care what the neighbors are thinking anyways?

Infidelity Questions

Infidelity has gotten ahold of many people, and I just have to ask why. Why do men or women want to go with someone else, when they already have someone? Could it be that something isn't just right in the marriage/relationship? Could it be that they think that they can play around and get by with it, and nobody will notice the changes? I know this is a very big question and I really don't think that it gets the answers that we deserve. I figure that it's something different for everyone so there would be many answers to that question. In my case, I honestly never got an answer. I know without a shadow of a doubt, that it wasn't anything in our marriage. He told me that he just didn't know why. I spent so much time wondering and I now know that I will never have my answer. It makes me wonder why there are so many people in "high-paying" positions nowdays getting caught. I also have to wonder why some of these movie star men would want to cheat on some of the beautiful women they have......it's certainly not because of beauty. I think it must be something inside that needs addressing....but no matter what it is, it's not your fault.

Was There Any Hope Ever?

Sometimes I think back and I wonder about all of the bad things that he has put me through and I stop and wonder if there was ever any hope for us at all. I don't know if anything could have changed the past and I wonder if there was, what it would have been. Maybe if I had not tolerated some of his behaviour in the beggining, things would have ended differently. I wish that I could have spotted some of the signs of his infidelity in the beginning, but it was just so difficult for me to see. Why does life have to be so unexpected? Why couldn't he have just been content with me? I wished now that I could have been more alert about the signs when they started, but I trusted him so much and didn't ever think that he would have done this to me and to our relationship. I feel like I lost alot of time in my life with him.

Do You Think You Can Control Your Partner's Cheating?

Do you really think that you can control your partner's cheating and infidelity? The answer is no. I found that out the hard way, that's for sure. When I first started seeing signs of something just not quite right, I let things go at first, because I always wanted to be sure before accusing him of anything. I have always been a very trusting person. Once I started seeing more evidence of his cheating, I wanted so bad to control it. I thought that if I could get a handle on things that he might have seen the error of his ways and decide he wasn't going to do that to me. That didn't happen. He went and did what he wanted to do.
Let me tell you what I did. I found out all the numbers that I thought the other woman was calling from and I signed them to a silent ringer on his cell phone so that way, he would never hear her calls coming in. I also found more things for him to do at home, such as family times and thought perhaps he would want to be home more. I got her letters out of the post office box before he got to them and kept them from him. Nothing worked. I don't know what I was thinking at the time, but I wanted so desperately to keep him to myself. I wanted my husband to want only me. I am here today, to tell you that NOTHING you do will keep them from cheating. They are the only one that can decide to be true to you. They are the only ones that can stop the cheating.
I could not control what he did, because even when he didn't get her calls, I found out that he still went to see her. As hard as it was, I learned the hard way that you cannot control another person: only yourself.

Thinking About The "Other Woman"

After all, I am a person too. I hurt so much but I still have to keep on with life. Things seem to be at a stand-still sometimes when you are trying to find out if you are really being cheated on. I went through countless incoming phone calls on his cell. I worried myself over each and every single time that he told me that he was on his way home, but was more than the average time for getting home. I spent way too much time thinking about who it was and why they were better than me. I spent too much grief in my life wondering if she was skinnier than me, had prettier hair or perhaps wore more makeup than me. Why did it matter? To me, it was because he married ME, not her. And I wanted to know what made him want her over me. I felt inferior to her, but I shouldn't have. You see, it's not you !!! It's the one who is cheating that has the problem. It's him/her who doesn't see you the way they should see you anymore. They are the ones with the problem. If you have problems in your marriage or relationship, they are supposed to come to you to try and figure out a solution to what-ever it is bothering them. Together as a couple, working things out between you. Not with an outsider. I had to try my best not to let the "other woman" matter to me. It wasn't me after all.

He Hurt Me So Bad And Doesn't Even Care

He doesn't seem to care that he has hurt my feelings, or broken my trust. He wants to just get on with life again and go back to the way things used to be. Yeah, that's right, he wants to just let me go on cooking him dinner, washing his clothes and virtually being his maid while he goes out with the "other woman". Who does he think he is? And Why is he being so ugly to me about all of this? I am NOT the one who hurt him. I didn't cheat on him, not ever. Why does he feel that he can apologize and then get on with life? Does he not have the brains in his head to think about how much I am hurting? Am I not allowed to feel hurt over his infidelity? I sometimes believe that he thinks that I will just get over it and things will eventually settle down and we will go back to the way things were. Well, it's not going to happen here. I have a right to hurt. I have the right to be with someone who really wants to be with me, and who wants to work things out. How about you?

Where Did His Feelings Go?

Where did his feelings go for me? Why did they just suddenly dissapear, or did they? He claimed that he loved me, but I couldn't see how, if he was gallyvanting around with this "other woman". Did he lose sight of the fact that we were supposed to be married til death do us part? That is a question I think alot of us ask when we find ourselves in this situation. I think that perhaps he was looking for a little "excitement" and thought he could find it in someone on the outside of our marriage. If he had only talked to me, maybe we could have worked out a "date" night or perhaps a different routine. He should have talked to me, his partner in marriage before going ouside the marriage to find the answers.

This Man Left Me Clueless

I wanted my marriage to last. I didn't want to give up. How could I give up a man who had been so kind to me for a very long time? What changed in his temperment, to start showing me his bad side? Perhaps it's because he brought an "outsider" into our marriage. He didn't have any right to do this to me. I didn't do it to him, so why did he see fit to think it was okay? I didn't want to acknowledge that my husband, the man whom I loved so dearly could ever think of hurting me this way. I must have been in a "zombie" state to have let it continue on and not do more about it. Yes, I argued with him, but this was obviously not enough. What else could I have done, without walking out? I was just clueless about the whole situation. I didn't want to face the truth.

Going Through Infidelity and Facing Your Feelings

Going through infidelity with this man sure took it's toll on me. Not only did it make me unsure of myself, but unsure of how I was feeling, thinking and so forth. How could just one person in your life affect you so much? Well, I suppose that truly being in love with this person really made the difference for me. I was brought up to look for the best in everyone and I didn't want to face his cheating. I didn't want to admit that something had gone wrong in our marriage. Nobody wants to feel this way. How can we overcome feeling this way? Well, for me, the first step was admitting to myself that we DID have a problem. There WAS something wrong. I had to admit that to myself and believe it, before I could move on to any kind of healing.

Looking Through The Mirror

Taking a look through the mirror and seeing that "hey, I 'm not so bad!" was something that I always felt about myself. So now, why were things different? Was I not pretty to him anymore? Did he see me in a different light now that he had another woman? I didn't see any changes in myself, other than the fact that I looked more worn down, tired and just downright sad. The mirror pointed out to me all the worrying I had done over this man and his dirty affair. How could this have happened to me so quickly? I was still young. I felt that I was still pretty. Why didn't he feel that way anymore? I needed to do something about it, but what?

I Can't Understand Why He Treated Me Like Nothing

One thing that I could not understand was that once he began his affair, he started treating me like I was nothing. I almost didn't exist in his eyes, except to cater to his every whim. There were times that he didn't show me ANY courtesy when coming home late by giving me a call. He went on about his business as though I wasn't even in the picture. That makes me wonder what he was actually thinking.......actually, he wasn't thinking at all, except about that "other woman". I am sure that when he was late going to see HER, that he called her and was courtesous about it. What makes him think that just because he had her, that he didn't owe me any respect at all? Why wasn't I important anymore? I had such a hard time trying to get past all of this. Not only did it hurt my feelings, but I started feeling like I was just becoming a "nobody".

What If "The Other Woman" Had Something ICKY?

Once I found out the he was cheating on me, I didn't want to face the truth. I was scared, scared alright, right out of my wits. I didn't know what I was going to do about it. I thought about the fact that he was cheating with who knows WHO !!! What kind of person was this "other woman"? Did she have good health, or did he even use protection? That was something major for me to think about. I knew that I was ok as I had gotten a clean bill of health not long before I found out, but now that I knew about his infidelity, thoughts kept racing through my mind. I was fearing that I would have to go back to the Dr. but in reality, I turned out to be fine. But what about the ones who pass other nasty things on ? Keeping a good check on your body and how you feel is super important. Going to the Dr just to make sure all is alright is also very important

Oh Those Memories Kept Flooding Back...

If it wasn't bad enough that he cheated on me while we were married, but again when we got back together later. I went through such a hard time the first time, but when we split up, I ran for the hills honey, and I mean that when I found him coming out of "her" apartment after he had been in there for way too long, I immediately found myself packing because it devistated me horribly. During the 8-9 months that we were split up, we did go through a divorce and it was hard. I didn't want to divorce him. I just wanted the hurt to go away. I found myself thinking about him while we were apart. I would hear songs on the radio and think about some of the "good" memories. I found myself daydreaming about how he would wear a certain shirt or say something korky to me. I think that after we go through something so hurtful with our spouse, after the hurt and maddness goes away, there are times that we find ourselves thinking about what was good in the relationship. Did I forget about how much he hurt me? To be honest, no, I didn't forget, but I wanted to forgive and try again to see if there was anything that could have been done differently. At that time, I don't know what I was thinking, because he ended up cheating on me again. Where was my brain?

Why Do They Think It Won't Hurt?

Why does he/she think that it won't hurt you if you never find out? Well, because most of the time, they feel as though they can get by with it, without your knowledge, but most of the time, we do eventually find out. "What they don't know, won't hurt them" is the sentence that I have heard many of times. What a load of crock ! What happens when we do find out? Alot of times the adulterer gets caught up in the fact that they are having way too much fun to even think about the consequences of us finding out later. Oh how I wished that he would have thought about things before he got involved with "her". The past almost always comes back at us in the future. I wished that he would have thought about "us", our family and our future before he decided to be with "her".

Sifting Through the Cell Phone Calls

When I finally got tired of trying to find out who the new "other woman" was, I got very bold. I got brave. Boy I tell you, I was darned right mad. She happened to call one day on his cell phone and left him another message. This time she was asking him to stop and pick her up a cheeseburger before he came over. Even though I was getting bold, she was getting bolder. She was finally having the nerve to leave him messages on his cell phone, the same phone he conducted for business. And the funny thing was, I was the one on his answering machine. He wanted it that way. Trying to figure out whose voice was on the machine about drove me crazy. Why did it have to happen? Why does a man, who has everything, want to put his family in jeapady, knowing that I would eventually find out?